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Step-father has alzheimer's, mother being harrased by Step-kids

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Helpformom2

Guest
What is the name of your state? CA

My 90 year old step-father was recently (July) diagnosed with Alzheimer's. It seems as though the disease has progressed very quickly and he is probably now in the later stages. In addition to this he has other medical conditions and is very weak requiring constant care. My mother has durable POA for healthcare and therfore is able to make all the decisions for his care. His kids are constatly questioning her choice in Doctors, quality of care she is giving etc. They have even called adult protective services on her saying she is financially and physically abusing him. None of which is true. Up until recently his kids were barely in the picture in fact one of them had not seen his father in over 5 years. Can my mom legally forbid them from coming to her home? What can she do to protect herself from them evertime she sees them they harrass her about something she is doing with his care. (he is currently hospitalized so they run into each other at the hospital) She does not wish to ever see them or talk to them due to the constant harrasment. What can she do when he comes home?
 


BlondiePB

Senior Member
1. Would you please, briefly, provide an example or two of the physical abuse and medical decisions that your mother made that stepchildren have questioned?
2. What were the finding(s) of the investigation that APS did?
3. How old is your mother?
 
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ellencee

Senior Member
Helpformom2
Does your mother have durable power of attorney over your stepfather's affairs, including healthcare or is it just for healthcare?

Your mother does not have to take this abuse from her stepchildren. She can tell them they can not come in her home; and, she can tell them and, or the hospital that they can not come in her husband's room when she is there.

Your mother should consult with an attorney, preferably the one who prepared the durable power of attorney. The attorney can write a letter to your stepfather's children and state your mother's rights and responsibilities and state the behaviors that will be accepted and those that will not be accepted without consequence(s). I believe she is going to be in need of continuing legal counsel throughout your stepfather's illness and through the settling of his estate.

Best wishes,
EC
 

BlondiePB

Senior Member
Preventing the children from visiting their father (which is a "red flag" for elder abuse) will most likely result in another call to APS. OP's mother not should not have to put up with the abuse. There may be more to this, which is why I have asked the questions.
 
H

Helpformom2

Guest
Hi Blondie,

1. There was no abuse, they just made that up when my step-father was brought to the hospital by ambulance (he had a seizure related to the alzheimers). His son work's at that hospital as a Doctor and that was the first time he had seen his father in 5 years (the son's choice not the father's). He has connections at the hospital and therefore involved the social worker there. As far as the medical is concerned he said that my mom is not taking him to a good doctor. He sees a very good geriatric spcialist as well as about 7 other doctors for various conditions so again this is the son's opinion not fact.

2. The investigation is still pending however as of yet they have not even contacted any of his doctors and it has been over a month in a half so I do not think the social worker is overly concerned about the allegations otherwise I think he would be moving more swiftly.

3. My mom is in her 60's.

Thanks!
 

BlondiePB

Senior Member
Thank you for the replies. It makes the situation a lot clearer. I now concur with EC regarding having an attorney sending letters to the children about their behavior. Just because the Dr. son would prefer other physicians, he has no "say so" in the medical choices that your mother is making. If there's other hospitals in the area your mother could call those hospitals and find out whether or not Dr. son has "privileges" there and if her husband's primary care physician has privileges. She could move him to a hospital where Dr. son does not go, but to where her husband's physician does. It's just a suggestion. Because caring for someone with Alz. can be so frustrating, your mother would greatly benefit by learning more about caring for someone with Alz. and support groups. Find out this information for your mother and offer to go with her to a support group.
Good luck,
BlondiePB
 

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