Excessive Doctor Visits?

[OnceUponATime]

Virginia

My husband has joint custody for his daughter, age 15, with mom having primary. The daughter has been to the doctor (most are different doctors) about 22 times so far this year, has missed 16 days of school (some because of the appointments) and had many tardys and half days missed. The daughter is a somewhat normal kid, no health problems, but does have some emotional issues (6 of the appts are therapy). Dad has always thought the appointments were excessive (it has always been a lot of appts, but it has really increased this year)....now daughter is complaining to dad that she's tired of going to the doctors all the time....she's at the doctor at least once a week and sometimes twice a week. The type of doctors include: counselor, ENT, ob/gyn, cardiologist, physicologist, chiropractor, physical therapist, optomerist, 2 different dentists, just to name a few.

Mom has a lot of medical bills herself, as she attempted to have child support changed due to her numerous medical bills, and she lost in court, so its not just the daughter that she focuses medical attention on.

Mom schedules some appts on dad's time, and dad is leary to not take daughter, as mom passionately believes daughter needs to go to the appointment and becomes very upset if dad reschedules or doesn't take his daughter....he says it's just easier to take her rather than get mom on a roll.

Dad has thought about doing something legally, but how do you go in front of a judge and say that mom is taking the kid to the doctor too much? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[txrose1998]

Virginia

My husband has joint custody for his daughter, age 15, with mom having primary. The daughter has been to the doctor (most are different doctors) about 22 times so far this year, has missed 16 days of school (some because of the appointments) and had many tardys and half days missed. The daughter is a somewhat normal kid, no health problems, but does have some emotional issues (6 of the appts are therapy). Dad has always thought the appointments were excessive (it has always been a lot of appts, but it has really increased this year)....now daughter is complaining to dad that she's tired of going to the doctors all the time....she's at the doctor at least once a week and sometimes twice a week. The type of doctors include: counselor, ENT, ob/gyn, cardiologist, physicologist, chiropractor, physical therapist, optomerist, 2 different dentists, just to name a few.

Mom has a lot of medical bills herself, as she attempted to have child support changed due to her numerous medical bills, and she lost in court, so its not just the daughter that she focuses medical attention on.

Mom schedules some appts on dad's time, and dad is leary to not take daughter, as mom passionately believes daughter needs to go to the appointment and becomes very upset if dad reschedules or doesn't take his daughter....he says it's just easier to take her rather than get mom on a roll.

Dad has thought about doing something legally, but how do you go in front of a judge and say that mom is taking the kid to the doctor too much? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Has the dad spoken to these doctors? Perhaps, that would be a good place to start.

 

[OnceUponATime]

Has the dad spoken to these doctors? Perhaps, that would be a good place to start.

Yes, and some of the appointments he is the one taking the daughter. The daughter complains "<blank> hurts", doctor looks and pushes around in the area, and then either schedules some type of test or medication, and the tests more than likely show nothing. Mom always schedules appointments with specialists rather than the regular doctor, as no referral is required.

I honestly first thought that maybe mom was doing it for financial reasons, presenting the bill to both her medical reimbursement account and also dad, and getting reimbursed from both....but I think that may be far fetched to go to that extreme.

 

[Humusluvr]

What is mom's profession? (for example, anything in the med field or no?)

 

[txrose1998]

Yes, and some of the appointments he is the one taking the daughter. The daughter complains "<blank> hurts", doctor looks and pushes around in the area, and then either schedules some type of test or medication, and the tests more than likely show nothing. Mom always schedules appointments with specialists rather than the regular doctor, as no referral is required.

I honestly first thought that maybe mom was doing it for financial reasons, presenting the bill to both her medical reimbursement account and also dad, and getting reimbursed from both....but I think that may be far fetched to go to that extreme.

So, the daughter complains about pain? I thought the mom was forcing them on her....

 

[txrose1998]

What is mom's profession? (for example, anything in the med field or no?)

I wonder if you were thinking the same thing I was....MBP?

 

[OnceUponATime]

What is mom's profession? (for example, anything in the med field or no?)

No medical background, she is a first grade teacher.

 

[OnceUponATime]

So, the daughter complains about pain? I thought the mom was forcing them on her....

Here is an example:

Daughter did track last year, at the beginning daughter complained her legs were sore from running. Mom said it's probably shin splints and scheduled an appointment with an orthopedist. Dad was at appointment also, doctor said well, your legs will be sore if you just started, but if it continues we might have to do some tests. A week later mom notified dad that daughter was having a bone scan in a few weeks. How the mom convinced the doctor to schedule it, who knows.

 

[wileybunch]

I wonder if you were thinking the same thing I was....MBP?

I admit that crossed my mind, but if DD is complaining about pain, it's not like this is all Mom's doing. Does Mom give Dad updates when she takes DD to doctor? I would try to keep open line of communication, show concern, etc. Mom may be being very cautious when DD complains about something and takes DD. Even in "intact" families, there are mothers/fathers that are much more, shall we say "protective" and run to the doctor for each complaint whereas other parents seem to be able to take a different approach depending on the complaint and know when it's OK to wait it out. Mom should be encouraged to have a primary pediatrician, though, she shouldn't be trying to manage/triage the child's care herself.

 

[wileybunch]

Here is an example:

Daughter did track last year, at the beginning daughter complained her legs were sore from running. Mom said it's probably shin splints and scheduled an appointment with an orthopedist. Dad was at appointment also, doctor said well, your legs will be sore if you just started, but if it continues we might have to do some tests. A week later mom notified dad that daughter was having a bone scan in a few weeks. How the mom convinced the doctor to schedule it, who knows.

Bone scan seems overdone, but visit to orthopedist probably not. Hopefully Mom isn't pushing other medical imaging tests so that her DD's not getting juiced regularly because although it's "safe" levels, if she's going to be overly careful w/DD's health, she should want to be judicious with use of X-ray, also.

 

[proud_parent]

I wonder if you were thinking the same thing I was....MBP?

Could be MSbP (FII), could be hypochondriasis. But honestly, these disorders are rare.

More likely good ol' fashioned parental overreaction. With a bit of "what the heck (Dad's) insurance will pay for it" thrown in.

 

[Just Blue]

Here is an example:

Daughter did track last year, at the beginning daughter complained her legs were sore from running. Mom said it's probably shin splints and scheduled an appointment with an orthopedist. Dad was at appointment also, doctor said well, your legs will be sore if you just started, but if it continues we might have to do some tests. A week later mom notified dad that daughter was having a bone scan in a few weeks. How the mom convinced the doctor to schedule it, who knows.

So???????? The pain continued and Doctor scheduled a scan to rule out a problem. How is that an issue? What is it that Dad wants anyway? Full legal custody? A court order that Mom may not take child to the doctor unless she is bleeding out of her eyes?

 

[Zephyr]

I wonder if you were thinking the same thing I was....MBP?

that's what first came to my mind

 

[txrose1998]

that's what first came to my mind

Yep, until the rest of the story came out....if daughter is complaining about pain...well, what can you do? I admit I am an overreactive parent.....I took mine to the doctor for what ended up being growing pains.

 

[OnceUponATime]

I admit that crossed my mind, but if DD is complaining about pain, it's not like this is all Mom's doing. Does Mom give Dad updates when she takes DD to doctor? I would try to keep open line of communication, show concern, etc. Mom may be being very cautious when DD complains about something and takes DD. Even in "intact" families, there are mothers/fathers that are much more, shall we say "protective" and run to the doctor for each complaint whereas other parents seem to be able to take a different approach depending on the complaint and know when it's OK to wait it out. Mom should be encouraged to have a primary pediatrician, though, she shouldn't be trying to manage/triage the child's care herself.

Perhaps thats something dad could do legally? Ask that the primary doctor manage the issues, not mom?