Looking for advice

[DavidFrogg]

What is the name of your state? North Carolina originally in Wisconsin

I'm sure that this is probably similar to a lot of people on here or has probably been covered before, please remember that i'm not tryin to bore you with all this story stuff that i'm writing, I want some legitimate advice and would appreciate it.

I've been kind of distraught at the fact that me and my ex cannot come to terms with an agreement for visitation with my son. She wants sole custody which i know probably will not happen, and she believes that I need to be supervised when i visit because I have not been around him in nearly a year since I am active duty military and have limited time off. It is bad because I have just got done visiting him and I'm missing so much, but while I was visiting I was not able to take him to the park, or take him anywhere to have fun with him and bond, and even if he was running around in the backyard and she had to go inside she would take him with just so i wasn't alone with him.

I have many hateful things that she has said during text messages, and online conversations, and my brother as a witness during my last visit with my son. We have an agreement between the both of us and I supplied her the amount that I would pay. I enrolled him into military health benefits and no action on her part was taken to ensure these benefits. I would like to know what i need to do, what options do i have, and what are the odds of me getting joint custody? Thank you and I will await anyones info.

 

[CourtClerk]

How old is the child?
Has paternity been established?
Is there a standing court order for visitation?

 

[DavidFrogg]

My son is almost a year old, I'm on the birth cert and we haven't been to court yet.

 

[CourtClerk]

My son is almost a year old, I'm on the birth cert and we haven't been to court yet.

"I'm on the birth certificate" I'm going to take as you signed the Acknowledgment of Paternity, however a court has not declared you legally the father as you have not even been to court yet.

Simply put, you need to go into court and establish custody/visitation and support. Until that happens she has every right to put restrictions on you and the visitation of the child. I notice you said that you are in the military, you may want to consult JAG and see if they will offer their assistance in you getting into court to handle this. You may want to do this soon because until you do, you are sure to have these issues with her until you do.

Note: As for the payments you are giving her, I would limit them until you have a support order. Money given outside of a court order could be considered a gift and if/when a support order is in effect, you may or may not get credit for money already given to her. I always suggest buying the necessities, but keep in mind that mom has a responsibility to support the child also. Do this only if you are positively sure the child is yours. You do not need to buy EVERYTHING Jr. needs, just contribute. Once a support order is in effect, you are not bound to pay anything above and beyond what is ordered.

If this is bothering you that bad, I suggest you start tomorrow.

Good luck

 

[DavidFrogg]

Now, we have a documented agreement noterized by a marine laywer and one also noterized by her county notery. Is it wise to halt payment with that in mind? Or is that another stipulation to that. I want to use whatever money I can muster for this battle that will be coming up.

 

[escape2paradise]

Now, we have a documented agreement noterized by a marine laywer and one also noterized by her county notery. Is it wise to halt payment with that in mind? Or is that another stipulation to that. I want to use whatever money I can muster for this battle that will be coming up.

Is it filed with the court and signed by a judge? If not, it means squat legally.

 

[DavidFrogg]

wow...and here i've been shelling out all this cash and it's not even legally binding? Would it look good in the court if I keep it going or should I shut it down asap? I just don't want any reprocussions if I cancel the allotment, cause I don't know if I can afford if they end up taking a penalty or something for cancelling when I have been giving her payments on the regular.

 

[>Charlotte<]

You won't be penalized because you have not been and are not yet legally obligated to pay her anything.

 

[Ohiogal]

You won't be penalized because you have not been and are not yet legally obligated to pay her anything.

Actually some courts might penalize him because of the two notarized agreements. MIGHT. He wants to file ASAP and give the agreements as proof that he has been paying and the terms of the payments. Well cancelled checks will also be needed.

If the child is only a year old and he is not been around him in a year -- did anyone else notice that? You don't need supervised visitation for that HOWEVER expect not to get overnights right away.

 

[Accountable]

We're assuming this is an ex-girlfriend....not an ex-wife. Correct?

 

[profmum]

I've been kind of distraught at the fact that me and my ex cannot come to terms with an agreement for visitation with my son. She wants sole custody which i know probably will not happen, and she believes that I need to be supervised when i visit because I have not been around him in nearly a year since I am active duty military and have limited time off.

This is BS.. you will NOT get supervised visitation just because you are active duty and have been gone for a while, my ex was gone for most of our 4 yr old's life and got 50%, you will most likely be asked to "phase in" to his life because of the absence and his age but will most likely get overnights

I have many hateful things that she has said during text messages, and online conversations, and my brother as a witness during my last visit with my son.

If your son was not exposed to these messages (ie they were online or text).. hating your ex is not grounds for anything really.. most of us don't really like our ex'es!

We have an agreement between the both of us and I supplied her the amount that I would pay.
Figure out what the Court expected/ordered amount should be for child support, do not go with an"agreement", it will cause problems later, I would either stop the payments until you know exactly what they are through a Court Order or keep proof of them as back CS payments till an actual CS has been established, the other posters have told you about establishing paternity etc before legal rights can be established.

I enrolled him into military health benefits and no action on her part was taken to ensure these benefits.
Not sure what this means? has she not taken him to the doctor when he has been sick?

I would like to know what i need to do, what options do i have, and what are the odds of me getting joint custody? Thank you and I will await anyones info.[/QUOTE]

[B]Joint custody with active duty could go either way, a lot of that will depend on if you are likely to be deployed soon, how many times you have been deployed in the past etc. but certainly not impossible. Regardless, you will most likely get joint decision making, another option is to seek joint custody while you are in country with Mum getting sole physical custody when you are deployed (if you are going to end up in Court) . My ex is USMC IRR now, but we have that provision, in the event he gets or wants to get deployed again, and with provisions to contact him and get his response on decision making when he is deployed. Contacting JAG would be a good idea as well, but I dont think they can represent you in Court in a domestic matter?[/B]

 

[my life is mine]

If you are still married and not divorced (only seperated) and if you do not support child and spouse, the military will go after you. MILSPER says: for seperated and 1 child, 1/2 of base pay plus a portion of housing allowance.

If divorced and you have a child, even if there is no court order the military will expect you to pay a portion of your pay to the other parent. In accordance with MILPERSMAN 1754-030: you need to pay 1/6th of your base pay plus a portion of housing allowance.

http://buperscd.technology.navy.mil/bup_updt/508/milpers/1754-030.htm

JAG can talk to you about how to proceed, but cannot represent you in court for domestic/civil issues. You may want to talk to a local attorney, and receive a free or low cost consult.

If active duty you can get joint legal custody without difficulty, joint physical custody would be something that courts would look at based on deployments, your units future schedule, if known, and if you have someone available to take care of child during times that you may be called in.

Mother may be able to get FROR (first right of refusal) though, because active duty at times will be called in at short notice.

I am also questioning medical benefits situation, if divorced, child needs an ID card. If seperated, once you place child in DEERS and decide on doctor with TRICARE, it is finished, Mother needs to do nothing else. You do not need her to do this, you can do it yourself.

 

[CLBKLCDTB]

wow...and here i've been shelling out all this cash and it's not even legally binding?

Would it look good in the court if I keep it going or should I shut it down asap?

I just don't want any reprocussions if I cancel the allotment, cause I don't know if I can afford if they end up taking a penalty or something for cancelling when I have been giving her payments on the regular

The key word for me here is "allotment" Are you two married?

 

[CLBKLCDTB]

If you are still married and not divorced (only seperated) and if you do not support child and spouse, the military will go after you. MILSPER says: for seperated and 1 child, 1/2 of base pay plus a portion of housing allowance.

If divorced and you have a child, even if there is no court order the military will expect you to pay a portion of your pay to the other parent. In accordance with MILPERSMAN 1754-030: you need to pay 1/6th of your base pay plus a portion of housing allowance.

http://buperscd.technology.navy.mil/bup_updt/508/milpers/1754-030.htm

JAG can talk to you about how to proceed, but cannot represent you in court for domestic/civil issues. You may want to talk to a local attorney, and receive a free or low cost consult.

If active duty you can get joint legal custody without difficulty, joint physical custody would be something that courts would look at based on deployments, your units future schedule, if known, and if you have someone available to take care of child during times that you may be called in.

Mother may be able to get FROR (first right of refusal) though, because active duty at times will be called in at short notice.

I am also questioning medical benefits situation, if divorced, child needs an ID card. If seperated, once you place child in DEERS and decide on doctor with TRICARE, it is finished, Mother needs to do nothing else. You do not need her to do this, you can do it yourself.

This post is the best advice for the OP.

It really sucks that a guy can fight for his country, then have to come home and fight for his rights to be a father to his child.

 

[LdiJ]

wow...and here i've been shelling out all this cash and it's not even legally binding? Would it look good in the court if I keep it going or should I shut it down asap? I just don't want any reprocussions if I cancel the allotment, cause I don't know if I can afford if they end up taking a penalty or something for cancelling when I have been giving her payments on the regular.

Your command may not be happy with you for cancelling the allotment. The military expects its members to support their children. Also, since its set up as an allotment, its far less likely that any court would consider it a gift rather than child support. An allotment is as "offical" as you can get, without actually having a child support order.