you were in this situation what would you do?

[judgebrown]

What is the name of your state?
Texas
To make a long story short. I starting working when I was 17 to save money for college and was smart enough to start saving up for retirement. Present day I have accumlated 105,000 in savings. 10,000 in a IRA, 8,000 in stock, 4,000 in a 401k. When I get married would it be warranted for me to ask for a prenup? How would I go about asking without upsetting her or getting something thrown back at him like don't you trust me? I worked hard and realizes that half of all marriages end in divorce and just want to be protected. I am more than willing to share what I have and help out in anwway I can, I would help her pay for any debts she has and help her pay for any additional schooling if she chooses to go, but I feel if I happen to get a divorce I should not lose what I have worked hard for since I was 17. If you were put in this situation would you ask for a prenup? If you need more info to help you in your decision please let me know.

 

[hexeliebe]

Please keep your posts in ONE Section

I'll go ahead and answer you but please follow the rules of the forum.

You're not talking about a lot of money here. So get over yourself. Yes, you could ask for a pre-nup agreement but don't be surprised if she does also.

Marriage assets are community property in Texas so when you get married you own 50% and she owns 50% of all in-marriage assets.

If you marry a rich girl what are you going to do? Tell her what's mine is mine and what's yours is mine?

 

[judgebrown]

U got me wrong

I am not bragging about how much money I have (get over yourself) just dont want to lose what Iworked hard for believe me I would give it all up for example if my wife was dying and thats the only way she would live but I feel if I did happen to get a divorce I should not lose it.

 

[hexeliebe]

Spend some of that money for reading lessons

I am not bragging about how much money I have (get over yourself)

where, in my answer to you did I ever accuse you of bragging.

I DIDN'T! in fact, I told you you're not talking about a lot of money. In fact, I pay just under what you have for child support and related expenses EVERY YEAR. And my daddy and beat up your daddy. SO THERE!

Your problem isn't your money, it's your priorities. Sounds like you and your money are going to have one torrid affair.

I gave you the same advice that others in your other post did so why don't you either listen or just leave. There are people here with REAL problems.

 

[stealth2]

Noone can tell you how to ask your fiancee for a pre-nup. Only you know her well enough to know how she might react. You've asked this same question multiple times. I don't see how you're going to get different answers this time than you did all those others.

 

[enjay]

Re: Spend some of that money for reading lessons

Your problem isn't your money, it's your priorities. Sounds like you and your money are going to have one torrid affair.

Exactly. If you love someone enough to marry her, you should also know her well enough to know how she'll handle being asked to sign a prenup.

Why are you so worried about your money? When you find the right person you won't be nearly as obsessed with it.

 

[judgebrown]

Tell me your experience.

I just have seen how people can change and in a divorce they change into a completly different person I would neverv ask anyone to marry me if I thought it would end in a divorce but just want to be protected. Can you see why I would be concerned?

Please tell me your experiences in your divorce and explain how the person changed from the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with to the person you could not stand to be with.

 

[hexeliebe]

I'm going to say this as nicely as I can

this is a LEGAL forum, not marriage and counselling forum. You are asking people to relate experiences that may or may not be similar to yours IF you get married and IF you get divorced.

It's obvious to me that you're not ready to be married, much less in a serious relationship.

People change. That's a fact of life. As for my divorce, we sat at a table and worked out visitation and child support and I threw in a NEW SUV as a divorce present, $50,000 in trust for each daughter's college fund and health and life insurance.

I also took my daughters for two weeks to help them through the transition while my soon to be ex went to Vienna, Austria.

the point is everyone changes, or we should hope so. So, unless you decide to marrie an heir to the Vanderbilt fortune or a fat toothless slob living in a three-wheeled trailer next to the railroad tracks, it's always going to be a gamble.

You sound young. And by that I mean under 30. I'm not saying that to put you down, but only to point out from where I sit you need to be working on yourself instead of finding ways to come out a winner in a situation where there are no winners - divorce and which has not happened yet and could possibly NEVER happen.

 

[enjay]

hexeliebe, you give great advice.

judgebrown...listen to hexeliebe. He is right, there are no guarantees in life and when you make a decision to marry it is a gamble.

If you put your money before your heart you will never be happy.

 

[gobonas99]

Hex...you are right..

Our poster IS under 30...in fact he is only 23. The following is an exerpt from one of his MANY posts asking the same question (although apparently he started out asking his questions in the third person).

"A friend of mine started saving up when he was 17. Today he is now 23..."

Judgebrown - you have gotten some great advice from many posters on this board through your MANY repeat posts.

I think that if you go into a marriage with a "what-if it doesn't work" attitude, then it probably WON'T work. Unless you have a TON of money (like a $500,000 or more) when you are finally ready to ask someone to marry you, I say forgo the pre-nup. Look at the agony you are putting yourself through over the mere THOUGHT of asking the love of your life to sign a prenup. And I can sure as hell tell you that, from a woman's point of view, if my husband had asked me to sign a pre-nup, he would not be my husband. NOT because of the money issues...but because he is thinking about divorce and the failure of our marriage before we even get married!!! It says to me that he does not love me more than his money, and that he has no faith in my love for him.

There is more to life than money.

 

[VeeGee]

gobon.....very well said and I totally agree with you. As for judgebrown....who in their right mind would marry a man who puts his money before the one person he loves???? You won't have to worry about your money or protect it from her with a pre-nup agreement...because you won't find a woman anywhere who will take second place to all YOUR money!!!!!!! Good luck in finding that someone special.

If your only 23 than you still have alot to learn about love and money...here is an example of what I mean:
My mom died 6 yrs ago and left me some money...I didn't think twice about sharing it with the love of my life. I didn't ask him to sign a pre-nup before we got married, nor did I worry about him spending it. When you love someone and want to spend the rest of your life with them...they must come FIRST in your life....NOT your money!! You have to have trust in a relationship...without it, you have NOTHING! If your worried about a prenup...then your worried about a divorce. BTW, the money is gone now...but the man I love is still here....and because I was willing to share that money with my man back then.... today, he shared something special with me...he just bought me a beautiful house and it's OUR house. Not HIS, not MINE....but OURS! Marriage is when 2 become one, and you share things together....not just money. Besides, money is the root of all evil...which comes and goes, but love is something that lives on and on. You should think about this real hard...or you will end up alone.

 

[nigwil]

i have been taken for everything twice, even by women who say "dont you trust me". protect everything you have or lose it.

 

[VeeGee]

nigwil...sorry to hear about your loss...but if you were taken once, shame on her...but twice??? SHAME on you for allowing yourself to be put in that position. What you said is not true...unless your with someone who is only after your money. There are signs...you just have to know how to read them. Next time your with someone, don't mention you have money until your sure they love you.