Inappropriate sexual conversation between step mom and child

[CJane]

If Dad lives in the state of original jurisdiction, that state retains jurisdiction.

You could certainly file contempt for his asshattery, but it's my opinion that simply sticking to the order and refusing to communicate w/step-mom at all will have a more beneficial effect.

I would also inform the boy that HE is not to speak to step mom about anything remotely personal/at all.

 

[shesaidwhat]

If Dad lives in the state of original jurisdiction, that state retains jurisdiction.

Even though he didn't move back until 2006? I was afraid of that.

You could certainly file contempt for his asshattery, but it's my opinion that simply sticking to the order and refusing to communicate w/step-mom at all will have a more beneficial effect.

I think you're right. I generally agree, I just know it's going to continue to be an issue with stepmom and that it's going to be used against me to child ("We would just LOVE to see you son, but your mom won't let us")

Anyway, where do I get the 'Contempt for asshattery' paperwork? I'd love to see those ladies' faces if I asked for that packet!

I would also inform the boy that HE is not to speak to step mom about anything remotely personal/at all.

I just had sort of that conversation with him today. We went for his 6mo dental cleaning and checkup and child informed me that Stepmom said she is going to get him braces. I asked him to clarify if dad or stepmom said that, he confirmed again that stepmom did, again, without even Dad's presence. Child still has two baby teeth (had 5 but has lost 3 in the past 2 months), and in no way shape or form needs braces - at all. Dad has never taken child to Doctor or anything - ever. I did tell child that stepmom does not make those kinds of decisions, that it is illegal for her to do so, and that she is under no circumstances going to do that.

 

[shesaidwhat]

Knew this would happen

I knew this was going to happen. No sooner did I type that out.

Stepmom called my phone 3 days ago. She and Dad have their own phones. I just handed phone to child, I didn't answer or anything - I was still trying to figure all of this out and figure out how to best handle her. Anyway, child gets off of the phone, comes to me and says, "Uh, Mom, she said they are stopping by Friday or Saturday." Of course my response is what!?! I told him that they are not allowed to just stop by my home whenever they feel like it and he said he knew that and he thought it was weird that she didn't even ask - she told him they were. He thought they must have already talked to me. I told him they hadn't, that they were not allowed to make arrangements through him, and they definitely had to ask me before coming to my home. Apparently he even called her back to check because at first he thought she was saying they were stopping by THEN - that night.

I thought this was strange, but this is the stepmom I've been blessed to deal with, so I figured it was nothing but talk and if they really wanted to come to my home to hang out with him they would at least ask.

Tonight I get a text message from Dad's phone and the conversation goes:

Dad: We will be by tomorrow evening to see [child]. we will text when we get close. have him call me today when he wants.

Me: What? Are you kidding? You may not just stop by without asking, and you certainly don't inform me that you are.

Dad: He asked tuesday if we could stop by on our way home

Me: Nobody asked. [Stepmom] TOLD him you were and he thought you were that night. He even called back to check. Like I said, you should know that you can't just stop by without asking me.

Dad: He asked if we were and we told him we were going to on the way back. It was a family emergency that we took off for. he knew we were going to see him on the way back.

Me: He said [Stepmom] TOLD him you were going to stop. She didn't ask him if it was ok, he wasn't told to ask, or if we were even going to be home. You think that might be necessary?

Dad: I just wanted to let you know we were going to stop to see him. Have him call me later.

Dad: We told him we were going to. So are you saying he never told you? Can I see my son? She told him we were not stopping tuesday.

Dad: She told him we were going to stop on the way back. She said we were not stopping on the way back. Have him call her later. Can I stop on Friday to see my son. why make a big deal out of everything. i am asking now and it is tomorrow, let me know if we can see him or not.

Me: I'm not making a big deal. It's not ok. I'm just shocked that you don't even ask. No, you may not just stop by tomorrow.

Dad: So you are refusing my request to my son?

Dad: To see my son?

Me: I am refusing to let you stop by tomorrow. Yes. Absolutely. Like I said, you need to ask. I can't believe I even have to say that. The night before is rather short notice. We have plans.

Dad: What time are your plans? I'll work around them. if I cannot see my son, make sure he knows you will not let me. When can I talk to him tonight?

Me: I don't involve him in our adult issues. You can get angry if you want. You should have asked. He said he will call you before bed.

What the hell? Am I crazy?

 

[Proserpina]

I knew this was going to happen. No sooner did I type that out.

Stepmom called my phone 3 days ago. She and Dad have their own phones. I just handed phone to child, I didn't answer or anything - I was still trying to figure all of this out and figure out how to best handle her. Anyway, child gets off of the phone, comes to me and says, "Uh, Mom, she said they are stopping by Friday or Saturday." Of course my response is what!?! I told him that they are not allowed to just stop by my home whenever they feel like it and he said he knew that and he thought it was weird that she didn't even ask - she told him they were. He thought they must have already talked to me. I told him they hadn't, that they were not allowed to make arrangements through him, and they definitely had to ask me before coming to my home. Apparently he even called her back to check because at first he thought she was saying they were stopping by THEN - that night.

I thought this was strange, but this is the stepmom I've been blessed to deal with, so I figured it was nothing but talk and if they really wanted to come to my home to hang out with him they would at least ask.

Tonight I get a text message from Dad's phone and the conversation goes:

Dad: We will be by tomorrow evening to see [child]. we will text when we get close. have him call me today when he wants.

Me: What? Are you kidding? You may not just stop by without asking, and you certainly don't inform me that you are.

Dad: He asked tuesday if we could stop by on our way home

Me: Nobody asked. [Stepmom] TOLD him you were and he thought you were that night. He even called back to check. Like I said, you should know that you can't just stop by without asking me.

Dad: He asked if we were and we told him we were going to on the way back. It was a family emergency that we took off for. he knew we were going to see him on the way back.

Me: He said [Stepmom] TOLD him you were going to stop. She didn't ask him if it was ok, he wasn't told to ask, or if we were even going to be home. You think that might be necessary?

Dad: I just wanted to let you know we were going to stop to see him. Have him call me later.

Dad: We told him we were going to. So are you saying he never told you? Can I see my son? She told him we were not stopping tuesday.

Dad: She told him we were going to stop on the way back. She said we were not stopping on the way back. Have him call her later. Can I stop on Friday to see my son. why make a big deal out of everything. i am asking now and it is tomorrow, let me know if we can see him or not.

Me: I'm not making a big deal. It's not ok. I'm just shocked that you don't even ask. No, you may not just stop by tomorrow.

Dad: So you are refusing my request to my son?

Dad: To see my son?

Me: I am refusing to let you stop by tomorrow. Yes. Absolutely. Like I said, you need to ask. I can't believe I even have to say that. The night before is rather short notice. We have plans.

Dad: What time are your plans? I'll work around them. if I cannot see my son, make sure he knows you will not let me. When can I talk to him tonight?

Me: I don't involve him in our adult issues. You can get angry if you want. You should have asked. He said he will call you before bed.

What the hell? Am I crazy?

I don't think you're crazy.

But I do think he needs to ask his wifey very very sweetly if she wouldn't mind, just once, if it's no trouble, retrieving his cojones from the jar she keeps 'em in so he can actually use them himself for once....

 

[jesslee83]

I still believe in Santa. Not only is it my only innocence LOL but somehow or another I am able to provide for my daughter every yr. with gifts.:

here, here...without dear old "santa" our kids wouldn't get half the crap they do...of course, for them, santa comes down the chimney(well, sliding glass door lol), but for us, it's in the form of those litle 200 xmas bonuses

it seems to me, stepmom is just bouncing off the walls, to be inappropriate. i mean, husbands ex always talks about her "tickel spot" that only her fiance can touch...so when DS asked me about mine, i said it was my buuutt why? it's still semi "g" rated, and he knows he can't touch girl's butts! as for wet dreams, oh my...i'd never explain ANY of that! even if it actually happened to him(or my step daughter), i'd either have them talk to their dad, or get their respective mother on the phone. that's NOT my place.

"shesaidwhat" i know it sucks for you, but there are a few of us, who know our places i personally don't think you're crazy... and i think so far you're handling it as best as you can, w/o involving the courts...i cannot offer the legal aspect, but i'll tell ya, so far you're sane

 

[JKBee]

Just a suggestion:

You might want to deal with father through e-mails, text messages, etc, where you have actual documentation of what is really stated in the future. This does save alot of misunderstandings. It also will be complete confirmation of what is said if, at a later date, you need the documentation.

I wrote letters, kept copies, and sent them certified. When my ex did drag me into court, I had all the documentation and the judge just laughed at him!

What I found interesting:
A nine year old believed in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy?

 

[shesaidwhat]

I definitely have the text messages. I've sent emails to him previously, he basically refuses to respond in writing. I think he [stepmom] knows better. It's hilarious, those texts, while from his phone, are clearly stepmom talking. I have known this man for many many years and I know the way he talks/writes/texts and the type of language/grammar he uses. But yes, I am going to be emailing him again, and sending step mom a certified letter to cease contacting me any further.

As for the other stuff, I've said this at least twice already, but I'll say it again, yes, child still wants to believe in santa and tooth fairy. Absolutely. His logic, at his age, is telling him otherwise and giving him doubt. But as he says, "If you stop believing - they stop giving." I am just repeating myself again, but child even argued for why he still believed - or wanted to, and it was used as an opportunity to talk badly about me and say we must use charities, etc.

I have no issue with child not believing in any of this if he so chooses or comes to that decision on his own or from others at school, but how cruel of stepmom to do so - against his own wishes - and just because she feels that her way is better. This is more of a tradition and a magical time of year for my family than the actual belief that a man in a red suit comes down our non existent chimney bearing gifts based on whether or not we've been naughty or nice.

[Oh yeah, I have MAGICAL MOMMY POWERS too. Seriously.]

 

[JKBee]

Its not that I am opposed to Santa and the Tooth Fairy. It's just that my granddaughter has just turned 8. Her classmates have already told her that there is no Santa nor Tooth Fairy. If you can keep the illusion, great. It's just that there is so much "progressiveness" in children any more, it is hard to raise them as I was raised. More power to you if you can make it work!

I think I would probably want to turn a friend of mine lose who is a blackbelt on her if she were in my life. He has offered me, but I have so far not accepted. You make me wonder if maybe I am making a mistake and not taking him up on it early! The step mom is just that. A step mom. Maybe that is so you need to step on her? At least put your foot down so it does some good in regards to your son.

And divorce hopefully is around the corner again soon for your ex! If not, maybe you'll meet a friendly blackbelt who will be appalled, also! (Of course this is just figuratively speaking.....)

 

[proud_parent]

But as he says, "If you stop believing - they stop giving."

Oh, how true.

/hijack/

My nine year old stepdaughter lost a tooth this week which had been loose for months. My husband was refereeing an athletic event and was not at home when Kiddo went to bed. He left for work early the next morning and was not at home when Kiddo got up.

The next morning, Kiddo expressed genuine puzzlement that the Tooth Fairy hadn't found the tooth she had dutifully tucked under her pillow. I paused for a moment (our three year old was in the room), then asked the nine year old whether she supposed that the Tooth Fairy was friends with Santa and the Easter Bunny (Kiddo knows the truth about them). She got the hint.

Out of ear shot of her little sister, Kiddo asked me whether Dad had kept all her old baby teeth each time he left a coin. I tried not to wince as I explained that some people are sentimental about old baby items (booties, locks of hair, etc.) but that her father didn't seem to be that type.

Fast forward to bedtime that night; Hubby was home. Kiddo came out for goodnights holding a plastic zipper bag with the tooth inside. "So, Dad, should I put this under my pillow tonight so that you can do your thing?"

She was completely crestfallen when he replied, "Of course not. I thought you had a talk with Stepmom about that."

/ end hijack /

 

[LdiJ]

Stepmom called my phone 3 days ago. She and Dad have their own phones. I just handed phone to child,

Why did you do that? You do realize that you do not EVER have to answer the phone or give it to your son if stepmom calls, don't you?

 

[shesaidwhat]

Why did you do that? You do realize that you do not EVER have to answer the phone or give it to your son if stepmom calls, don't you?

I do now. I did not previously. Stepmom informed me that she has the "right" to speak to her step son, and if I refused, I was "keeping him from family." This statement was made because she didn't like having to be around when Dad called to talk to him - which I never stopped. I always told her that she was more than welcome to speak to him when Dad called or if child called Dad.

Believe me, like I said, I was allowing myself to be bullied. Even after notifying her many many many times that she is not to contact me anymore in any way, she would send texts and continue calling. I never did anything because I never wanted my child put in the middle of it.

It isn't going to happen anymore, that's for sure.

Thank you all for the help.

 

[LdiJ]

I do now. I did not previously. Stepmom informed me that she has the "right" to speak to her step son, and if I refused, I was "keeping him from family." This statement was made because she didn't like having to be around when Dad called to talk to him - which I never stopped. I always told her that she was more than welcome to speak to him when Dad called or if child called Dad.

Believe me, like I said, I was allowing myself to be bullied. Even after notifying her many many many times that she is not to contact me anymore in any way, she would send texts and continue calling. I never did anything because I never wanted my child put in the middle of it.

It isn't going to happen anymore, that's for sure.

Thank you all for the help.

Stepmom is truly a piece of work...sigh.

 

[wileybunch]

May I? That went on for WAY too long.



Stepmom called my phone 3 days ago. She and Dad have their own phones.

>>> I let it ring and it went to voice mail.

(And then she called back several times or whatever and each time I ignored the incoming call.)



Tonight I get a text message from Dad's phone and the conversation goes:

Dad: We will be by tomorrow evening to see [child]. we will text when we get close. have him call me today when he wants.

Me: I think you are confused. Your next scheduled parenting time is {blah}.

Dad: But, we want to stop by, etc. etc.

Me: I'm sorry, that's not going to work.

Dad: So you're not going to let me see my son?

Me: Turns phone off or ignores, no further dialog is necessary.

 

[pittrocks]

Ditto..

Don't take the calls, or just hang up.


E-mail is your friend.

 

[stealth2]

Yeah, you let that convo go on all too long. I would have left it at "I'm sorry. But this isn't your weekend, and (child) and I have a previous commitment. So I'm afraid it just won't be possible this time. Next time, please make sure that you contact me ahead of time so we can try to make arrangements. Sorry!" Click.

As for Santa, et al... Both of mine believed at 9. Sure, their classmates said stuff. Their Dad made it plain that Santa did NOT come to his house, whether they were there or not. And my kids asked me. So I told them what I believe - Santa is the magic and spirit of giving that lives in your heart. If you believe, he will come. Yes, they know there is no jolly fat man going around dropping off gifts. They know the Santa of our family is me. But... at 15 & 17... Santa still comes - and he brings the one thing they have really, really wanted but couldn't have for whatever reason (cost being taken into consideration). They've also embraced the spirit themselves. *I* always have a gift under the tree from Santa. They give each other something special from the big guy. They leave little treats for a few of the kids in the neighborhood. So tell me again - what's wrong with believing in Santa?