thoughts....

[Silverplum]

i don't want to be treated unfairly just b/c she's got a lawyer and a judge in her corner.

Oh, for Pete's sake, stop being such a baby!

Why on earth do you write that she has "a judge in her corner?" She doesn't, Big Playa. THE CHILD has THE LAW to protect him/her. The judge adjudicates.

IF you're the babydad, you pay CS. Period. That's the law. And well it should be...for the CHILD'S sake. Because you weren't gonna man up to your responsibilities without the law to force you to do so, were ya? No, you weren't.

 

[fairisfair]

Silverplum who?????

 

[milspecgirl]

there is no need to get an atty until the child is born- there is nothing you can do until then. STOP taking correspondence from her. The certified return receipt letter will show you told her to stop, but still wanted to know about the birth. You should know the estimated date of birth. If you haven't heard from her within 3-4 weeks of supposed date, go to the CS office and file. At that point, you may hire an atty to advise you of CS and things you should look at and get added, etc

on a personal note- this is obviously not your first child as you mentioned another grandchild they won't see. Have you considered sterilization since you are so against children???? I feel sorry for the child to have no dad. Maybe it will be lucky and she will marry a wonderful guy who will be a parent to YOUR child and teach them all about how to be a MAN or WOMAN and not let the crap genes they got from their biological father turn them into a piece of pond scum like him

 

[Silverplum]

Silverplum who?????

I'm just being FAIR, ya know!

Hello, Angel-face.

 

[CJane]

turn them into a piece of pond scum like him

Ya know, it doesn't necessarily make someone a terrible person to not want to raise a child. Yeah, he should have thought about it before creating the child, but he's here now trying to figure out how to provide for the child legally. That says something.

I've got a son w/no father and a nephew w/no father and a niece & nephew with a father that comes and goes at his whim, never consistent, never really giving it an effort to be involved beyond what other people think he should be. Guess whose kids are healthier and happier?

 

[CallMeMack]

ton a personal note- this is obviously not your first child as you mentioned another grandchild they won't see. Have you considered sterilization since you are so against children???? I feel sorry for the child to have no dad. Maybe it will be lucky and she will marry a wonderful guy who will be a parent to YOUR child and teach them all about how to be a MAN or WOMAN and not let the crap genes they got from their biological father turn them into a piece of pond scum like him

whoa chill out. i meant my sister has a child (she's married and everything). just meant another child, but this one they won't see....

 

[moburkes]

whoa chill out. i meant my sister has a child (she's married and everything). just meant another child, but this one they won't see....

They would probably like to...

 

[moburkes]

Ya know, it doesn't necessarily make someone a terrible person to not want to raise a child. Yeah, he should have thought about it before creating the child, but he's here now trying to figure out how to provide for the child legally. That says something.

I've got a son w/no father and a nephew w/no father and a niece & nephew with a father that comes and goes at his whim, never consistent, never really giving it an effort to be involved beyond what other people think he should be. Guess whose kids are healthier and happier?

That doesn't mean much (not trying to be rude). The bottom line is that statistics shows that, eventually, kids will start to miss their absent parent. They will wonder what they did to cause the parent not to want to be a parent. If your family members grow up well-adjusted and later on choose great mates and make good choices as adults, then great. But, the majority do not.

 

[milspecgirl]

I do applaude you for wanting to provide for the child, but I wonder if she wasn't pushing you, what would you do?
Have you considered that children need so much more than money?????? Do you not want to teach your child things? I understand some people are not meant to be parents and that is fine, but if you don't want to be a parent, don't have sex. I don't buy the drunk excuse. Drunk is something you do to yourself. If you can't control yourself when you drink, don't.
If this woman is as bad as he portrays her to be (going after him, threatening, etc) then she is probably going to badmouth him to the kid. She won't understand that kids know they are part of 2 people and if mom thinks dad is such a terrible person and I have part of him in me, then I must be a terrible person too. His only hope is to show the child he cares about it.
The child didn't chose to get drunk and have sex with someone they didn't know. I just have a bad feeling that this child has 2 parents who have no business being parents and 1 of them needs to step up to the mat. Why can't dad prove to be the one?

However, enough with my opinion- you have my advice from a legal standpoint

 

[CallMeMack]

I do applaude you for wanting to provide for the child, but I wonder if she wasn't pushing you, what would you do?
Have you considered that children need so much more than money?????? Do you not want to teach your child things? I understand some people are not meant to be parents and that is fine, but if you don't want to be a parent, don't have sex. I don't buy the drunk excuse. Drunk is something you do to yourself. If you can't control yourself when you drink, don't.
If this woman is as bad as he portrays her to be (going after him, threatening, etc) then she is probably going to badmouth him to the kid. She won't understand that kids know they are part of 2 people and if mom thinks dad is such a terrible person and I have part of him in me, then I must be a terrible person too. His only hope is to show the child he cares about it.
The child didn't chose to get drunk and have sex with someone they didn't know. I just have a bad feeling that this child has 2 parents who have no business being parents and 1 of them needs to step up to the mat. Why can't dad prove to be the one?

However, enough with my opinion- you have my advice from a legal standpoint

if she wasn't pushing me, no, i still wouldn't want to be a part of it. i still dislike her a lot. she was just some random chick i had sex with an accidentally got pregnant.

i could care less what she says about me to the kid - that's her problem.

she was 90% through the abortion process when she bailed from the chair once she saw the ultrasound.

and you're right, neither of us have any business being parents. i've tried to explain that to her, but she think she's so ready to have a child. she's got an associates degree, makes only about 20k a year doing some temp thing. neither of us are financially ready, but then again, neither of us thought about that when we were bumpin uglies. i've explained to her that i want to raise a child with MY wife when it's going to be MY family. no good....

so that's why i will only be there to financially support what i have to.

 

[Silverplum]

neither of us are financially ready, but then again, neither of us thought about that when we were bumpin uglies. i've explained to her that i want to raise a child with MY wife when it's going to be MY family. no good....

so that's why i will only be there to financially support what i have to.

That's fine. Just do the legal thing and move on. Sooner rather than later, please.

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

Who would want to marry a guy who just dumped on his own child?

 

[CJane]

That doesn't mean much (not trying to be rude). The bottom line is that statistics shows that, eventually, kids will start to miss their absent parent. They will wonder what they did to cause the parent not to want to be a parent. If your family members grow up well-adjusted and later on choose great mates and make good choices as adults, then great. But, the majority do not.

My point was that it's possible that he KNOWS he's not cut out to parent a child and that sometimes, by parenting because other people think we should instead of because we have a true desire/talent for it, we can damage our children MORE than if we just 'bail' before it's an issue.

He's trying to find out how to support his child financially. If that's all he's capable of, the child (IMO) will be better off with no father than a half-assed one who sees him as a burden. Guaranteed.

And the statistics show that consistency is what matters. That either a parent is available regularly or NOT available at all amounts to about the same. It's the now you see me now you don't parents that really f*ck up their kids. If you want links, I'll supply them later.

Honestly, if someone isn't capable of being a consistent influence on their child's life, they need to leave the picture and let the child be raised by people who DO care enough to be consistent.

 

[Silverplum]

Who would want to marry a guy who just dumped on his own child?

Well, we weren't telling him THAT part of his future...we wanted to save at least one surprise for him!

"...when it's MY wife and MY kids..." She's gonna luv that...

 

[ezmarelda]

My point was that it's possible that he KNOWS he's not cut out to parent a child and that sometimes, by parenting because other people think we should instead of because we have a true desire/talent for it, we can damage our children MORE than if we just 'bail' before it's an issue.

He's trying to find out how to support his child financially. If that's all he's capable of, the child (IMO) will be better off with no father than a half-assed one who sees him as a burden. Guaranteed.

And the statistics show that consistency is what matters. That either a parent is available regularly or NOT available at all amounts to about the same. It's the now you see me now you don't parents that really f*ck up their kids. If you want links, I'll supply them later.

Honestly, if someone isn't capable of being a consistent influence on their child's life, they need to leave the picture and let the child be raised by people who DO care enough to be consistent.

AMEN!...CJane you are on a roll today