Visits with father?

[AnnieMal]

Also, there is a stipulation in our order where I can withhold visits if he using and he admitted use to me just yesterday via email. So there is my legal standpoint.

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

Also, there is a stipulation in our order where I can withhold visits if he using and he admitted use to me just yesterday via email. So there is my legal standpoint.

Is there some reason you failed to mention that very important detail sooner?

 

[AnnieMal]

I did mention. Check my third post. I don't know how to paste it here.

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

I sort of ignored that right off the bat and then forgot about it because I found it hard to believe that an order would allow you to refuse visitation on based only on your belief that he is using.

 

[LdiJ]

Also, there is a stipulation in our order where I can withhold visits if he using and he admitted use to me just yesterday via email. So there is my legal standpoint.

Which is why PayrollHRguy is wrong. He missed the part where you have the right to deny visits if dad is using. However, that is not a solution for the long term. Its a short term solution. You need to take it back to court and ask the judge to order that you have sole legal and physical custody and dad has supervised visits.

Its possible that you could simply get away with denying dad entirely until or unless he jumps through all of CPS's hoops to get his other child back. However that is dangerous for you and not necessarily in the best interest of your child. Its clear that dad's visits need to be supervised, but its not clear that its in the best interest of your child not to have any access to dad at all.

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

LdiJ,

Do you really think a judge ordered that the OP gets to withhold visitation if the OP believes that the father is using drugs?

 

[not2cleverRed]

My son is 4. His father has has sporadic visits with him throughout his life. This has all been dependant on his sobriety. He has a long history of meth and alcohol abuse and is currently on felony probation for 2 different convictions. He has custody of another child (the mother disappeared). Last year, my son's father took me to court (when he had a period of sobriety) and the court granted him 50-50 legal and physical custody with every other weekend visitation. Last November, he got busted using meth and his other child was removed from his home. I stopped visits and eventually he just kept violating his probation and the court is allowing him to participate in family drug court. He wants his visits back but just admitted using to me last month. (He is getting ready to serve two weekends in jail for this). Now he threatening to take me to court if I dont let him resume visits with our son. I have serious concerns about the safety of my son during these visits. What should I do?

1) The court order is what it is until it is changed.

2) The fact is, he currently has 50/50 legal and physical custody and he has grounds to take you back to court saying that you are withholding parenting time unjustly.

You cannot necessarily use his loss of custody of his other child against him. If the loss of custody was solely because of the practical problem of him being incarcerated, you still have to PROVE that he is a danger to YOUR child.

I am highly skeptical that your court order gives you that much discretion to withhold visitation. I would be less surprised if you said that he had to take drug tests, for example.

I think you are skating on thin ice here.

(Of course, if he's in jail for 2 weekends, that makes it a little difficult for him to use his parenting time, or to allege that you're exaggerating his drug usage.)

I think you have to tread very carefully here.

I believe that your ultimate goal should be for your child to have a healthy relationship with both parents, to the extent that it is possible. Even though he is only 4, he probably senses something is not quite right. I do not think that your son is too young for play therapy. I think it would be very good for your son to have an unbiased 3rd party to talk to, especially one that is a mandated reporter.

I concur with PayrollHRdude that it would be better for you to go to court first.

Perhaps some therapeutic visitation would give Dad some insight into how his behavior is harming his child... It's worth a try.

 

[LdiJ]

LdiJ,

Do you really think a judge ordered that the OP gets to withhold visitation if the OP believes that the father is using drugs?

No, I think that a judge signed off on an agreement that the parties made.

She also doesn't "believe" that he is using, he told her that he is using and there is other evidence as well:

Last November, he got busted using meth and his other child was removed from his home. I stopped visits and eventually he just kept violating his probation and the court is allowing him to participate in family drug court. He wants his visits back but just admitted using to me last month

 

[LdiJ]

1) The court order is what it is until it is changed.

2) The fact is, he currently has 50/50 legal and physical custody and he has grounds to take you back to court saying that you are withholding parenting time unjustly.

That threw me for a minute too but what she really said was:

the court granted him 50-50 legal and physical custody with every other weekend visitation.

You cannot necessarily use his loss of custody of his other child against him. If the loss of custody was solely because of the practical problem of him being incarcerated, you still have to PROVE that he is a danger to YOUR child.

She specifically said that he lost the other child because he got busted with meth.

I am highly skeptical that your court order gives you that much discretion to withhold visitation. I would be less surprised if you said that he had to take drug tests, for example.

It was an agreement. We all know that judges sign off on agreements that we do not think makes sense, but it does happen.

I think you are skating on thin ice here.

(Of course, if he's in jail for 2 weekends, that makes it a little difficult for him to use his parenting time, or to allege that you're exaggerating his drug usage.)

I think you have to tread very carefully here.

He got busted for meth six months ago. He has broken probation multiple times, and he admitted just a month ago that he is still using. Its clear that he has a serious problem...and there apparently is plenty of outside evidence.

I believe that your ultimate goal should be for your child to have a healthy relationship with both parents, to the extent that it is possible. Even though he is only 4, he probably senses something is not quite right. I do not think that your son is too young for play therapy. I think it would be very good for your son to have an unbiased 3rd party to talk to, especially one that is a mandated reporter.

I concur with PayrollHRdude that it would be better for you to go to court first.

Perhaps some therapeutic visitation would give Dad some insight into how his behavior is harming his child... It's worth a try.

I can agree with most, maybe all of that. I said all along that supervised visitation is needed and it never hurts for it to start out as therapeutic visitation.

 

[stealth2]

His argument is that since he only has a CHIPS case with his other son, that shouldn't affect his visits with our son. That makes no sense to me. If you've had a child removed from your care, why would I hand you our son?

Because you have a court order that tells you to. You need that order modified. Until you do so, you could be found in contempt.

 

[LdiJ]

Because you have a court order that tells you to. You need that order modified. Until you do so, you could be found in contempt.

A court ordered agreement that also says that she can deny visitation if he is using.

 

[stealth2]

A court ordered agreement that also says that she can deny visitation if he is using.

It would be helpful to see the language in that order/agreement.

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

She also doesn't "believe" that he is using, he told her that he is using and there is other evidence as well:

That is exactly what she said in her first mention of it.

And in our custody agreement, it states that I have the right to cancel a visit if I believe his father is under the influence.

And "under the influence" has a meaning described in most state's criminal code.

 

[Just Blue]

It would be helpful to see the language in that order/agreement.

It would be helpful. I "think" OP is misreading the order...perhaps we could clarify it for her.

 

[stealth2]

It would be helpful. I "think" OP is misreading the order...perhaps we could clarify it for her.

I do as well. But without the actual language...