Substantial change question

[dorothymantooth]

Something New...

Mom just called Dad and said her and BF just "came into some money" and are taking all the kids (BF's and Mom's by a different Dad) to Disney World and want to take Son as well. Mind you, Son is in Kindergarten and his Spring Break was 2 weeks ago. Mom had extra visitation while he was off of school. He will miss several days of school if he goes. Mom said to Dad that it's only Kindergarten, what's it going to hurt if he misses a few days? Dad is not sure what to do and told Mom he would talk to his attorney about it.

Any suggestions?

 

[chronicle]

Not to sound flippant, but it is Kindergarten- his education will survive a couple of missed days

If you think son will be safe, I would let him go- it's a great experience to share with half siblings and Dad.

Just my opinion.

 

[chronicle]

I meant Mom.

 

[Zigner]

I disagree with chronicle. You are under no obligation, moral or legal, to allow your ex the extra time. Furthermore, you would be setting a dangerous precedent.

 

[stealth2]

I am normally against kids missing school. But we're talking Kindergarten, not an advanced grade. And I know how hurtful it has been to *my* kids when their Dad & stepMom have taken her kids away and left our two home.

 

[dorothymantooth]

Dad called his lawyer who got mad (?) and called Mom's lawyer and the GAL. I guess Mom's lawyer said Dad has no obligation to let Son go and Dad's lawyer says Dad should absolutely not let Son go.

Dad got more details from Mom: They are driving from NY to FL, which will take at least 24 hours if they go straight through, but probably 2 days if they stop somewhere. They're leaving on Wednesday to return on Monday. There'll be 2 adults and 5 kids (with Son) in the van. So they MAY have as many as 4 days in FL, or as few as 2. This trip sounds more like punishment to me

As SM I have no dog in this fight but I think Son should go. I don't want him to miss out. Plus he's not going to understand why he can't go and I'm willing to bet Mom is going to tell him it's because Dad is a big meanie. But Dad seems dead set on not letting him go. The pending court case is making Dad nuts and he's afraid to do anything without his lawyer's okay. I think his lawyer goes overboard with trying to "stick it to" Mom sometimes.

 

[stealth2]

As SM I have no dog in this fight but I think Son should go. I don't want him to miss out. Plus he's not going to understand why he can't go and I'm willing to bet Mom is going to tell him it's because Dad is a big meanie. But Dad seems dead set on not letting him go. The pending court case is making Dad nuts and he's afraid to do anything without his lawyer's okay. I think his lawyer goes overboard with trying to "stick it to" Mom sometimes.

Sometimes... ya gotta call a spade a spade.

 

[msmom22000]

Dad called his lawyer who got mad (?) and called Mom's lawyer and the GAL. I guess Mom's lawyer said Dad has no obligation to let Son go and Dad's lawyer says Dad should absolutely not let Son go.

Dad got more details from Mom: They are driving from NY to FL, which will take at least 24 hours if they go straight through, but probably 2 days if they stop somewhere. They're leaving on Wednesday to return on Monday. There'll be 2 adults and 5 kids (with Son) in the van. So they MAY have as many as 4 days in FL, or as few as 2. This trip sounds more like punishment to me

As SM I have no dog in this fight but I think Son should go. I don't want him to miss out. Plus he's not going to understand why he can't go and I'm willing to bet Mom is going to tell him it's because Dad is a big meanie. But Dad seems dead set on not letting him go. The pending court case is making Dad nuts and he's afraid to do anything without his lawyer's okay. I think his lawyer goes overboard with trying to "stick it to" Mom sometimes.

I'm going to chime in, purely from a mom point of view...I think I'd try to get dad to look at it from this point of view; if son is doing well in school, socially, academically, and emotionally, I would send him. He will hear about it one way or another and more than likely blame day. Will he get over it...I'm sure he will. At 5, they go on to other things pretty quickly, but why hurt him to make sure mom suffers?

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Why not wait until school is out at this point? We are talking 6 weeks or so?

 

[stealth2]

Maybe Mom & StepDad don't want to go "in season"? I wouldn't.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Maybe Mom & StepDad don't want to go "in season"? I wouldn't.

Um ... it out of season in June. Season in Florida is November to April.

 

[stealth2]

Okay. Maybe Mom & StepDad don't want to go when it's hotter 'n hell in FL! I wouldn't want to do that, either. Which is likely why I avoid FL like the plague.

 

[dorothymantooth]

I gave Dad my two cents, for what they're worth. I pointed out that in the tug-of-war between Dad and Mom, Son is the rope. Not exactly a fun place to be.

Apparently when Dad told the lawyer that he really didn't want his son to miss out on something like this, lawyer said "Don't have a conscience". I REALLY don't like this guy. I told Dad that maybe that's not the best attitude to have since ultimately this about SON, not MOM or DAD or LAWYER.

I have planted the seed of doubt in my husband's brain. That's all I can do.

Thank you all so much for your opinions and insights. I have learned so much from this website, not just legal stuff, but how I should behave as a step-mom. It's been very eye-opening. This site has also shown me how blessed I am and how good our family life is, regardless of the custody issues. No sex offenders, no child abuse, no crazy grandparents, no meth addicts-We're downright boring.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

The thing is that judge don't think it's a good thing for children to be bounced from home to home and school to school. Would a change of residential custody cause child to change schools?

You mentioned, joint custody. Is it joint LEGAL custody, or joint PHYSICAL custody?

 

[Ohiogal]

Um ... it out of season in June. Season in Florida is November to April.

Not for Disney. The prices are more expensive at Disney when the schools are out. It is also more crowded when schools are out. The cheapest and easiest time for DISNEY is when school is in session.