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Can he amend?

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What is the name of your state? Maine


This is kind of a long post, but I want to give you all the info...

My ex is trying to change our divorce judgement. The original order is from 2001, he is saying that he has had substancial changes in circumstances because he chose to move further away from me and our 2 sons. (he went from living 1 hour away from us in Maine, to living 2 hours away from us in NH, to now living 4 1/2 hours away from us in VT). He is claiming that he had to relocate for work (is a firefighter/paramedic) because he couldn't get a job around us (he was working at the time of our divorce in Maine as firefighter, but was fired and moved back to NH to work). He worked as firefighter/EMT in NH, then went to school for Paramedic. Instead of finding paramedic job closer to his sons, he got a job in VT (convienent for him, as his girlfriend lived in VT - around the corner from his new job:rolleyes: ). He is now using this move, and subsequent travel time/expenses for visitation, to push for amendment to divorce order. He is actually asking for everything that he had asked for in our divorce, that the judge had ordered on. (I tried to find what the Maine laws were on amending the divorce judgement, but couldn't find anything.)

The judge had heard both arguements, and made his judgement based on those arguements and the children's best interests. My Ex is now bringing up the same arguements, stating circumstances have changed for him (the only change as I see it is the travel distance - still has full time job and everything else is the same, although now he's getting remarried and our sons will have a step-sister through that marriage). Oh yeah, I re-married 3 1/2 years ago, and have another son with my new husband(a half-sibling to our 2 sons).

He is fighting me to get things like...

(1) extra time in summer vacation (original arguements, I offered him 4 weeks in summer, he wanted 6; in front of judge, he asked for 6 weeks, I asked for 2 weeks, judge ordered 4);

(2) Judge had ordered I get both tax exemptions, he has ability to buy them from me if he's up to date in CS; he is again asking for one of the exemptions (exactly what he asked for before, which the judge denied him);

(3) He wants to change the last name of our second son (he was born after I filed for divorce, and I gave him my family's last name, not his father's last name) - my arguement on that was that he has 1 son named after his family, the other is named after my family to continue on my family's name (he's the only one that will continue my family's name... there is another in his family besides our other son with his family's last name). He is saying that because I remarried, my last name has changed, so we should change our son's name to his name (I did keep my maiden name as my middle name when I remarried, so I sill have that name for my son).

(4) He has visitation every other weekend with our sons, he wants to change it to something like first/fourth weekend one month, second/third weekend next month - very confusing- to coincide with his work schedule.

(5) He wants to revise wording in our divorce judgement to remove "vagueness" as he sees it, so that it spells out items to his benefit. I do not see any "vagueness" in wording anywhere in the judgement. It does state that we can mutually agree to additional or alternate rights of contact, which has happened on occasion. (not enough in the eyes of my Ex and his girlfriend)

(6) He is asking for first refusal for child care if I cannot watch the children when they are with me (besides regular work week) - I was out of work for some time on bedrest in connection with my pregnancy and a car accident, which our sons stayed with my parents at their insistance...I still could have cared for them with my husband) - at a 4 - 5 hour drive, I think this is ridiculous.

(7) He is also trying to get child support reduced based on his travel expenses - I posed this in the child support forum (and had one answer of no, he wouldn't get a deviation) but not sure if there's a law on it or something. I know that there is a law that allows a deviation for travel expenses, but for a VOLUNTARY relocation that increases travel expenses - I don't think that's fair, that I essentially have to pay (by a reduction in child support) for his travel expenses that he incurred by his voluntary relocation. He also wants me to meet him half way - which means I would have to drive 2 hours to meet him at my expense...again, it was a voluntary move on his part, I don't think I should have to pay for that.

Any thoughts from any of you if his request to all these changes would be valid would be appreciated. I don't think any of these requests are valid based on his VOLUNTARY change of circumstances - his relocation. By the way, I do have a lawyer, whom will be handling these procedings; I am seeking advise from all of you in advance of these items coming up in court. He has threatened all of these items at one time or another since his move.

Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you - he has also shown vindictiveness in front of the courts - I filed contempt on him for non-payment of child support (he never notified DHS of his change in employment, so was behind approximately 2 months in current support, plus previous arrearage) and for not notifying me of his change in residence. I ended up dropping charges in front of the judge because he paid me for those 8 weeks of child support, for which the judge essentially "yelled" at him for. He then filed contempt against me for following through with a medical procedure that our son needed; he refused to let it happen the day after I served him with my contempt order; I had the procedure done anyway, because it needed to be done. The judge found in my favor, and said that it was obvious that his case against me was in retaliation of my case against him. (This just goes to show how he is).

Again, I'm sorry for the long post, I tried to give all the important information; Oh, our sons are 7 and 5, so I will be dealing with him for quite some time. I am trying to be amicable with him for our sons' sakes, but he is making it impossible. Basically he is only happy if I give him everything he wants. I have learned in the past 5 years that if I give him an inch, he expects a mile; I try to give in some, but not too much that he expects it all the time. I do follow our divorce judgement fully.
 


LdiJ

Senior Member
Its impossible to predict what a judge might or might not order. The things that he is asking for (except perhaps the right of first refusal in your particular circumstances) are all things that judges commonly award to non-custodial parents. Therefore some of it may seem reasonable to a judge, some of it may not.

The fact that the judge has ruled on these issues in the past could also be a factor.
 
LdiJ said:
Its impossible to predict what a judge might or might not order. The things that he is asking for (except perhaps the right of first refusal in your particular circumstances) are all things that judges commonly award to non-custodial parents. Therefore some of it may seem reasonable to a judge, some of it may not.

The fact that the judge has ruled on these issues in the past could also be a factor.

I agree that these are things that usually are awarded to the NCP, but it was already ordered that he did not get these things, and he did not file immediately for appeal to get it changed (about 5 years since order); he's saying now that with his voluntary change in residence he should now get these things? It just doesn't seem that his voluntary change makes a difference to what was already ordered, or should be a reason for appeal/amendment now.
 

ceara19

Senior Member
angeleyzad said:
I agree that these are things that usually are awarded to the NCP, but it was already ordered that he did not get these things, and he did not file immediately for appeal to get it changed (about 5 years since order); he's saying now that with his voluntary change in residence he should now get these things? It just doesn't seem that his voluntary change makes a difference to what was already ordered, or should be a reason for appeal/amendment now.
I can see the visitation being changed to better suit the fact that he is so far away and EOW isn't necessarily possible, but I don't see why he shouldn't be responsible for ALL travel costs since he created the distance. The ROFR, also seems odd. Will he be driving the children 4 1/2 hours to school every morning just because you are out of town for a week or should the kids transfer to a school closer to him for that time?

I agree with LdiJ, everything else he is asking for is very common.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
angeleyzad said:
I agree that these are things that usually are awarded to the NCP, but it was already ordered that he did not get these things, and he did not file immediately for appeal to get it changed (about 5 years since order); he's saying now that with his voluntary change in residence he should now get these things? It just doesn't seem that his voluntary change makes a difference to what was already ordered, or should be a reason for appeal/amendment now.
Well...his move isn't justification for you to share in the travel expenses, since he voluntarily created the distance. However, its not 100% guaranteed that the judge won't order you to share transportation.
 
He does already have a $45 deviation in child support for travel expenses from where he was living before...he's trying to get it reduced even more now that he's moved further away. I don't mind keeping the $45 deviation to give him somewhat of a break, I just don't think it's right that he could move further and further away from his sons, and expect me to compensate for that.

As far as everything else goes, the judge had already ordered those items to be the way they are now...he is all of a sudden not happy with them (5 years later) and wanting to change them. Doesn't seem that he should be able to, that's all...there's no real justification for him wanting them changed now, except that his new girlfriend/fiance I know is pushing him to do all of it.
 

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