Baby born on Friday - all communication with Father has fallen apart

[Artemis_ofthe_Hunt]

Why couldn't mom sleep while dad holds and rocks his baby?

One shouldn't be exclusive of the other. Mom's need for sleep shouldn't impact dad's baby interaction - it's not mom he's there to hold. Is there not someplace down the hall he could sit with baby? Surely there are many situations in which mom's need rest and dad's interact out of mom's way. When my SIL was ill after birth (septic shock), brother was holding and rocking his baby in a room set aside for this, out of mom's earshot.

And frankly, if I were a dad and had no actual way to be certain of paternity, I sure would not sign anything until paternity was verified.

I in no way am suggesting that dad shouldn't have time with his child, but in this case, he's not legally dad... yet. So really, if he/they don't want to do things the legal route, she's under no obligation to let him anywhere near the child. Sitting in the room holding the child, a child that isn't his legally, while Mom is trying to rest? I don't think I could sleep either, especially now that he's being difficult!

 

[LdiJ]

I in no way am suggesting that dad shouldn't have time with his child, but in this case, he's not legally dad... yet. So really, if he/they don't want to do things the legal route, she's under no obligation to let him anywhere near the child. Sitting in the room holding the child, a child that isn't his legally, while Mom is trying to rest? I don't think I could sleep either, especially now that he's being difficult!

I agree. I think its crazy to think that anyone who had just undergone surgery would be comfortable and could rest in that scenario.

 

[Zigner]

For the record...

Even if this were a happily married couple...the mother could STILL have requested that the father be removed from the room so she could rest - and the hospital would be required to oblige.

 

[SESmama]

Well, did she ask him to leave her room or the hospital? Some hospitals have no rooms set up for father-baby time outside of the mother's room. If he had asked if he could visit outside of the mother's room what would have been the mother's answer? She asked him to leave so SHE could get some rest. Never once was it mentioned she ordered him out of the hospital. So, did alleged dad assume that he was to leave the hospital all together? I have to agree that mom needs rest. Even without a C-section giving birth (and all it's possible complications) is exhausting, even only 24 hours later (I was exhausted for a week).
Had "dad" asked to return the next day then mom would not be hear asking about this. So yes, "dad" was being pushy and then decided to push further on an emotional, exhausted, and more than likely scared, brand new mother.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

The presumed father is being a complete donkey's behind. She just under went major surgery. To think he could stay in a room of someone who is NOT related to him (mom or baby) is ludicrous. If he was so concerned about all that, he should do things the old fashioned way:

1. Meet your future spouse.
2. Fall in love.
3. GET MARRIED.
4. Then have the baby.

He failed. Therefore, he is reaping the consequences.

If you allow dad in the house for visits, I suggest that you have someone in the background who can be the enforcer and make him leave when the time comes. It's called insurance.

 

[Zigner]

If he had asked if he could visit outside of the mother's room what would have been the mother's answer?

The mother could easily have answered "no" to allowing a legal stranger to visit with HER child. Again, the hospital would have been obliged to follow the mother's wishes.

 

[CJane]

Why should Dad have it both ways?

He gets to be "dad" and stay in Mom's room while she sleeps so that he can hold "his" child...

Why couldn't mom sleep while dad holds and rocks his baby?

But he shouldn't admit that he IS Dad until there's a paternity test.

And frankly, if I were a dad and had no actual way to be certain of paternity, I sure would not sign anything until paternity was verified.

So, he should get the "emotional benefit" of forming a bond with a child that you'd encourage him to legally ignore until genetics prove him to be biologically related?

 

[CourtClerk]

Given that we are not a couple - I didn't feel comfortable with him sitting there while I was sleeping, having nurses checking me,

This.... is the only part of this post that makes me chuckle.

AFTER he's been all up in you, penis in vagina, ejaculated and all that good stuff (and Lord knows whatever else)... you get all modest and what not.

I'm guessing since you two made a baby, he's already SEEN all that a doctor is checking. Breasts, vagina, pubic hair and all...

 

[neopandora]

This.... is the only part of this post that makes me chuckle.

AFTER he's been all up in you, penis in vagina, ejaculated and all that good stuff (and Lord knows whatever else)... you get all modest and what not.

I'm guessing since you two made a baby, he's already SEEN all that a doctor is checking. Breasts, vagina, pubic hair and all...

Lol. I wondered the same thing! Plus, when I had dear son, they would shuffle all the visitors out (even dad/my husband) for a minute or two while they did their thing (although in my 3 days at the hospital it felt like every person on staff at some point saw all my privates).

 

[Proserpina]

If not, someone got cheated. You should have gotten SOMETHING for the next 18 years....

She did.

Child support.




(Oh - you meant HIM?! ....)

 

[CourtClerk]

She did.

Child support.




(Oh - you meant HIM?! ....)

Child support (as we all know) isn't all it's cracked up to be, and if you have to balance that with the headaches kids give you... it's not enough.

Simply. Not. Enough. I want a refund for the both of them....

 

[Proserpina]

Child support (as we all know) isn't all it's cracked up to be, and if you have to balance that with the headaches kids give you... it's not enough.

Simply. Not. Enough. I want a refund for the both of them....

I just want the child to be loved and supported by both parents.

 

[CourtClerk]

I just want the child to be loved and supported by both parents.

yeah, but sometimes, that's too much like right.

 

[LdiJ]

This.... is the only part of this post that makes me chuckle.

AFTER he's been all up in you, penis in vagina, ejaculated and all that good stuff (and Lord knows whatever else)... you get all modest and what not.

I'm guessing since you two made a baby, he's already SEEN all that a doctor is checking. Breasts, vagina, pubic hair and all...

You know, I am virtually best friends with my ex husband, who certainly has seen all of that, and I don't think that I would have felt any more comfortable than she did, in a similar situation.

They have to eventually work something out, and she has proven herself more than willing to do so, but dad is being a horse's patoot.

 

[MarlenePowers]

I have tried to take some deep breaths...thank you.

I can't find any guidelines for the state of NC - the are a "best interest of the child" state and unless I am missing them there is not a starting point.

He did not sign the AOP or birth certificate as he had previously requested a DNA test and I feel he should have the test done so there is no "doubt" down the road as to who his Father is. I don't want him coming back and saying "If he is even mine..." when he gets upset about something and I would never want him to say something like that to the baby. He is also furious that I want to hyphenate the baby's last name - he wants the baby to have his grandfather's middle name (which he does) and only his family last name.

When I asked him to go so I could sleep-it was not a desire to limit his contact with the baby. As I said - I had him there within 12 hours of his birth and welcomed him back the next day. Given that we are not a couple - I didn't feel comfortable with him sitting there while I was sleeping, having nurses checking me, and trying to calm down as I was very upset as a urologist had just been in dicussing surgery the baby may have upcoming in the next few months. I didn't mind him being there it was just all a bit much with pain, emotional upset, etc. I was less than 24 hours out of surgery and giving birth...

The plan we had agreed to was not filed with the court. We had agreed to it on our own and said we would file it with the court after the baby was born.

Ok - I am trying to take a deep breath and be calm. I know he will have time with the baby and I don't mind that at all...I just want to be sure everyone is protected and everything is clear and know what to expect down the road...



Thank you...

There are rules he must follow:

# North Carolina does not give parents preference based on gender during a custody dispute, and therefore fathers have equal rights to child custody. When the parents are not married, however, fathers can only exercise their rights after paternity is established. Custody is then determined after mediation or by the "best interests of the child" standard.

Paternity
# North Carolina law requires that paternity be established before an unmarried father can seek custody of his child. If a man accepts that he is a child's father, he and the mother can sign a Declaration of Paternity. If paternity is in dispute and a suit is filed, North Carolina law requires that a paternity be established by "preponderance of the evidence," meaning that it is "more likely than not" that the man is the child's father. Paternity in dispute is established by genetic testing. DNA tests compare the man's DNA to the child's to determine if they are biologically related. If it is definitively established that the man is the child's biological father, he can request custody and visitation and may also be required to provide financial support for the child.

Child Custody
# If a man is a child's legal father because he was married to the child's mother when the child was born, or if the parents were unmarried and paternity has been established, mothers and fathers have equal rights to their children when custody is in dispute. Regardless of the child's gender, North Carolina does not allow its courts to give preference to mothers or fathers.

Mediation
# North Carolina prefers that parents reach their own custody agreement. State law requires mediation to assist parents in reaching an agreement. However, mediation is not used if there was domestic abuse or child abuse, or if either parent abuses alcohol or drugs or suffers from psychological and emotional problems. Mediation sessions are private and cannot be used against either parent in court if mediation fails and a judge must decide custody.

"Best Interests of the Child" Standard
# If parents cannot agree on custody and mediation fails, a North Carolina judge determines custody using the "best interests of the child" standard. The parents' conduct and behavior is examined through a court evaluation. Evaluations are conducted by a non-biased third party to assist the court in determining each parent's fitness to care for the child. Other factors considered include the child's preference; the environment each parent can offer the child; each parent's financial circumstances; each parent's emotional, mental and physical health; and each parent's moral conduct and behavior.


Read more: Rules for Fathers Fighting for Child Custody in North Carolina | eHow.com Rules for Fathers Fighting for Child Custody in North Carolina | eHow.com