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Limits of full decision making

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Linda86

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CO

I have full custody and decision making due to my ex�s drug problems and domestic abuse convictions. He has filed a motion to get joint decision making and 50% custody and the hearing is in about 1 month. During his unsupervised visits, my 1st grade daughter told me that they always �stay up until midnight drinking Mountain Dew until they are drunk.�

In an email, I asked him if he would agree to mirror my house rules of an 8:30pm bedtime and only having pop on special occasion occasions like birthday parties. His response was to contact my lawyer and demand that any requests for his compliance regarding this active case be processed through her office and that he be provided an official document outline the exact specifics and definitions of my request including all relevant documentation.

I know that as the sole decision maker, I make all major medical decisions for my daughter, but where does that end? I would not imagine that includes smaller things like diet and bedtime but those are definitely parts of my daughter�s health and picking up my ex�s 4 liter per day Mountain Dew habit will not do her health any favors. I am in favor of people making their own choices for themselves, even if they are bad ones, but he is making poor choices for my daughter.

Does my ex have to comply with my dietary and bedtime request?

He loves driving up my legal costs by constantly attempting to involve my lawyer on routine matters that do not involve her, is this something I can avoid or does my attorney need to be involved in this process as he claims?
 


Silverplum

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CO

I have full custody and decision making due to my ex�s drug problems and domestic abuse convictions. He has filed a motion to get joint decision making and 50% custody and the hearing is in about 1 month. During his unsupervised visits, my 1st grade daughter told me that they always �stay up until midnight drinking Mountain Dew until they are drunk.�

In an email, I asked him if he would agree to mirror my house rules of an 8:30pm bedtime and only having pop on special occasion occasions like birthday parties. His response was to contact my lawyer and demand that any requests for his compliance regarding this active case be processed through her office and that he be provided an official document outline the exact specifics and definitions of my request including all relevant documentation.

I know that as the sole decision maker, I make all major medical decisions for my daughter, but where does that end? I would not imagine that includes smaller things like diet and bedtime but those are definitely parts of my daughter�s health and picking up my ex�s 4 liter per day Mountain Dew habit will not do her health any favors. I am in favor of people making their own choices for themselves, even if they are bad ones, but he is making poor choices for my daughter.

Does my ex have to comply with my dietary and bedtime request?

He loves driving up my legal costs by constantly attempting to involve my lawyer on routine matters that do not involve her, is this something I can avoid or does my attorney need to be involved in this process as he claims?
Not even a little bit.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CO

I have full custody and decision making due to my ex�s drug problems and domestic abuse convictions. He has filed a motion to get joint decision making and 50% custody and the hearing is in about 1 month. During his unsupervised visits, my 1st grade daughter told me that they always �stay up until midnight drinking Mountain Dew until they are drunk.�

In an email, I asked him if he would agree to mirror my house rules of an 8:30pm bedtime and only having pop on special occasion occasions like birthday parties. His response was to contact my lawyer and demand that any requests for his compliance regarding this active case be processed through her office and that he be provided an official document outline the exact specifics and definitions of my request including all relevant documentation.

I know that as the sole decision maker, I make all major medical decisions for my daughter, but where does that end? I would not imagine that includes smaller things like diet and bedtime but those are definitely parts of my daughter�s health and picking up my ex�s 4 liter per day Mountain Dew habit will not do her health any favors. I am in favor of people making their own choices for themselves, even if they are bad ones, but he is making poor choices for my daughter.

Does my ex have to comply with my dietary and bedtime request?

He loves driving up my legal costs by constantly attempting to involve my lawyer on routine matters that do not involve her, is this something I can avoid or does my attorney need to be involved in this process as he claims?

Is there a reason you're believing your first grader rather than Dad? Have you talked to Dad? 4 litres of Mountain Dew? Your first grader is actually telling you that?

As of right now, you absolutely cannot control how Dad parents your mutual child. Once he gets joint legal, he'll will also be able to at least give his input regarding major decisions, as well as day-to-day decisions during his parenting time.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Is there a reason you're believing your first grader rather than Dad? Have you talked to Dad? 4 litres of Mountain Dew? Your first grader is actually telling you that?

As of right now, you absolutely cannot control how Dad parents your mutual child. Once he gets joint legal, he'll will also be able to at least give his input regarding major decisions, as well as day-to-day decisions during his parenting time.
I suspect that mom already knows that dad has a 4 liter a day Mountain Dew habit...after all, she was with him at one point. I would be really worried about a six year old consuming Mountain Dew because the caffeine content is so high. We rarely had soft drinks at home when I was a child, but I remember gorging myself on them at grandma's house and feeling a little drunk from all the caffeine.

However, everybody is right...there is nothing mom can do about diet and bedtime at dad's house.
 

Linda86

Junior Member
Thanks for the replies. That is what I figured would be the answer. I am sure that he knew that as well which is why he wanted me to waste more of my time/money to have my lawyer tell me the same thing.

Is there anything that can be done to stop him from constantly emailing my lawyer over matters that do not concern her? I have told him numerous times to email me directly unless it is an official court document but he continues to email routine things to my lawyer, who in turn forwards it to me as an FYI and bills me for her time.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
Thanks for the replies. That is what I figured would be the answer. I am sure that he knew that as well which is why he wanted me to waste more of my time/money to have my lawyer tell me the same thing.

Is there anything that can be done to stop him from constantly emailing my lawyer over matters that do not concern her? I have told him numerous times to email me directly unless it is an official court document but he continues to email routine things to my lawyer, who in turn forwards it to me as an FYI and bills me for her time.
Try getting an order making OurFamilyWizard the means to communicate. The court will be able to access the correspondence and it serves as a decent option for two parents who cannot coparent together.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
I suspect that mom already knows that dad has a 4 liter a day Mountain Dew habit...after all, she was with him at one point. I would be really worried about a six year old consuming Mountain Dew because the caffeine content is so high. We rarely had soft drinks at home when I was a child, but I remember gorging myself on them at grandma's house and feeling a little drunk from all the caffeine.

However, everybody is right...there is nothing mom can do about diet and bedtime at dad's house.
She's heavily implying that the child is doing the guzzling - and I am seriously questioning the validity of the first grader's account to begin with. One does not quiz a child on the eating habits the other parent enjoys.

Then again, hyperbole always makes me a tad cranky.
 

Linda86

Junior Member
Try getting an order making OurFamilyWizard the means to communicate. The court will be able to access the correspondence and it serves as a decent option for two parents who cannot coparent together.
Thanks, I will look into that.

As for my daughter doing the guzzling, this was something she disclosed while passing the soda isle in a store, not something that was extracted though interrogation of what goes on at her dad's house. I avoid that type of prying mostly because I don't want to create a mom vs dad mentality in my daughter and what I hear is always infuriating and until I see bruises and cuts on my daughter, there is nothing I can do about it.

As for the the dad's excessive soda drinking, it is something that has disgusted me for the better part of a decade and I wish it was hyperbole.
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CO

I have full custody and decision making due to my ex�s drug problems and domestic abuse convictions. He has filed a motion to get joint decision making and 50% custody and the hearing is in about 1 month. During his unsupervised visits, my 1st grade daughter told me that they always �stay up until midnight drinking Mountain Dew until they are drunk.�

In an email, I asked him if he would agree to mirror my house rules of an 8:30pm bedtime and only having pop on special occasion occasions like birthday parties. His response was to contact my lawyer and demand that any requests for his compliance regarding this active case be processed through her office and that he be provided an official document outline the exact specifics and definitions of my request including all relevant documentation.

I know that as the sole decision maker, I make all major medical decisions for my daughter, but where does that end? I would not imagine that includes smaller things like diet and bedtime but those are definitely parts of my daughter�s health and picking up my ex�s 4 liter per day Mountain Dew habit will not do her health any favors. I am in favor of people making their own choices for themselves, even if they are bad ones, but he is making poor choices for my daughter.

Does my ex have to comply with my dietary and bedtime request?

He loves driving up my legal costs by constantly attempting to involve my lawyer on routine matters that do not involve her, is this something I can avoid or does my attorney need to be involved in this process as he claims?
Why any person would drink Mountain Dew (Camel pi$$ IMO) is strange to me.

But you don't have the legal right to dictate to NCP what Jr drinks or eats at her/his home.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
Thanks, I will look into that.

As for my daughter doing the guzzling, this was something she disclosed while passing the soda isle in a store, not something that was extracted though interrogation of what goes on at her dad's house. I avoid that type of prying mostly because I don't want to create a mom vs dad mentality in my daughter and what I hear is always infuriating and until I see bruises and cuts on my daughter, there is nothing I can do about it.

As for the the dad's excessive soda drinking, it is something that has disgusted me for the better part of a decade and I wish it was hyperbole.

This is what happens though. It's more common than not that there will be parenting differences when the parents aren't together. The court just won't intervene on what it would consider micromanagement.

You're really concerned with the soda. Well, take her to the pediatrician for a well-health visit (or whatever it would be called where you're located). If she's got any legitimate dietary concerns - and I do mean legitimate - you will be able to have the physician back you up.

Just tread carefully. Very carefully. When two parents can work at least okay together, that's one thing. But with an acrimonious co-parenting situation, it often comes across as "Oh hell no - I'll feed her what I want and you won't even know about it".
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Why any person would drink Mountain Dew (Camel pi$$ IMO) is strange to me.

But you don't have the legal right to dictate to NCP what Jr drinks or eats at her/his home.
I cannot stand it either, but my daughter loves it...shudder...:confused:
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
I have fond memories of MD from when we were kids and on vacation. I still enjoy it now and again.

How often is your daughter at Dad's? Is drinking MD and staying up late a few times a month REALLLY a hill you want to die on?

Yes, I understand that he is filing for 50/50. What does your lawyer think his chances are?
 

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