One Strange Custody Case

[stealth2]

And you did what to help him with his schoolwork? He went to school filthy/dirty and no mandated reporter called it in? Your 5th grader was illiterate and you did..... what? Seriously.

ETA: With the minimal time you had w/your son, how do you know he wore filthy clothes EVERY day?

 

[commentator]

I'm frankly surprised you did as well as you did, really really think you should leave it unless there's other circumstances coming up, and try your best to make the time you spend with your son as good as possible for both of you. Please talk to a therapist for yourself about your expectations and how to handle your maturing child and this situation.

Really, I am with him, your child, as in that once he started going to a therapist, he began to be less enthused about telling you every little detail of his life and circumstances. "Mind your own business" from your child is a clue you may be over-asking.

You must've spent hours with him going over this business, detailing abuse for your court appearances and I bet he's tired of you talking about these constant unhappy subjects with him.

It is certainly not your business to trash the other parent constantly and his other living situation and that's what sounds to me like what is going on. Remember, you can't use any of this stuff again in a future custody case, so throw away your lists and quit inquiring so diligently.

Your job is to live responsibly while co parenting him, and set a good example. I agree with the question, what are you doing besides all this legal obsessiveness? If he is so hopelessly behind in his school work, you'll have half the time to see if you can get him enrolled in some enrichment programs and be more involved, so that he can be less behind.

 

[CTU]

If the CFI had been granted I am positive the outcome would have been different. Just the fact that he was sleeping in his half brother's urine soaked bed, wore the same filthy clothes every day, never showered, never brushed his teeth, and had severe gum disease would have caught someone's attention. Not to mention the fact he missed a day of school about every week and was completely illiterate still by 5th grade. I am not sure why the CFI was denied except I know the Petitioner was adamant that she was not going to cooperate with one. Especially since she was already cited once with child endangerment. Perhaps her argument against the CFI was taken into consideration? I don't know. All I do know is that the case went completely sideways and slid south and I am not sure I can have a fighting chance next time unless something insanely crazy and devastating happens. I had the teacher testify that he was not passing 5th grade English, Social Studies, Science, Math, and PE. and I had the head of the school administration testify that there was no policy set in place for helping a child that far behind in school, meaning that the district just pushes kids through if you read between the lines.
I have been recently told that unless I hire a CFI, the chance of winning custody is slim to none. And someone yesterday told me that unless he ends up in the hospital with obvious injuries due to neglect or abuse nothing will change. Thus I don't have a long shot to get full custody.

If you want to try again, you cannot include anything that was litigated in this most recent case.

I don't think you're fully understanding how this works, and I don't think you really understand what happened to begin with. You need an attorney. Seriously. And counseling for yourself.

 

[CTU]

I'm frankly surprised you did as well as you did, really really think you should leave it unless there's other circumstances coming up, and try your best to make the time you spend with your son as good as possible for both of you. Please talk to a therapist for yourself about your expectations and how to handle your maturing child and this situation.

Really, I am with him, your child, as in that once he started going to a therapist, he began to be less enthused about telling you every little detail of his life and circumstances. "Mind your own business" from your child is a clue you may be over-asking.

You must've spent hours with him going over this business, detailing abuse for your court appearances and I bet he's tired of you talking about these constant unhappy subjects with him.

It is certainly not your business to trash the other parent constantly and his other living situation and that's what sounds to me like what is going on. Remember, you can't use any of this stuff again in a future custody case, so throw away your lists and quit inquiring so diligently.

Your job is to live responsibly while co parenting him, and set a good example. I agree with the question, what are you doing besides all this legal obsessiveness? If he is so hopelessly behind in his school work, you'll have half the time to see if you can get him enrolled in some enrichment programs and be more involved, so that he can be less behind.

This is part of the problem. If he files for custody based on a laundry list of things Mom has done and why she's unfit, but child services haven't seen fit to remove the child, he's going to lose. Every. Single. Time.

OP, my advice is to stop focusing on how bad Mom is. Start focusing on how much of a SuperDad you are.

 

[CJane]

Just the fact that he was sleeping in his half brother's urine soaked bed, wore the same filthy clothes every day, never showered, never brushed his teeth, and had severe gum disease would have caught someone's attention. Not to mention the fact he missed a day of school about every week and was completely illiterate still by 5th grade.

This sort of hyperbole is exactly why you lack the credibility to convince a judge you should have full custody. You managed to convince a judge to give you 50% timeshare. That's HUGE as a modification, and without the agreement of the other party. And believe me, as a parent who had 50/50 custody once upon a time, you an effect a LOT of change in a child's life in that amount of time.

 

[Blue3807]

Thank you everyone. I am now working as hard as possible to get my son back up to where he should be. In fact I meet with his teachers on a consistent basis to make sure he is on track and he is now reading 2nd grade books. I have taken him to numerous doctor and dental appointments which it will be a long journey working on that stuff. It will take years of hard work and a lot of patience to get him to where he should be.

The entire lesson here is, for anyone else who should reading this for their own information, is to hire an attorney from the get go. As soon as you are handed divorce papers you should be on the phone with a good divorce lawyer. I told myself I couldn't afford one during my divorce and that everything would be fine. However, I found that I couldn't NOT afford one and lost everything I owned and wound up on my sister's couch 40 miles away while stupidly agreeing to pay $1,450 per month, or just over 1/2 my paycheck so that mom and her four kids could maintain a normal lifestyle; I lost my son which was the worst outcome possible and he suffered tremendously for it. Then to just get to 50/50, status quo, where it should have been from the start, I spent every dime I had saved and nearly a year and a half fighting with everything I had (an attorney helped me through seven months of it until I ran out of money) while I watched my son's health and welfare deteriorate further and further; and I just now realized that I don't have the slightest chance gaining full custody unless something awful happens to him. Every day I regret getting divorced without legal representation!