How much can mom interfere with parenting time?

[stealth2]

I am curious, though - WERE the children actually being fed, and WAS there food in the house?

 

[neopandora]

Sorry, but that's not enforceable, anyway. The court can't order the grandfather to do anything. The only thing it can do is say that the father can only get the kids if someone else is willing to feed them (which is an incredibly stupid order, anyway).

This entire agreement was a mess. Then, to make matters worse, at least one parent is playing games.

It's difficult without the entire January order to get a feel for what all went on at the emergency hearing. It's very possible, given that it was an emergency action and it's TN, that grandfather submitted to the jurisdiction of the Courts as to that matter. That's pretty standard in many areas of TN to have the third party submit since so many areas are rural without any type of supervised visitation centers or formal ways to supervise visits. This is usually done for exactly the reasons you are giving. Otherwise, you end up with a lot of useless orders.

Then again, OP doesn't make any mention of contempt filed against Grandfather too, so maybe not.

 

[neopandora]

I am curious, though - WERE the children actually being fed, and WAS there food in the house?

I am too. Seem like a few piece of the puzzle are missing. Was DCS involved in the emergency hearing or at any point after?

 

[ra04152010]

Yes there was food in the house and we went out several times over the course of the 2 days in question. My ex dropped them off at noon on christmas. So of course we opened presants before eating lunch. We snacked most of the night. So a three course meal was not fixed. The next morn was breakfest at McDonalds, lunch at home (hot pockets) I gave kids a choice for dinner go out to a resturant or have nachos, hotdogs,and popcorn at the movies. Can you guess which one they picked? Yep the movies. My son testified as to what food was in the house and what we ate when we were out at the depositions last month. The emergancy order was based on her saying they were not being fed. She is now saying the food does not meet her nutrientional (sorry for the sp) standards. My father was never served with any type of charges. I honestly just think this is harrasment she prefers to invest her time into making me miserable instead of making our children happy.
O and no dcs was never involved.

 

[neopandora]

Yes there was food in the house and we went out several times over the course of the 2 days in question. My ex dropped them off at noon on christmas. So of course we opened presants before eating lunch. We snacked most of the night. So a three course meal was not fixed. The next morn was breakfest at McDonalds, lunch at home (hot pockets) I gave kids a choice for dinner go out to a resturant or have nachos, hotdogs,and popcorn at the movies. Can you guess which one they picked? Yep the movies. My son testified as to what food was in the house and what we ate when we were out at the depositions last month. The emergancy order was based on her saying they were not being fed. She is now saying the food does not meet her nutrientional (sorry for the sp) standards. My father was never served with any type of charges. I honestly just think this is harrasment she prefers to invest her time into making me miserable instead of making our children happy.
O and no dcs was never involved.

I'm with you on the food there Dad in that one instance. While ordinarily, if I were the other parent, I would have reasonable discussion with you on that type of diet and healthier alternatives, in this case it was Christmas. While we do always have a rather large meal on Christmas evening, Christmas morning and the next day are probably the only times of year where sweets and junk flow freely (my mom even has a dessert breakfast on Christmas morning where while we have breakfast foods, everyone has their favorite dessert waiting).

I have to ask though, why did you lose overnight visitation and your father agee to make sure they ate? Did the Judge hear any proof or testimony? Or did you agree to no overnights withou your Father monitoring food?

 

[CJane]

While your attorney is the best person to offer you advice, as he/she is aware of all of the facts of the case and has your current orders at hand, it's important for you to disclose some things here if you expect accurate information.

First of all, how much of the current order was determined to be in the best interests of the children after a hearing? How much of it did you agree to?

If your ex has sole decision making when it comes to religion, then it doesn't matter whether the children attend Mass on her time. She has the right to make that decision. YOU, however, are ordered to ensure that the children attend Mass every Sunday. I think it's silly, but you apparently agreed to it.

If it is in the order that the children are to stay in your father's home during overnight visits, that's where they need to be. Not at your girlfriend's house, not on a camping trip, not in a hotel somewhere. At your father's house. Period, end of discussion. It's ridiculously restrictive - especially at the ages of the children - but you agreed to it.

 

[mistoffolees]

I'm with you on the food there Dad in that one instance. While ordinarily, if I were the other parent, I would have reasonable discussion with you on that type of diet and healthier alternatives, in this case it was Christmas. While we do always have a rather large meal on Christmas evening, Christmas morning and the next day are probably the only times of year where sweets and junk flow freely (my mom even has a dessert breakfast on Christmas morning where while we have breakfast foods, everyone has their favorite dessert waiting).

Yes, sweets and junk flow freely around here on Christmas and Easter, but it does strike me as odd that there was no sit-down dinner on Christmas day. I think I'd be concerned as the other parent, as well.

Not that I'd be filing with CPS, but I would certainly have a talk with the other parent about the importance of having real meals instead of "let's eat potato chips and ice cream all day". Not to mention the social aspects. Eating meals together as a family has been shown to be very, very important for kids' emotional development and keeping them out of trouble.

 

[stealth2]

I just think it's sad that these kids are going to grow up thinking McD's and Hot Pockets are "family traditions" for the holidays. But... diff'rent strokes, I guess!

 

[GinAA]

I just think it's sad that these kids are going to grow up thinking McD's and Hot Pockets are "family traditions" for the holidays. But... diff'rent strokes, I guess!

My son used to eat out all the time when visiting with his father. Holidays they went to his father's parents so he was fed well then. But usually when he comes home from a week or longer visit, he feels terrible and eats salad and fruits for a few days. I mentioned this to his father and now they go shopping when my son gets there so he can make/eat what he likes.

Holidays at my house are 1 big meal and snackin on leftovers the rest of the time.

 

[ra04152010]

Junk food

We do not eat junk food all the time. It was Christmas. I make sure the kids get healthy food and foods the like. But remember I am trying to pack 2 weeks worth of time into less than 48 hours. My priority is spending as much quality times doing as many fun things as possible. I know you can spend time with your kids while you cook and clean but really it's 48 hours. We are almost always out and doing fun things. If I got equal time with them, cooking big meals, enforcing study time and all those other things would not be a problem. But I get 48 hours every two weeks, and I want us to enjoy our time as much as possible.

 

[mistoffolees]

We do not eat junk food all the time. It was Christmas. I make sure the kids get healthy food and foods the like. But remember I am trying to pack 2 weeks worth of time into less than 48 hours. My priority is spending as much quality times doing as many fun things as possible. I know you can spend time with your kids while you cook and clean but really it's 48 hours. We are almost always out and doing fun things. If I got equal time with them, cooking big meals, enforcing study time and all those other things would not be a problem. But I get 48 hours every two weeks, and I want us to enjoy our time as much as possible.

This gets my vote for petty rationalization of the week award.

EOW is not an uncommon visitation schedule - and most NCPs manage to feed their kids real food. You can't justify your not serving the kids a real meal on Christmas because you don't get enough time with them.

And even during your weekends there are plenty of ways you can serve them real meals without spending a lot of time in the kitchen. For example, you can get a roasted chicken at the store for $5, throw a couple of potatoes in the microwave and serve a salad out of a bag. Prep time? Maybe 5 minutes. Cleanup time? Throw the dishes in the dishwasher.

Look around you and see all the kids who are growing up with no concept of how to eat a nutritious meal - and the results. Do you really want your kids to learn the habits that will have them weighing 350 pounds when they're in their 20's?

 

[CJane]

My priority is spending as much quality times doing as many fun things as possible.

If I got equal time with them, cooking big meals, enforcing study time and all those other things would not be a problem. But I get 48 hours every two weeks, and I want us to enjoy our time as much as possible.

"All those other things" are called being a parent. You want to be Disneyland Dad, fine. But don't gripe when Mom tries to micromanage your time, enforce the order/boundaries, and the kids (especially as they get older) want to spend less and less time with you.

My dad didn't want to do any of "those other things" either. We played while we were with him. Every minute was spent at the arcade, driving his muscle cars on back country roads (at 10 or 11), going to amusement parks, going to the lake, concerts, ball games, etc. We never did homework at his house, never ate a nutritious meal unless we were visiting family, spent his money like it wasn't even real, and LOVED IT until we were about 12.

And then? We realized that he wasn't parenting us. He didn't KNOW us as individual human beings, he didn't know what we were doing in school, how we were doing in school, who our friends were, what foods we liked and didn't like, even what foods we were allergic to.

He stopped being seen as a parent by us for a long time. Sure, we still loved him, and spent time with him, but he'd lost something in our eyes.

You shouldn't wonder why your kiddo contacts Mom so much when he's with you. He probably craves contact with a parent.

 

[birdbrain53]

I don't think the food mentioned in the 48 hours for Christmas is anything to get upset about.

I think Mom went overboard on this.

Why? My sister's ex and various ex-spouses of women I know routinely do not cooked mom style meals for their kids when the kids are with them. In my sister's ex's case, Dad bought Taco Bell for almost every meal except breakfast was doughnuts. Did the judge get on his case for that? No, no one cared and it was covered under the "Dad gets to do what Dad wants during his parenting time" rationale. Geez, it's only 48 hours and while I think the Disneyland Dad thing is not good, still, it's Dad's time.

Another Dad I know would cook hot dogs or other easy comfort food. And another Dad I know loves to cook nutritious meals.

If it were Mom buying fast food for their kids would SHE lose custody of her kids?

 

[mistoffolees]

I don't think the food mentioned in the 48 hours for Christmas is anything to get upset about.

I think Mom went overboard on this.

I agree with the last sentence. CPS should not have been called.

I disagree with the first part. It sounds like it's not just Christmas, but Dad NEVER cooks a healthy meal for the kids. While feeding them at McDonalds every day is (unfortunately) not going to be classified as neglect, it IS lousy parenting.

It doesn't take long walking around in public to see the effects of that type of 'nutrition' plan.

 

[birdbrain53]

Oh Misto,

I agree that's its lousy parenting. But if we took away custody from everyone who was just lousy and not dangerous....wouldn't that be a lot of parents not getting to see their kids?