Restraining Order - Temp or Perm?

[MomGT123]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TX

There was a heated argument this morning between my husband and I (thankfully, my children were not there). He got frustrated and threw a pair of shorts off of the ground at me. There was one of those small screwdrivers in the pocket (we've been moving), it hit my leg, punctured and bruised it. I am fully aware that his intention was not to injure me....however I still believe his behavior was reckless and even after we both realized what had happened he continued to say "that's what you get" and there were some other verbal threats before I went to work this morning.

I took several photos of the bloody towel (it bled a lot for such a small wound), the wound itself from several angles, and I've tried my best to capture the knot that was starting to form. I plan to take additional pictures later b/c I know it will bruise badly (it's already starting to after just a cpl of hours). I also went to my best friend's house for about 30 minutes before work this morning so she is fully aware and saw the injury first hand (as well as several cell pics at 630 this morning).

I walked away and got ready for work. I didn't want to escalate the situation any further. He came in, had calmed down considerably and said that he would try to find somewhere to go and be gone before I got home from work. Now, he legitimately may not be able to find somewhere on such short notice and I understand that as long as he is civil in the meantime. My question is, between now and when he can either find somewhere to go or I get him a plane ticket out of state to his mom....do I have enough evidence to have a restraining order placed on him and/or call the cops if things become heated again (using this morning's incident as additional back-up to whatever the situation may be at that time?) This is all of course, only during the period of time that my kids are with their dad. They will not be back at my house until this Friday afternoon...he needs to be gone before then, no exceptions.

I am completely open to information on where I went wrong (I probably should have immediately called the cops but know the actual injury was an accident, just crappy actions before and after...and he calmed down so it seemed like he might leave peacefully) and what I need to do now or in the future. I guess I'm just questioning myself on whether I should pursue DV b/c I'm worried that it may be an overreaction on my part in light of the surrounding circumstances and if he just leaves on his own....

**I got away from my original question, I guess. If I do have to call the police or try to get a restraining order on him, what elements do I need in order to have it be more than a short-term/temporary RO?

 

[single317dad]

It's not only enough for a restraining order; what you've described is sufficient for a simple assault charge with a family violence finding, and perhaps even felony aggravated assault (dependent upon whether the item thrown is considered a "weapon".) However, that would require a police investigation, not your photos of a bloody towel. If you're planning to call the police "if it happens again", then I would recommend you do it now, because it will happen again, eventually.

You can't force your husband to vacate the marital premises on your own; he has just as much right to be there as you do, unless and until a court orders otherwise. He can also return to the premises freely in the future if you just "kick him out".

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

Soooo, what proof do you have this was not a self inflicted boo boo? You really need to grow up. Apparently so does he. There is a lot of stupidity between I love you and lets get a divorce. Is it really your goal to destroy his life over something so stupid?

 

[MomGT123]

It's not only enough for a restraining order; what you've described is sufficient for a simple assault charge with a family violence finding, and perhaps even felony aggravated assault (dependent upon whether the item thrown is considered a "weapon".) However, that would require a police investigation, not your photos of a bloody towel. If you're planning to call the police "if it happens again", then I would recommend you do it now, because it will happen again, eventually.

You can't force your husband to vacate the marital premises on your own; he has just as much right to be there as you do, unless and until a court orders otherwise. He can also return to the premises freely in the future if you just "kick him out".

Thank you. Good information on the potential charges. I'm basing my next course of action off of his temperament tonight, if he's there. Either way, I'm bringing home the paperwork for temporary orders (since there is no legal separation in TX) and I'll file it however I have to, contested or uncontested. If I have to file uncontested, I will have to go to the PD tonight or in the morning for a statement and official pictures (I'm assuming) to help my standing in being the one that can remain in the marital residence. I just hate to have him arrested for the injury that was an accident (not excusing it, there is no excuse...but I feel a little guilty using it when ultimately he thought he was throwing an empty pair of shorts at me in frustration).

This is so frustrating. I understand a little more how abused women feel sometimes when they're not sure if what happened to them really qualifies as "abuse" or they try to justify not doing anything about it. We've tried to work through so much verbal crap but this crossed a line that I can't look past, whether he meant to or not. Sigh...my thought process changes minute to minute right now.

 

[Just Blue]

px hx**************..

 

[MomGT123]

Soooo, what proof do you have this was not a self inflicted boo boo? You really need to grow up. Apparently so does he. There is a lot of stupidity between I love you and lets get a divorce. Is it really your goal to destroy his life over something so stupid?

If you would read a little better you would see that I was questioning whether I could hold off on using this if he became violent again in the next few days. If I was out to just ruin his life, I would have called the police this morning. I'm trying to be civil about this because I understand it was a mistake but I'm also not going to just brush it off and *hope* it never happens again.

I don't know why I'm even responding to you....I've seen too many of your postings on here. I'm all for constructive criticism but you obviously don't fully read before you start mouthing off about something completely inaccurate. Say whatever you like, I will not respond to you again (I just couldn't resist once).

 

[MomGT123]

I'm in no way trying to hide anything. Below is something I posted in the "Divorce" area not too long ago. As you can see, there have been problems for a while. We have both made an effort but it's just not working and this morning was my breaking point. There have been some changes to the information below. If there is something that may be relevant then ask away.


Basic Questions
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TX

My husband and I may be getting a divorce. I would like to avoid if possible, but so far, counseling is not working and my mental stability is really starting to suffer so it may be in the best interests of me and my children to end it. Not a done deal, but seriously being discussed. (Not proud to say, I actually screamed this at him this morning....not my best moment.)

We have been married for 2 years 4 months, no children of the marriage, and I have been the only person working throughout the marriage. Although, he is currently looking for work as he has recently been medically cleared to be fully employed. I am not attempting to kick him out in the near future, I want him to have time to find somewhere to go and not be on the streets. I realize, unless there is strong evidence, Texas is mainly a no fault state so the reasons behind the divorce don't matter....at least not in the courts' eyes. No drug use, abuse, incarceration, or anything of that nature.

1) We are in the process of having a house built. The contract has been signed but it has not yet been closed on. Obviously, there will be no equity in the house by the time we close and the location chosen for the house was so that I could be within a few miles of my kids' dad and share 50/50 physical custody with him. Since I am the only one able to afford the mortgage (in fact, only my name is going to be on it b/c he does not qualify), it was purchased to be near my kids and there is no equity to be split - do I have a decent chance of being awarded the house? If he were to be awarded the house, it would actually wind up being foreclosed on with only my name on the mortgage. I strongly suspect he will actually leave the state and move closer to either his mom or other family.

2) I realize we do not meet the 10 year minimum for spousal support but could he be awarded temporary support during the divorce process if I am allowing him to remain in the same residence as me until everything is finalized and he is able to make alternate plans? (Again, I'm not wanting to be vindictive by any means.) I'm asking because, at the moment, there is no extra money. We are strapped for cash due to the lawsuit we just finished and simply making minimum payments on the debt we accumulated is difficult. I am expecting a bonus within the next month that will take a large part of that strain off....it's going straight towards those credit cards.

3) I owned the majority of the items within the household before we were married. There are photos of our apartment when I first moved in, a month before the date on our marriage certificate. If he were to fight this, would these time stamped photos be sufficient evidence or do I need to start tracking down receipts? I know exactly what was his before our marriage and have absolutely no issue handing those things over to him. There are a couple of small items that we have bought since our marriage such as a dresser and bookshelf for my children (which I will be requesting to keep), two dressers for the master BR (I will offer him the larger one) and our two dogs. Honestly, I think we will argue over the dogs more than anything else. I am moving to a place where they will have a backyard to run around in whereas he has no idea where he will be going and it will likely be couch to couch for a while. I know they're not children by any means, but that still doesn't sit well with me. However, I have no idea how things are decided when it comes to pets. I'm also going to offer him the larger of the two older TV's. It was mine before marriage but I'll have my living room one and the kids have a small one in their room....I don't even watch TV in the bedroom, he does.

4) I have a very small 401K since I withdrew the majority to help him fight a visitation case for his son. If he wants to fight over the $300 vested amount that remains, I'll give him his half...not a big deal in the long run.

5) I will also offer to carry his current medical/dental/vision insurance on him until the next open enrollment so that he has plenty of time to find another option, if my employer will allow that once the divorce goes through.

6) I am asking to keep our only vehicle. It was purchased after we were married, he does not have a license (not until next calendar year) and there is no equity built up in the vehicle. I use it to get to and from work each day and chauffeur (sp?) my kids wherever they need to go. Any reason why keeping this might not be possible?

I'm sure this is far from everything that is involved but all that comes to mind at the moment. Is there anything else that I should be thinking of and preparing for? I believe that we will be able to do this without lawyers as the possibility really isn't an option for either of us (I just spent over $30,000 on his child visitation lawyer which is why we're in such financial strain right now.....trying to not go down that road again.).

 

[Silverplum]

If you would read a little better you would see that I was questioning whether I could hold off on using this if he became violent again in the next few days. If I was out to just ruin his life, I would have called the police this morning. I'm trying to be civil about this because I understand it was a mistake but I'm also not going to just brush it off and *hope* it never happens again.

He either meant to hurt you or he didn't.

It was either an accident or it wasn't.

If you were robbed, you would call the police ASAP, correct? Either a crime has occurred or it has not. You don't sit around and wait to "use" an incident against someone.

 

[MomGT123]

I would like to think that he didn't want to hurt me and if a more solid object, such as the screwdriver itself, had been handy - he wouldn't have chosen it instead. I guess just the shock of the injury and his reaction to it (no remorse - only mean remarks) is what has me questioning the whole situation.

Thank u for your input.

 

[Silverplum]

I would like to think that he didn't want to hurt me and if a more solid object, such as the screwdriver itself, had been handy - he wouldn't have chosen it instead. I guess just the shock of the injury and his reaction to it (no remorse - only mean remarks) is what has me questioning the whole situation.

Thank u for your input.

You're looking at divorce. You two are not friends any more. I can't imagine why you'd expect lovey-dovey reactions.

 

[MomGT123]

I didn't exect him to fall to his knees and kiss my feet but I also didn't expect him to gloat while I had blood running from my knee down to my ankle.

I apologize if I sound naive, I just didn't know if I was making the right decision not running to the cops. I, thank god, have never been in any physical situation where an injury occurred in a .moment of anger; intentional or not.

 

[Just Blue]

I didn't exect him to fall to his knees and kiss my feet but I also didn't expect him to gloat while I had blood running from my knee down to my ankle.

I apologize if I sound naive, I just didn't know if I was making the right decision not running to the cops. I, thank god, have never been in any physical situation where an injury occurred in a .moment of anger; intentional or not.

Your postings don't make logical sense. Please re-read and come up with a better "I do not wish to pay support" argument.

I'll wait to read your next "story".

 

[MomGT123]

Your postings don't make logical sense. Please re-read and come up with a better "I do not wish to pay support" argument.

I'll wait to read your next "story".

What do you mean? This has nothing to do with any support that could possibly be ordered. I only copied and pasted questions I had previously asked since posting hx was mentioned so that it was included in this thread. I think you misunderstood...my post this morning was strictly about what I mentioned in it and nothing to do with the previous history that I pasted so others wouldn't have to go search if they wanted to read it.

If a judge orders support, then I pay it. I'm not trying to create any "scheme" to get out of it...it wasn't even mentioned today until just now.

 

[sandyclaus]

...I walked away and got ready for work. I didn't want to escalate the situation any further...

This is the part that bothers me the most.

You thought nothing about walking away and not wanting to pursue the matter further right after it happened. There was no imminent threat of continued danger, and the situation was not urgent enough to warrant summoning emergency assistance (either medical or police). Now, suddenly, if he doesn't comply with your demands that he leave the marital home immediately, you feel that it's now warranted for you to seek a restraining order to legally force him to leave?

Either you're legitimately afraid for your safety, or you're not. If you're not, then you are simply attempting to usr a restraining order to force him to leave so that you can get your way. Not cool AT ALL. Shame on you for using the legal system to manipulate things when someone won't comply with your wishes.

Do I doubt that he injured you? No. Buy I also concur with your first response in that you know he didn't mean to injure you. He simply didn't remember having left the screwdriver in the pocket, and he didn't intend to inflict injury. I think its just pathetic that you want to try to twist the facts in order to manipulate the situation in your favor.

 

[MomGT123]

This is the part that bothers me the most.

You thought nothing about walking away and not wanting to pursue the matter further right after it happened. There was no imminent threat of continued danger, and the situation was not urgent enough to warrant summoning emergency assistance (either medical or police). Now, suddenly, if he doesn't comply with your demands that he leave the marital home immediately, you feel that it's now warranted for you to seek a restraining order to legally force him to leave?

Either you're legitimately afraid for your safety, or you're not. If you're not, then you are simply attempting to usr a restraining order to force him to leave so that you can get your way. Not cool AT ALL. Shame on you for using the legal system to manipulate things when someone won't comply with your wishes.

Do I doubt that he injured you? No. Buy I also concur with your first response in that you know he didn't mean to injure you. He simply didn't remember having left the screwdriver in the pocket, and he didn't intend to inflict injury. I think its just pathetic that you want to try to twist the facts in order to manipulate the situation in your favor.

Please don't assume things. I walked away b/c he was beginning to calm down and I was not going to continue to argue with him and keep him upset. This "walking away" was after I sat on the kitchen floor for over a hour and let him rant. I was trying to calm him down. He wasn't chasing after me intent on doing anything else so I was trying my best to defuse the situation and finally the time came for me to start getting ready for work. I even specifically asked him if I could go take a shower or would it make him madder if I left to go do that? When I got out of the shower is when he walked in to say that he would try to be gone before I got home. I'm not holding this over his head as a way to make him get out of the house and I'm sorry if it came off that way. And I'm not manipulating facts, anything I have said is what happened. Maybe not second by second, but this was a 1 1/2 hr ordeal before I went to take my shower.

If something like this were to happen again (since it's never happened before) I wasn't sure if I should get it documented but I didn't necessarily want to get him in trouble....but I don't know how to document it without that happening. That's why I came here. If my thoughts are all over the place, I'm sorry...I'm a little upset today. I did not expect to wake up at 4:30 and walk into this situation within 5 minutes of getting up.

Please understand. Regardless of how some may have taken it: I'm not trying to use this for any gain on my part. I just wanted to be protected in the off chance that this continues. It's never happened before and especially now that he's talking about leaving (which I am in complete agreement with) I'm worried that he may be pushed to that edge again. He's always had a temper but it's never caused anything of this sort. It's been contained to yelling and holes in the wall prior to this.

As someone else mentioned, if I have to pay support then so be it but that's not what this was about. If I have to wait for court to run its course and judge to rule before he leaves then that's fine too, as long as he can be civil to me. When he's mad, it doesn't matter if I avoid him or interact with him - it all makes him mad. Again, I apologize if it came off any other way. I've had a bad day, to say the least, and I'm frazzled. I was only wanting to know what I should have or should do since the incident did occur and there were threats made after I was hurt (which I mentioned in the first post).

I don't know what else to say (and to be honest I think I'm rambling at this point) but I promise that I'm not "out to get him" or looking to "manipulate facts". I had a question and now that I have calmed down I have already said that I'm going to refrain from pursuing anything UNLESS he gets to that point again or continues the threats.