Neglect?

[jbowman]

Im a bit lost also on who the custodial parent is and why you can not speak to his doctor or bring your child to the doctor to discuss your concerns. Does dad have 100% medical decision making?

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

If MY child was having headaches from the medication he/she is on, I would have this child into the doctor's office to find out WHY. If BOTH parents have joint LEGAL custody, they have the right to contact the doctors' for that child. And if the child were at the other parent's home, I would go to the doctor by myself. Ain't buying the "only will talk to dad" routine.

 

[lilbnp]

We have joint legal custody of him, but dad was named domiciliary in the original suit since we lived in two different states at the time. The ad litem, whom we agreed to make the final decision (to save money after a yr and half of fighting) made the suggestion to the judge that I should have domiciliary custody but since I lived in LA and the case was in TX the judge told the ad litem that dad would be awarded domiciliary so as not to lose jurisdiction over the case (this was told to me all per the ad litem). Anyway, long story short. We both live in LA now and do have joint legal. There is specific wording in our court order that states we are to both consent to medical, psychological treatment etc and inform the other parent w/in 24 hrs of need for such treatment unless in an emergency. Dad either has not read his order or does not care since he tells people all the time that he has custody (implying full custody). He does what he wants, takes him to whatever dr's he wants and tells he has custody. He usually tells me months later that my son is seeing someone (if at all) and by then it is too late as they are biased towards dad and all of the lies he tells them about me, so until I go into their offices w/ the CO and explain that they are obligated by law to communicate w/ me I get no where. The one particular dr who prescribes the ADHD meds will talk to me, tell me one thing, then call dad and dad tells her I am lying or our son is faking and goes w/ whatever dad says. I know this b/c he calls me after and asks me why I called the dr. Today when I called the dr. to tell them about the bad side effects they had the nerve to ask if dad would be calling!! I told them no he wouldn't and he didn't have to b/c he is going to say our son is lying....I still haven't gotten a call back from them!! All issues I am bringing to court in a few weeks. I didn't mean to sound vaque about the situation, but I didnt' want to get into the entire source of modification/history etc, d/t it being long and complicated...again thanks for any help.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Have the child help to take charge of his own health & feelings. Have him document what time he takes his meds, and when the headaches start. Same with when he/she ate and how much sleep the child received.

Has the child's vision been checked?

 

[lilbnp]

Thank you for the advice on the journaling. That is a great idea. I will get him to do that. As for his vision...Yes, I took him at the beginning of this school yr and had his vision checked. He was prescribed glasses for seeing the board in class. When his dad came to pick him up and I told him about the glasses he told me our son didn't need glasses. Even though I explained that he had a thorough exam complete w/ eye dilation!! So when he is w/ dad he doesn't wear his glasses b/c dad tells him to take them off b/c he doesn't need them!!

 

[>Charlotte<]

And I believe that a 13 year old is still a child and it should not be advised that mom give him medication (tylenol or not) to hide and take on his own. That is obviously being directly defiant to dad. And by the way, kids get EXPELLED from school these days for taking aspirin to school. Why in the world would we advise this mom to give her kid medication to hide?

I guess I should clarify that I wasn't suggesting he hide anything, and I certainly wasn't suggesting he take Tylenol to school.

 

[wileybunch]

My son is on several medications for ADHD which causes him to have freguent headaches and stomach aches.

This is not uncommon, unfortunately. These may be side effects he has to live with to be on drugs to help his situation. Make sure you understand when he is supposed to be taking the meds at a minimum to make sure the problem isn't made worse by not taking with food in the stomach, for example, or whatever doctor recommends.

We are set to go to trial for a modification soon, but what can I do for him in the mean time....is this neglect for denying a child medicine for a headache when he asks for it?

Probably not and I don't think I would even go that route pending the current modification hearing. It sounds like you've already made these issues part of what's before the court? You mentioned a GAL was involved in the past. That is an option now if you're not already doing that, not that it will be any faster, but to find out what's going on while child is in the other party's custody. But, clearly Dad would like to frustrate your attempts to communicate with the child's care providers by not letting you know in advance or even soon after appointments and by attempting to thwart communications when you do establish them. Who is father listing as mother on the provider's forms?

 

[lilbnp]

Checked that out recently and he does list me as mother, but he goes in tells the doctors all sorts of lies, like I don't have custody, he has custody b/c I have mental health issues, etc etc. I'm sure you all have heard it b/4. So what ultimately happens is the dr's/teachers etc think I'm a complete nutjob and unfit mother by the time I even get a face to face w/ them, so it is impossible to have them take me seriously. One of my requests for court is that he be started at a new school next yr (stepmom also teaches at his current school) and that we have to mutually agree on all new dr's for him that will work w/ both of us to help our son instead of having an agenda for one parent.

 

[>Charlotte<]

The doctor not listening to you is one thing, but what about when your son sees him for check-ups/med refills? Does he tell the doctor about these severe headaches, and does the doctor ignore him because his father says he's lying?

 

[Isis1]

Thank you for the advice on the journaling. That is a great idea. I will get him to do that. As for his vision...Yes, I took him at the beginning of this school yr and had his vision checked. He was prescribed glasses for seeing the board in class. When his dad came to pick him up and I told him about the glasses he told me our son didn't need glasses. Even though I explained that he had a thorough exam complete w/ eye dilation!! So when he is w/ dad he doesn't wear his glasses b/c dad tells him to take them off b/c he doesn't need them!!

i am almost positive that CPS would step in on father for not allowing child to wear glasses he is prescribed. straining eyes, also causes headaches. so it's definitely NOT helping.

 

[lilbnp]

When his dad is around my son is not even going to speak up about it since he is afraid of dad, but yes if he did say something about the headaches dad would tell the dr he just fakes them for attention. I've brought the headaches up to dad before and he tells me the same thing even though I'm a nurse and can tell the outward signs of someone in pain. He tells me he just wants my attention and that I baby him too much and dismisses it. He does not want the dr. to take him off any of the meds, b/c in his words he can't "control" him and he acts "wild" when off the meds. I don't have that problem at my home, only occasional episodes of running and jumping about, but he's a boy!!

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

So have the child have the glasses on in the classroom. make sure that the TEACHER KNOWS.

 

[lilbnp]

One of my requests for court is that he be started at a new school next yr (stepmom also teaches at his current school)

I know that sounds easy enough, but from experience most of the teachers take my requests w/ a grain of salt b/c of this situation. I have gone to the school and asked that if dad is called or emailed about an issue that I be called as well. I have even given teachers self addressed stamped envelopes, my cell phone # and email address and have never received a single correspondence. Dad seems to get calls and emails all the time and goes to conferences w/ the teachers freguently and I have never received a call, not even once, despite my request. I have had to go to the school and meet w/ the teachers myself and am told that he is "doing fine." Even though I hear from dad (after the fact) that he was called to the school to have a conference (at least 3 times) for my son's behavior.

 

[bononos again]

Can he pack his own bottle of Tylenol so he won't have to ask?

At 13? I would not allow a child to tote around a whole bottle.
I think the journaling is an excellent idea!!!!

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

How much soda does the child drink? Does he have a lot of caffeinated items in one house, but not in the other?