What are my chances??Need Help

[ssusanj1116]

What is the name of your state? Missouri

My husband and I separated back in may 2007 after he physically assaulted me when I was three months prego. I got a full RO and have not spoken to him directly since. The RO is good through 06-08 also stbx was diagnosed as bi-polar manic depressive when he was 15 is now 29 and has not taken any medication for it since he was 18. He was prescribed Lithium when he was on medication.

Well our child was born 4 months ago. Just to clarify up front The RO states he can not have any communication with me through any medium, and may not enter my home or threaten or harass me in any way. We do work together so he is still allowed to be in the same vicinities as me.

I would prefer when we go to court for him to have supervised visits that would transition to unserpervised visitation. I also think it's important the he completes anger management classes, and a parenting classe. As of this morning he still has a warrent issued for his arrest due to he failed to appear in court when he was charged with 3rd degree assault on me.

He has seen his daughter one time since she was born. This was at the mall. To clarify this situation i was at the mall with freinds around Christmas and he and his family were there. his sister whom I do get along with great came over to me and asked if she could introduce our child to the family. I stayed a lit bit of a distance but still within sight of her an allowed the sister to take the child to meet the rest of her family. There was no mention of my husband but i could see he was with them. I ended up allowing them to visit for about an hour or two. It was christmas and I was just in the mall with friends to waste time anyway. I felt it would be wrong not to let my daughter meet her family.

Anyway since then I have spent serveral nights with my husbands family allowing them to visit with our daughter. I have not spent anytime with the stbx nor have we had any contact.

He has not made any attempts to pay any child support since our childs birth. He has been served with paperwork stating as of 02-15-08 he was to begin support. Child support is already determined and the only preventing it from being completely done is that by law they are required to serve him and give him 20 days to comply. Again he has been served and the preliminary paper work they sent he never filled out. He had an oppertunity after our daughter was born to get health insurance for her at our place of employment and he did not. His 20 days are up and he has not gotten her health insurance or replied to any paperwork from the child support caseworker. I know when he was served only because his parents told me the paperwork was served to them and they gave it to him. The caseworker is slow in responding and has done nogthing at this time.

He still tells people at work that he plans to take full custody from me. This including my supervisor I don't see this as happening as I am not a threat to the baby at all. I work a full time job. I have my own place with a seperate bedroom for baby. I don't do any drugs. And baby has been under my car for the last 4 months and his very healthy.

I also add frequent updates to a public blog about baby's health, doctor's appointment's and growth developments. I am not sure if he reads the blog or not to keep updated with her but I am sure his sister reads as she lives in Indian and I post them under her request to keep updated on her niece.

Anyway I do have a laywer now that is letting me make small payments towards the retainer fee until it paid off. I just paid my lawyer the filling fee's 2 days ago but she want to setup an appointment to meet with me about the parenting plan before she files and she hasn't done so yet. The stbx's parents have told me inadvertantly that he does not have a lawyer yet. I am sure he has the funds to pay the normal retainer fee in our area but not sure why he has not don so yet. I know i have not been petitioned to court for anything.

So on to my question now that you all know the background to my story. My laywer has advised me that supervised visits will probably not be granted because of the bi-polar because it would have to be recently diagnosed and him prescibed medicine. Laywer advised that he could easily get another doctor to say he nolonger has a problem. Laywer also advised that supervised visits would probably not be granted based on the assault because he only assualted me and it was only one time. My question is can supervised visits be granted based on all the above iformation and the fact that our baby is a infant and he has had virtually no contact with her. also would he get the standard EOW right off the back. Is it likely they would grant him over night stays right away. I don't mind a gradual process that builds itself up to more visitation but I really want to know my daughter is protected before just handing her over.

 

[Silverplum]

Listen to your attorney. S/He is LOCAL, knows the judges and the local system.

And as far as your concerns? YOU didn't get a supervised period with your child. So give it the weight it deserves.

Also, he does not have to pay CS until ordered to do so by the court.

And the bi-polar stuff? Irrelevant: you decided to have a child with him anyway. You can't claim he's too dangerous NOW.

What is the name of your state? Missouri

My husband and I separated back in may 2007 after he physically assaulted me when I was three months prego. I got a full RO and have not spoken to him directly since. The RO is good through 06-08 also stbx was diagnosed as bi-polar manic depressive when he was 15 is now 29 and has not taken any medication for it since he was 18. He was prescribed Lithium when he was on medication.

Well our child was born 4 months ago. Just to clarify up front The RO states he can not have any communication with me through any medium, and may not enter my home or threaten or harass me in any way. We do work together so he is still allowed to be in the same vicinities as me.

I would prefer when we go to court for him to have supervised visits that would transition to unserpervised visitation. I also think it's important the he completes anger management classes, and a parenting classe. As of this morning he still has a warrent issued for his arrest due to he failed to appear in court when he was charged with 3rd degree assault on me.

He has seen his daughter one time since she was born. This was at the mall. To clarify this situation i was at the mall with freinds around Christmas and he and his family were there. his sister whom I do get along with great came over to me and asked if she could introduce our child to the family. I stayed a lit bit of a distance but still within sight of her an allowed the sister to take the child to meet the rest of her family. There was no mention of my husband but i could see he was with them. I ended up allowing them to visit for about an hour or two. It was christmas and I was just in the mall with friends to waste time anyway. I felt it would be wrong not to let my daughter meet her family.

Anyway since then I have spent serveral nights with my husbands family allowing them to visit with our daughter. I have not spent anytime with the stbx nor have we had any contact.

He has not made any attempts to pay any child support since our childs birth. He has been served with paperwork stating as of 02-15-08 he was to begin support. Child support is already determined and the only preventing it from being completely done is that by law they are required to serve him and give him 20 days to comply. Again he has been served and the preliminary paper work they sent he never filled out. He had an oppertunity after our daughter was born to get health insurance for her at our place of employment and he did not. His 20 days are up and he has not gotten her health insurance or replied to any paperwork from the child support caseworker. I know when he was served only because his parents told me the paperwork was served to them and they gave it to him. The caseworker is slow in responding and has done nogthing at this time.

He still tells people at work that he plans to take full custody from me. This including my supervisor I don't see this as happening as I am not a threat to the baby at all. I work a full time job. I have my own place with a seperate bedroom for baby. I don't do any drugs. And baby has been under my car for the last 4 months and his very healthy.

I also add frequent updates to a public blog about baby's health, doctor's appointment's and growth developments. I am not sure if he reads the blog or not to keep updated with her but I am sure his sister reads as she lives in Indian and I post them under her request to keep updated on her niece.

Anyway I do have a laywer now that is letting me make small payments towards the retainer fee until it paid off. I just paid my lawyer the filling fee's 2 days ago but she want to setup an appointment to meet with me about the parenting plan before she files and she hasn't done so yet. The stbx's parents have told me inadvertantly that he does not have a lawyer yet. I am sure he has the funds to pay the normal retainer fee in our area but not sure why he has not don so yet. I know i have not been petitioned to court for anything.

So on to my question now that you all know the background to my story. My laywer has advised me that supervised visits will probably not be granted because of the bi-polar because it would have to be recently diagnosed and him prescibed medicine. Laywer advised that he could easily get another doctor to say he nolonger has a problem. Laywer also advised that supervised visits would probably not be granted based on the assault because he only assualted me and it was only one time. My question is can supervised visits be granted based on all the above iformation and the fact that our baby is a infant and he has had virtually no contact with her. also would he get the standard EOW right off the back. Is it likely they would grant him over night stays right away. I don't mind a gradual process that builds itself up to more visitation but I really want to know my daughter is protected before just handing her over.

 

[ssusanj1116]

Listen to your attorney. S/He is LOCAL, knows the judges and the local system.

And as far as your concerns? YOU didn't get a supervised period with your child. So give it the weight it deserves.

Also, he does not have to pay CS until ordered to do so by the court.

And the bi-polar stuff? Irrelevant: you decided to have a child with him anyway. You can't claim he's too dangerous NOW.

to comment about the supervised period. when I had my daughter for the first few weeks I stayed with my youth pastor/adoptive mother. I had someone around me and baby at all time during the first 6 weeks. I did this because I did not know anything about babies and I though that it would help getting adjusted if I had someone there that had more wisdom than myself about babies. I was glad for this help cause even though I was mom I did not know anything about my child or any child for that matter.

I understand the CS support issue. In my own opinion I believe this is stupid and unfair. A much wiser person than myself put it plainly that if I didn't feed or cloth my child. or provide basic nessecity's for my child i would be thrown in jail for neglect. It's not court ordered that I feed her but if I hadn't been feeding her i'm sure someone would be quick to put me in my place.

As for the bi-polar stuff, I don't believe that is irrelevant. and to clarify for you I did not know he was bi-polar until a few months after we were married to be exact i did not find out until a little over one month before i got pregnant. I tried going to marriage couselong and educating myself on the disorder.

I was on birth control and we used a condom the night i got pregnant. believe me i was not trying to get pregnant. If wondering how I know i used a condom because the anger issues were such a problem that we only had sex once the month i got pregnant. And while we were together I did think something was strange about his attitude and his anger but i truely did not know or understand the level of how dangerous it could be. when he did get physically abusive I left and never returned.

Since he has never gotten any type of help for his anger. refused to go to court for the assualt as he has had this warrent out for his arrest for at least the last 5-6 months now. Iso yes I do think i have the right to say he is too dangerous.

 

[Silverplum]

to comment about the supervised period. when I had my daughter for the first few weeks I stayed with my youth pastor/adoptive mother. I had someone around me and baby at all time during the first 6 weeks. I did this because I did not know anything about babies and I though that it would help getting adjusted if I had someone there that had more wisdom than myself about babies. I was glad for this help cause even though I was mom I did not know anything about my child or any child for that matter.

That was smart of you, but we're talking about LEGAL here. I am not at all sure you can inflict your sensibilities upon him, legally.

I understand the CS support issue. In my own opinion I believe this is stupid and unfair. A much wiser person than myself put it plainly that if I didn't feed or cloth my child. or provide basic nessecity's for my child i would be thrown in jail for neglect. It's not court ordered that I feed her but if I hadn't been feeding her i'm sure someone would be quick to put me in my place.

That's because you have CUSTODY. And because you were unwed at the time of birth. Again, don't mistake LEGAL for MORAL.

As for the bi-polar stuff, I don't believe that is irrelevant. and to clarify for you I did not know he was bi-polar until a few months after we were married to be exact i did not find out until a little over one month before i got pregnant. I tried going to marriage couselong and educating myself on the disorder.

I was on birth control and we used a condom the night i got pregnant. believe me i was not trying to get pregnant. If wondering how I know i used a condom because the anger issues were such a problem that we only had sex once the month i got pregnant. And while we were together I did think something was strange about his attitude and his anger but i truely did not know or understand the level of how dangerous it could be. when he did get physically abusive I left and never returned.

Since he has never gotten any type of help for his anger. refused to go to court for the assualt as he has had this warrent out for his arrest for at least the last 5-6 months now. Iso yes I do think i have the right to say he is too dangerous.

No, you don't have any such "right." I am not an attorney, and I could eat you up in court just on that one statement. For instance:
When did you receive your medical degree? From what university? In which state/s are you licensed to practice psychiatry? How many times did you examine the father, under what clinical circumstances, and how did you arrive at your conclusion?

Oh? You're NOT a licensed psychiatrist? Then your conclusions are merely personal opinions about a person with whom you have a FAILED relationship, and not valid in this court of LAW.

You REALLY NEED to listen to your attorney.

 

[ssusanj1116]

That was smart of you, but we're talking about LEGAL here. I am not at all sure you can inflict your sensibilities upon him, legally.

That's because you have CUSTODY. And because you were unwed at the time of birth. Again, don't mistake LEGAL for MORAL.

No, you don't have any such "right." I am not an attorney, and I could eat you up in court just on that one statement. For instance:
When did you receive your medical degree? From what university? In which state/s are you licensed to practice psychiatry? How many times did you examine the father, under what clinical circumstances, and how did you arrive at your conclusion?

Oh? You're NOT a licensed psychiatrist? Then your conclusions are merely personal opinions about a person with whom you have a FAILED relationship, and not valid in this court of LAW.

You REALLY NEED to listen to your attorney.

I'm sorry i don't clarify myself so well, that last response was my own opinion in response to you stating because i had a child with my stbx that i should have known better and i can't claim he's dangerous. I was not commenting in a legal aspect I was merely stating in response that there were reasons i did not know better and What I really meant to state by that was I dont unertand why i can't state in court that he is dangerous. i do have proof of the prior diagnoses and family members of his that are also willing to testify to that aspsect of things.


and to comment on you prior respnse of :

That's because you have CUSTODY. And because you were unwed at the time of birth. Again, don't mistake LEGAL for MORAL. .

Technically since we are still married and there is no temp custody order we both have joint custody. We were married before the birth.

I hope i don't sound rude or argumentative. I do greatly appreciate any feedback you are willing to give i just want to understang my position better.

 

[Silverplum]

Technically since we are still married and there is no temp custody order we both have joint custody. We were married before the birth.

I hope i don't sound rude or argumentative. I do greatly appreciate any feedback you are willing to give i just want to understang my position better.

OMG! I am SO sorry -- I totally misread/forgot/screwed up that part.

Okay, you BOTH have EQUAL rights to the child. And he is a pig for not sending any support, IMO. (See the difference! Weird, huh?)

You are NOT rude or argumentative to point out an error.

But with EQUAL rights -- he gets to see his child.

 

[Silverplum]

I'm sorry i don't clarify myself so well, that last response was my own opinion in response to you stating because i had a child with my stbx that i should have known better and i can't claim he's dangerous. I was not commenting in a legal aspect I was merely stating in response that there were reasons i did not know better and What I really meant to state by that was I dont unertand why i can't state in court that he is dangerous. i do have proof of the prior diagnoses and family members of his that are also willing to testify to that aspsect of things.

Okay, I need to explain better, also.

By choosing to have/keep the child, you announced to the world and the court that you find him to be a fit parent. That's how that choice is viewed. By choosing to marry him and sleep with him, you did the same.

And NO, you cannot state in court that he is "dangerous." WHAT is your PROOF??? You can't go by what MIGHT happen, or what you FEAR might happen.

Hon, I know bipolar sufferers, and some are the best parents I know. The diagnosis is not the same as Freaky Murderous Rage Against Infants Disorder.

 

[ssusanj1116]

Okay, I need to explain better, also.

By choosing to have/keep the child, you announced to the world and the court that you find him to be a fit parent. That's how that choice is viewed. By choosing to marry him and sleep with him, you did the same.

And NO, you cannot state in court that he is "dangerous." WHAT is your PROOF??? You can't go by what MIGHT happen, or what you FEAR might happen.

Hon, I know bipolar sufferers, and some are the best parents I know. The diagnosis is not the same as Freaky Murderous Rage Against Infants Disorder.

Ok I think I understand. When I married him I thought he would be a fit parent. That part is true. When I married him I never thought he'd put his hands on me. I knew we argued but i thought every couple argues and I loved him. I think I understand what your saying is the court doesn't care about the particuar's just the fact the when i married him i thought he would be good parenting material. I had no idea about the disorder when i married him.

The fact that he was physically abusive to me while he knew i was pregnant is what I think makes him dangerous. I do have that abuse documented and the fact that he lied to officers of the law that night is documented. The fact that since that night he has done absolutle nothing to rectify the situation is another reason why i believe he is dangerous.

we are not to contact one another due to restraining order so to make arangement with his family would be me breaking RO and i am not going to do. I do feel that our daughter is 4 months old in 3 days if he really wanted to see her he could have easily petitioned the court for visitation. He has not. He could have sent gift cards for diapers or wipes or formula to the house in her name or to her daycare provider but he hasn't sent anything.

IMO he is a unfit parent because he has done nothing for her. IMO he his dangerous not because of what I fear might happened but because of what has already happened,

I don't not believe that all bi-polar people are unfit. but i do believe that the untreated bi-polar may be a part of the reason for him making poor decisions and decisions that ultimately cause dangerous situations.

 

[Ohiogal]

Your definition is not a legal definition of unfit. He did something to YOU not to the child. He has not supported the child financially but you have also not allowed him access to the child that he is leglaly allowed to have. So see how that works?

 

[ssusanj1116]

Your definition is not a legal definition of unfit. He did something to YOU not to the child. He has not supported the child financially but you have also not allowed him access to the child that he is leglaly allowed to have. So see how that works?

I have not denied access to the child either, We have had no contact as directed by law. This law was inacted because he put me in danger. Why would i want to break this law. At no time has he asked for the child. If I am giving him the benifit of the doubt he has not asked becuase he too is following the RO. But when you give this benefit of the doubt then you have to be able to say that if he want's to see our daughter then he would petition the court which is his legal right. See how that works? He has not supported child financially or in any other manor. i support child in every manor. I am proactive in her life and do what it takes to provide for her unlike him who has not been proactive or even reactive,

in the matter of he did something to me and not the child. I was pregnant with our child. Him putting me in harm directly put our child in harm. Or have we forgotten about Mr. Bobby Cutt's Jr. who was just found guilty of aggraveted murder of his unborn child.

 

[Silverplum]

1. The no contact order is between the grownups.
2. He should petition the court, as is his right. Up to him.
3. Don't bother with other criminal court cases. Not relevant, and merely inflammatory on a message board.

I have not denied access to the child either, We have had no contact as directed by law. This law was inacted because he put me in danger. Why would i want to break this law. At no time has he asked for the child. If I am giving him the benifit of the doubt he has not asked becuase he too is following the RO. But when you give this benefit of the doubt then you have to be able to say that if he want's to see our daughter then he would petition the court which is his legal right. See how that works? He has not supported child financially or in any other manor. i support child in every manor. I am proactive in her life and do what it takes to provide for her unlike him who has not been proactive or even reactive,

in the matter of he did something to me and not the child. I was pregnant with our child. Him putting me in harm directly put our child in harm. Or have we forgotten about Mr. Bobby Cutt's Jr. who was just found guilty of aggraveted murder of his unborn child.

 

[ssusanj1116]

1. The no contact order is between the grownups.
2. He should petition the court, as is his right. Up to him.
3. Don't bother with other criminal court cases. Not relevant, and merely inflammatory on a message board.

1. you are correct the no contact order is between the grownups. but it directly says in RO no contact throught any medium what so ever. Becuse child is not at a age where she can driver herself or talk enough to setup her visitation this means he would have to contact me by some means to setup visitation or he would have to choose option 2 and petition court, as is his right if he wanted to see her.
3. sorry was not meaning to offend anyone was just trying to explain my position again. i am a newbie so please forgive me if i make some misstakes. as long as you let me know what I am doing wrong i will gladly apologize and learn from my misstakes.

 

[Silverplum]

1. you are correct the no contact order is between the grownups. but it directly says in RO no contact throught any medium what so ever. Becuse child is not at a age where she can driver herself or talk enough to setup her visitation this means he would have to contact me by some means to setup visitation or he would have to choose option 2 and petition court, as is his right if he wanted to see her.
3. sorry was not meaning to offend anyone was just trying to explain my position again. i am a newbie so please forgive me if i make some misstakes. as long as you let me know what I am doing wrong i will gladly apologize and learn from my misstakes.

Nope, no offense taken.

And yes, he will have to petition.

 

[ssusanj1116]

now that i have hopefully explained my position a bit better i am still wondering where i stand in a court of law in hope of getting transitional visitation. the facts being what they are is there any hope at all. maybe if someone could explain to me why what evidence i have now is not enough i cold better understand. I just want to be well prepared. I have read many times about laywers who are just to afraid to fight and piss off a judge or co-working laywer.

I need to know do i have grounds for transitional vistition and just need a lawyer that's more willing to fight. I like my lawyer she seems very nice and she is willing to work wih me on the fee's which i really need right now. I just don't want to get get ambushed with a divorce or custody settlement that is not fair and that i hate later.

I do like that she gives me the wosrt case scenario so I can be prepared but I also want to make sure she is doing all she can for me. sometimes you get what you pay for and if i'm getting a lazy lawyer cause i can't afford better i want to know.

 

[wileybunch]

now that i have hopefully explained my position a bit better i am still wondering where i stand in a court of law in hope of getting transitional visitation. the facts being what they are is there any hope at all.

Silverplum was right when she said to listen to your attorney, that they understand the local law and climate of the judges better. If they are saying you probably can't get supervised visits ordered, then that's the best guess. It's possible. Transitional visitation (ie. shortened periods leading up to longer visitations) is also possible since child is very young and Dad doesn't have established relationship yet. Personally I have mixed feelings about making a big to do of Dad being bipolar b/c like Silverplum said, that doesn't make him on par w/Susan Smith or something, but it may be "fair" to bring up some concerns nonetheless. Keep in mind, though, that as much as you try to stigmatize your ex and try to make him look like a freak can trigger him to be in a bad place like it would for anyone even someone that considers themself totally mentally healthy. It would probably be best to try to work out an arrangement that allows you both to participate very closely in your child's life unless you have real proof that that is not best for the child and then you have to be prepared to offer that proof and have it examined by the judge, his attorney, etc.