Stepmom gets my parental rights?

[cherylsarah01]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

My ex and I have 50/50 joint legal and physical custody of our 8 year old daughter. One week with me one week with dad. The judge also put a co-parenting plan into effect at the time of our divorce. Both remarried. Coparenting just fine for years until new wife comes along. She stops coparenting and any contact between us. If I do try to contact regarding child she interceptes and interfers. Has made coparenting impossible. Has emailed me changes. Impersonates me at school, doctors, dentist and won't give me proper information. I am a very involved mother always have been. She has told me I cannot go to my daughter's school during their weeks for parties, plays and so on. My daughter is not allowed to contact me when she is there. The list goes on. I have posted before but now I want to know does my parental rights not apply when our daughter is at her dad's? I want both parents in our daughter's life but they have cut me out of decissions. Attached is an email I received from her yesterday:

We here are a family and XXX and I are partners, husband and wife and we don't consider the kids separately.. We don't think of the kids as mine and ex's kids and him and your child.. For us here, its XXX and I's kids.. Its our household and we run and raise our kids ( all 5 of them ) as our kids, they are all our kids.. We don't make them feel separated in anyway.. XXX and I make all the decisions of what happens with our kids together over here while they are with us.. What decisions are made when they are with their other parents, is their business not ours.. We expect him as we do you to make good decisions for them while they are in your care.. As do you guys expect us to make good decisions while they are with us..

I have offered to pay for coparenting classes but they have refused well mainly she has. I am not asking to interfer with their daily life just notify me if she has a doctors appointment, dentist appointment, school stuff as I have done so in the past for him. Their rules at their house is fine with me I just want the same consideration I show dad. I have not talked with dad in over a year because she stopped the coparenting. Once again do my parental rights stop when our daughter is at her dad's?

 

[Isis1]

.

your rights don't stop.

mom, stand your ground. don't respond to anything she has to say. if she e-mails, save it in a folder. don't respond. if she calls, hang up. if you need to speak to dad, ask to speak to him. if she refuses, hang up. call back and ask again. keep doing this till she gets the message. go to all school events during dad's parenting time. make a point to "invite" dad on your parenting time.

if this continues, file a motion to block parental interference using e-mails as evidence. make sure you print out the header.

 

[haiku]

To Cherylsarah,
Why are you not talking to dad? You need to stand your ground. You need to talk with him, and explain to him that you and him need to be able to communicate together. While its lovely for the children to be treated equally in their home. Thats where it ends. You and your ex must be able to freely speak together about the child you share. I would remind your husband of this and explain to him that he needs to be the one you speak with not his wife. I would ignore her e-mails, and insist on speaking with your ex on the phone, and there is no reason you can't screen your calls and only pick up for your ex.

Do not feel intimidated by his wife, you have every right to attend school functions on their time, how silly. Make sure you are always contacted along with husband about all events and issues.

Same with doctor appointments, make sure its YOU who is MOTHER, not the step mother. It is ILLEGAL for stepmom to ever list herself as your childs mother on any official paperwork.

 

[Isis1]

OP, stand your ground. don't allow this woman to push you around. the longer you let it happen, the longer it takes to fix.

 

[cherylsarah01]

To Cherylsarah,
Why are you not talking to dad? You need to stand your ground. You need to talk with him, and explain to him that you and him need to be able to communicate together. While its lovely for the children to be treated equally in their home. Thats where it ends. You and your ex must be able to freely speak together about the child you share. I would remind your husband of this and explain to him that he needs to be the one you speak with not his wife. I would ignore her e-mails, and insist on speaking with your ex on the phone, and there is no reason you can't screen your calls and only pick up for your ex.

Do not feel intimidated by his wife, you have every right to attend school functions on their time, how silly. Make sure you are always contacted along with husband about all events and issues.

Same with doctor appointments, make sure its YOU who is MOTHER, not the step mother. It is ILLEGAL for stepmom to ever list herself as your childs mother on any official paperwork.

Hi, thank you. To answer your question, I have tried to call but he won't speak with me he puts his wife on the phone. I have actaully tried coparenting with her but caught her in some lies about paperwork, signing his name and saying she is mom and concealing my daughter so told her I won't deal with her anymore. He now insist everything go through email, fine except she answers the emails. It has become the big paper chase. They do things, set things up and my daughter tells me and I running around trying to let everyone know I am mom and by that time dad and stepmom have already made decissions. We already had a dentist and doctor set up since before we were divorced and they have changed it without me knowing. Stepmom has banned me from my daughter's school on his weeks saying it's what he wants so she can participate and I told stepmom I don't care if she participates but I want to be there too. The only who suffers is my daughter. She doesn't understand why mommy can't come when she wants me there. I wish I could make them understand it doesn't have to be this way.

 

[Isis1]

Hi, thank you. To answer your question, I have tried to call but he won't speak with me he puts his wife on the phone. I have actaully tried coparenting with her but caught her in some lies about paperwork, signing his name and saying she is mom and concealing my daughter so told her I won't deal with her anymore. He now insist everything go through email, fine except she answers the emails. It has become the big paper chase. They do things, set things up and my daughter tells me and I running around trying to let everyone know I am mom and by that time dad and stepmom have already made decissions. We already had a dentist and doctor set up since before we were divorced and they have changed it without me knowing. Stepmom has banned me from my daughter's school on his weeks saying it's what he wants so she can participate and I told stepmom I don't care if she participates but I want to be there too. The only who suffers is my daughter. She doesn't understand why mommy can't come when she wants me there. I wish I could make them understand it doesn't have to be this way.

if step mom is going so far as to protray herself as mom to doctors, school admin, and you can get copies of her name places on such documents, definitely take it to courts using those forms as evidence. get a no third party interference order.

 

[cherylsarah01]

ok I have contacted an attorney. I plan to have the "no third party interference" put on.

 

[haiku]

Hi, thank you. To answer your question, I have tried to call but he won't speak with me he puts his wife on the phone. I have actaully tried coparenting with her but caught her in some lies about paperwork, signing his name and saying she is mom and concealing my daughter so told her I won't deal with her anymore. He now insist everything go through email, fine except she answers the emails. It has become the big paper chase. They do things, set things up and my daughter tells me and I running around trying to let everyone know I am mom and by that time dad and stepmom have already made decissions. We already had a dentist and doctor set up since before we were divorced and they have changed it without me knowing. Stepmom has banned me from my daughter's school on his weeks saying it's what he wants so she can participate and I told stepmom I don't care if she participates but I want to be there too. The only who suffers is my daughter. She doesn't understand why mommy can't come when she wants me there. I wish I could make them understand it doesn't have to be this way.

When you phone, explain to him you will NOT be speaking with step mom anymore. If he refuses to speak with you, hang up, and put your phone on voicemail until HE speaks with you

Email is tricky. You are NEVER going to know who writes emails. Thats a fact. BUT, it does make for a nice paper trail of communication to show the judge someday. So keeping it in mind that a judge may see your emails, keep your email correspondence direct and to the point. IF step mom is just ranting, don't answer her and print them out. If step mom is asking you to confirm a plan, answer in a simple one or two word statement, and print it out. If you cannot get dad to answer your question by phone, again print it in an email, and wait for the answer. Do not get bogged down by yours or anyone elses emotions in an email,remind yourself that the emails are not private, and you want to show your best side to anyone who reads them.

both dad and step mom are full of it as far as school goes, they cannot ban you from your childs school activities.

Make it clear that you and dad will be the ONLY parents listed on school and medical forms. And that if you find out step mom has listed herself on ANY legal paperwork, you all will be paying a visit to the courthouse to have that problem legally addressed.

 

[cherylsarah01]

When you phone, explain to him you will NOT be speaking with step mom anymore. If he refuses to speak with you, hang up, and put your phone on voicemail until HE speaks with you

Email is tricky. You are NEVER going to know who writes emails. Thats a fact. BUT, it does make for a nice paper trail of communication to show the judge someday. So keeping it in mind that a judge may see your emails, keep your email correspondence direct and to the point. IF step mom is just ranting, don't answer her and print them out. If step mom is asking you to confirm a plan, answer in a simple one or two word statement, and print it out. If you cannot get dad to answer your question by phone, again print it in an email, and wait for the answer. Do not get bogged down by yours or anyone elses emotions in an email,remind yourself that the emails are not private, and you want to show your best side to anyone who reads them.

both dad and step mom are full of it as far as school goes, they cannot ban you from your childs school activities.

Make it clear that you and dad will be the ONLY parents listed on school and medical forms. And that if you find out step mom has listed herself on ANY legal paperwork, you all will be paying a visit to the courthouse to have that problem legally addressed.

Hi, thank you again. I'm glad you told me that they cannot ban me from my daughter's school on his weeks. I wasn't sure if they could or not. Regarding emails I have tons and tons from stepmom that are full of emotions and not facts or law. I have learned from my husband, who coparents nicely with his ex without interference from me I might add, to write emails exactley like you just stated. I will not be embarrased of my emails if and when a judge reads them.

 

[stealth2]

When my kids' stepmom gets on the phone and insists that she will speak with me (because my ex refuses to), I simply repeat after every one of her comments "May I please speak with (childrens' names) father." Or... "Thank you for you input. However, I need to speak with (childrens' names) father." Not long ago, I spent nearly an hour repeating the same until Dad got on the phone. To tell me to eff off and hang up. Oh well. My email is blocked by them. I send CRRR mail, and chalk it up as good. Ignore the rest and just carry on as normal.

 

[thinktank03]

Did she send you this out of the blue or what was the reason she sent you the email? She cannot claim to be you on any paperwork though. I do think she makes a point about the children in each house without seperating them but you made it clear you welcome thier parenting as not bad.
You can go to the school. Both you & dad can attend functions for anything no matter who's time it is!

 

[tjk]

I don't know if this is a valid concern from a legal standpoint, but I would be reluctant to coparent with stepmom anyway or come to any decsion with her. What if dad later comes along and says he had no knowledge of a situation and does not agree with the decision made and takes the position that YOU did not allow him the legal input afforded him in the court order.

From a legal perspective, could mom be held in contempt for making decisions with stepmom instead of with dad?

 

[thinktank03]

I don't know if this is a valid concern from a legal standpoint, but I would be reluctant to coparent with stepmom anyway or come to any decsion with her. What if dad later comes along and says he had no knowledge of a situation and does not agree with the decision made and takes the position that YOU did not allow him the legal input afforded him in the court order.

From a legal perspective, could mom be held in contempt for making deceions with stepmom instead of with dad?

Hey you know what though,, I think trying to get an order to have them take a co-parenting class with you is great idea? Where any of yall ordered to for the divorce?

 

[JacobJoel]

i'm a stepmom who bent over backwards to encourage co-parenting on both sides of the fence.

i promise you, it blew up in my face with everyone peed at me for 'interfering' why? because they were used to their sick little ways of getting back at each other, my spouse included, as well as the kids.

i have 30 years of working for and around young people, but none of my skills or input into how to 'appropriately' interact for the sake of the children were appreciated.

maybe you will take the input that my spouse desparately should have, but some people need to play victim.

do NOT back down. it will get rough, be sure, but your kid(s?) need you to stand up to the storm. this woman is way overstepping and only you can correct it.

i encourage you to do so. by any means necessary.

it doesn't matter in the least how she and your ex treat your child. goody for them, but this isn't fantasy land, she isn't your child's mother and she needs to understand that you will not be put out your child's life.

if child's father won't speak to you then go about your business, legally, and be sure he is informed, legally, thru whatever means necessary, that you will do whatever needs done to ensure you have the freedom and rights as mothers do. and the poster who says she plays mean?

is actually playing smart. take notes.

 

[cherylsarah01]

Did she send you this out of the blue or what was the reason she sent you the email? She cannot claim to be you on any paperwork though. I do think she makes a point about the children in each house without seperating them but you made it clear you welcome thier parenting as not bad.
You can go to the school. Both you & dad can attend functions for anything no matter who's time it is!

Hi, funny you should ask if this was out of the blue, no. She emailed me originally about "our" mine and hers relationship. I replied our relationship would be just fine but with all do respect you cannot legally put your name down as mother and I need to be contacted about medical and dental decissions as I will do the same and legally I am required to coparent with child's dad not you. Also, I agree the children should be treated the same, I just don't want to be ousted of big decissions for our daughter which they do all the time.