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1

1_big_dude

Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? South Carolina

My ex-wife and I were divorced on Nov. 30, 2011. She has primary custody. As spelled out in our divorce decree, our perfect daughters are with me every other weekend (beginning on Fridays and ending Sunday evenings at 6:00 pm). I also pick them up from school/daycare every Tuesday and Friday. As far as holidays are concerned, we are following Judge Brown's guidelines.

Here's the rub. My ex is placing demands on what I do with the children during my time with them....things such as demanding they be in church every Sunday morning and threatening to come over to pick them up from my house Saturday evenings on the weekends that they are with me.

Because she has primary custody, does she also have the authority to change my time with the girls and what we do when we're together?

Many thanks for any advice.
 


C

Cantata300

Member
1_big_dude said:
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? South Carolina

My ex-wife and I were divorced on Nov. 30, 2011. She has primary custody. As spelled out in our divorce decree, our perfect daughters are with me every other weekend (beginning on Fridays and ending Sunday evenings at 6:00 pm). I also pick them up from school/daycare every Tuesday and Friday. As far as holidays are concerned, we are following Judge Brown's guidelines.

Here's the rub. My ex is placing demands on what I do with the children during my time with them....things such as demanding they be in church every Sunday morning and threatening to come over to pick them up from my house Saturday evenings on the weekends that they are with me.

Because she has primary custody, does she also have the authority to change my time with the girls and what we do when we're together?

Many thanks for any advice.
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No, she cannot dictate what you do on your time and you cannot dictate what she does on hers. If the court order states you have the kids at certain times then those times are yours. She also cannot infringe on your time by making the girls attend church or other activities they attend on her time (unless you agreed between the two of you that it was ok for girls to take those activities during your custodial time). Why is she threatening to come over Sat night and pick them up on your weekends?
 
1

1_big_dude

Member
Cantata300 said:
Why is she threatening to come over Sat night and pick them up on your weekends?
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That's a good question. She's accustomed to being "in charge" and, in my opinion, is merely posturing to keep that charade going.

another question...when she does this again, I'd like to threaten the use of charging her with being in contempt. What would happen to her if I were to actually pursue contempt charges?
 
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CJane

CJane

Senior Member
1_big_dude said:
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? As spelled out in our divorce decree, our perfect daughters are with me every other weekend (beginning on Fridays and ending Sunday evenings at 6:00 pm).
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When do you see your imperfect children?

You'd have no grounds for filing contempt charges against Mom. In order to be held in contempt of the order, she'd have to be willfully violating the order in an attempt to thwart your time with the children. Showing up at your house is not violating the order. And if you let the kids go with her, then you're consenting to her having that time - and so it's not contempt.

It WOULD be contempt if she just pulled up in the driveway, snatched the kids, and drove away, but that's not very likely is it?
 
1

1_big_dude

Member
CJane said:
When do you see your imperfect children?

You'd have no grounds for filing contempt charges against Mom. In order to be held in contempt of the order, she'd have to be willfully violating the order in an attempt to thwart your time with the children. Showing up at your house is not violating the order. And if you let the kids go with her, then you're consenting to her having that time - and so it's not contempt.

It WOULD be contempt if she just pulled up in the driveway, snatched the kids, and drove away, but that's not very likely is it?
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As stated in the original post, I have them every other weekend (beginning on Friday and ending at 6pm Sunday). I also pick them up from school/daycare on Tuesdays and Fridays. Regarding holidays, we adhere to Judge Brown's order.

In response to your question of "that's not very likely"...it is indeed within her character to attempt such a thing. My inclination is to refrain from doing anything in front of the children, sorry but I am the adult in this situation. But I am more than ready to put my foot down.
 
Zigner

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
1_big_dude said:
As stated in the original post, I have them every other weekend (beginning on Friday and ending at 6pm Sunday). I also pick them up from school/daycare on Tuesdays and Fridays. Regarding holidays, we adhere to Judge Brown's order.

In response to your question of "that's not very likely"...it is indeed within her character to attempt such a thing. My inclination is to refrain from doing anything in front of the children, sorry but I am the adult in this situation. But I am more than ready to put my foot down.
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If she DOES do that, then you file for contempt. What you have described so far is not contempt.
 
1

1_big_dude

Member
Zigner said:
If she DOES do that, then you file for contempt. What you have described so far is not contempt.
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that's cool. Just wanted to make sure I will be in the clear when I tell her she has no say in what I do with our (perfect) daughters when they are with me during my allotted time.
 
CJane

CJane

Senior Member
1_big_dude said:
that's cool. Just wanted to make sure I will be in the clear when I tell her she has no say in what I do with our (perfect) daughters when they are with me during my allotted time.
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Sorry, but this sort of thing (the bold) comes across as a pretty unhealthy attitude towards your children.

Just something for you to be aware of in possible future court appearances. And, it's a whole lot for your kids to be saddled with.

/soapbox
 
N

nextwife

Senior Member
CJane said:
Sorry, but this sort of thing (the bold) comes across as a pretty unhealthy attitude towards your children.

Just something for you to be aware of in possible future court appearances. And, it's a whole lot for your kids to be saddled with.

/soapbox
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I read that as dad being facetious. Do any parents actually think their kiddo's are perfect?
 
CJane

CJane

Senior Member
nextwife said:
I read that as dad being facetious. Do any parents actually think their kiddo's are perfect?
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I think Dad was being facetious in his SECOND post, but not in his original post.

For the record posts like "I have three beautiful children who..." or "My extremely talented child wants..." make me crazy too. The qualifiers come across as insincere at best, and pathological at worst. The attractiveness of your children isn't going to change the advice you get. So the only reason to bother with it is to stroke your own ego.

Or, I've spent too much time with my nose in social psychology texts.
 
Just Blue

Just Blue

Senior Member
Perfect is a bizarre title to place on a child. NO ONE is "perfect". My wonderful girls are NOT "perfect". They are very smart. They both make good life choices. They BOTH do, and have done, brilliantly in school/University, but "perfect"? Nawww.
 
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