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Do I have a chance for custody?

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happynwad1

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ
My wife and I have decided to go our separate ways. She has simply decided she wants out. I did not think she would want our 2 children but it turns out she filed for custody this past summer behind my back. We had to make a decision because I had told her that I no longer wanted her going to see her boyfriend and then coming to my bed to sleep. I did not in any way give her an ultimatum. I did not ask her to leave. I simply requested that she sleep on the couch. She refused, filed for custody and moved out. We were both unhappy in the marriage but were living together out of convenience. We were encouraged to try and settle the matter ourselves rather than take it to court. Despite misgivings and alot of heartbreak I found myself agreeing to allow my wife take our 2 children to her new boyfriend's home and they are now living in his house. I have full visitation. No restrictions. We are trying to continue a friendship for the sake of the children. We never fought, she just lost interest. I have come to find she is now pregnant with this other man's baby. The only upside to this is now I can get my divorce on grounds of infidelity. I am worried about my children. No, she won't hurt them. She will abuse them in other ways. She will either neglect them or yell at them. She was on bedrest with both previous pregnancies so she will no longer have any income to speak of. She did not file for child support although I do currently give her money for child care and groceries. During previous pregnancies she was moody, depressed (especially after birth), etc.. I worry for their mental well being. They have little stability. This man she is living with can barely support himself. I don't get how that is a good place for my children to be in. The only reason I agreed to this situation is because the lawyers that would give me a few minutes of their time for nothing indicated I would be wasting my time because I could not prove that she is unfit. She had a job, she had a place to live despite the fact that I hardly want another man raising my kids. It doesn't count that I know in my heart she's a selfish woman. I want these kids so badly and lawyers are so crazy expensive. The lawyers I did speak with said in most cases the mother wins and that it was not worth pursuing especially since I have limited funds. Isn't there anything I can do? I want my children with me. I don't want them taken away from her completely, I just don't want my wife to be my daughter's primary female influence. She may have passed the court's mental evaluation but I lived with this woman for more than 10 yrs. She's mentally unstable. I wish I could prove it...What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
 


CJane

Senior Member
How long have your children been living with her/her boyfriend?

Are you aware that since you're married to her, YOU are the legal father of the child she's carrying until a court decides otherwise?
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ
My wife and I have decided to go our separate ways. She has simply decided she wants out. I did not think she would want our 2 children but it turns out she filed for custody this past summer behind my back. We had to make a decision because I had told her that I no longer wanted her going to see her boyfriend and then coming to my bed to sleep. I did not in any way give her an ultimatum. I did not ask her to leave. I simply requested that she sleep on the couch. She refused, filed for custody and moved out. We were both unhappy in the marriage but were living together out of convenience. We were encouraged to try and settle the matter ourselves rather than take it to court. Despite misgivings and alot of heartbreak I found myself agreeing to allow my wife take our 2 children to her new boyfriend's home and they are now living in his house. I have full visitation. No restrictions. We are trying to continue a friendship for the sake of the children. We never fought, she just lost interest. I have come to find she is now pregnant with this other man's baby. The only upside to this is now I can get my divorce on grounds of infidelity. I am worried about my children. No, she won't hurt them. She will abuse them in other ways. She will either neglect them or yell at them. She was on bedrest with both previous pregnancies so she will no longer have any income to speak of. She did not file for child support although I do currently give her money for child care and groceries. During previous pregnancies she was moody, depressed (especially after birth), etc.. I worry for their mental well being. They have little stability. This man she is living with can barely support himself. I don't get how that is a good place for my children to be in. The only reason I agreed to this situation is because the lawyers that would give me a few minutes of their time for nothing indicated I would be wasting my time because I could not prove that she is unfit. She had a job, she had a place to live despite the fact that I hardly want another man raising my kids. It doesn't count that I know in my heart she's a selfish woman. I want these kids so badly and lawyers are so crazy expensive. The lawyers I did speak with said in most cases the mother wins and that it was not worth pursuing especially since I have limited funds. Isn't there anything I can do? I want my children with me. I don't want them taken away from her completely, I just don't want my wife to be my daughter's primary female influence. She may have passed the court's mental evaluation but I lived with this woman for more than 10 yrs. She's mentally unstable. I wish I could prove it...What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
If you already made an agreement and its already been signed off on by the judge, its a done deal. You would have to prove a significant change in circumstance to change anything now. If the agreement was recent, you have no viable hope of changing anything.
 

happynwad1

Junior Member
do i have a chance for custody?

OMG! NO!! I was not aware of this at all! I hope to God she isn't aware of it either and tries to use this against me somehow. I have this weird feeling in the back of my mind that she premeditated this whole thing just so she could stay home, collect welfare and my child support. She wasn't making alot of money, she'd probably make out better that way.
OMG....
Oh, she has been living with her new boyfriend since mid of August. She may not have known it but she was probably already pregnant at that time. She took the kids there end of August right after she received the custody papers but before school started.
help me, how do i get the court to rule baby #3 isn't mine? freaking out here...
Because we didn't have any real reason for divorce the state indicated to me that we had to wait for divorce and she is currently still on my medical insurance. i'm not paying for another baby!!
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
OMG! NO!! I was not aware of this at all! I hope to God she isn't aware of it either and tries to use this against me somehow. I have this weird feeling in the back of my mind that she premeditated this whole thing just so she could stay home, collect welfare and my child support. She wasn't making alot of money, she'd probably make out better that way.
OMG....
Oh, she has been living with her new boyfriend since mid of August. She may not have known it but she was probably already pregnant at that time. She took the kids there end of August right after she received the custody papers but before school started.
help me, how do i get the court to rule baby #3 isn't mine? freaking out here...
Because we didn't have any real reason for divorce the state indicated to me that we had to wait for divorce and she is currently still on my medical insurance. i'm not paying for another baby!!
Don't panic...Most likely the bio father of the child will file to establish paternity, and if he doesn't then you need to file for a court ordered DNA test to disprove your paternity as part of the divorce process.

Most states do not allow a divorce to finalize if the wife is pregnant...for the very purpose of determining paternity. The important thing is that you now know that action needs to be taken on that issue.
 

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