Proof of over-stepping step in court

[mommyof4]

And this is something I am going to look into as well.

Another question, we have focused on medical and school records, but what about calling stepma- Mommy? Not a form of mommy, like mommy "her name or initial", but mommy? I have heard differing views on this from "it's petty, let it go" to "this is a big issue". I have essays written by the children for school that call step ma "mommy". Is it a big deal in association with everything else or no?

This needs to be a big part of your focus. Have those essays ready to present.

 

[penelope10]

And this is something I am going to look into as well.

Another question, we have focused on medical and school records, but what about calling stepma- Mommy? Not a form of mommy, like mommy "her name or initial", but mommy? I have heard differing views on this from "it's petty, let it go" to "this is a big issue". I have essays written by the children for school that call step ma "mommy". Is it a big deal in association with everything else or no?

Personally I don't think it's petty to not want YOU and Your EX's children referring to his new wife as Mommy. To me this is a clear sign of Dad and Step not knowing boundaries. YOU are MOMMY---she did not give birth to these children and you are the co-parent of these children. Just because he's remarried doesn't mean his new wife is Mommy. In fact legally she has zero standing.

I think for small children it blurs the lines on what the true relationships are...I'd talk to Dad about this in a calm manner and I would also talk to the children. You don't have to say anything negative about the step, just make it clear that step is not Mommy.

 

[Calimom3]

Oh yes.... we have talked about it....

That IS a big deal...Have you talked to the father about this? This is actually an issue that could cost Dad custody.

In fact, he knows and she knows that this bothers me because of a run in I had with her at my YD's choir performance last year. I was leaving to take my OD and YD to lunch after my YD's performance, but since my time didn't technically start for another 2 hours, I needed to go to my car to call Dad to let him know YD was with me. Fiancee got in my face and called me all sorts of wonderful names, and then proceeded to call me bitter because my kids called her Mommy... so yeah, they know.

I spoke to him about it later that night, and he seemed remorseful, and indicated that he would put an end to it, because I am the kid's mother, yada yada yada... but I have essays from this school year that call her mommy.

This on top of everything else is why I am asking what a court looks for and if this would be taken seriously, because yes, I am thinking about making modifications to our current order. I do not feel that he respects me as the co-parent. In fact, I think he refers to me as a nuisance that he must put up with.

 

[2Mistakes]

I'm sure this is a view that will not be shared by anyone else, and I'm sure I'm going to get blasted for it, but oh well. I'm in a pissy mood anyways.

Does it REALLY matter WHO brings Jr. to the doctor? As long as that person has all the relevant info, does it really matter?

Is it about Jr. being seen for medical care or about your bruised ego?

I guess the doctor's offices and hospitals just like to violate the law down in my neck of the woods. I guess we're just so backwards that they don't know any better. I have NEVER had a problem taking my step-daughter to the doc or ER. We do not have the same last name. When the admitting clerk asks my relation, I tell them step-father. Never once had a problem.

 

[Just Blue]

I'm sure this is a view that will not be shared by anyone else, and I'm sure I'm going to get blasted for it, but oh well. I'm in a pissy mood anyways.

Does it REALLY matter WHO brings Jr. to the doctor? As long as that person has all the relevant info, does it really matter?

Is it about Jr. being seen for medical care or about your bruised ego?

I guess the doctor's offices and hospitals just like to violate the law down in my neck of the woods. I guess we're just so backwards that they don't know any better. I have NEVER had a problem taking my step-daughter to the doc or ER. We do not have the same last name. When the admitting clerk asks my relation, I tell them step-father. Never once had a problem.

Yes. It REALLY matters that an interfering THIRD party is taking her children to the doctor. Unless, as in your case, both parents are okay with it...It is a big deal.

 

[Calimom3]

Thanks Penelope10

Personally I don't think it's petty to not want YOU and Your EX's children referring to his new wife as Mommy. To me this is a clear sign of Dad and Step not knowing boundaries. YOU are MOMMY---she did not give birth to these children and you are the co-parent of these children. Just because he's remarried doesn't mean his new wife is Mommy. In fact legally she has zero standing.

I think for small children it blurs the lines on what the true relationships are...I'd talk to Dad about this in a calm manner and I would also talk to the children. You don't have to say anything negative about the step, just make it clear that step is not Mommy.

I have already spoken to EX... I have spoken to children (6 and 8 at the time, now are 7 and 9) and try to lead by example. (I have a SO, who my children call by his name, and we explain that they have a Daddy who loves them just as much my SO who is a step who loves them very much as well.) but it continues to this day. And while I think the children understand, to an extend, I think it's very hard on them because they are trying to please everybody.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I don't think the OP would have a problem with any ONE thing, but it appears that there are a number of issues that all put together scream PROBLEM.

The one where they are calling the GF "mommy" is major, in my book.

 

[2Mistakes]

Yes. It REALLY matters that an interfering THIRD party is taking her children to the doctor. Unless, as in your case, both parents are okay with it...It is a big deal.

I guess I just don't see it. As much petty BS as me and my ex fight about, I guess we see eye-to-eye on the big stuff.

None of the 4 of us (me, my wife, my ex, her ex) have a problem with any of the others taking the kids to the doc. Whoever can take them takes them. Hell, my wife's ex-husband has taken my son to the doctor before. I guess he's an over-stepping step-parent twice removed.

I guess IMO, the #1 concern should be little Jr.'s health and needing to see a doc. WHO actually takes him doesn't matter much to me.

:shrug:

 

[Calimom3]

It's about a bigger picture, not ego...

I'm sure this is a view that will not be shared by anyone else, and I'm sure I'm going to get blasted for it, but oh well. I'm in a pissy mood anyways.

Does it REALLY matter WHO brings Jr. to the doctor? As long as that person has all the relevant info, does it really matter?

Is it about Jr. being seen for medical care or about your bruised ego?

I guess the doctor's offices and hospitals just like to violate the law down in my neck of the woods. I guess we're just so backwards that they don't know any better. I have NEVER had a problem taking my step-daughter to the doc or ER. We do not have the same last name. When the admitting clerk asks my relation, I tell them step-father. Never once had a problem.

It's about knowing what is going on with my children's health. Ex doesn't communicate effectively, so I am finding out about annual check ups from my insurance company.... I think THAT is unacceptable as well.

There is no reason why I and Dad can not take the children to an annual visit because these visits are made well in advance.

Plus, in this case... it's about a bigger picture and not just doctor's visits. It seems to me that I am being systematically eliminated from my children's lives. I want to know if all of these things put together are something that a court would take seriously or not.

 

[penelope10]

I'm sure this is a view that will not be shared by anyone else, and I'm sure I'm going to get blasted for it, but oh well. I'm in a pissy mood anyways.

Does it REALLY matter WHO brings Jr. to the doctor? As long as that person has all the relevant info, does it really matter?

Is it about Jr. being seen for medical care or about your bruised ego?

I guess the doctor's offices and hospitals just like to violate the law down in my neck of the woods. I guess we're just so backwards that they don't know any better. I have NEVER had a problem taking my step-daughter to the doc or ER. We do not have the same last name. When the admitting clerk asks my relation, I tell them step-father. Never once had a problem.

I would say that if it's ok with Dad, than yes it's ok.

So no bashing for you today. And we all know you're a good step and understand what boundaries are. Unlike your ex.

The OP is not even dealing with a step---she's dealing with a girlfriend. Dad has the legal obligation to allow MOM to be involved in her children's medical treatment. He's sidestepping this and attempting to let girlfriend fill Mom's shoes. And the fact that the kid's are encouraged to call the bed warmer Mommy to me is a sign that he is playing games and trying to alienate the kids from Mom. We can replace spouses, but we don't have the right to try to replace our children's other parent.

OP I'd make copies of all those reports where the kids are calling girlfriend Mommy and shoot Dad a letter regular and certified and ask him for this to stop immediately. Refer to the last conversation you had with him in regards to this matter....

Sounds like you may have good grounds with the proper documentation to take him back to court. Good luck to you.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I guess I just don't see it. As much petty BS as me and my ex fight about, I guess we see eye-to-eye on the big stuff.

None of the 4 of us (me, my wife, my ex, her ex) have a problem with any of the others taking the kids to the doc. Whoever can take them takes them. Hell, my wife's ex-husband has taken my son to the doctor before. I guess he's an over-stepping step-parent twice removed.

I guess IMO, the #1 concern should be little Jr.'s health and needing to see a doc. WHO actually takes him doesn't matter much to me.

:shrug:

When I was married, my MOTHER took the children to the doctor/dentist/allergist, whatever. EACH office knew how to reach us. At the visits, we would get a call from the doctor/dentist/whatever to discuss anything. Even after we divorced, my mother continued to take them because it was CONVENIENT for both parents to have her do so. I still was responsible for letting dad know.

From the sounds of it 2M, y'all talk to each other about these things. In reality, your wife is doing a favor to both your X and yourselves and you BOTH realize it and appreciate it (at least most times.) The OP is stating that dad isn't talking to her/ co-parenting at all. Therefore, she has a right to feel this way.

 

[Just Blue]

I guess I just don't see it. As much petty BS as me and my ex fight about, I guess we see eye-to-eye on the big stuff.

None of the 4 of us (me, my wife, my ex, her ex) have a problem with any of the others taking the kids to the doc. Whoever can take them takes them. Hell, my wife's ex-husband has taken my son to the doctor before. I guess he's an over-stepping step-parent twice removed.

I guess IMO, the #1 concern should be little Jr.'s health and needing to see a doc. WHO actually takes him doesn't matter much to me.

:shrug:

I get that. Really. But with ALL of the issues this OP has posted about the doctor becomes a big issue.

Personally I would HOPE that when my ex gets together with someone she is nice and I won't have any issues with her...And if that is the case I wouldn't mind her taking lil'bay to the Dr's.

 

[2Mistakes]

Yes, I guess situations are different. If Dad isn't letting Mom know what's up w/ Jr., I can see that being a problem. When ever one of our kids go to the doc, whoever took them lets all other people who need to know what went on know about it. Even if we aren't speaking. It's just common sense.

I was just reading, and I'm already pissy (hey, my wife's outta town, and well . . . you know ), and some of the stuff just sounded petty. Like someone saying that if you take a kid to the ER, they won't treat him/her if it's a step that brought them. Ok, yeah, they're gonna let the poor kid bleed out on the waiting room floor.

The thing about calling bed-warmer mommy? Not cool. At all. My step-daughter will never call me daddy. Ever. My kids will never call my wife mommy. Ever.

And if it ever happened on either side, it would be nipped in the bud immediately.

 

[wileybunch]

calimom, your ex does seem to have developed a pattern and it needs to be addressed. I agree that who takes the child to the doctor isn't as important as that you are included in what's going on which is the real issue, the step taking them to the doctor is just a symptom. I think your line that he thinks you're just a nuisance to put up w/sorta thing is probably a good way to frame the problem. Your ex has deputized his wife to do what she does against your wishes so he's at fault for that (but she has some nerve cussing you out at your kids' school funtion ).

 

[fairisfair]

I guess I just don't see it. As much petty BS as me and my ex fight about, I guess we see eye-to-eye on the big stuff.

None of the 4 of us (me, my wife, my ex, her ex) have a problem with any of the others taking the kids to the doc. Whoever can take them takes them. Hell, my wife's ex-husband has taken my son to the doctor before. I guess he's an over-stepping step-parent twice removed.

I guess IMO, the #1 concern should be little Jr.'s health and needing to see a doc. WHO actually takes him doesn't matter much to me.

:shrug:

AHA!! so you are missing that territorial gene too!!!

MUTANT!!!!!