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209A Restraining Order: Defendant Retrieving Belongings

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queenofhearts84

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? MASSACHUSETTS

I had to get 209A restraining order against my ex over a month ago, on January 26th. Because he is not allowed to contact me himself or through anyone, the retrieval of his things was being discussed between our parents. It took two weeks for them to get back to us, then he came with the police, and took a few of his things but left the rest saying he didn't have room in the place he was staying for them and would get them "later."

This was two weeks ago. I feel like my apartment is being used as a free storage facility, and I know he has since moved into his own, larger place so the no room excuse is no longer in play.

There has been no further contact about him picking up the rest of his belongings, and I was wondering if there was a certain amount of time I'm legally supposed to give him to get his things before I can dispose of them?

Also: he has a junk/thumb drive of mine that he used to retrieve his files from my computer, which I have no doubt he'll deny having. Is there a way I can get this back, or is it not worth even trying?

Thank you for any advice/information. :)
 


AlanShore

Member
Those things (jump drives) are so cheap I wouldn't waste my time. Pack the rest of his stuff up and give it to ur parents to give his parents and ur all done.
 

queenofhearts84

Junior Member
Re:

His mother (and the rest of his family) live in another state, too far away. For purposes of communication, they were speaking with her until about a month ago when I originally posted the thread.

Another month later, he still has yet to retrieve the rest of his things, despite several calls from my parents offering to actually bring his things to him at his new place if he would just call back to let them know when he had moved in.

He literally lives somewhere on the next street over from here (I'm not sure of the exact address), just a little more than the 150 feet he is supposed to stay from my home.

Every time they call he says he will call back "tomorrow" or "in a few days" to arrange a time, and then never does. This has been going on for two months now.

There's obviously no hardship, as he lives only on street over and has been offered help with moving his things.

Legally, is there a set amount of time I am required to keep his belongings for him, or can I dispose of them as he seems to have no interest in taking them back?
 
Educate me please...what is a 209A Restraining Order?

Regarding your belongings - this is a psychological ploy to remain attached to you. I would feel uncomfortable about this just as you seem to be. His attrition and lack of commitment to retrieve his belongings only validates this further. For this reason, I would caution you to tread lightly. His behavior is passive, yet suspicious. Especially moving so close to you yet in the boundaries in the RO. If it stinks, it usually doesn't go away, it only gets stronger.

Here are several of my brainstorming ideas:

* Since his parents are "too far away", are your parents close by? Can you store the items there? But then again this might cause a reaction.

* I DO NOT recommend disposing of the items, not yet at least, and not without the civil court's approval. Without that it could just get ugly, and he will have an assumed leverage that he would attach you to. I strongly believe he is waiting for you to make a move so he can justify victim status. So far, it appears you have given him nothing to play on, but due to this passiveness, he could wait a long time and it would not bother him any. He has his attachment in your home, his belongings.

** I do not recommend you contact him in any way, nor he you. Again, what is a 209A RO?

*** You could file a motion (remember I'm in California so you will have to check the processes of NY) and have the court order a deadline for retrieval. Make sure the order also states that failure of retrieval by said date entitles you to dispose the the property free of penalty.

** Were both of your name on the lease? In Calif. if there is a move-out order, there is a hearing regarding housing. Maybe this was just an emergency MO order? Please, tell us more about the order.

** You could also contact the nearest crime prevention center, women's center, some advocacy in domestic violence for their advise.

Oh and I concur with AlanShore, if that is all you have lost, consider yourself lucky. I hope you didn't have important documents on the drive. At any rate, it still is little in the scheme of things (in my ever so humble opinion).
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
Educate me please...what is a 209A Restraining Order?

Regarding your belongings - this is a psychological ploy to remain attached to you. I would feel uncomfortable about this just as you seem to be. His attrition and lack of commitment to retrieve his belongings only validates this further. For this reason, I would caution you to tread lightly. His behavior is passive, yet suspicious. Especially moving so close to you yet in the boundaries in the RO. If it stinks, it usually doesn't go away, it only gets stronger.

Here are several of my brainstorming ideas:

* Since his parents are "too far away", are your parents close by? Can you store the items there? But then again this might cause a reaction.

* I DO NOT recommend disposing of the items, not yet at least, and not without the civil court's approval. Without that it could just get ugly, and he will have an assumed leverage that he would attach you to. I strongly believe he is waiting for you to make a move so he can justify victim status. So far, it appears you have given him nothing to play on, but due to this passiveness, he could wait a long time and it would not bother him any. He has his attachment in your home, his belongings.

** I do not recommend you contact him in any way, nor he you. Again, what is a 209A RO?

*** You could file a motion (remember I'm in California so you will have to check the processes of NY) and have the court order a deadline for retrieval. Make sure the order also states that failure of retrieval by said date entitles you to dispose the the property free of penalty.

** Were both of your name on the lease? In Calif. if there is a move-out order, there is a hearing regarding housing. Maybe this was just an emergency MO order? Please, tell us more about the order.

** You could also contact the nearest crime prevention center, women's center, some advocacy in domestic violence for their advise.

Oh and I concur with AlanShore, if that is all you have lost, consider yourself lucky. I hope you didn't have important documents on the drive. At any rate, it still is little in the scheme of things (in my ever so humble opinion).

Kathy, If you are going to try to advise in this forum google the Laws for the state in question...You keep going on about California and has nothing to do with OP's post! BTW...OP is in Massachusetts...Not New York. A 209A is an order of protection against contact and abuse for Domestic situations.

QueenofHearts : If you activate your PM or post your county I will give you the Information for your local Domestic Abuse Center. They will be able to advise you on the proper steps to take. I do know that after the initial pick up of his personal belongings you do NOT have to have him back in. Is your ex on your lease? Do you still have the RO?

Now I will tell you what I did in this situation...And this is NOT legal advice...just how I personally handled the situation! I sent him a CRRR letter stating that he had 45 days from XXX date to make arrangements for SOMEONE ELSE to pickup his belongings or that I would dispose of them.
Now this worked for me...He sent over a couple of his buddies and his stuff was gone in 20 days.
We had a month to month tenancy and I do not know if that would violate and laws if there was a 1 year lease...I wasn't able to find that information online...So again I urge you to contact your local DV center and they will be able to assist you.
 

queenofhearts84

Junior Member
Re:

Thank you both. Kathie-- You were very much correct. I am uncomfortable with this and I feel that its his way of still trying to assert some kind of control.

BayStateGirl-- thank you. I'm in Essex county. I'm staying in an apartment owned by my father, and thus there was never a lease. The RO is in effect until August of this year.

It's interesting to know that after he comes the first time to take some things, I do not have to let him back in. I was never informed of that, so thank you. If you can provide me with the information you mentioned, I will run the idea of the cert. letter by them and see if legally that would cover me. :)
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
Thank you both. Kathie-- You were very much correct. I am uncomfortable with this and I feel that its his way of still trying to assert some kind of control.

BayStateGirl-- thank you. I'm in Essex county. I'm staying in an apartment owned by my father, and thus there was never a lease. The RO is in effect until August of this year.

It's interesting to know that after he comes the first time to take some things, I do not have to let him back in. I was never informed of that, so thank you. If you can provide me with the information you mentioned, I will run the idea of the cert. letter by them and see if legally that would cover me. :)
I ,also, was in Essex County (I wonder if we know each other?)...Contact HAWK in Salem...978-744-8552...
They are awesome over there and will provide you with all kinds of resources! I am sure you had to go thorough Lynn District Court when all this went down and they would have been the one to help you fill out your affidavit, (that smelly little room at the top of the stairs).
Yes, when you get a 209A the abuser can (with a police escort) come in and get his/her "stuff" at YOUR convenience. If the police have nothing better to do....and this is almost never the case....they may be willing to do it a second time, if you are agreeable to it. DON'T BE!...LOL!


If you want to talk off line send me a Private Message.

Bay
 
I am glad you have a contact person in your area and support.
Again, he is playing a very sick game with you. You seem to have your senses about you. What a great quality when this is also so troubling.

Just to reinterate...Please don't contact him personally in any way though. It's what he wants, and to know you are bothered by this too. The advocacy group will help you here.

Good Luck
 
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