Stepmother after father passing

[newseeker]

My stepmother represented herself to me as a mother for 25 years until my father passed away. Two weeks after he passed, she invited me to lunch and told me that we never had a relationship and she did not want to have anthing to do with me. Not only did I lose my father, but an entire family that had been together for 25 years. This has caused me severe confusion, hurt and depression. I can't sleep or concentrate on much else and my work has been affected. Even leaving my house has become a chore. I have started therapy to try and work through this, but it just keeps getting worse. Is there anything I can do to hold her accountable for this?

 

[cbg]

You mean, will the law punish her for what she said to you? No, it won't.

I'm not unsympathetic to what you're going through, believe me. You have my sincere sympathies on the loss of your father, and I fully understand how badly she hurt you. But the law cannot force people to be nice to each other or to have a relationship with others against their will. Not in this case, at least. It is simply not a legal matter.

 

[Proserpina]

My stepmother represented herself to me as a mother for 25 years until my father passed away. Two weeks after he passed, she invited me to lunch and told me that we never had a relationship and she did not want to have anthing to do with me. Not only did I lose my father, but an entire family that had been together for 25 years. This has caused me severe confusion, hurt and depression. I can't sleep or concentrate on much else and my work has been affected. Even leaving my house has become a chore. I have started therapy to try and work through this, but it just keeps getting worse. Is there anything I can do to hold her accountable for this?

Nothing except counseling.

I'm so sorry.

This, for any other reader, is a prime example of why it's just plain WRONG to let your kids think a stepparent is actually their biological parent.

 

[newseeker]

I understand that it isn't illegal and the law won't make her be nice to me. I am not interested in mending the relationship. Don't even think it would be possible. Someone I was talking to suggested I find out whether she could be held accountable for the cost associated with the therapy and medication I am needing. So this is where the question is coming from.

 

[cbg]

Oh, I see.

No, the law isn't even going to hold her accountable to that extent.

 

[Proserpina]

I understand that it isn't illegal and the law won't make her be nice to me. I am not interested in mending the relationship. Don't even think it would be possible. Someone I was talking to suggested I find out whether she could be held accountable for the cost associated with the therapy and medication I am needing. So this is where the question is coming from.

Again, unfortunately not.

I really do feel for you. But although both your father and stepmother are/were responsible for lying to you, I cannot see any legal recourse.

I'm so sorry for your losses.

 

[newseeker]

Thank you for your responses and sympathies.

 

[Willlyjo]

Nothing except counseling.

I'm so sorry.

This, for any other reader, is a prime example of why it's just plain WRONG to let your kids think a stepparent is actually their biological parent.

Very inaccurate Proserpina!! For one thing, it is extremely rare for a stepparent to raise a stepchild and NOT explain to them at an age where the stepchild could comprehend the news the parent wasn't the biological parent. For the most part, it is admirable for a stepparent to come into the life of a stepchild and indeed raise the child as his/her own, with the same privileges and opportunities one's biological children have.

I know of a stepparent who came into the life of a 2 year old girl. Now, 30 years later, the girl still calls the stepparent daddy and they have the best of relationships. Her 2 brothers consider her equal to a biological sibling. And yes, the little girl was made aware as soon as she was old enough to comprehend the news that her stepdad wasn't her biological parent. Still called him daddy and still to this day has as much love for him as any girl could have for her biological father. That would dispute what you are trying to say (which was a little ambiguous).

 

[Proserpina]

Very inaccurate Proserpina!! For one thing, it is extremely rare for a stepparent to raise a stepchild and NOT explain to them at an age where the stepchild could comprehend the news the parent wasn't the biological parent. For the most part, it is admirable for a stepparent to come into the life of a stepchild and indeed raise the child as his/her own, with the same privileges and opportunities one's biological children have.

I know of a stepparent who came into the life of a 2 year old girl. Now, 30 years later, the girl still calls the stepparent daddy and they have the best of relationships. Her 2 brothers consider her equal to a biological sibling. And yes, the little girl was made aware as soon as she was old enough to comprehend the news that her stepdad wasn't her biological parent. Still called him daddy and still to this day has as much love for him as any girl could have for her biological father. That would dispute what you are trying to say (which was a little ambiguous).

What on earth are you talking about?

Did you actually read and comprehend what I wrote?

 

[cbg]

Did you actually read and comprehend what I wrote?

Silly Pro. Clearly the answer to this is No.

 

[Proserpina]

Very inaccurate Proserpina!! For one thing, it is extremely rare for a stepparent to raise a stepchild and NOT explain to them at an age where the stepchild could comprehend the news the parent wasn't the biological parent.

Who said ANYTHING about that?

Incidentally, MANY families raise their kids NOT telling them that one is actually a stepparent.

For the most part, it is admirable for a stepparent to come into the life of a stepchild and indeed raise the child as his/her own, with the same privileges and opportunities one's biological children have.

And who said anything about that? Who is saying that stepparenting isn't admirable?

I AM a stepparent, dear.

I know of a stepparent who came into the life of a 2 year old girl. Now, 30 years later, the girl still calls the stepparent daddy and they have the best of relationships. Her 2 brothers consider her equal to a biological sibling. And yes, the little girl was made aware as soon as she was old enough to comprehend the news that her stepdad wasn't her biological parent. Still called him daddy and still to this day has as much love for him as any girl could have for her biological father. That would dispute what you are trying to say (which was a little ambiguous).

I have no idea what you're trying to dispute.

I said, very clearly:

This, for any other reader, is a prime example of why it's just plain WRONG to let your kids think a stepparent is actually their biological parent.

Do you understand what I meant?

Yes, everyone - I did dissect Willly's post. Willly's post made no sense at all, but I suppose I was curious as to how Willly came up with such nonsense.

 

[George1776]

I wonder how that would work for 2 gays raising a kid oh, yes we are bother your father.

As to the OP; take the woman at her words...she treated you like a daughter because of your dad. She pretended. She likely did not want to have kids or raise someone else's. It not uncommon but it is weird she played this game for 25 yrs. Only a woman would do this ... guys would not play these games.

Heck, many fathers still don't recognize their own kids.

I don't think the OP needs therapy for this ...

who knows how old newseeker is?

The OP needs to move on.

 

[Proserpina]

I wonder how that would work for 2 gays raising a kid oh, yes we are bother your father.

As to the OP; take the woman at her words...she treated you like a daughter because of your dad. She pretended. She likely did not want to have kids or raise someone else's. It not uncommon but it is weird she played this game for 25 yrs. Only a woman would do this ... guys would not play these games.

Heck, many fathers still don't recognize their own kids.

I don't think the OP needs therapy for this ...

who knows how old newseeker is?

The OP needs to move on.

That's the most ridiculous thing I've seen in days. That even beats WilllyJo's post.

The guy - DAD - in this case WAS "playing the game" too. Dad was ABSOLUTELY complicit.

Now please - quit hijacking this poor OP's thread.

 

[CreativeBlock]

Only a woman would do this ... guys would not play these games.

Clearly, someone has issues with women. Big issues.

Wondering if his issues have anything to do with why his antiperspirant isn't bringing in the ladies.

 

[CreativeBlock]

OP, I am so sorry for your losses. I really do hope that you'll come to see that you're not the problem ~ she is.

While her cruelty may have caused you issues, her underlying issues are far worse. She most likely will end up needing therapy more than you do.