My lawyer seems to be working more for my X2B

[spinkitten]

The only advice I have read was to not be so demanding. I am far from demanding.

I'm also not looking for sympathy nor did I come here for a snack.

No matter if my child receives support from his father or not, the emotional scars will always remain.

Just because women stay in an abusive relationship doesnt mean that it is their own fault. I really didnt know the full extent of the abuse we were put through until we seeked therapy. It took something very drastic for me to gather up the courage to leave.

Once again and this is not the first time I have came across people who seem to be on the side of an abuser.

 

[Ohiogal]

The only advice I have read was to not be so demanding. I am far from demanding.

I'm also not looking for sympathy nor did I come here for a snack.

No matter if my child receives support from his father or not, the emotional scars will always remain.

Just because women stay in an abusive relationship doesnt mean that it is their own fault. I really didnt know the full extent of the abuse we were put through until we seeked therapy. It took something very drastic for me to gather up the courage to leave.

Once again and this is not the first time I have came across people who seem to be on the side of an abuser.

No one is on the side of an abuser. But apparently you refuse to answer whether you have a job. Hence, shall we assume, you do not and expect to have him support you while you remain a stay at home mommy?

 

[mistoffolees]

The only advice I have read was to not be so demanding.

Really? So you didn't bother to read the posts telling you that the court wouldn't order him to work 3 jobs? Or the posts telling you that you couldn't demand the animals at this point? Or the posts explaining to you why the matter was not resolved at this hearing? Or the posts explaining why your attorney did what he did?

So why should anyone waste their time answering your questions when you don't even read the answers you're given?

I am far from demanding.

That's not what your posts say.

I'm also not looking for sympathy nor did I come here for a snack.

No matter if my child receives support from his father or not, the emotional scars will always remain.

Just because women stay in an abusive relationship doesnt mean that it is their own fault. I really didnt know the full extent of the abuse we were put through until we seeked therapy. It took something very drastic for me to gather up the courage to leave.

Once again and this is not the first time I have came across people who seem to be on the side of an abuser.

No one here is on the side of an abuser - and it seems to be in character for you to make such an accusation.

People here are on the side of due process and following the law. The fact that you don't like that is your problem, not ours.

 

[spinkitten]

Does it matter if I work or not or how much money I make? NO it doesnt! If it does take me to get a second job or a 3rd or 4th one to make sure my child is taken care of then thats what I will do.

I have also stated that I know that the court cant order him to work a certain amount of jobs, but if a certain amount is ordered then what ever it takes to meet that amount then so be it.

There should have been no reason for my lawyer not to explain to me what was happening.

As far as the law goes, last time I checked paying child support is law, more states than not if you dont pay your support you go to jail, have your drivers license taken away, your taxes docked etc..

 

[Silverplum]

Does it matter if I work or not or how much money I make? NO it doesnt! If it does take me to get a second job or a 3rd or 4th one to make sure my child is taken care of then thats what I will do.

In many states, it does matter.
I'm not going to bother to look up yours, because of your attitude.

I have also stated that I know that the court cant order him to work a certain amount of jobs, but if a certain amount is ordered then what ever it takes to meet that amount then so be it.

Yes, you've "stated" that a few times.

Doesn't make it correct, no matter how many times you state it. But none of us is going to explain it AGAIN, so you can just re-read your threads till you get it.

There should have been no reason for my lawyer not to explain to me what was happening.

That's how you feel: you've made it very clear.

I, and many others, find you to be unreasonable and demanding. If I were your lawyer, I'd get rid of you ASAP.

As far as the law goes, last time I checked paying child support is law, more states than not if you dont pay your support you go to jail, have your drivers license taken away, your taxes docked etc..

That is so, depending upon many factors.

It has nothing to do with you, however.

 

[CurrentlyUndone]

Does it matter if I work or not or how much money I make? NO it doesnt!

Actually, according to OK guidelines, BOTH parents' incomes are used in the CS calculation.

nor did I come here for a snack.

Whew. I had no intention of sharing my wine OR cheese!

 

[Silverplum]

Actually, according to OK guidelines, BOTH parents' incomes are used in the CS calculation.

Then it would've been worth it to look it up, just so I could toss it back at the ever-freaking OP.

Maybe next time.

 

[CurrentlyUndone]

OKDHS - Child Support Calculator

However, I WILL share some of my wine and cheese with you, SP.

 

[mistoffolees]

Actually, according to OK guidelines, BOTH parents' incomes are used in the CS calculation.



Whew. I had no intention of sharing my wine OR cheese!

That's OK. OP is providing plenty of whine.

 

[Ohiogal]

Then basically the best advice OP can get is this: GET A FULL TIME JOB AND START SUPPORTING YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILD.

Until you do that, you have NO RIGHT to complain about the child's father only working one job.

 

[neopandora]

OP-first, you need to breathe, count to ten, relax. Your posts do appear to be demanding (and you've been more than a little rude to the senior members who are only trying to help you. BUT, I believe I understand why. As a survivor of abuse, I believe I know where you are coming from. After suffering abuse and indignities, you are finally free and coming out of that beaten down, shell you were. That's part of the healing process and will be good in the long term. However, what you need to understand is that right now you are very ANGRY and you want your husband to pay.

That's very natural and I get that more than you can possibly know. It's part of the grief process and healing but it does temporarily skew how you view everything to do with your husband.

First, you have an Order of Protection. Unless he violates it, that's all the "paying" he's going to do for the abuse, legally (unless there are also criminal charges from the same acts). It doesn't sound like he has many assets or earning capacity anyway, so what other "legal" way do you want him to pay for the abuse? Besides, the things taken from you in abuse can never have a monetary value, not really.

Next, I, obviously was not there to see what transpired in Court so I can only venture an educated guess about your lawyers actions. The attorney I work for has a general policy that in any family law case, but especially and particularly if there's a history of abuse or animosity, he NEVER wants the client to ask him anything immediately after Court or in the Courthouse. Period. Why? Because that's a prime opportunity for violence and harassment to occur. He wants his client out of the courtroom and away from the courthouse as soon as possible. No need to borrow trouble.

As far as the animals and child support. You've received great legal advice here already. I would only like to add that if your husband is abusive and controlling, you will be much happier if you accept the fact that even when ordered, there's a high likelihood that he will not pay the child support or return the animals or anything else. I've seen this from many other cases and personal experience.

Yes ma'am, if he doesn't pay child support eventually he will serve jail time, lose his license, etc., but with an abusive, controlling individual that doesn't always equate to paying.

Example: my ex has not paid one penny of child support in over 4 years. In the past 14 years he has paid less than a years worth total. The arrearage is almost six figures. He hasn't had a license in a decade and spends half the year in jail for child support. While I do let CSE handle the child support, I don't believe I will ever see a penny of it. Of course, I'd rather have it, but we will be just fine without it. To be more concerned or worry about it, would just give him some control in my life and I refuse to do that. I'd rather be happy and safe than spend my time and energy figuring out ways to get child support from someone bound and determined not to pay.

 

[spinkitten]

The main thing I want is to be divorced. Thats really all I care about.

I'm not really worried about anything else, in the past things would drag on and eventually I'd become weak and go back to him. I think this is what he is hoping will happen, well this time I've come too far to go back and if I did i deserve to be shot because going back would mean I dont have my childs best interest in mind.

I feel as though as long as we remain married he still has a little bit of a hold on me.

You are right, he doesnt have much at all and has absolutely no family support emotionally and financially. He has always relied on my family for money and after all these years I now have my families support. He could smooth talk anyone except when it came to the judges he came in front of.

This is what frustrates me, he will probably never be able to afford a lawyer, makes too much for legal aid not enough to hire one.

I understand about wanting to keep drama out, why then call my x2b over and allow him to get into my face? I really think it could have been handled another way. All my requests are in writing, its not like I just popped on in and started demanding stuff. He is well aware of my requests, but in the end if I never see a penny or anything else at least I have my life and my child.

Sure it would be great if i could make a bigger income, but I have 50% hearing loss from beatings, and other things abuse has done to other parts of my body and mind, I think I would find it quite hard to do better than I am doing, and what I am doing is better than I thought I would ever do on my own.

A question I have been asking is at what point in time does a person realize they should seek a lawyer? When they get served? or at a later date? and how much time do they normally get to be represented?

 

[neopandora]

The main thing I want is to be divorced. Thats really all I care about.

Your divorce will happen. I don't believe I've ever met a divorcing person who did not want it to happen faster than it was taking.


I'm not really worried about anything else, in the past things would drag on and eventually I'd become weak and go back to him. I think this is what he is hoping will happen, well this time I've come too far to go back and if I did i deserve to be shot because going back would mean I dont have my childs best interest in mind.

I feel as though as long as we remain married he still has a little bit of a hold on me.

Understandable. But he only has the hold on you that you allow him to have. Period. A divorce decree doesn't control your feelings. You do. Would probably help to spend some extra time speaking with a domestic violence counselor.

You are right, he doesnt have much at all and has absolutely no family support emotionally and financially. He has always relied on my family for money and after all these years I now have my families support. He could smooth talk anyone except when it came to the judges he came in front of.

This is what frustrates me, he will probably never be able to afford a lawyer, makes too much for legal aid not enough to hire one.

Don't allow yourself to be frustrated with his circumstances. If he wants a lawyer, he will find a way. If not, it will eventually be heard with him pro se.

I understand about wanting to keep drama out, why then call my x2b over and allow him to get into my face? I really think it could have been handled another way. All my requests are in writing, its not like I just popped on in and started demanding stuff. He is well aware of my requests, but in the end if I never see a penny or anything else at least I have my life and my child.

I wasn't there so I can't say for certain. Since your husband did not have an attorney at the hearing, it was more than appropriate for your attorney to speak with him while in the courtroom/courthouse. Abusive, controlling people rarely act on requests from those they abuse that they no longer have control over.
Expecting him to honor your requests, no matter how reasonable, is like putting your hand in the mouth of a roaring lion and expecting it not to bite.

Sure it would be great if i could make a bigger income, but I have 50% hearing loss from beatings, and other things abuse has done to other parts of my body and mind, I think I would find it quite hard to do better than I am doing, and what I am doing is better than I thought I would ever do on my own.

Sounds like you are off to a great start! You will be pleasantly surprised at all that you are capable of doing. Keep it up!

A question I have been asking is at what point in time does a person realize they should seek a lawyer? When they get served? or at a later date? and how much time do they normally get to be represented?

Try not to worry so much about what your husband does or doesn't realize. It really doesn't matter in the big scheme of things. There are many, many, occasions where a person for a lot of reasons doesn't have a lawyer at a hearing and the Court gives them an allotted amount of time to try to get a lawyer. Your attorney can tell you specifically how long the Court gave your husband.

Many times it's very helpful for the other side to have a lawyer even if it makes the case take a little longer. This is because a lawyer will often tell a client if they are being reasonable or not. Can often make the case go faster, so this may not be a bad thing at all.

Also, there can be delays in a hearing if one side is granted a continuance, the Court's schedule, illness, conflicts, etc. It's disappointing, but does happen from time to time.

My responses are bolded in the quote above.

 

[lovemygirl26]

Spinkitten

You do come off as being demanding even if you are not trying to be. You raise valid points, but laws don't always offer up justice.

I would just like to say that you probably wont get the advice you want in a free advice forum. Because instead of just being given advice, it is delivered in a very rude manner because so many of the people here are on their high horse. They assume that because you ask questions about why things are the way they are that you are fishing for the answers you only want to hear. They don't take into consideration that you are just a normal person who knows NOTHING about how the legal system(hence why your here) works..therefore you ask questions which they judge you for and treat you like an idiot for even asking. Don't expect to be given any advice without some good ol salt thrown in the wound. I don't mean blunt honesty, but extra rude remarks that are uncalled for along with poor attitudes. You are better off getting advice from an attorney via consultation like i did. An attorney will tell you if your right or wrong, but wont treat you like a child in the process(probably because your paying). They will explain things instead of tell you to just deal with it. You get what you pay for. If it is free, its not of the best quality.

Your x2b may be a total waste of human space, but he still has rights. Even if your child has been hurt, the law will still honor your x2b just as it will you and your child.

 

[lovemygirl26]

There are a few members on here who are pleasant even when you are completely wrong, but not many.