my ex is hiding and brainwashing my daughter

[acmb05]

I got that. Still doesn't explain why she let the child go with him, then filed something the very next day... the kid wasn't due back until the 8th. What did she file?

She filed for full custody. They have never had any court orders so basically every thing has been voluntary up to this point.

 

[LdiJ]

She filed for full custody. They have never had any court orders so basically every thing has been voluntary up to this point.

I have to admit that her timing did stink. He shouldn't have been served during a period that the child was with him....but that's hindsight.

 

[adinicholson]

My goodness, go away for a late lunch and things really pile up on you, don't they. Ok. Let me see if I can answer all of your questions in the correct order:

It is not a mater of control. It is a mater of teaching my daughter right from wrong. Her father allows her to work at a school run daycare. That is illegal in this state. When I told him that it was illegal, he said I was just trying to make him look bad to our daughter and he would allow her to do as she pleases. Also, while she is working at this school run daycare, she is living with one of the daycare workers.

Things haven't been all good for twelve years either. Dad has made plenty of bad decisions that I have had to put a stop to, such as, allowing her at age 9 to be at home alone with her three year old brother while him and his wife are at work and Allowing her to be at home by herself and use a gas stove at the age of 8. He has also told her to lie to me about staying in a girls dorm room over night with one of his girlfriends. Dad is not the best decision maker. In the past, after speaking with him about these things and leaving it up to him to decide what to do, he has for the most part, come around to a conclusion that was best and safe for our daughter. I have had to step in on occassion and have my lawyer write him a letter stating the law in those situations before he would stop. So, I do believe that he should not have decision making power when it comes to our daughter.

I did not file for full custody. I filed for Joint physical custody with myself receiving domicilary and legal custody and her dad receiving visitation on any reasonable schedule that he chose. Dad was getting upset because due to her activities, during the summer, I was not always available to meet him exactly at 6pm. I would offer to meet him earlier, and well in advance, no less than a week, but he complained about it alot. I suggested that we just file and get a court order so there would nolonger be any confusion and his response was "fine". He now says he has a lawyer and his advice was to keep her until the hearing date before I decided to keep her from him.

I don't mind him seeing her and having any type of visitation the judge gives him and I will follow the order to the tee and work with him on special occassions such as his other two childrens and his families birthdays and special events, my daughter does care about him and I don't want to seperate them completely. I was not trying to take away his time. Just his ability to make decisions as to what happens in her life other than the minor things.

After rereading this, it seems a bit confusing but I can't really explain it anyother way. Sorry.

 

[Bloopy]

Her father allows her to work at a school run daycare. That is illegal in this state.

Yeah. I "worked" at a daycare when I was 12 also.

Namely, I was kept busy in a way that kept my pride in tact.

It's a day care not a quarry.

 

[majomom1]

My goodness, go away for a late lunch and things really pile up on you, don't they. Ok. Let me see if I can answer all of your questions in the correct order:

It is not a mater of control. It is a mater of teaching my daughter right from wrong. Her father allows her to work at a school run daycare. That is illegal in this state. When I told him that it was illegal, he said I was just trying to make him look bad to our daughter and he would allow her to do as she pleases. Also, while she is working at this school run daycare, she is living with one of the daycare workers.

Things haven't been all good for twelve years either. Dad has made plenty of bad decisions that I have had to put a stop to, such as, allowing her at age 9 to be at home alone with her three year old brother while him and his wife are at work and Allowing her to be at home by herself and use a gas stove at the age of 8. He has also told her to lie to me about staying in a girls dorm room over night with one of his girlfriends. Dad is not the best decision maker. In the past, after speaking with him about these things and leaving it up to him to decide what to do, he has for the most part, come around to a conclusion that was best and safe for our daughter. I have had to step in on occassion and have my lawyer write him a letter stating the law in those situations before he would stop. So, I do believe that he should not have decision making power when it comes to our daughter.

I did not file for full custody. I filed for Joint physical custody with myself receiving domicilary and legal custody and her dad receiving visitation on any reasonable schedule that he chose. Dad was getting upset because due to her activities, during the summer, I was not always available to meet him exactly at 6pm. I would offer to meet him earlier, and well in advance, no less than a week, but he complained about it alot. I suggested that we just file and get a court order so there would nolonger be any confusion and his response was "fine". He now says he has a lawyer and his advice was to keep her until the hearing date before I decided to keep her from him.

I don't mind him seeing her and having any type of visitation the judge gives him and I will follow the order to the tee and work with him on special occassions such as his other two childrens and his families birthdays and special events, my daughter does care about him and I don't want to seperate them completely. I was not trying to take away his time. Just his ability to make decisions as to what happens in her life other than the minor things.

After rereading this, it seems a bit confusing but I can't really explain it anyother way. Sorry.

Everything you have mentioned here is minor... it's a difference in parenting, which he has the right to, just as you do. Use of the stove might be border line, but some kids do very well with responsibilty and even grow from it. Yours happened 3 years ago and is now irrelevant.

You have used this custody issue as a means to control him. Even after this hearing, he will still be able to parent in all these instances - as he chooses.
The judge will not look favorably on him for withholding your daughter - but they won't look favorably on you trying to control his time either.

 

[adinicholson]

Unfortunately, it is still illegal. The Louisiana Minor Labor Law Placard, Title 23, chapter 3 of revised statues of 1950 as amended "No minor under the age of 14 may be employed, permitted or suffered to work except as provided in RS 23:151"

RS 23:151 Chapter 3. Employment standards and conditions Part 1 Minors Subpart A General Provisions, "The provisions of this part shall not apply to minors employed in agriculture, domestic services in private homes, nor shall they be construed with any laws requiring minors to attend school"

Also:

Child Day Care Center Class "A" Minimum Standards: Louisiana Administrative Code Title 48- Chapter 53 states, "Child care staff shall be age 18 years or older. The provider may, However, include in the staff-child ratio, a person 16 or 17 years old who works under the direct supervision of a qualified adult staff. No one under age 16 shall be used as child care staff."


It may seem a little thing to you, her working in a daycare, but it is against the law and I am one of those parents who prefer to teach my children that it is best, even at such a young age and regardless of how untaxing the work is, to follow the law.

Thanks though.

 

[majomom1]

Unfortunately, it is still illegal. The Louisiana Minor Labor Law Placard, Title 23, chapter 3 of revised statues of 1950 as amended "No minor under the age of 14 may be employed, permitted or suffered to work except as provided in RS 23:151"

RS 23:151 Chapter 3. Employment standards and conditions Part 1 Minors Subpart A General Provisions, "The provisions of this part shall not apply to minors employed in agriculture, domestic services in private homes, nor shall they be construed with any laws requiring minors to attend school"

Also:

Child Day Care Center Class "A" Minimum Standards: Louisiana Administrative Code Title 48- Chapter 53 states, "Child care staff shall be age 18 years or older. The provider may, However, include in the staff-child ratio, a person 16 or 17 years old who works under the direct supervision of a qualified adult staff. No one under age 16 shall be used as child care staff."


It may seem a little thing to you, her working in a daycare, but it is against the law and I am one of those parents who prefer to teach my children that it is best, even at such a young age and regardless of how untaxing the work is, to follow the law.

Thanks though.

Ok... prove that she was "employed" and earning a wage. This will most likely not help, or hurt, your custody matter in any way.

 

[adinicholson]

Everything you have mentioned here is minor... it's a difference in parenting, which he has the right to, just as you do. Use of the stove might be border line, but some kids do very well with responsibilty and even grow from it. Yours happened 3 years ago and is now irrelevant.

You have used this custody issue as a means to control him. Even after this hearing, he will still be able to parent in all these instances - as he chooses.
The judge will not look favorably on him for withholding your daughter - but they won't look favorably on you trying to control his time either.

It is not just a difference in parenting or even bad parenting, it is the law. In this state a child under the age of 12 is not allowed to stay home alone and is not allowed to babysit anyone under that age unsupervised. The Gas stove thing, yeah that is just bad parenting, however, it is against the law for her to have been there by herself. I have not tried to control his time. I do not tell him that he can not take her to certain places. I do not tell him that they can not do certain things together but I have always and will always protect my daughter.

How could I

have used this custody issue as a means to control him

3 years ago, when It has only been since June that it has been filed? That really doesn't make sense. Are you just grasping at straws or are you not understanding?

 

[adinicholson]

Ok... prove that she was "employed" and earning a wage. This will most likely not help, or hurt, your custody matter in any way.

I have the proof, As I stated earlier, I did contact Child Services and they investigated, and told her father that she could no longer work there.

 

[majomom1]

It is not just a difference in parenting or even bad parenting, it is the law. In this state a child under the age of 12 is not allowed to stay home alone and is not allowed to babysit anyone under that age unsupervised. The Gas stove thing, yeah that is just bad parenting, however, it is against the law for her to have been there by herself. I have not tried to control his time. I do not tell him that he can not take her to certain places. I do not tell him that they can not do certain things together but I have always and will always protect my daughter.

How could I 3 years ago, when It has only been since June that it has been filed? That really doesn't make sense. Are you just grasping at straws or are you not understanding?

You are giving reasons why he should not have decision making rights. She was 9 when he left her alone - that was 3 years ago. You should have pursued that issue at that time, not 3 years later.

I'm not grasping at straws - you want to change his decision making rights, based on old, irrelevant issues. The daycare thing... I get teaching kids the law, but I think you are a little overboard on that - I "helped" at a daycare when I was 12. JMO.

My point: You have nothing really that will change his decision making rights. The court will see all of these as 'minor' issues when dealing with your custody case. The daycare issue would have to go through a different court.

 

[adinicholson]

You are giving reasons why he should not have decision making rights. She was 9 when he left her alone - that was 3 years ago. You should have pursued that issue at that time, not 3 years later.

I'm not grasping at straws - you want to change his decision making rights, based on old, irrelevant issues. The daycare thing... I get teaching kids the law, but I think you are a little overboard on that - I "helped" at a daycare when I was 12. JMO.

My point: You have nothing really that will change his decision making rights. The court will see all of these as 'minor' issues when dealing with your custody case. The daycare issue would have to go through a different court.

Small correction, he has left her alone since she was 8 years old. When she was nine she began babysitting her little brother all day, alone. And just because you helped at a daycare, doesn't make it right. And as stated, she didn't just Help at the daycare, it was proven that she worked at the daycare. Regardless, I appreciate your point but hope that you are incorrect as I did act on it at the times of the incidences going through my lawyer.

 

[Isis1]

now, i could be completely off base here, so shoot me if i get this wrong. OP has lawyer post the law to Dad in a letter. Dad discontinues behavior (or did he?). were these issues ever taken to court? was it placed in a court order how dad was to parent?

because talking dad out of doing something with legal talk is one thing. (i know a few people who can be talked out of anything if someone in a uniform tells them) but a judge actually micromanaging a custody matter is another.

 

[majomom1]

now, i could be completely off base here, so shoot me if i get this wrong. OP has lawyer post the law to Dad in a letter. Dad discontinues behavior (or did he?). were these issues ever taken to court? was it placed in a court order how dad was to parent?

because talking dad out of doing something with legal talk is one thing. (i know a few people who can be talked out of anything if someone in a uniform tells them) but a judge actually micromanaging a custody matter is another.

Apparantly letters from the attorney haven't worked, and they shouldn't. What OP doesn't understand is that is not enough FOR COURT. She will get the custody papers - which is a good thing - but Dad will still have decision making rights - especially during his time.

 

[adinicholson]

now, i could be completely off base here, so shoot me if i get this wrong. OP has lawyer post the law to Dad in a letter. Dad discontinues behavior (or did he?). were these issues ever taken to court? was it placed in a court order how dad was to parent?

because talking dad out of doing something with legal talk is one thing. (i know a few people who can be talked out of anything if someone in a uniform tells them) but a judge actually micromanaging a custody matter is another.

My lawyer thought the best way to handle the situation would be to make dad aware of the state laws before taking it to court. Dad did refrain from the illegal activity when notified with the exception of allowing her to work. He did not stop that until I brought in child welfare. There is no Court order regarding this child. That is what I have filed for.

Not you imparticularly Isabella, but I feel I need to say, some people seem to disregard that a child has been left in numberous situations where she could have been injured or her life threatened. That is why the laws for children are created. To protect children who are not of mind to know what to do in certain situations. When you disregard those laws, that is neglect and is considered a form of child abuse. I don't think the courts will look as lightly on it as has been portrayed here. A pattern of poor dicission making has to start somewhere and I really doubt the judge is going to care when that was, only that it has continued. But, I could be wrong. I am no expert and fly mainly by common sense and what I read in books, like books on state law.

 

[majomom1]

My lawyer thought the best way to handle the situation would be to make dad aware of the state laws before taking it to court. Dad did refrain from the illegal activity when notified with the exception of allowing her to work. He did not stop that until I brought in child welfare. There is no Court order regarding this child. That is what I have filed for.

Not you imparticularly Isabella, but I feel I need to say, some people seem to disregard that a child has been left in numberous situations where she could have been injured or her life threatened. That is why the laws for children are created. To protect children who are not of mind to know what to do in certain situations. When you disregard those laws, that is neglect and is considered a form of child abuse. I don't think the courts will look as lightly on it as has been portrayed here. A pattern of poor dicission making has to start somewhere and I really doubt the judge is going to care when that was, only that it has continued. But, I could be wrong. I am no expert and fly mainly by common sense and what I read in books, like books on state law.

Your attorney would know best. I do think you are wrong about how the court will see this pattern. Please keep us posted - we all like to hear how things turn out. Good luck.