Help Non-Married Child custody

[bestj1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? I live in Michigan.

I have been with my current partner for 6 years. We have a child together, who is now 2 years and 4 months old. Recently I discovered that she has been cheating on me with her co-worker. She is a waitress, with a yearly pay of anout $9,000, and I am a State Employee with an income of about $50,000 a year in the state of MI. She is stating that she will fight me for visitation of my son if I attempt to leave. I woudl like to see my son as much as possible. She was married before, and has a child from that marriage as well. She sees that child only every other weekend due to signing that away. She may also have a warrant out for her arrest due to a domestic distrubance with a partner she had in between her marriage and our relationship. I would like the situation to be that I have majority custody of our son. She tells me this will never happen because the state always favors the mother. What should my next step be?

Any help you have to offer is greatly appreciated. Thank you very, very, very, very much.

 

[nextwife]

Do you both share caregiving, taking to Doctors etc? If not are you, or is she the one primarilly providing daily caregiving? Are you legally established as the other parent?

 

[bestj1]

We are both caregivers. She works nights, I work days. We have always both taken him to doctors and other medical appointments. I look after him from 4:30 onwards and on weekends. I'm legal established as the father on the birth certificate. Not sure what else I can do. She also has a long facebook history of partying, and not coming home, which made me take off days from work to care for our son.

 

[anearthw]

Before you try and go into court painting mother as a monster, understand that it is obvious that none of her faults seemed to matter to you in the past 6 years except for when she decided to cheat on you.

It would be wise to retain an attorney. You have given no reason why you should have a "majority" of custody if you are both equal caregivers.

 

[bestj1]

Before you try and go into court painting mother as a monster, understand that it is obvious that none of her faults seemed to matter to you in the past 6 years except for when she decided to cheat on you.

It would be wise to retain an attorney. You have given no reason why you should have a "majority" of custody if you are both equal caregivers.

What are reasons that she wouldn't be? I'm just trying to see what I can do here...I know it gets no where by defaming someone, I am listed the things I listed as more so precident as to why she may not be fit as a caregiver. I don't know what else I can do. I understand I put up with it for six years, but now I fear a court system that favors female caregivers will limit time I can spend with my child. She is threatening to only allow me limited supervised visitation rights if I leave this relationship.

 

[Proserpina]

What are reasons that she wouldn't be? I'm just trying to see what I can do here...I know it gets no where by defaming someone, I am listed the things I listed as more so precident as to why she may not be fit as a caregiver. I don't know what else I can do. I understand I put up with it for six years, but now I fear a court system that favors female caregivers will limit time I can spend with my child. She is threatening to only allow me limited supervised visitation rights if I leave this relationship.

The thing is, she IS fit as a caregiver.

Ignore her threats. Get thee to an attorney!

 

[nextwife]

Agreed. Go FILE for primary custody. You have status quo as a daily caregiver - no less so than she.

 

[bestj1]

So just research a lawyer and file for primary? Ok, thank you for the advice

 

[stealth2]

Some sort of shared custody is pretty likely. Mom is no less fit than you. When she goes out, she leaves the child with a fit caregiver. You. Can you document that you care for the child significantly more? (And FB posts likely won't count.)

 

[bestj1]

Some sort of shared custody is pretty likely. Mom is no less fit than you. When she goes out, she leaves the child with a fit caregiver. You. Can you document that you care for the child significantly more? (And FB posts likely won't count.)

I can't document it without facebook or texts. I'm fine with shared, I'm just worried about limited time with my son.

 

[single317dad]

OP, I would recommend immediate action as earlier responders stated, but I would also urge you to have patience in the matter. If Mom has already given up custody of her other child, and would rather party than care for any of her children, then chances are that over time she'll soften and you'll get what you're looking for handed to you. In my experience, with people who use a child as a weapon against the other parent, they lose interest quickly. My guess is the harder you push, the harder she'll push back, and the more you argue the matter with her, the more interest she'll have in it. Just my non-legal opinion.

 

[LdiJ]

I can't document it without facebook or texts. I'm fine with shared, I'm just worried about limited time with my son.

Dad...reality check here. If the two of you split up you BOTH will end up with limited time with your child. Neither one of you are going to have him every day, and both of you will go days without seeing him. This is a reality that you have to accept. The fact that she cheated on you is completely irrelevant, the fact that you make more money than she does is completely irrelevant etc.

You have both been primary caretakers, you both have equal status quo. I disagree that you should file for primary custody because that just starts things out hostile from day one. I think you should file for joint physical and legal custody and work out a timeshare with mom.