Visitation disagreements

[Rhapsody]

What is the name of your state? Virginia

I have physical custody of my 2 daughters and share joint legal custody with there father my x. My x has an upcomming visitation with the girls for spring break in a few weeks and says he only has the money to fly one of them out to see him he lives in Oklahoma. My question is this can he only send one child out there to visit him? Our court order states that the father shall have every spring break, beginning the day school lets out and ending the day before school resumes. I don't see how he could only take one of them and not the other. Do anyone have any advise on what I should do?

 

[wileybunch]

Yes, he can only see one of them (remember what you see here often -- visitation is a right, not an obligation). On the face of it, doesn't sound very nice for the kids, but not illegal and you can't stop him from only flying one out vs. 2.

 

[Rhapsody]

I feel it's wrong because the daughter that's been told she's not going is very hurt and upset.

 

[2Mistakes]

I feel it's wrong because the daughter that's been told she's not going is very hurt and upset.

Can you pay for the plane ticket for the 2nd child?

If the man doesn't have the money, what do you want him to do?

 

[wileybunch]

I feel it's wrong because the daughter that's been told she's not going is very hurt and upset.

That's between her dad and her -- but you could offer an explanation such as maybe he's not able to afford it. It's not a good situation on the face of it, but maybe dad figured if he can't afford it that he'll alternate when he takes each child. Can you talk to dad and let him know that the kids are confused and then let him talk to the kids directly about it (and stay out of it yourself so you don't make a touchy situation worse)?

 

[Rhapsody]

I have talked to dad already and I am going to try again later this afternoon as well both children have talked to him about how they feel about this issue they have also talked to their therapist.

 

[Ohiogal]

Offer to pay for the other child to go out there. That way you are each splitting the cost of travel, both children get to see their father and neither is hurt. It sucks when you don't have money.

 

[wileybunch]

I have talked to dad already and I am going to try again later this afternoon as well both children have talked to him about how they feel about this issue they have also talked to their therapist.

If you have expressed the kinds of feelings to your kids that you have here, you really need to stay out of the middle of it and let Dad/kids work it out.

Since you and the kids have spoken to Dad about it, what reason did he give already?

And, just to reiterate, you said, "I don't see how he could only take one of them and not the other. Do anyone have any advise on what I should do?" and the answer to that is still that Dad does NOT have to take both of them and there's nothing you can do about that decision legally. There are other things you can do such as what was suggested -- pay for a plane ticket. But, if it turns out that only one child will be going, you can't do anything except let Dad make decisions and not make his relationship with his children hinge on whether he can fly both out (by offering an "it's not fair" opinion to the mix). THAT would not be fair.

 

[Rhapsody]

He stated that he didn't have the money to fly both of them out there. Their dad asked me to call him this afternoon to discuss it further. If I had the money to buy a plane ticket for the other child I would but I have no money to do that right now.

 

[LdiJ]

If you have expressed the kinds of feelings to your kids that you have here, you really need to stay out of the middle of it and let Dad/kids work it out.

Since you and the kids have spoken to Dad about it, what reason did he give already?

And, just to reiterate, you said, "I don't see how he could only take one of them and not the other. Do anyone have any advise on what I should do?" and the answer to that is still that Dad does NOT have to take both of them and there's nothing you can do about that decision legally. There are other things you can do such as what was suggested -- pay for a plane ticket. But, if it turns out that only one child will be going, you can't do anything except let Dad make decisions and not make his relationship with his children hinge on whether he can fly both out (by offering an "it's not fair" opinion to the mix). THAT would not be fair.

You aren't wrong, but that's danged hard to do. I don't see how anyone can spin this to give an explanation to the left out child that makes it seem fair. Even if the child accepts the explanation that dad can only afford to fly one of them out, the child is still always going to wonder why they weren't the one chosen.

I think it stinks all the way around.

Would dad's parents be able to help with another ticket if they knew what was going on?

 

[Ohiogal]

He stated that he didn't have the money to fly both of them out there. Their dad asked me to call him this afternoon to discuss it further. If I had the money to buy a plane ticket for the other child I would but I have no money to do that right now.

Are you the obligee or obligor for child support?

 

[CourtClerk]

How far is it from Virginia to Oklahoma? How old are the children? Is it possible for you to take the girls on a train to their dad? Trains are often less expensive, and it's a cool ride.

What about greyhound?

 

[Rhapsody]

Dad has only 1 parent living and she helps him out with money all the time so it is a possibility. Both of my parents are gone so I don't have the option of getting money from them.

 

[Rhapsody]

I am the obligee. Dad is the one who pays child support. It is about 1400 miles from va to ok. Children ages 13 and 10 and trains are less expensive and not an option I've looked into. Greyhound is a big no as they do not allow kids this young to travel alone at least that what their dad has said as he looked into that option.

 

[3UofMfans]

If it ends up that only one child can go then maybe you can use this to your advantage of some good one on one time with that child. Does dad get extended summer visitation? If so maybe the child who does not go for spring break can have an extra week during the summer and can have one on one time with dad while you spend that time with the other child. When you have more than one child it is difficult to get that special time. This hurts the child who will not go but if you make it into something special for both of them now and when summer vacation comes then the children may benefit from this and both you and dad will have special time with the children also.