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Violation of Consent?

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AndiInAtlanta

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Georgia

My boyfriend and I broke up three months ago after 2.5 years together. He has bipolar disorder and stopped taking his meds in September. After several violent outbursts on his part (kicking in the front door, throwing a litter box at me, punching holes in the wall next to my head), we decided to part and I moved out. At first, things were calm and he sent a lot of texts stating that he loved and missed me. In early January however, he began making threats on my life, the lives of my family members, threats to destroy property, etc. He even texted me that he wanted to meet me at a police station so he could beat me up in front of them. That was the last straw. I filed for a temporary protective order.

On the day of our court appearance, his attorney proposed a consent instead. My ex would still have to cease all contact and stay 200 yards away from me, but it would be enforced by the judge not the police. Other provisions of the consent were monthly random drug testing and weekly AA/NA meetings. The most important part of the consent (to me) was that he would see a therapist weekly for three months and then the therapist could reduce or increase the sessions at that time. BUT, he has only gone to one session with the therapist (in the six weeks since the consent was signed), after which it was decided he did not need to come back. This was the only reason I agreed to the consent and was a provision that the judge wholeheartedly supported.

My question is this: Should I contact the judge about this? Is he truly in violation of the consent?
 


quincy

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Georgia

My boyfriend and I broke up three months ago after 2.5 years together. He has bipolar disorder and stopped taking his meds in September. After several violent outbursts on his part (kicking in the front door, throwing a litter box at me, punching holes in the wall next to my head), we decided to part and I moved out. At first, things were calm and he sent a lot of texts stating that he loved and missed me. In early January however, he began making threats on my life, the lives of my family members, threats to destroy property, etc. He even texted me that he wanted to meet me at a police station so he could beat me up in front of them. That was the last straw. I filed for a temporary protective order.

On the day of our court appearance, his attorney proposed a consent instead. My ex would still have to cease all contact and stay 200 yards away from me, but it would be enforced by the judge not the police. Other provisions of the consent were monthly random drug testing and weekly AA/NA meetings. The most important part of the consent (to me) was that he would see a therapist weekly for three months and then the therapist could reduce or increase the sessions at that time. BUT, he has only gone to one session with the therapist (in the six weeks since the consent was signed), after which it was decided he did not need to come back. This was the only reason I agreed to the consent and was a provision that the judge wholeheartedly supported.

My question is this: Should I contact the judge about this? Is he truly in violation of the consent?
It sure appears your ex is in violation of the terms set out for him. You can file a contempt of court motion.
 

AndiInAtlanta

Junior Member
It sure appears your ex is in violation of the terms set out for him. You can file a contempt of court motion.
Is that something I can do on my own? (I'm new to this whole process.) Since it's only enforceable by the judge, do I contact her office first or proceed with the motion? Thank you so much for your help with this.
 

AndiInAtlanta

Junior Member
How exactly do you know if he went to therapy or not? And who decided he didn't need further treatments?
His attorney is required to send me proof every Monday that my ex attended both a therapy session and a 12-step program meeting the previous week. This week's email informed me of the lone therapy session and that the therapist said it isn't necessary for him to return weekly. That is not supposed to be determined until after three months of weekly sessions.
 

xylene

Senior Member
Did YOU have an attorney?

honestly, this seems an INSANE level of involvement in your mentally ill stalker's life.

Some one stalks you and makes credible threat against you and your family.. it doesn't follow that they expect you should be overseeing their treatment plan compliance. Sorry, it just doesn't.

Did you have a lawyer? If so, you need to be up their butt about this perfectly foreseeable issue, because they did a terrible job by you. If not, well you need one now.
 

AndiInAtlanta

Junior Member
honestly, this seems an INSANE level of involvement in your mentally ill stalker's life.

Some one stalks you and makes credible threat against you and your family.. it doesn't follow that they expect you should be overseeing their treatment plan compliance. Sorry, it just doesn't.

Did you have a lawyer? If so, you need to be up their butt about this perfectly foreseeable issue, because they did a terrible job by you. If not, well you need one now.
I did not have a lawyer. Truly thought it would only be a quick proceeding to get the protective order. The craziest part of the consent is that I am the one who has to choose the random drug testing day each month. That was not my decision, but both the judge and the attorney felt it would give me "peace of mind."

I asked for proof that he was attending therapy to be provided so that I could be sure he was addressing his mental health issues, but this is taking its toll on me. My family wants to know that we are all safe. I probably should have insisted on the order after all.

I cannot afford a lawyer for myself so I'm doing all I can by seeking advice. It's my only option. I am financially drained because I also supported my ex for a year while he "found" himself.
 

xylene

Senior Member
Your ex's attorney is a disreputable scumbag. And honestly, and worse so, so is the judge for allowing this when you had no counsel. I can onl;y guess that he was some older man who fancied himself a 'southern gentleman.'

i would ask my family for some money, since they too are under threat. I would also contact a women's or domestic violence support network for help.

This is domestic violence, and he is weaseling out of it, with the help of a jerkwater judge.
 

PayrollHRGuy

Senior Member
'southern gentleman.'
Something else we can add to the list of things xylene doesn't like.

The judge ordered something more than the OP would have gotten with a TPO. And it was something that to the OP was the "most important part of the consent".
 
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quincy

Senior Member
What the consent order does not provide is immediate arrest on violation of the order - although the police should still be called if ex contacts Andi and/or Andi fears for her safety.

I can understand the reasoning behind the decision to go with a consent order but it does make moving on more difficult.
 

AndiInAtlanta

Junior Member
Your ex's attorney is a disreputable scumbag. And honestly, and worse so, so is the judge for allowing this when you had no counsel. I can onl;y guess that he was some older man who fancied himself a 'southern gentleman.'

i would ask my family for some money, since they too are under threat. I would also contact a women's or domestic violence support network for help.

This is domestic violence, and he is weaseling out of it, with the help of a jerkwater judge.
The attorney called me "Little Lady" more than once. Blood boiling.

My family is tapped as well. I had to move in with my mother, who is on a fixed income and moved up from Florida to give me a home. Father deceased. Much younger siblings who have no disposable income.

I did use the Atlanta Volunteer Lawyers Foundation at the courthouse to help with the initial paperwork. They are not easy to get a hold of.
 

quincy

Senior Member
The attorney called me "Little Lady" more than once. Blood boiling.

My family is tapped as well. I had to move in with my mother, who is on a fixed income and moved up from Florida to give me a home. Father deceased. Much younger siblings who have no disposable income.

I did use the Atlanta Volunteer Lawyers Foundation at the courthouse to help with the initial paperwork. They are not easy to get a hold of.
You can file a contempt motion on your own.
 

xylene

Senior Member
The judge ordered something more than the OP would have gotten with a TPO. And it was something that to the OP was the "most important part of the consent".
The OP's misguided concern for her ex did not serve her well in the relationship and a lawyer took advantage of that.

The fact that he fancies himself part of a phony antebellum south is just poop icing on a garbage cake.
 

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