There are a lot of child experts, and laypeople too who strongly believe that a child should have one place to call "home". Others feel very strongly in the opposite.
I have known many children in 50/50 situations and to be quite frank, most of then hated it. They felt like visitors in BOTH homes, particularly when they had other siblings in the home(s) who did not have to switch. One family I knew did it very well, and it seemed to work out well until the kids got to be older teens, and then they didn't want it anymore.
That's what I am worried about. I love structure and I love things to be organized and things to be stable because my life was pretty off-the-wall for a while myself. (Both parents laid off within a year, made for some fun times. ) I want stability for the child.
I did have something to ask that is personal.. and I do need advice on it.
When I was with the father.. He used to hack all of my accounts and read everything, even watch as I talked to people on facebook- would delete posts he didn't like and would fuss me out for it later.
If I didn't answer my phone at midnight, he would show up at 1.
He would make me take pictures of where I was with a piece of paper with the date and time on it to prove it. (Even though I was bed-ridden from injury and could not leave for MONTHS)
Would hack into a friends account and pose as her so I would stay with him with 'her' advice.
He threatened suicide twice because I wouldn't stay the night with him. (He lived with his grandma and I lived with my parents. I just didn't think it was a good idea) He would take my phone and keys and then lock himself in a room with a gun until I gave in and the second time.. he left my keys and phone with me so I called 911 (he was driving off.. he had me in the car when I was pregnant at first, posing a serious threat.. cause he was speeding and it was raining ) and he made me tell the cops I didn't know where the gun was. (When he was gone, I told them).
He showed up at my job several times (at a bakery) and got mad if I "took too long" going to the back freezer looking for things I needed. He would harass me at work constantly. Sit at a table and stare. For forever.
Another time when I was pregnant.. he got mad at me and drove again in the rain, speeding, sliding everywhere.. yelling at me. He caught me trying to record him- I wanted to get out by then. Several times before I was pregnant, I wanted to jump out of the car because it would have just been so much easier. (felt like it) But this time.. I hyperventilated to the point where I almost had to go to the hospital. He didn't stop until I almost passed out.
When I went to the free care center.. He said he wanted to stay home because he had work later.. so I went with my sister. They don't allow phones in the center, so mine was off. Mid ultrasound, he barges into the center demanding to see me. Then he yells at me for not answering my phone.
Did the same thing the second time. Except this time, they told him that since we were discussing medical things, he couldn't come in. He got mad and paced outside the door where I was for over an hour.. then yelled at me and lectured me.
I left after he told me he would rather sign off rights than pay child support. :/
That was the final straw.
He stalked me after that, too. Then his new girlfriend. I kept coming back because of all the promises and I was scared he was going to do something.
All this being said.. Legal aid here doesn't help people in my situation. I guess because I don't have much proof? He deleted just about everything. New things, I have.
Where he threatened to take the baby away from me, etc.
It's not so much that it is about ME.. its about what he is capable of- the lengths he goes to control. He does the same things to his 'best' friend (although, the friend got married and is now wising up to his ways.) and his wife.
How would I prove any of this without it absolutely seeming like I have a grudge? I honestly am afraid that something will happen.