My Ex got me fired and keeps calling potential employers

[enuff127]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ

I worked for a school district for over a year and my ex called the superintendent who was my boss at the time and told him I had porn on my work laptops. We broke up over the weekend and the following Monday I arrive to work to find my boss and the vice principal in my office going through my desktop. The local police confiscated my work desktop and laptop. Nothing was found but since this was a K-8 district I had to resign. A few months later I applied and was offered a job at another district and like a dumb ass I left my ex's contact info on the online application and when they called her she told them I "look at child porn and shouldn't be around children". Again, because this is how schools operate they declined the job offer because "they can't hire someone who may have this kind of background", whether it's true or not. I applied to another district and had an interview lined up and the superintendent from the first district I mentioned above called me letting me know someone called the potential school with the interview and pretended to be someone from my old boss's' school bad mouthing me. My boss told me no one from his school had called. If I ever do get another job working for a school district all info including employment, salary etc. is public information and anyone can just google my name and find out where I work. I'm not sure what actions I can take to finally put a stop to all this or who to call. She is spreading lies and ruining my life. I have child support to pay and all the usual bills. I like what I do and just want to move on with my life. Any advice on this is greatly appreciated.

Thanks,
-enuff

 

[quincy]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ

I worked for a school district for over a year and my ex called the superintendent who was my boss at the time and told him I had porn on my work laptops. We broke up over the weekend and the following Monday I arrive to work to find my boss and the vice principal in my office going through my desktop. The local police confiscated my work desktop and laptop. Nothing was found but since this was a K-8 district I had to resign. A few months later I applied and was offered a job at another district and like a dumb ass I left my ex's contact info on the online application and when they called her she told them I "look at child porn and shouldn't be around children". Again, because this is how schools operate they declined the job offer because "they can't hire someone who may have this kind of background", whether it's true or not. I applied to another district and had an interview lined up and the superintendent from the first district I mentioned above called me letting me know someone called the potential school with the interview and pretended to be someone from my old boss's' school bad mouthing me. My boss told me no one from his school had called. If I ever do get another job working for a school district all info including employment, salary etc. is public information and anyone can just google my name and find out where I work. I'm not sure what actions I can take to finally put a stop to all this or who to call. She is spreading lies and ruining my life. I have child support to pay and all the usual bills. I like what I do and just want to move on with my life. Any advice on this is greatly appreciated.

Thanks,
-enuff

I think, based on what you have written here, that you have a defamation suit that could be worth the expense of pursuing. The type of statements your ex has made about you, to the people she has made them, are exceptionally harmful. It is hard to recover from this type of reputational injury.

I recommend you consult with a defamation lawyer in your area for a personal review. You have one year from the date of first publication (first communication) of the defamatory statements to file suit in New Jersey.

The attorney you see can go over with you the pros and cons of filing suit. It will probably be suggested that a "cease and desist" letter be sent first, by the attorney to your ex, advising your ex that legal action is being considered and will be pursued if she does not stop telling lies about you. The cease and desist could also include a demand for a retraction of the statements that were made.

I suggest you speak with the attorney about getting a no-contact order. If your ex violates the terms of the order (which can include no contact with your employer or the employees at your workplace), you can have her arrested.

Unfortunately, there is no easy way to handle defamatory statements of the sort you are experiencing.

 

[enuff127]

I think, based on what you have written here, that you have a defamation suit that could be worth the expense of pursuing. The type of statements your ex has made about you, to the people she has made them, are exceptionally harmful. It is hard to recover from this type of reputational injury.

I recommend you consult with a defamation lawyer in your area for a personal review. You have one year from the date of first publication (first communication) of the defamatory statements to file suit in New Jersey.

The attorney you see can go over with you the pros and cons of filing suit. It will probably be suggested that a "cease and desist" letter be sent first, by the attorney to your ex, advising your ex that legal action is being considered and will be pursued if she does not stop telling lies about you. The cease and desist could also include a demand for a retraction of the statements that were made.

I suggest you speak with the attorney about getting a no-contact order. If your ex violates the terms of the order (which can include no contact with your employer or the employees at your workplace), you can have her arrested.

Unfortunately, there is no easy way to handle defamatory statements of the sort you are experiencing.

Thanks for the advice. I'm trying to get the ball rolling on this. I did call the county prosecutor's office and they told me my first step is to file a report at the town police station. Not sure what happens after that. Should I also file a restraining order?

thanks,
E

 

[commentator]

I think in the meantime, before I applied to another school district, or any type of job, I would make it very plain WHO they were to contact, and it wouldn't be my ex. Defamation aside, really, that wasn't real smart. Also, I would try to make very sure you are not telling her anything she can turn into a sword to stab you with.

How is this person finding out about everywhere you apply to so she can defame you? Is she just doing a universal calling every possible site you might file an application, or are you providing her with information about your activities and job searches?

Where you work may be public knowledge after you get the job, but once you are on board, maybe if there is one phone call made, in a situation that has already been covered, and you have possibly notified your employer of the issue (and perhaps the on-going lawsuit) it would not instantly result in your losing your job. Most employers understand that these things can sometimes happen in nasty divorce proceedings, and as long as you have passed all the checks they want to do on you, they don't want to get rid of a good employee.

I know someone who was in a very high responsibility, well paid job, and when he notified his employer of his pending divorce and the accusations that were being made by his soon to be ex, the supervisor said, "Oh yes, ALL our employees become child molesters and spouse abusers when they start getting a divorce."

And if you're paying that child support to her she's really stupid, because it would be in her best interests to keep you employed. But really, a lot of people don't realize they can't just do this with impunity. This false accusation business should be pursued, go for it. Quincy has advised you to get a no-contact order, make sure you follow this to the letter with no contact with her. She's not your emergency contact person any more. She shouldn't know where you're applying for jobs.

 

[quincy]

Thanks for the advice. I'm trying to get the ball rolling on this. I did call the county prosecutor's office and they told me my first step is to file a report at the town police station. Not sure what happens after that. Should I also file a restraining order?

thanks,
E

Did you ever file police complaints against your ex at the time of your computer confiscation and/or later, when she provided false information to the second school district?

What you can consider is filing an harassment complaint against her at your police department and, at the same time, you can fill out a "New Jersey Domestic Violence Civil Complaint and Temporary Restraining Order" form (or you can fill out the form at a court). The restraining order can be for the purpose of preventing all future contact by your ex to you or your workplace (a no-contact order that orders your ex not to call, email, send letters, stalk, harass). If she violates the order, she can be arrested.

Below are two links that you may find helpful - one, for informational purposes, is a link to a training guide for police on handling domestic disputes, and the other provides information on filing an harassment complaint.

The police training guide has a copy of the form you will be filling out, so that you can review it and know what information will be required (scroll down to page 15 of the guide): http://www.nj.gov/oag/dcj/njpdresources/dom-violence/dv-tro-trng-guide.pdf

For information on filing the complaint, scroll to page 6: http://www.njsbf.org/images/content/1/1/11076/domesticviolence.pdf

Because you are considering filing a defamation lawsuit, I advise that you consult with a defamation attorney in your area for a personal review. Defamation suits can be extremely costly. Pursuing a legal action of this sort can create as many problems as solve, so it is important that you weigh the cons of a suit against any benefits you may realize. It is hard to heal the reputational harm caused by defamatory statements, but damages awarded in a suit can make going forward a little easier.

Good luck.

 

[enuff127]

I think in the meantime, before I applied to another school district, or any type of job, I would make it very plain WHO they were to contact, and it wouldn't be my ex. Defamation aside, really, that wasn't real smart. Also, I would try to make very sure you are not telling her anything she can turn into a sword to stab you with.

How is this person finding out about everywhere you apply to so she can defame you? Is she just doing a universal calling every possible site you might file an application, or are you providing her with information about your activities and job searches?

Where you work may be public knowledge after you get the job, but once you are on board, maybe if there is one phone call made, in a situation that has already been covered, and you have possibly notified your employer of the issue (and perhaps the on-going lawsuit) it would not instantly result in your losing your job. Most employers understand that these things can sometimes happen in nasty divorce proceedings, and as long as you have passed all the checks they want to do on you, they don't want to get rid of a good employee.

I know someone who was in a very high responsibility, well paid job, and when he notified his employer of his pending divorce and the accusations that were being made by his soon to be ex, the supervisor said, "Oh yes, ALL our employees become child molesters and spouse abusers when they start getting a divorce."

And if you're paying that child support to her she's really stupid, because it would be in her best interests to keep you employed. But really, a lot of people don't realize they can't just do this with impunity. This false accusation business should be pursued, go for it. Quincy has advised you to get a no-contact order, make sure you follow this to the letter with no contact with her. She's not your emergency contact person any more. She shouldn't know where you're applying for jobs.

Thanks for the reply, everything is public information including salary when you work for a school district. Just google my name and you'll get hits. And it's very 'political'. Even if you're a good employee, they rather sweep it under the rug and not have to deal with it. I think I wouldn't have as much of a problem if it was a corporate job. This is not my ex wife, it's an ex gf. I believe once I'm hired and established at a new job, I would be able to tell my supt of the accusations made by my ex in the past. This person also called Child Services on my ex wife and put my kids through hell. She's very vindictive. She doesn't work so she has nothing to lose. Also, she is the type to call all local schools and just mention if "they receive a resume from me not to hire me because I'm this and that". She destroyed my life! I have child support and alimony and they court systems told me they will arrest me if I don't make payments. Which I understand and I never missed payments before all this happened. My kids are my world and they shouldn't have to pay for my or anyone else's mistakes. I just want to put an end to all this and just frigging work! I am pursuing the 'no-contact order' with a lawyer. Thanks again for your advice.

-E

 

[quincy]

... I am pursuing the 'no-contact order' with a lawyer. ...

That sounds smart. Good luck.