Status Hearing/Scheduling Mediation - School Issues

[CJane]

I understand. He was supposed to get out and stay in Alaska. I already ended my military career to stay up here. It's crazy that things happened this way, he was due to separate on June 16th (my birthday, no less)

We're headed to Tinker AFB in Oklahoma City. Luckily the base school is fantastic (we have the rest of our kids to think about, too).

I don't know how they're going to deal with it, or how it should be dealt with. Looking at the best interest factors for Alaska things are pretty much equal, the only thing that could be in Dad's favor is promoting a close and loving relationship with NCP. This is just from experience with past deployments and the way Mom has been, and it's a horribly long story.

No, not from OKC.

Mom hates living here, though, and has only stayed here this long to avoid a custody battle. So who knows how quickly she'd try to move later.

It's a mess.

It is.

As soon as Dad moves to OKC, Mom is pretty much going to be free to go wherever she wants w/in the US.

Google Long Distance Parenting Plan - TX has a standard one.

 

[wileybunch]

I don't know how they're going to deal with it, or how it should be dealt with. Looking at the best interest factors for Alaska things are pretty much equal, the only thing that could be in Dad's favor is promoting a close and loving relationship with NCP. This is just from experience with past deployments and the way Mom has been, and it's a horribly long story.

And, it may well be that Dad would do a BETTER job, but Mom would have to do a failing job, like a total D or F for that to tip into Dad's favor to have child move away from state along with Dad for his relocation (since all other things are equal). How long is your DH on orders to Tinker?

 

[SimplyMom]

And, it may well be that Dad would do a BETTER job, but Mom would have to do a failing job, like a total D or F for that to tip into Dad's favor to have child move away from state along with Dad for his relocation (since all other things are equal). How long is your DH on orders to Tinker?

His orders are only for a year.

 

[LdiJ]

His orders are only for a year.

I agree with the other poster that dad doesn't have any reasonable chance of getting primary custody of the child. Not when he is the one who is moving away in a 50/50 situation.

However, I also agree that since mom hates it in AK, that mom is likely to move shortly after dad does. If a good long distance visitation plan is put into effect, that will still be workable and will apply no matter where mom moves.

Dad really should put his legal resources into getting the long distance plan established. If he is going to fight about anything he should fight that the parents share the transportation costs, since he knows that mom is likely to move out of AK as well.

 

[SimplyMom]

I agree with the other poster that dad doesn't have any reasonable chance of getting primary custody of the child. Not when he is the one who is moving away in a 50/50 situation.

However, I also agree that since mom hates it in AK, that mom is likely to move shortly after dad does. If a good long distance visitation plan is put into effect, that will still be workable and will apply no matter where mom moves.

Would Mom moving be considered enough of a change in circumstance to re-visit the custody issue?

 

[Zephyr]

Would Mom moving be considered enough of a change in circumstance to re-visit the custody issue?

why would it? and order would have just been made to accommodate the long distance scenario...mom moving would not impact dad's time, mom moving should also not be objectionable to dad as he is choosing to stay in a career that could have him constantly moving (he loses the moving is bad argument)....so what would be the point?

 

[SimplyMom]

why would it? and order would have just been made to accommodate the long distance scenario...mom moving would not impact dad's time, mom moving should also not be objectionable to dad as he is choosing to stay in a career that could have him constantly moving (he loses the moving is bad argument)....so what would be the point?

So Mom's advantage in this scenario is that she is staying in Alaska, thereby continuing to provide the child's stable environment here, correct? And yet, if she immediately moves, wouldn't the "stable environment" argument be obselete?

Or is it Dad's military service in general that works to Mom's favor?

(Just to clarify, Dad isn't choosing to stay in.)

 

[LdiJ]

So Mom's advantage in this scenario is that she is staying in Alaska, thereby continuing to provide the child's stable environment here, correct? And yet, if she immediately moves, wouldn't the "stable environment" argument be obselete?

Or is it Dad's military service in general that works to Mom's favor?

(Just to clarify, Dad isn't choosing to stay in.)

Dad's employment is the reason that mom and dad will no longer be living in a close enough proximity to share 50/50 custody. That is mom's "advantage". Once the distance has already been created by dad, then as long as mom doesn't do anything that would make the new schedule unworkable, dad would have no change in circumstance.

The bottom line is that dad is going to have to accept that he will not be the primary residential parent.

 

[CJane]

Dad's employment is the reason that mom and dad will no longer be living in a close enough proximity to share 50/50 custody. That is mom's "advantage". Once the distance has already been created by dad, then as long as mom doesn't do anything that would make the new schedule unworkable, dad would have no change in circumstance.

The bottom line is that dad is going to have to accept that he will not be the primary residential parent.

I'd just like to say, before this turns into an "It's not FAIR that she gets custody just because she's MOM!!!!" thing, the ADVANTAGE isn't MOM'S per se, it's the NONRELOCATING parent's.

And yes, once Dad is no longer in AK, Mom can essentially go wherever she wants, and Dad will have NO ability to argue about it. Because really, ANYWHERE she moves is going to be CLOSER to OK than AK is. And ANYWHERE she moves is going to be CHEAPER than trying to plan visitation in and out of AK. So what would his argument BE? Certainly not 'stability' when he moved FIRST.

 

[SimplyMom]

I'd just like to say, before this turns into an "It's not FAIR that she gets custody just because she's MOM!!!!" thing, the ADVANTAGE isn't MOM'S per se, it's the NONRELOCATING parent's.

Oh, I wasn't taking it that way at all.

So it's who moves FIRST, rather than future plans, that determines the stability of the home, then?

That just doesn't quite make the connect for me (and, yes, I realize that I'm not the Judge so it doesn't matter). To argue that the child should stay with you because you'll maintain their home for them here, all the while planning on leaving ASAP.....

 

[CJane]

Oh, I wasn't taking it that way at all.

So it's who moves FIRST, rather than future plans, that determines the stability of the home, then?

That just doesn't quite make the connect for me (and, yes, I realize that I'm not the Judge so it doesn't matter). To argue that the child should stay with you because you'll maintain their home for them here, all the while planning on leaving ASAP.....

Here's the deal. You can't consider possible future plans. RIGHT NOW, DAD is moving, Mom is NOT. Child starts school soon, has connections to the community, etc. There's NO REASON for the judge to say "Sure Dad, you have to move away to OK. You're going to be working a billion hours serving our country (thank you, by the way) and Wife will likely be primary care-giver. So sure, take kiddo away from MOM, from 'HOME', from everything he knows, and take him to Oklahoma where a PARENT will not even be providing the majority of his care."

Not when he can say, Sorry, Dad. But Kiddo is HOME here. Mom stays here. Kiddo stays here."

And LATER, IF Mom moves, all she has to do is say "Well, it's CLOSER to Dad. Visitation is easier for all of us."

 

[LdiJ]

I'd just like to say, before this turns into an "It's not FAIR that she gets custody just because she's MOM!!!!" thing, the ADVANTAGE isn't MOM'S per se, it's the NONRELOCATING parent's.

And yes, once Dad is no longer in AK, Mom can essentially go wherever she wants, and Dad will have NO ability to argue about it. Because really, ANYWHERE she moves is going to be CLOSER to OK than AK is. And ANYWHERE she moves is going to be CHEAPER than trying to plan visitation in and out of AK. So what would his argument BE? Certainly not 'stability' when he moved FIRST.

Absolutely...I said mom only because mom was the non-relocating parent.

However, mom was remaining somewhere that she didn't want to be in order to maintain 50/50. Dad could always move to wherever mom ends up after he gets out of the service, so that he can petition for 50/50 to be reinstated.

Its no more unfair for dad to move somewhere he doesn't really want to live, than it was for mom to have to remain somewhere where she really didn't want to live.

 

[SimplyMom]

Here's the deal. You can't consider possible future plans. RIGHT NOW, DAD is moving, Mom is NOT. Child starts school soon, has connections to the community, etc. There's NO REASON for the judge to say "Sure Dad, you have to move away to OK. You're going to be working a billion hours serving our country (thank you, by the way) and Wife will likely be primary care-giver. So sure, take kiddo away from MOM, from 'HOME', from everything he knows, and take him to Oklahoma where a PARENT will not even be providing the majority of his care."

Not when he can say, Sorry, Dad. But Kiddo is HOME here. Mom stays here. Kiddo stays here."

And LATER, IF Mom moves, all she has to do is say "Well, it's CLOSER to Dad. Visitation is easier for all of us."

Thank you for taking the time to break it down for me. And that is absolutely sincere.

I could easily post about this on one of those "beloved" support sites and have all the other stepparents out there tell me about how it'll all work out, and Dad should get custody becuase of x-y-z, and "BM" is horrible blah blah blah. But those are the same people that use "we" all the time when talking about making decisions about their skids, and think it's nice to break from the usual and use the term BM when talking about Mom (as opposed to the other term, which I think is too offensive for a public forum).

But I don't need a warm fuzzy, I need the truth. So that my husband (aka Dad) and I can move forward and help his son and our children prepare for the big changes ahead. Because none of this was expected, and everyone's lives are about to be turned upside down. So I'll pass on your (all of your) words of wisdom to Dad, and stand behind whatever path he decides to take with this.

Again, thank you. Honestly.

I will keep you all posted.

 

[SimplyMom]

Its no more unfair for dad to move somewhere he doesn't really want to live, than it was for mom to have to remain somewhere where she really didn't want to live.

And to be honest; neither wanted to live here. Both were just playing the waiting game...

 

[Zephyr]

Thank you for taking the time to break it down for me. And that is absolutely sincere.

I could easily post about this on one of those "beloved" support sites and have all the other stepparents out there tell me about how it'll all work out, and Dad should get custody becuase of x-y-z, and "BM" is horrible blah blah blah. But those are the same people that use "we" all the time when talking about making decisions about their skids, and think it's nice to break from the usual and use the term BM when talking about Mom (as opposed to the other term, which I think is too offensive for a public forum).

But I don't need a warm fuzzy, I need the truth. So that my husband (aka Dad) and I can move forward and help his son and our children prepare for the big changes ahead. Because none of this was expected, and everyone's lives are about to be turned upside down. So I'll pass on your (all of your) words of wisdom to Dad, and stand behind whatever path he decides to take with this.

Again, thank you. Honestly.

I will keep you all posted.

Kudos to you! I know I appreciated your reasonableness even though you were not hearing what you wanted hear...it's a hard thing, especially when you can work it out in your own head why it makes so much sense to do it the way you want.