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did the police go overboard with this?

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cthlc513

Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Pennsylvania

A while ago, my ex-wife (I separated with her and will divorce soon) refused to give me our son for the weekend (like the court order states). I called the police and they said that they don't get involved in those types of things since they are civil manners. I said ok and it was handled accordingly in the civil courts. Just recently, my ex-wife was supposed to pick my son up from my house. In a previous call, she made it sound as if she was not going to pick him up. So I gave my son a bath and about an hour after the court order time, she shows up. She had a big mouth (partially due to the fact that she did not like the new court order agreement) and demanded that I hand my son over. This was at 7pm. It was 30 degrees (F) outside so I did not let him go. She only had a stroller to take him in and she lives 3 miles away. So she decided to call the cops on me. They came and demanded to have a specific time when she could come and pick my son up tomorrow. I told them that since she violated the court order, I was not going to give my son until I could get proper advice from my lawyer. My ex-wife did not meet the court order requirement and she came to my house with a big mouth. When I said this, the officers said that it did not matter and that I should still hand over the child on Sunday. They stayed for a good 20 minutes and kept insisting on a specific time. I already told them that I wouldn't do it until I contacted my lawyer. Their attitude and tone of voice was just so rude. The next day morning they came to my house again and insisted that I hand over the child. They threatened to contact the DA and arrest me if I didn't. These officers never did any of that when my ex-wife refused! They seemed really biased. I eventually did give my son to her. Can I take legal action against those officers? If so, what do I do? There is no doubt that they should not have been involved in that. They were biased and blew a lot of hot air just to get their way.
 


cyjeff

Senior Member
You both need to follow the court order.

Stop acting like children and start acting like parents.

You refusing to give your child over because you think your ex came to your home with a "big mouth" could be considered contempt of court.

If I was your ex, I would have had you in court for contemp that week. The next time she denies you visitation, you should have her in court for contemp immediately.

In the meantime, how about pretending that the one in the stroller is the only child and try to be civil to one another in front of him, huh?
 

cthlc513

Member
You both need to follow the court order.

Stop acting like children and start acting like parents.

You refusing to give your child over because you think your ex came to your home with a "big mouth" could be considered contempt of court.

If I was your ex, I would have had you in court for contemp that week. The next time she denies you visitation, you should have her in court for contemp immediately.

In the meantime, how about pretending that the one in the stroller is the only child and try to be civil to one another in front of him, huh?
IT WAS FREEZING OUTSIDE. My son got out of the shower and it was 30 degrees (F). She doesn't even have a car to take him back home in. She had a stroller and she lives 3 miles away (a good 20 minute walk). I did the right thing by not handing him over that night. BTW, my son is autistic. He was not present to see any of it. Even if he did, he would not understand. She was the one who violated the court order by showing up late. I already did take her to court a while ago when she didn't let me have him. My issue is that the police did nothing when she did it (and it was only because she didn't want to). However, I had a reason not to hand him over and they threatened me with a warrant. That sounds pretty biased to me.
 

Isis1

Senior Member
IT WAS FREEZING OUTSIDE. My son got out of the shower and it was 30 degrees (F). She doesn't even have a car to take him back home in. She had a stroller and she lives 3 miles away (a good 20 minute walk). I did the right thing by not handing him over that night. BTW, my son is autistic. He was not present to see any of it. Even if he did, he would not understand. She was the one who violated the court order by showing up late. I already did take her to court a while ago when she didn't let me have him. My issue is that the police did nothing when she did it (and it was only because she didn't want to). However, I had a reason not to hand him over and they threatened me with a warrant. That sounds pretty biased to me.
how can they threaten you with a warrant unless you had a preexisting criminal issue? you got bullied and taken. that's what you are really upset about.

you were in contempt. plain and simple. you should have every so sweetly offered mom a ride home WITH the son if that was really your concern.
 
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CJane

Senior Member
If you have an issue with the officers, you can file a complaint with the department.

Whether or not the officers were out of line is rather subjective. You saying that your wife 'had a big mouth' leads me to believe that at least THIS TIME they were responding to a 'domestic disturbance' and not being called on to sort out custody. Your insistence on continuing to drag out the issue until you could consult your attorney didn't help the situation at all.
 
Your autistic son is smarter than you, probably.He knows what is going on.
So it was freezing outside. Why didnt you invite her in while your son dried off/warmed up and THEN let her take her son(yes he is her son too)Then son would have been warm and cosy, ex could have went home happy and adults would have prevailed.:cool:


BTW my son is autistic, and I am offended that you think "he wouldnt understand":rolleyes:
 

cthlc513

Member
how can they threaten you with a warrant unless you had a preexisting criminal issue? you got bullied and taken. that's what you are really upset about.

you were in contempt. plain and simple. you should have every so sweetly offered mom a ride home WITH the son if that was really your concern. but no, you wanted control, you wanted to be an ass. well guess what, it took a bigger man (the police officer) to show you who really was in control.
I have no preexisting criminal issue. She violated the court order because she came late and she harassed me. Transportation is her issue. It's her own responsibility. She doesn't even have a drivers license simply because she was too lazy to get one herself. If she violated the court order, then she should not expect to get the son plain and simple. The police officer had no legal right to do what he did. He was blowing hot air around.
 

cthlc513

Member
Your autistic son is smarter than you, probably.He knows what is going on.
So it was freezing outside. Why didnt you invite her in while your son dried off/warmed up and THEN let her take her son(yes he is her son too)Then son would have been warm and cosy, ex could have went home happy and adults would have prevailed.:cool:


BTW my son is autistic, and I am offended that you think "he wouldnt understand":rolleyes:
Letting her in is not a possibility due to previous harassment issues. In the past, she used vulgar against me and other people in the house. There is a good reason as to why I did not let her in.

It was already agreed upon previously that she would not set foot in the house.
 
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CJane

Senior Member
3 miles in 20 minutes = 9 mph. That's a pretty fast clip for someone pushing a stroller.

Also, Mom being late once in awhile is NOT a violation of the court order. YOU withholding the child IS.

Do you not let your child play outside when it's cold? Ever? Does your child not own a coat? Could you not have turned the child over and allowed the officers to drive your wife and child home?

What does your order state about enforcement? Mine specifically states that the county Sheriff's office WILL enforce the terms. Are you certain yours does not?

Also, you're looking at this from only one angle - the custody one - but what you're describing is a domestic disturbance to which the officers responded. That's NOT the same thing.
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
I have no preexisting criminal issue. She violated the court order because she came late and she harassed me. Transportation is her issue. It's her own responsibility. She doesn't even have a drivers license simply because she was too lazy to get one herself. If she violated the court order, then she should not expect to get the son plain and simple. The police officer had no legal right to do what he did. He was blowing hot air around.
In NO WAY is showing up an hour late a violation of the court order. YOU violated the order by refusing to hand over the child...And you are being a jerk for not offering a lift home so that your son could visit with his mother.

Just so that you get this...YOU ARE IN CONTEMPT OF COURT.
 

cthlc513

Member
3 miles in 20 minutes = 9 mph. That's a pretty fast clip for someone pushing a stroller.

Also, Mom being late once in awhile is NOT a violation of the court order. YOU withholding the child IS.

Do you not let your child play outside when it's cold? Ever? Does your child not own a coat? Could you not have turned the child over and allowed the officers to drive your wife and child home?

What does your order state about enforcement? Mine specifically states that the county Sheriff's office WILL enforce the terms. Are you certain yours does not?

Also, you're looking at this from only one angle - the custody one - but what you're describing is a domestic disturbance to which the officers responded. That's NOT the same thing.
The time was a rough estimate. She came an hour late. In a phone conversation, she made it sound as if she was not coming. She came to my door and harassed me. The court order specifically stated that there should not be harassment. No, neither of us let him play outside when it's cold. NO NEVER! Yes, he owns a coat. But his head was still moist. Even when completely dressed up in that weather, he would probably catch a cold. The officers were not willing to drive her home. The order states that the court is to enforce the order and all issues relating to it. I am not the one who caused the domestic problem. She did when she came to my house and harassed me.
 

cthlc513

Member
In NO WAY is showing up an hour late a violation of the court order. YOU violated the order by refusing to hand over the child...And you are being a jerk for not offering a lift home so that your son could visit with his mother.

Just so that you get this...YOU ARE IN CONTEMPT OF COURT.
The court order had specific times listed for exchanges! She came an HOUR late. She should have told me ahead of time about her plans. The court order stated that both sides should have contact about exchanges. She never told me that she wanted to exchange later. Also, she did use harassment. TRANSPORTATION IS HER RESPONSIBILITY. She never even had her own drivers license because she never wanted to get one. She gets all of his money. She should be getting a taxi cab.
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
The time was a rough estimate. She came an hour late. In a phone conversation, she made it sound as if she was not coming. She came to my door and harassed me. The court order specifically stated that there should not be harassment. No, neither of us let him play outside when it's cold. NO NEVER! Yes, he owns a coat. But his head was still moist. Even when completely dressed up in that weather, he would probably catch a cold. The officers were not willing to drive her home. The order states that the court is to enforce the order and all issues relating to it. I am not the one who caused the domestic problem. She did when she came to my house and harassed me.
She came to the house to get her child for her court ORDERED visitation. YOU are the one to create the issues when you decided to act like a dink.

When this appears before a judge you better be prepared for the police to be subpoenaed in to testify as to your contemptible behavior.
 

cthlc513

Member
She came to the house to get her child for her court ORDERED visitation. YOU are the one to create the issues when you decided to act like a dink.

When this appears before a judge you better be prepared for the police to be subpoenaed in to testify as to your contemptible behavior.
She came late, she harassed me, and my son was out of the shower. She created the situation by not telling me ahead of time. She decided to harass me. It was in my son's best interest not to go out in freezing weather. She was the one who acted inappropriately.
 
Wow I am glad I learned this new fact that being out in the cold causes a cold! Not germs!

Look, I dont know what the harrassment was, were there charges against her? A restraining order?
If not, get over it.
This is the woman you chose to fertilize, to have YOUR child together. Yada yada, it's her responsibility to provide transportation. So to prove your point you will let your son go 3 miles in the cold instead of sucking it up and doing the right thing by giving her a ride. If you were so concerned, you would have been a nicer parent.
 
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