So lost on what to do

[tatianakyrrn]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida

So my ex husband and I have been separated for over six years now. He filed for divorce once in 2008, and never followed through until they dropped the case. He filed again last year, and upon contacting the court house they said he has once again not followed through. I REALLY want this divorce. He keeps opening these cases to prevent me from being able to file. What I want to know is if there is anything I can do (as the respondent) in order to get the judge to push the case through, or simply close it so I can file.
Some additional factors:
We have one son who my ex now denies fatherhood of, but the court denied his request for a DNA test twice
We live in different states, I"m in florida, he is in indiana, and it has been this way for six years
He now has two or three more children with two different women
He has a heavy criminal background, while I am an MBA student in a stable household.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida

So my ex husband and I have been separated for over six years now. He filed for divorce once in 2008, and never followed through until they dropped the case. He filed again last year, and upon contacting the court house they said he has once again not followed through. I REALLY want this divorce. He keeps opening these cases to prevent me from being able to file. What I want to know is if there is anything I can do (as the respondent) in order to get the judge to push the case through, or simply close it so I can file.
Some additional factors:
We have one son who my ex now denies fatherhood of, but the court denied his request for a DNA test twice
We live in different states, I"m in florida, he is in indiana, and it has been this way for six years
He now has two or three more children with two different women
He has a heavy criminal background, while I am an MBA student in a stable household.

Has he included anything about your child in the Indiana filing? Have you responded to the Indiana filing? Indiana would not have jurisdiction over custody of your child since your child is a legal resident of Florida, unless you inadvertently give Indiana jurisdiction.

You can file for dismissal of the Indiana case based on the inactivity of the petitioner. It may not get you anywhere, but if it does, then you need to be prepared to file for divorce in FL the very next day.

 

[tatianakyrrn]

He put in the paperwork that I would get custody. I have called the court house in Indiana several times, and the case is there, but I have never actually gotten paperwork. They claim my paperwork was signed for at my address, but I was on vacation in another state when that supposedly happened, and they didn't cooperate on sending me another copy. I have tried to cooperate in any way possible. No one at the court house helps me at all. They act like I"m a criminal just because I am not the petitioner. I have considered writing the judge a letter giving some of the details that don't seem apparent in the paperwork. Such as the fact that he's filed before, hasn't seen our son in six years, never paid support.. etc etc. I am hoping the judge can just grant the divorce with out my exs cooperation.

 

[latigo]

He put in the paperwork that I would get custody. I have called the court house in Indiana several times, and the case is there, but I have never actually gotten paperwork. They claim my paperwork was signed for at my address, but I was on vacation in another state when that supposedly happened, and they didn't cooperate on sending me another copy. I have tried to cooperate in any way possible. No one at the court house helps me at all. They act like I"m a criminal just because I am not the petitioner. I have considered writing the judge a letter giving some of the details that don't seem apparent in the paperwork. Such as the fact that he's filed before, hasn't seen our son in six years, never paid support.. etc etc. I am hoping the judge can just grant the divorce with out my exs cooperation.

First, neither the judge in Indiana or of any other state is going to participate in personal correspondence with you or any other individuals on matters before him or her.

Obviously, there are procedural means whereby you could respond to, address and raise issues related to the court case, but not by personal correspondence. Your proposed letters would be lodged in the court file unopened.

Secondly and equally futile, is your expressed hopes that the Indiana judge will grant the petitioning husband a divorce without his cooperation. Judges dismiss civil cases for lack of prosecution. They do not present them.

(Plus referring to him as “my ex” seems a bit premature.)

Thirdly, nothing has occurred in Indiana that would prevent you from petitioning the appropriate Florida court for dissolution of the marriage and seeking custody of your minor child.

So don’t be beguiled by Mr. “Wannabe” a/k/a “LdiJ”, who has never stepped foot inside of a law school into thinking that his Indiana filing bars you from doing the same thing in your home state! And why would your husband object?

Fourth, if you wanted the clerk of the Indiana court to make and forward you copies of the Indiana court file, you would have needed to first tendered to the clerk a M.O covering the nominal fees and a SASE!

Which you apparently didn’t do or you would’ve mentioned it. So quit with this self-pity grumbling over being victimized by the Indiana court system!

Lastly, if you are interested in forcing the issue of paternity and/or child support, then seek procedural advice from a Florida attorney/and or an appropriate Florida DA or agency about the state’s Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction Enforcement Act (UCCJEA – F. S. 61.501), the Uniform Reciprocal Enforcement of Support Act (URESA – F. S. 88.0011) and the Uniform Interstate Family Support Act (UIFSA –F. S. 88-1011).

And why you have yet to avail you and your child of the benefits of these reciprocal laws seems inexplicable.

 

[single317dad]

He put in the paperwork that I would get custody. I have called the court house in Indiana several times, and the case is there, but I have never actually gotten paperwork. They claim my paperwork was signed for at my address, but I was on vacation in another state when that supposedly happened, and they didn't cooperate on sending me another copy. I have tried to cooperate in any way possible. No one at the court house helps me at all. They act like I"m a criminal just because I am not the petitioner. I have considered writing the judge a letter giving some of the details that don't seem apparent in the paperwork. Such as the fact that he's filed before, hasn't seen our son in six years, never paid support.. etc etc. I am hoping the judge can just grant the divorce with out my exs cooperation.

You need to file a Motion to Dismiss for Failure to Prosecute under Indiana Trial Rule 41(e). In all honesty, you might not even need to file it, because Indiana courts are generally pretty good at cleaning up dead cases, and the court will do that on its own eventually. However, you may not know that it has happened unless you follow your case on Odyssey or Doxpop.

The arguments you're considering writing to the judge are irrelevant right now. Those are arguments to make at trial. If there's no support order, he's under no obligation to pay any support. His lack of contact would be an argument for graduated and/or supervised visitation, not for case dismissal.

You're also free to file a counterclaim for divorce on the same case number, if you'd rather have Indiana handle the case. You simply file the same paperwork he filed (packet is available at many courthouses and on the Indiana website), but fill in your own blanks. Surely that would be costly and inconvenient, but it is one way to force the case forward.

 

[tatianakyrrn]

I don't know why, but it won't let me reply directly to a comment on this site. A few people are liking the comments from latigo, but I dont see why. First off, I have had judges take letters before when they are sent into court with the other paperwork. I know 100% it is possible to write a judge a letter. So i guess that part of your advice is wrong.
And how is calling him "my ex" premature? We have been separated for six years. He is my ex. We would be divorced if he would stop playing the system.
As far as "why would my EX husband object?" I have NO idea. If I knew the answer to that, this likely would have been over with years ago. But he does object, over and over and over.
As far as needing to send a money order and SASE to the clerk in Indiana, well for one thing you are being super rude in your advice there, but that is beside the point. I have called the court house and asked the what to do to get it sent, I get transferred, and transferred, and transferred. Then finally I get told the "woman who does divorce stuff" is out of the office, so I leave a message. Then after I don't hear back, I call again, and the same thing happens. So no, I haven't sent them money, but because no one has told me I could do that. It's become clear no one in that county knows what they are doing in the slightest.
As far as child support goes, there has been an open case on him for that for about five of the six years. Florida makes no effort to track him down. I"ve given CSE his address every time he moves, and they say they can't find him. I tell them when he gets a job, and they say they can't find him. I give them phone numbers and email addresses, and big surprise, they say they can't find him. So I've never seen a penny of support.

Everyone keeps bringing up support. That really isn't the issue is. I haven't gotten a penny yet, and I doubt I ever will. I just want the divorce and wasn't sure what I could do to get that moving.

 

[Just Blue]

I don't know why, but it won't let me reply directly to a comment on this site. A few people are liking the comments from latigo, but I dont see why. First off, I have had judges take letters before when they are sent into court with the other paperwork. I know 100% it is possible to write a judge a letter. So i guess that part of your advice is wrong.
And how is calling him "my ex" premature? We have been separated for six years. He is my ex. We would be divorced if he would stop playing the system.
As far as "why would my EX husband object?" I have NO idea. If I knew the answer to that, this likely would have been over with years ago. But he does object, over and over and over.
As far as needing to send a money order and SASE to the clerk in Indiana, well for one thing you are being super rude in your advice there, but that is beside the point. I have called the court house and asked the what to do to get it sent, I get transferred, and transferred, and transferred. Then finally I get told the "woman who does divorce stuff" is out of the office, so I leave a message. Then after I don't hear back, I call again, and the same thing happens. So no, I haven't sent them money, but because no one has told me I could do that. It's become clear no one in that county knows what they are doing in the slightest.
As far as child support goes, there has been an open case on him for that for about five of the six years. Florida makes no effort to track him down. I"ve given CSE his address every time he moves, and they say they can't find him. I tell them when he gets a job, and they say they can't find him. I give them phone numbers and email addresses, and big surprise, they say they can't find him. So I've never seen a penny of support.

Everyone keeps bringing up support. That really isn't the issue is. I haven't gotten a penny yet, and I doubt I ever will. I just want the divorce and wasn't sure what I could do to get that moving.

Latigo is a vetted attorney. If you do not "like" his/her advice, PAY for an ATTORNEY.

 

[tatianakyrrn]

It's not his advice I had issue with. I am looking for an attorney, one that I will PAY. My divorce case is in a very small county, and there aren't a lot of options so far. Forgive me for using the free advice site to ask for advice while I'm looking. And for thinking it was unnecessary for that guy/girl to be so rude. I was explaining the details of what was going on with the case and they decided to insult me as part of their advice. Sometimes people really do get screwed by the legal system, that doesn't mean they are "grumbling" or "self-pitying." Self pity requires feeling sorry for myself. I was simply asking for advice on a subject that is admittedly confusing to me at this point.

 

[TheGeekess]

It's not his advice I had issue with. I am looking for an attorney, one that I will PAY. My divorce case is in a very small county, and there aren't a lot of options so far. Forgive me for using the free advice site to ask for advice while I'm looking. And for thinking it was unnecessary for that guy/girl to be so rude. I was explaining the details of what was going on with the case and they decided to insult me as part of their advice. Sometimes people really do get screwed by the legal system, that doesn't mean they are "grumbling" or "self-pitying." Self pity requires feeling sorry for myself. I was simply asking for advice on a subject that is admittedly confusing to me at this point.

Alrighty then.

 

[Ohiogal]

I don't know why, but it won't let me reply directly to a comment on this site. A few people are liking the comments from latigo, but I dont see why. First off, I have had judges take letters before when they are sent into court with the other paperwork. I know 100% it is possible to write a judge a letter. So i guess that part of your advice is wrong.

Actually it is correct. A judge cannot have ex parte communication with a party so unless you are sending these "letters" to every other party on the case, the judge cannot consider them.

And how is calling him "my ex" premature? We have been separated for six years. He is my ex. We would be divorced if he would stop playing the system.

He is YOUR husband because you are still married to him. You would be divorced if you had gotten off your hiney and filed for it yourself.

As far as "why would my EX husband object?" I have NO idea. If I knew the answer to that, this likely would have been over with years ago. But he does object, over and over and over.

If you filed, it would be in your control to proceed.So why haven't you?

As far as needing to send a money order and SASE to the clerk in Indiana, well for one thing you are being super rude in your advice there, but that is beside the point. I have called the court house and asked the what to do to get it sent, I get transferred, and transferred, and transferred. Then finally I get told the "woman who does divorce stuff" is out of the office, so I leave a message. Then after I don't hear back, I call again, and the same thing happens. So no, I haven't sent them money, but because no one has told me I could do that. It's become clear no one in that county knows what they are doing in the slightest.

Well it is clear that you are whining and haven't done much in your own life to get a divorce.

As far as child support goes, there has been an open case on him for that for about five of the six years. Florida makes no effort to track him down. I"ve given CSE his address every time he moves, and they say they can't find him. I tell them when he gets a job, and they say they can't find him. I give them phone numbers and email addresses, and big surprise, they say they can't find him. So I've never seen a penny of support.

Everyone keeps bringing up support. That really isn't the issue is. I haven't gotten a penny yet, and I doubt I ever will. I just want the divorce and wasn't sure what I could do to get that moving.

You could file either an answer and counterclaim OR file your own divorce complaint. Both of those would not be able to be dismissed by HIS failure to participate.

 

[LdiJ]

It's not his advice I had issue with. I am looking for an attorney, one that I will PAY. My divorce case is in a very small county, and there aren't a lot of options so far. Forgive me for using the free advice site to ask for advice while I'm looking. And for thinking it was unnecessary for that guy/girl to be so rude. I was explaining the details of what was going on with the case and they decided to insult me as part of their advice. Sometimes people really do get screwed by the legal system, that doesn't mean they are "grumbling" or "self-pitying." Self pity requires feeling sorry for myself. I was simply asking for advice on a subject that is admittedly confusing to me at this point.

Since Latigo believes that its possible for you to file for divorce in FL when there is already a divorce case on file in Indiana, then perhaps you can explore that option. Get a consult with an FL attorney (don't hire one yet, just consult with one) to see if that is really possible. I don't think its possible, but since Latigo (who has proven himself wrong often) believes that, why not check?

If that is not possible, then you would need to get the case dismissed in Indiana, and then hurry up and file in FL.

 

[Ohiogal]

Since Latigo believes that its possible for you to file for divorce in FL when there is already a divorce case on file in Indiana, then perhaps you can explore that option. Get a consult with an FL attorney (don't hire one yet, just consult with one) to see if that is really possible. I don't think its possible, but since Latigo (who has proven himself wrong often) believes that, why not check?

If that is not possible, then you would need to get the case dismissed in Indiana, and then hurry up and file in FL.

How about how often YOU have been proven wrong? I see you don't mind slamming Latigo and saying he has been wrong but you don't own up to your own issues with facts and legalese.

 

[tatianakyrrn]

Actually it is correct. A judge cannot have ex parte communication with a party so unless you are sending these "letters" to every other party on the case, the judge cannot consider them.


He is YOUR husband because you are still married to him. You would be divorced if you had gotten off your hiney and filed for it yourself.

If you filed, it would be in your control to proceed.So why haven't you?

Well it is clear that you are whining and haven't done much in your own life to get a divorce.


You could file either an answer and counterclaim OR file your own divorce complaint. Both of those would not be able to be dismissed by HIS failure to participate.

Finally got this site to work in IE. I think I see the misunderstanding of the letter to the judge. I did not mean like a private letter to him, it would be a document included in the proceedings. I assumed it would have to be something everyone involved would have access too, but it would be more to bring the issues to the judge�s attention to the courts time is no longer wasted. I have already explained why I hadn't filed. He filed for divorce in 2008. I sent in all the paperwork, attended the parenting class, and everything else. That case still drug out for several years, until the judge dismissed it for my ex's failure to act. He isn't fighting any specifics of the divorce, he just ignores it. I was never notified of the dismissal until I called the court house once again to check on the status and was told there was a new case number. When I asked why they said the case had been dismissed but he had immediately refiled. They also told me that divorce cases were federal, and so I could not file myself in Florida as long as his case was open on Indiana. This may have been bad advice. I was told that by the county clerk, and not a lawyer. That is part of why I am not looking for a lawyer, and was looking into sites like this. If the advice on here was that I just had to wait it out again, and call regularly to catch when the case was dismissed before he could file again, then that is what I was going to do. Since I'm now being told I should still be able to file again here, I am going to look into that option.
Like I said, I had no problem with the advice, just the attitude it was given with. I am not trying to whine here, I was trying to give information so the advice could be better given. I feel this is a strange case, and it should be this hard to get a divorce. I'm not someone who is living off of child support or welfare and complaining because my child�s father won't give me what I want. I take care of myself and my child, and I just want to cut ties with someone who turned out to be bad for me and our child.

 

[tatianakyrrn]

Also, I'm really not trying to start drama here, and I feel like it somehow happened. I'm here because I don't know much about legal issues. I was looking for advice from people who do. I take "senior member" as a sign that all of you at least know more than me, and am still thankful for all the advice from everyone. I'm going to consult with lawyers here to see if there is anyway I can file here on my own.

 

[Ohiogal]

Finally got this site to work in IE. I think I see the misunderstanding of the letter to the judge. I did not mean like a private letter to him, it would be a document included in the proceedings. I assumed it would have to be something everyone involved would have access too, but it would be more to bring the issues to the judge�s attention to the courts time is no longer wasted. I have already explained why I hadn't filed. He filed for divorce in 2008. I sent in all the paperwork, attended the parenting class, and everything else. That case still drug out for several years, until the judge dismissed it for my ex's failure to act. He isn't fighting any specifics of the divorce, he just ignores it. I was never notified of the dismissal until I called the court house once again to check on the status and was told there was a new case number. When I asked why they said the case had been dismissed but he had immediately refiled.

If you had filed an answer with a counterclaim for divorce, you would also have a divorce case going with the same case number. While HIS complaint could be dismissed for failure to prosecute, you could still pursue your counterclaim and get this over with.

They also told me that divorce cases were federal, and so I could not file myself in Florida as long as his case was open on Indiana. This may have been bad advice. I was told that by the county clerk, and not a lawyer. That is part of why I am not looking for a lawyer, and was looking into sites like this. If the advice on here was that I just had to wait it out again, and call regularly to catch when the case was dismissed before he could file again, then that is what I was going to do. Since I'm now being told I should still be able to file again here, I am going to look into that option.

Divorce cases are NOT federal. There is not a "federal" divorce case.

Like I said, I had no problem with the advice, just the attitude it was given with. I am not trying to whine here, I was trying to give information so the advice could be better given. I feel this is a strange case, and it should be this hard to get a divorce. I'm not someone who is living off of child support or welfare and complaining because my child�s father won't give me what I want. I take care of myself and my child, and I just want to cut ties with someone who turned out to be bad for me and our child.

It wasn't given with attitude. it just wasn't given with coddling.