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Is telling and advising on cheater's spouse legal?

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mayfever

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY
One forced a woman employee into sexual relationship. Force was not in physical form rather it was for job security. The woman was consulted with lawyer and was advised to forget and move on. The woman would like to let his spouse and the family member to know what he did.
Is this legal and if so can a local lawyer help?
 


quincy

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY
One forced a woman employee into sexual relationship. Force was not in physical form rather it was for job security. The woman was consulted with lawyer and was advised to forget and move on. The woman would like to let his spouse and the family member to know what he did.
Is this legal and if so can a local lawyer help?
It is legal to tell the truth. It is not always smart to do so.
 

quincy

Senior Member
Can you explain why it may not be smart to do so?

Thanks
If the woman is not careful with what she says, the woman can be sued.

"Facts" can be disputed and, undoubtedly, would be.

The woman will likely lose her job (if she hasn't already).

A sexual relationship, and the reasons behind it, will be a he-said/she-said matter. The woman is likely to have her reputation sullied as the matter gets discussed and the story gets distorted. Not everyone will believe what she says. Not everyone will believe her job security depended on her having a sexual relationship. Not everyone will think that having a sexual relationship is a proper or necessary way to keep a job.

I see very little to gain for the woman, and I see a lot to lose, even if a lawsuit does not result from what she says.

That said, it is ultimately up to the woman to decide for herself what to do. She can consult with an attorney in her area to discuss the pros and cons of reporting the relationship if she wants to (although it appears she already has seen an attorney, and she was discouraged in speaking out).
 
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cbg

I'm a Northern Girl
Since this appears to have been work related:

When the woman reported what happened to HR, what did they say?
 

quincy

Senior Member
Since this appears to have been work related:

When the woman reported what happened to HR, what did they say?
Depending on size, the place of employment may not have an HR person.

If it does, then I would think that talking to HR about the working conditions would have been a better first step to take than having a sexual relationship.

At least the woman had the good sense to talk to an attorney before talking to the spouse and family but, depending on whether this could be viewed as a sexual harassment case or not, the attorney's advice to "forget and move on" could potentially be improved upon.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
She wasn't forced. She had options. She chose to have sex. Sorry but that makes her culpable (and other things) in my book. But I will be nice. If she was being sexually harassed she could have filed a formal complaint. If she didn't, she is nothing but a mistress who was dumped and now has sour grapes. If she calls the guy's wife, she better expect pushback and to be labeled a slut, whore, cheap, or other things. Fair warning. If someone else calls the guy's wife, she may get the same response.
 

quincy

Senior Member
She wasn't forced. She had options. She chose to have sex. Sorry but that makes her culpable (and other things) in my book. But I will be nice. If she was being sexually harassed she could have filed a formal complaint. If she didn't, she is nothing but a mistress who was dumped and now has sour grapes. If she calls the guy's wife, she better expect pushback and to be labeled a slut, whore, cheap, or other things. Fair warning. If someone else calls the guy's wife, she may get the same response.
While I would like to think that the days of a woman feeling she had to sleep with the boss to keep her job are gone, thanks in large part to improved sexual harassment laws, I imagine there are some women who might feel coerced or intimidated into having a sexual relationship. They might not feel they have a choice, especially if they desperately need the income from the job they have.

That said, I don't doubt that the woman will have her morals and motives questioned - more so, perhaps, than the philanderer will. This is bound to be more likely if she decides to talk about the sexual relationship to the spouse, to the family or, for that matter, to anyone but her attorney or her priest.
 

cbg

I'm a Northern Girl
Depending on size, the place of employment may not have an HR person.

If it does, then I would think that talking to HR about the working conditions would have been a better first step to take than having a sexual relationship.

At least the woman had the good sense to talk to an attorney before talking to the spouse and family but, depending on whether this could be viewed as a sexual harassment case or not, the attorney's advice to "forget and move on" could potentially be improved upon.
Here's the thing.

IF the facts are as described, then the woman in question may be one of the very small percentage of posters who actually might have a legitimate wrongful termination claim. HOWEVER, in order to sue the employee would need a right to sue letter from either the EEOC or the NY state human rights commission. Only four employees are needed for an employer to be liable for sexual harassment laws.

However, while reporting it to HR and/or upper management is not required, it is preferred. The EEOC WILL ask what steps were taken to resolve it internally. And I promise that even if there is not an HR person (and we really have been given no indications of how large the company is) there is someone whose job it is to handle such complaints. And unless that person IS the one doing the harassing, it's really much better to be able to say to the EEOC/NY HRC that you tried to work it out internally first.

So I ask the OP again, when it was reported to HR or the equivalent, what happened?
 

mmmagique

Member
She wasn't forced. She had options. She chose to have sex. Sorry but that makes her culpable (and other things) in my book. But I will be nice. If she was being sexually harassed she could have filed a formal complaint. If she didn't, she is nothing but a mistress who was dumped and now has sour grapes. If she calls the guy's wife, she better expect pushback and to be labeled a slut, whore, cheap, or other things. Fair warning. If someone else calls the guy's wife, she may get the same response.
This is nice? :eek:
 

quincy

Senior Member
Here's the thing.

IF the facts are as described, then the woman in question may be one of the very small percentage of posters who actually might have a legitimate wrongful termination claim. HOWEVER, in order to sue the employee would need a right to sue letter from either the EEOC or the NY state human rights commission. Only four employees are needed for an employer to be liable for sexual harassment laws.

However, while reporting it to HR and/or upper management is not required, it is preferred. The EEOC WILL ask what steps were taken to resolve it internally. And I promise that even if there is not an HR person (and we really have been given no indications of how large the company is) there is someone whose job it is to handle such complaints. And unless that person IS the one doing the harassing, it's really much better to be able to say to the EEOC/NY HRC that you tried to work it out internally first.

So I ask the OP again, when it was reported to HR or the equivalent, what happened?
mayfever has said very little in his/her two posts (including whether mayfever is the woman employee in question).

There is nothing that indicates the woman has been fired. All that has been said is that the woman had a sexual relationship with someone in her place of employment because she felt it was necessary in order to keep her job - and now she wants to tell the spouse and family about the sexual relationship.

Because the thread was created in the Defamation section of the forum, it appears that mayfever is more concerned about the legalities involved with the woman telling others about the sexual relationship and less concerned about the woman's job.

If an attorney told the woman to "forget and move on," it is entirely possible that Ohiogal (in all her niceness :)) has read the situation correctly.
 

cbg

I'm a Northern Girl
the woman had a sexual relationship with someone in her place of employment because she felt it was necessary in order to keep her job

With respect, Q, that is the DEFINITION of quid pro quo sexual harassment, and there is no requirement that she have been fired for her to file a complaint.
 

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