Determining Primary Custodial Parent

[devlin]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? PA

I am the father of two boys. I have been sharing custody with my ex for 5 years. We never had a formal custody agreement. There is no child support paid. Overnights are just about even but my address is the home address as far as the schools are concerned. I also take care of most medical appointments and other needs. I also provide most before and after school care. We are having our first impassible issue. My kids have been going to a dentist all their lives. Due to a personal issue I have had with the dentist, I informed the Dentist we would no longer be using his services. My ex found out and insisted they continue to see the dentist. My questions are:

1. Would I be considered the primary custodial parent?

2. Do I need to do anything to be confirmed as the primary custodial parent? (IE, file with the courts, hire a lawyer?)

3. If I am determined to be the primary, could I stop her from taking them to him?

4. Should I send him a certified letter instructing him he does not have permission to treat my kids?

5. What should I do?

 

[Banned_Princess]

Well sir, lets begin at...

Were you married to the mother at the time of each birth?

How far do you want to go to stop kids from seeing this dentist?

Have you picked a new dentist?

What is it about this dentist that your ex demands the kids see him?

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? PA

I am the father of two boys. I have been sharing custody with my ex for 5 years. We never had a formal custody agreement. There is no child support paid. Overnights are just about even but my address is the home address as far as the schools are concerned. I also take care of most medical appointments and other needs. I also provide most before and after school care. We are having our first impassible issue. My kids have been going to a dentist all their lives. Due to a personal issue I have had with the dentist, I informed the Dentist we would no longer be using his services. My ex found out and insisted they continue to see the dentist. My questions are:

1. Would I be considered the primary custodial parent?

2. Do I need to do anything to be confirmed as the primary custodial parent? (IE, file with the courts, hire a lawyer?)

3. If I am determined to be the primary, could I stop her from taking them to him?

4. Should I send him a certified letter instructing him he does not have permission to treat my kids?

5. What should I do?

You need legally establish paternity (if that hasn't been done already) and then file to get custody straightened out - because you may find that at the moment you don't have legal rights to the children at all (which would mean you can't do a darned thing if Mom wants to take the kids permanently, pick a different doctor, whatever).

 

[devlin]

Well sir, lets begin at...

Were you married to the mother at the time of each birth?

Yes. We were married 14 years. I am the legal father, and there is no doubt in my mind that I am the biological father.

How far do you want to go to stop kids from seeing this dentist?

I don't want them to see him. How far do I need to go?

Have you picked a new dentist?

Yes I have. My ex knows him too and likes and respects him very much.

What is it about this dentist that your ex demands the kids see him?

He is my younger brother. Due to his actions over the last several years I no longer trust him. My ex feels that since he is my kid's uncle, he should be included in their lives.

It would take pages to describe all the things that have happened that have led me to this point. I tried to suppport him but he has gone too far. His office staff has even comented on how different he is now and how he has changed for the worse. I want to know what my legal rights are.

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

Yes. We were married 14 years. I am the legal father, and there is no doubt in my mind that I am the biological father.




I don't want them to see him. How far do I need to go?



Yes I have. My ex knows him too and likes and respects him very much.



He is my younger brother. Due to his actions over the last several years I no longer trust him. My ex feels that since he is my kid's uncle, he should be included in their lives.

It would take pages to describe all the things that have happened that have led me to this point. I tried to suppport him but he has gone too far. His office staff has even comented on how different he is now and how he has changed for the worse. I want to know what my legal rights are.

So you do realize that without a court order technically mom is sole custodian of the kids according to the law right? You need to go get a court order. At anytime she could say the kids arent going back to you and without an order you would have no recourse. As of right now she is the one who would have final say on dentists. Since you already have this agreement in place for so many years you would more than likely get same thing just with legal order. Plus you could iron out these little details like final say for medical decisions and so forth.

I dont know the circumstances with your brother but he is their uncle...Your ex seems to have a point.

 

[CJane]

Are you actually divorced?

I originally said that Mom is the Sole Legal Custodian.

Since you were married, that's not actually true. However, you'll need to explain how it's possible that you got divorced w/out a custody determination.

 

[californiamom3]

Uncle could still be involved in kids lives without being their dentist.
Sounds to me like dad might have good reason, BUT should have spoke to mom about the idea first. If mom, moms friends or family have half a brain... somebody will realize the legalities of what's been done here as you have.
Go to court.... make peace not war.

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

Are you actually divorced?

I originally said that Mom is the Sole Legal Custodian.

Since you were married, that's not actually true. However, you'll need to explain how it's possible that you got divorced w/out a custody determination.

Im thinking they are seperated maybe???????? And What are the rules then for custody if seperated in his state? I looked and couldnt find anything. I know in AZ I automatically had sole custody until dad filed even though we were married/seperated. From what little I saw it seemed this was same for PA. Course I admit I dont know much about PA custody

 

[devlin]

OK, I am divorced. We did a no contest divorce. You do not need a custody agreement if it's a no contest. We have not had a problem for 5 and a half years. In my opinion, my brother is a disturbed person. I do not want my children around him or his wife. She is worse! I would like legal advice. Like I said it would take too long to go into all the details of what has led me to this decision, and they really should not matter. Does anyone know what my rights are, and what I have to do to exercise them?

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

OK, I am divorced. We did a no contest divorce. You do not need a custody agreement if it's a no contest. We have not had a problem for 5 and a half years. In my opinion, my brother is a disturbed person. I do not want my children around him or his wife. She is worse! I would like legal advice. Like I said it would take too long to go into all the details of what has led me to this decision, and they really should not matter. Does anyone know what my rights are, and what I have to do to exercise them?

Cjane I am gonna leave this one to you all.....It is situation I have never heard of. I still think ( I could be wrong) that mom would be legally CP.

 

[Proserpina]

OK, I am divorced. We did a no contest divorce. You do not need a custody agreement if it's a no contest. We have not had a problem for 5 and a half years. In my opinion, my brother is a disturbed person. I do not want my children around him or his wife. She is worse! I would like legal advice. Like I said it would take too long to go into all the details of what has led me to this decision, and they really should not matter. Does anyone know what my rights are, and what I have to do to exercise them?

You need to speak with an attorney. Without details it's impossible even guestimate what would and would not be applicable in your situation.

(are you qualified to make that judgment against your brother, btw?)

 

[CJane]

I'm pretty comfortable saying that w/out an order to the contrary, you and Mom would be presumed to have joint custody. Therefore, you are not allowed to make any arbitrary decisions and neither is your ex.

You do not HAVE to take the kids to this dentist on your time, but you cannot prevent your ex from doing so.

You have in no way indicated that your brother, in his professional capacity, is in any way a danger to your children, and therefore it's unlikely a court would order that your children see a different dentist.

 

[devlin]

I'm pretty comfortable saying that w/out an order to the contrary, you and Mom would be presumed to have joint custody. Therefore, you are not allowed to make any arbitrary decisions and neither is your ex.

You do not HAVE to take the kids to this dentist on your time, but you cannot prevent your ex from doing so.

You have in no way indicated that your brother, in his professional capacity, is in any way a danger to your children, and therefore it's unlikely a court would order that your children see a different dentist.

Thank you! Could you fill me in on how to go about getting a court to order me as the PC. Do I need a lawyer, or can I just file for a hearing like a child support case? If I were able to be declared the PC, would I be able to stop it then?

 

[devlin]

You need to speak with an attorney. Without details it's impossible even guestimate what would and would not be applicable in your situation.

(are you qualified to make that judgment against your brother, btw?)

What other details do you need?

 

[devlin]

Cjane I am gonna leave this one to you all.....It is situation I have never heard of. I still think ( I could be wrong) that mom would be legally CP.

Just wondering, if a man and woman get married and have kids. They then get divorced. Why is the mom automaticaly the PC? I have them more and do more for them.