Daycare Demands

[LizzieB]

not a lot. If mom continues to cause trouble, it might be grounds for changing the custody order.

Meanwhile, if the school doesn't like it, they're free to file for an ro against mom.

omg... Lol

 

[GoodDadtoBK]

Ok, thanks again for the advice. One thing that she was yelling at the director about was the fact that my wife is also listed as a person to call in an emergency. I listed mom as the first person, then my wife. The problem is that mom lives an hour and a half away so it makes more sense for my wife to be called in the event of a real emergency (If I am unable to be reached, of course.)

I know that I have done everything right legally, I just know that she is constantly looking for any reason she can find to take me back to court. Hopefully this won't happen again with the school.

Thanks again

 

[gr8rn]

Ok, thanks again for the advice. One thing that she was yelling at the director about was the fact that my wife is also listed as a person to call in an emergency. I listed mom as the first person, then my wife. The problem is that mom lives an hour and a half away so it makes more sense for my wife to be called in the event of a real emergency (If I am unable to be reached, of course.)

I know that I have done everything right legally, I just know that she is constantly looking for any reason she can find to take me back to court. Hopefully this won't happen again with the school.

Thanks again

I would not put your wife on the paperwork at all. This will only serve to antagonize mom further. The correct delineation of emergency contacts would be: You first, and Mom second. Why antagonize her? Your court orders do not include your wife, do they?

 

[LizzieB]

I would not put your wife on the paperwork at all. This will only serve to antagonize mom further. The correct delineation of emergency contacts would be: You first, and Mom second. Why antagonize her? Your court orders do not include your wife, do they?

I WOULD put the current wife as the secondary contact since your EX is living over an hour away.

I WOULD put the EX as a tertiary contact.

What if the child falls and breaks a tooth or a leg or an arm?

If the OP cannot be contacted for any reason, an authorized adult is needed to approve any treatment. An authorized adult within 15 minutes of the facility is much more beneficial than one over an hour from the facility.

My situation: I live in Dallas, my EX and daughter live in Southern California. I am listed as an emergency contact after my ex-wife and local family friend. If my ex was re-married, I would have no problem with her having her new husband or even boyfriend as second.

Fact is, it would take me at least 5 hours to be there. What is in the best interest of the child. That's the main thing.

Your ex is obviously bitter. Be glad she lives 70 miles away.

 

[CJane]

Here is an update on my situation:

I informed my ex of my intent to enroll our daughter in daycare. She sent me the email (as I explained in an earlier post) with all of her demands. I responded to her email with my reason for enrolling our daughter, and why I thought it was in her best interest. I also informed her that she would be starting the school the next day.

So, tell me if I have this right.

You both have the "right" to enroll the child in a daycare in your area because you both work, you have a 50/50 schedule, and you live a significant distance apart.

You told Mom that you were going to enroll the child, and she responded with very valid concerns/topics such as timing, being present for enrollment/to tour the facility.

You responded, told her that you were going to do it regardless, and that by the way, she's starting at X tomorrow. Giving Mom virtually no time at all to respond/confer/be present at enrollment (because clearly you'd already enrolled the child).

And you wonder why Mom was ticked? Seriously?

I'm not saying she behaved appropriately, but YOU have an opportunity to coparent effectively here, and as I said in an earlier post, behaving in a "well, I CAN so I WILL and you can just DEAL with it" attitude is NOT going to serve you well. And you've got a LOT of years of coparenting left with this one.

My question is can I do or say anything to Mom to make sure this doesn't happen again?

Nothing. How she chooses to behave - as an adult - is her problem, not yours. And frankly, telling her how to behave is a surefire way to get her to behave MORE irrationally than she already is.

After I spoke with the school I sent her an email telling her that the information that she gave to the school is incorrect and that I am allowed to enroll our daughter. I also told her that if she has any further questions or concerns that she should take this up with me, not the school.

She tried "taking it up with you" and you blew her off and told her to pound sand.

 

[CJane]

I WOULD put the current wife as the secondary contact since your EX is living over an hour away.

I WOULD put the EX as a tertiary contact.

What if the child falls and breaks a tooth or a leg or an arm?

If the OP cannot be contacted for any reason, an authorized adult is needed to approve any treatment. An authorized adult within 15 minutes of the facility is much more beneficial than one over an hour from the facility.

Hmmm... I work over an hour from my kids' school. My ex works out of town and is frequently several hours away from home. His wife is frequently over an hour away from our town during the day.

So, using the above theory, we should authorize another random adult to consent to medical treatment in our stead?

Of course, that every single school enrollment form I have EVER seen includes a medical release so that in an emergency a representative of the SCHOOL can authorize medical care until the parents can be reached, right?

 

[Antigone*]

So, tell me if I have this right.

You both have the "right" to enroll the child in a daycare in your area because you both work, you have a 50/50 schedule, and you live a significant distance apart.

You told Mom that you were going to enroll the child, and she responded with very valid concerns/topics such as timing, being present for enrollment/to tour the facility.

You responded, told her that you were going to do it regardless, and that by the way, she's starting at X tomorrow. Giving Mom virtually no time at all to respond/confer/be present at enrollment (because clearly you'd already enrolled the child).

And you wonder why Mom was ticked? Seriously?

I'm not saying she behaved appropriately, but YOU have an opportunity to coparent effectively here, and as I said in an earlier post, behaving in a "well, I CAN so I WILL and you can just DEAL with it" attitude is NOT going to serve you well. And you've got a LOT of years of coparenting left with this one.



Nothing. How she chooses to behave - as an adult - is her problem, not yours. And frankly, telling her how to behave is a surefire way to get her to behave MORE irrationally than she already is.



She tried "taking it up with you" and you blew her off and told her to pound sand.

I know this thread has gone on for a while but dad was well within his rights to enroll this child in this school. Please see post #1 for the details.

Mom seems to be very irrational and if I were the director of the school, and if mom would have showed up to my center acting as she did the cops would have been called immediately.

 

[CJane]

I know this thread has gone on for a while but dad was well within his rights to enroll this child in this school. Please see post #1 for the details.

I absolutely understand that Dad had every legal right to do what he did.

What I'm saying is that I think it's silly that he handled it the way he did, and is SURPRISED that someone who has already behaved irrationally in the past reacted irrationally.

1 He should have expected it - and I think he DID expect it, or he wouldn't have posted to begin with

2 Just because you have the RIGHT to do something doesn't mean you shouldn't still handle it delicately

3 There is a LOT of coparenting left in this relationship. And I really wish someone had told my ex and myself 7 years ago that there's a huge difference between "I have the legal right" and "I'm acting in a courteous and respectful manner, even if the other party refuses to". Would have kept us out of court and maybe saved our coparenting relationship.

Mom seems to be very irrational and if I were the director of the school, and if mom would have showed up to my center acting as she did the cops would have been called immediately.

Acting as dad says she did. I seriously doubt that Mom showed up screaming and yelling and gnashing her teeth and the director just said "Oh, gee, you'll have to work this out with your ex. Have a nice day."

 

[CJane]

My POINT Lizzie B, has nothing to do with the "worlds" we live in. As you have no idea whatsoever the "world" I live in, the "world" my ex lives in, or the "world" my children live in, which is a combination of both mine and my ex's.

The POINT is that one should NEVER, absent an agreement from the other PARENT of a child, authorize a LEGAL STRANGER to make medical/emergency decisions for that child. The distance one lives from the school is wholly irrelevant to the fact that the school should ALWAYS be instructed to inform PARENTS FIRST and other people SECOND/THIRD/whatever.

The school is not contacting the parents to get their permission to HANDLE the emergency, they're calling to inform the parents that there IS an emergency that is BEING handled. The parents can then choose to call whomever they wish to respond.

A simple comparison.

Kiddo's school calls me, she's sick and it's Dad's day. They can't get in touch with Dad on his cell or his work phone. So they try me (I'm first contact on MY days, he's first contact on his. School has a calendar reflecting this).

I, in turn, call a friend who lives in town and she goes and picks kiddo up and drops her off @ my house. I leave a voice mail for Dad to let him know where kiddo is, and he doesn't need to worry about getting back in touch with the school.

Another one.

School calls Dad. Kiddo was injured at a track practice. Assistant coach has ALREADY transported kiddo to urgent care clinic 15 miles away. Dad is 8 hours away by car. Dad thanks school for calling him, and calls me. I meet kiddo at Urgent Care as soon as I can get there (probably an hour).

In what scenario does it make sense to call StepMom FIRST?

 

[frylover]

I totally agree mom behaved like a horse's behind. This was very irrational behavior on her part.

I totally agree Dad had a legal right to do what he did.

But in his first post on this thread when he said he thought mom only wanted him to wait so that she could enroll first and get the "advantage" for school enrolloment later, Isis asked him "So you want to do it first so you get the advantage instead", he denied it and said he needed daycare for one of the days he had her. Yet, in a previous thread, he SAID he was going to try and get her enrolled so hopefully she would be "established" for school purposes. (Sorry, don't have the hang of quoting from one thread to another)

I just wonder if what it best for this little girl isn't going to get lost in Mom and Dad's battles to "win".

 

[mistoffolees]

I just wonder if what it best for this little girl isn't going to get lost in Mom and Dad's battles to "win".

I agree. It's shaping up to be a long 18 years.

I WOULD put the current wife as the secondary contact since your EX is living over an hour away.

I WOULD put the EX as a tertiary contact.

Good job. You'll get OP dragged back into court - and possibly a contempt charge.

The good news is that you're consistent - you're ALWAYS wrong.

 

[GoodDadtoBK]

I am well aware of the fact that this is going to be a long 16 years. The fact is that I need childcare for one of the days that my daughter is with me. The last time we were in court the judge told us both that we were BOTH allowed to enroll our daughter into a daycare/preschool in our respective cities.

I understand mom has concerns about this. In reality though, what am I supposed to do? Should I quit my job so I can be home on that day? I don't have a flexible work schedule like some parents do. I am home on all of the other days that I have her, except for this one. I honestly believe that having her in this HALF-DAY pre-school is going to benefit her. She loved her first day and was already asking to go back when we left.

In regards to the emergency contact information, I was not trying to allow my wife to authorize medical treatment, I simply listed her as a person the school should contact in the event that they can't reach myself or mom. They asked for three people, other than myself, to list in an emergency. I listed her mom first, then my wife, then my mother. I don't see how I did anything wrong here.

 

[LizzieB]

You didn't do ANYTHING wrong here.

Do what you feel is in the best interest of your child. From what you've posted you have.

The courts do not like petty bickering. And if your ex wishes to take you to court and spend the money, it's likely not going to be taken well for her by the judge based on her antics.

Regardless of what others say here. I've been there and spend almost a quarter of a million dollars getting my divorce finalized in CA. PM me if you'd like to share details.

 

[mistoffolees]

You're so right. My goal is to be as perfect as you.

I never claimed I was perfect, but I at least make an effort to learn from my mistakes - and to refrain from commenting on things I don't understand.

That would be a good lesson for you.


Oh, and I could teach you about real beer, too.

 

[Silverplum]

To get to where?

So you can be as good a poster as Misto. Your stated goal. Remember?

Listen... let's stop the personal attacks. Good spirited debate is one thing, personal attacks are another.

Intelligent, qualified, educated debate.