• FreeAdvice has a new Terms of Service and Privacy Policy, effective May 25, 2018.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our Terms of Service and use of cookies.

Scheduling Appointments and Activities during my visitation time

Accident - Bankruptcy - Criminal Law / DUI - Business - Consumer - Employment - Family - Immigration - Real Estate - Tax - Traffic - Wills   Please click a topic or scroll down for more.

frustrated325

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? North Carolina

I would like to know if my sons mother can make appointments for him during my visitation time? I get my son Friday 5:30pm through Sunday 5pm every other weekend. On my weekends every Saturday she has him in some kind of activity, party, tutoring, so even on my weekends on Saturdays and sometimes on Sunday she makes appointments for him and she is always there. Is she allowed to do this?
 


Proserpina

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? North Carolina

I would like to know if my sons mother can make appointments for him during my visitation time? I get my son Friday 5:30pm through Sunday 5pm every other weekend. On my weekends every Saturday she has him in some kind of activity, party, tutoring, so even on my weekends on Saturdays and sometimes on Sunday she makes appointments for him and she is always there. Is she allowed to do this?

She's allowed to do whatever you let her get away with.

Unless your court order says you must comply, you do not have to do anything during your weekends.
 

single317dad

Senior Member
Sometimes scheduling these activities for weekends is unavoidable, but Mom's regular attendance is a problem for me. In each instance, you should ask yourself what is the best thing for the child. The tutoring, especially, may be very important to him.
 

CJane

Senior Member
While mom should consult you before she makes commitments for the child, you need to understand that parenting includes playing chauffeur/chaperone for all kinds of junk we'd rather not attend.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Sometimes scheduling these activities for weekends is unavoidable, but Mom's regular attendance is a problem for me. In each instance, you should ask yourself what is the best thing for the child. The tutoring, especially, may be very important to him.
If its any kind of event that parents normally attend, then I don't think that either parent has the right to be bothered by the other parent being there.

I also agree with CJane that part of the life of being a parent is taking your children around to events on the weekends. Dad doesn't want to be viewed by his child as the one stopping him from doing something he really wants to do.
 

RRevak

Senior Member
If its any kind of event that parents normally attend, then I don't think that either parent has the right to be bothered by the other parent being there.

I also agree with CJane that part of the life of being a parent is taking your children around to events on the weekends. Dad doesn't want to be viewed by his child as the one stopping him from doing something he really wants to do.
Here is my question though: Is mom ONLY scheduling these events on dads weekend or are they recurring every weekend? If they're an every weekend thing then your statement might apply. If mom is ONLY scheduling them on dads weekends just to be a thorn then dad might want to consider just not showing up. Eventually she'll get the point that scheduling things on time that isn't hers might not be the brightest of ideas.
 

RRevak

Senior Member
While mom should consult you before she makes commitments for the child, you need to understand that parenting includes playing chauffeur/chaperone for all kinds of junk we'd rather not attend.
What if dad wants to go out of town for the weekend? What if dad wants to do another activity with kiddo and these "activities" encroach on his ability to utilize his time as he sees fit? What if dad just doesn't feel like schlepping kiddo around (as parents we don't always HAVE to schlep our kids to every event they wish to attend)? Until dad comes back and clarifies how these events are normally scheduled, we don't actually know if they're necessary or not.
 

CJane

Senior Member
What if dad wants to go out of town for the weekend? What if dad wants to do another activity with kiddo and these "activities" encroach on his ability to utilize his time as he sees fit? What if dad just doesn't feel like schlepping kiddo around (as parents we don't always HAVE to schlep our kids to every event they wish to attend)? Until dad comes back and clarifies how these events are normally scheduled, we don't actually know if they're necessary or not.
Well, first of all, I didn't say Dad should do it EVERY TIME. But I also don't believe for one second that it's EVERY SINGLE Saturday. Nor do I believe that Mom is 100% responsible for the timing. Tutoring, she probably doesn't have a lot of choice about, and it's probably in kiddo's best interests to attend. Sports take place on Saturdays. That's hardly Mom's fault, and if Dad doesn't want kiddo to participate in sports, he needs to voice his concerns. I am also willing to bet that Mom isn't planning parties every Saturday. Maybe kiddo is being invited to birthday parties that Mom had no hand at all in planning - they just happen to fall on Dad's weekend.

I know that for a lot of years, it seemed like every weekend I had with my girls was planned out in advance by others. And yes, it was irritating. But it was also just one of those things.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Well, first of all, I didn't say Dad should do it EVERY TIME. But I also don't believe for one second that it's EVERY SINGLE Saturday. Nor do I believe that Mom is 100% responsible for the timing. Tutoring, she probably doesn't have a lot of choice about, and it's probably in kiddo's best interests to attend. Sports take place on Saturdays. That's hardly Mom's fault, and if Dad doesn't want kiddo to participate in sports, he needs to voice his concerns. I am also willing to bet that Mom isn't planning parties every Saturday. Maybe kiddo is being invited to birthday parties that Mom had no hand at all in planning - they just happen to fall on Dad's weekend.

I know that for a lot of years, it seemed like every weekend I had with my girls was planned out in advance by others. And yes, it was irritating. But it was also just one of those things.
I remember from about age 11 on, that most of my weekend life was spent schlepping my daughter from one thing to another. I also once was observing court and heard a judge lecture a father about the reality of having a teenager and having to do the same.

Its really easy to blame the custodial parent or the parent with primary custody for things like that, but in my opinion its mostly the reality of parenting.

Years ago I had a friend who was the non-custodial parent of a teenage boy. In Indiana, its difficult to enforce visitation with an older teenager. Judges tend to let older teens decide whether not to visit. In my opinion, my friend's problem was all his own fault. His teenage son had a part time job, a girlfriend and an active social life, yet my friend (who by the way lived in the same community as his son) thought that all of that should halt on his weekends...and as a result his son flat out refused to visit. I told my friend that I thought that he was being an idiot.

Think about it, seriously? If the parents are together during their children's teenage years they expect that work, girlfriends/boyfriends and social lives will take up much of their teen's weekend time, but if they are not the non-custodial parent expects that all of that should only take place on the custodial parent's weekends? How ridiculous is that?

Had my friend simply embraced the reality of being the parent of a teen his son would have happily slept at dad's house on dad's weekends and dad would have had that time with him, even if that time had been in snippets between everything else. However, because dad refused to embrace that dad didn't get any time at all. He seriously blamed that on mom, but it had nothing to do with mom...and everything to do with the reality of being a parent of a teenager.
 

CJane

Senior Member
I realize most people don't have 7 kids in their house... but my husband's ex wife is moving out here this summer. I'm certain she'll expect that special time be made for her - otherwise, why would she move across the country, right?

But.

My 18 year old is starting college and looking for a job. So I'm losing a chauffeur.
My 14 year old plays volleyball and tennis on the school teams, and is in honor band.
Step 14 year old plays Lacrosse with practice 2x/week and games on weekends.
Step 11 year old, same. She is also in orchestra and has concert commitments.
Step 9 year old also plays lacrosse, and takes piano, and is active in Girl Scouts.
My 9 year old plays hockey, basketball, and volleyball, and takes piano.
Step 7 year old plays soccer, takes piano, and has tutoring.

I spend most of the time I'm not cleaning, doing laundry, or cooking driving kids places. I don't begrudge them their activities. It just is. But I hope she'll understand that if she's looking for additional parenting time, a lot of it is going to need to be spent parenting, not Disneylanding.
 

frustrated325

Junior Member
Thanks guys I'm the poster. I believe this scheduling is an intentional obstacle. Reason 1. When I was single nothing was being schedule and she would just drop our child whenever and on my weekends we just hung out. 2. When I got in a relationship she stopped giving him to me period 3. When she finally started back and this was do the child asking her why won't you let me see my daddy anymore. The he has this and that to do on my weekends. 4th I offered several times to let me attempt to aid our child with schooling but as that would require me having our child more than 4 days a month she flat out refused. 5. I offered to even keep our child when she goes out of town before it wasn't a problem after the girlfriend everyone other than I can even my friends. 6. I have asked her for the schedule so we can come up with times that does not infringe on my weekends cause I wouldnt mind taking our child or picking him after school or on some of her weekends. I have yet to see a schedule and why even pay a tutor when myself is an engineer and my girl is a teacher. We hsve the time to attempt to help first and if that didn't work okay lets go to the tutor mind you our child is 6.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Boy, does this bring back memories! My two went to the NCP's one w/e a month and the majority of the summer (due to distance). There were a lot of things that could be scheduled around that weekend, but not everything. Games, practices and friend events were out of my control, so a lot of those were missed. The toughest were Friday games, which would start at 5, and be just about done by 6pm p/u. He'd concede to p/u at the field, but refused to allow them to finish the game. *I* shouldn't be infringing on his time. Stupid, but that's life. I'd certainly never expect him to take them to everything on his time, but waiting 10/15 minutes shouldn't have been a big deal, imo. (Funny, if he was picking them up from home? He'd routinely call to tell me he was running late - in terms of hours, not fractions thereof I just learned not to make unchangeable plans for Fridays and to always, always, always have something that would be quick to make the kids for dinner.)

OP, it will only be more difficult as kiddo gets older. Some HS activities (sports, band, work, etc.) are not as forgiving as they are in elementary/middle schools. Social relationships (of both genders) are much more important than parents are. That's normal, in both intact and divorced families. DO some CPs actively work to alienate the NCP? Sure. But much of what NCPs insist is alienation is simply the kid growing up and wanting something different for him/herself. My oldest balked when Dad made it really hard for him to get a summer job. My youngest? When he actively tried to sabotage her participation in her sport (among other things). It's not easy on any of the involved parties.
 

I'mTheFather

Senior Member
Thanks guys I'm the poster. I believe this scheduling is an intentional obstacle. Reason 1. When I was single nothing was being schedule and she would just drop our child whenever and on my weekends we just hung out. 2. When I got in a relationship she stopped giving him to me period 3. When she finally started back and this was do the child asking her why won't you let me see my daddy anymore. The he has this and that to do on my weekends. 4th I offered several times to let me attempt to aid our child with schooling but as that would require me having our child more than 4 days a month she flat out refused. 5. I offered to even keep our child when she goes out of town before it wasn't a problem after the girlfriend everyone other than I can even my friends. 6. I have asked her for the schedule so we can come up with times that does not infringe on my weekends cause I wouldnt mind taking our child or picking him after school or on some of her weekends. I have yet to see a schedule and why even pay a tutor when myself is an engineer and my girl is a teacher. We hsve the time to attempt to help first and if that didn't work okay lets go to the tutor mind you our child is 6.
You do have a court order, right?

If you do, and if the bolded is true, then this isn't just about a busy schedule. You'll have to be a little more adamant about your time with your child. As Pro said, "She's allowed to do whatever you let her get away with."
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
why even pay a tutor when myself is an engineer and my girl is a teacher. We hsve the time to attempt to help first and if that didn't work okay lets go to the tutor mind you our child is 6.
If he needs help in language arts? I wouldn't want you tutoring my kid, either...
 

frustrated325

Junior Member
I can respect that but would you intentionally schedule tutoring during 2 of my four days and none of your 26 days, but thanks everyone I get it.
 

Find the Right Lawyer for Your Legal Issue!

Fast, Free, and Confidential
data-ad-format="auto">
Top