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Oklahoma parenting time

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Jemarcha

Junior Member
Oklahoma and Michigan

I live in Michigan, and my 10-year-old daughter lives in Oklahoma. I currently have two two-week visits during the summer (one in June and one in July), half of her winter breaks, and every other spring break. I would like to have my daughter for half of her summer vacation, or at least have her two visits put together in to one extended visit. Her mother sets the visits and often puts only one week between which is very difficult logistically. Is there a standard long distance parenting time plan that courts default to similar to the standard plans used for parents who live in the same community? If so, what do they entail, or what are my chances of having more parenting time in the summer?
 


LdiJ

Senior Member
Oklahoma and Michigan

I live in Michigan, and my 10-year-old daughter lives in Oklahoma. I currently have two two-week visits during the summer (one in June and one in July), half of her winter breaks, and every other spring break. I would like to have my daughter for half of her summer vacation, or at least have her two visits put together in to one extended visit. Her mother sets the visits and often puts only one week between which is very difficult logistically. Is there a standard long distance parenting time plan that courts default to similar to the standard plans used for parents who live in the same community? If so, what do they entail, or what are my chances of having more parenting time in the summer?
How long has it been since you and your daughter lived in the same community? When was the current visitation order made?

If the current order was made when she was a toddler, and you have been faithful with visitation since then, then its quite possible that you could get a little more summer time and not have it broken up into two separate stretches. However, if you were not part of your child's life for a long period of time/the order is fairly recent, then it might be considerably less likely. The devil is in the details.
 

t74

Member
Why is mom unilaterally setting the dates of the visits?

If you go for modification, ask to be the one who makes the choice before a specific date, and mom chooses if you have not done so by the deadline.
 

CJane

Senior Member
Why is mom unilaterally setting the dates of the visits?

If you go for modification, ask to be the one who makes the choice before a specific date, and mom chooses if you have not done so by the deadline.
Because that's what the order says?

I actually prefer that the dates be set in the order. No choosing by EITHER party. "Child will spend alternating 2 week periods with each parent during summer break. Father's time shall begin the Saturday following the release of school, and continue for 14 days." Mother's time shall begin on the 3rd Saturday following the release of school, and continue for 14 days."

Etc.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Because that's what the order says?

I actually prefer that the dates be set in the order. No choosing by EITHER party. "Child will spend alternating 2 week periods with each parent during summer break. Father's time shall begin the Saturday following the release of school, and continue for 14 days." Mother's time shall begin on the 3rd Saturday following the release of school, and continue for 14 days."

Etc.
We had it spelled out pretty clearly, and that does reduce a lot of problems. Of course, some things were still interpreted differently by each of us (like "the first Friday after the end of the school year ends"), but it was never really worth the fight to me - a week either way wasn't going to kill the kids (or me). That flexibility tended to compel him (in his mind) to work with me when it came to Scout camp/preseason practice weeks when it came time to schedule their summer time with me (two weeks, total, is what I got).

Specific is always preferable.
 

Jemarcha

Junior Member
How long has it been since you and your daughter lived in the same community? When was the current visitation order made?

If the current order was made when she was a toddler, and you have been faithful with visitation since then, then its quite possible that you could get a little more summer time and not have it broken up into two separate stretches. However, if you were not part of your child's life for a long period of time/the order is fairly recent, then it might be considerably less likely. The devil is in the details.
It took about a year to have paternity and visitation established but I've had visitation since 2006. I was out of state by the time visitation was set and I had a week every other month until she was in preschool, then I got 2 visits in the summer and half of Christmas and alternating spring breaks. I have always taken my summer visits. I have brought her to Michigan a couple times for her spring break and spent a winter break in Oklahoma. If I were able to combine my summer visits I would be able to see her more throughout the year because it would cut my travel costs.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
It took about a year to have paternity and visitation established but I've had visitation since 2006. I was out of state by the time visitation was set and I had a week every other month until she was in preschool, then I got 2 visits in the summer and half of Christmas and alternating spring breaks. I have always taken my summer visits. I have brought her to Michigan a couple times for her spring break and spent a winter break in Oklahoma. If I were able to combine my summer visits I would be able to see her more throughout the year because it would cut my travel costs.
So, basically you have only been consistent in exercising summer visits since she was in preschool, and she is now 10? I just cannot predict that one. On top of that, if your biggest problem is money, you are probably going to spend at least a year's worth of travel costs on the modification case itself...if not more.

If you are talking 4-6 weeks straight in the summer that could be really difficult on some 10 year olds but might be perfectly fine for others. The one thing that I know for certain, is that you won't get it done in time for this year's summer break. You basically want to get a case started soon, in order to be sure to have it finalized by next summer.
 

Jemarcha

Junior Member
So, basically you have only been consistent in exercising summer visits since she was in preschool, and she is now 10? I just cannot predict that one. On top of that, if your biggest problem is money, you are probably going to spend at least a year's worth of travel costs on the modification case itself...if not more.

If you are talking 4-6 weeks straight in the summer that could be really difficult on some 10 year olds but might be perfectly fine for others. The one thing that I know for certain, is that you won't get it done in time for this year's summer break. You basically want to get a case started soon, in order to be sure to have it finalized by next summer.

My daughter's mother tells her that when she is 12 she no longer has to come see me if she doesn't want to. Is this true?
 

single317dad

Senior Member
My daughter's mother tells her that when she is 12 she no longer has to come see me if she doesn't want to. Is this true?
The age of 12 is when a child's wishes regarding which parent they want to live with are given consideration during a custody modification or determination in Oklahoma. That does not equate to a child who gets to decide when or if she visits her noncustodial parent.
 

t74

Member
Because that's what the order says?

I actually prefer that the dates be set in the order. No choosing by EITHER party. "Child will spend alternating 2 week periods with each parent during summer break. Father's time shall begin the Saturday following the release of school, and continue for 14 days." Mother's time shall begin on the 3rd Saturday following the release of school, and continue for 14 days."

Etc.
In my area, the final day of school can be adjusted for weather. It is impossible to definitively set the date early enough for many travel and work plans based on this event. A date would be preferred - until a change in districts that start and end later (or earlier) than the original one. There is also the issue of mandatory closures for mass vacation for some.

The ideal thing is for the parents to actually put the child first and cooperate (like that will ever happen for some children :(
 

CJane

Senior Member
In my area, the final day of school can be adjusted for weather. It is impossible to definitively set the date early enough for many travel and work plans based on this event. A date would be preferred - until a change in districts that start and end later (or earlier) than the original one. There is also the issue of mandatory closures for mass vacation for some.

The ideal thing is for the parents to actually put the child first and cooperate (like that will ever happen for some children :(
My ex and I used the date published when the school calendar was released. We adhered to that regardless of snow days. It's never been an issue, and we're working on 11 years, with one kiddo recently aged out.

We don't cooperate - we don't even speak. Which is why laying things out is best. Assuming that people who don't like each other enough to stay married (or together) will magically decide to cooperate in negotiating their non-together lives is - in most cases - ludicrous. Does it suck when kiddos get caught in the crossfire? Of course. Is there less likely to BE any crossfire if things are clearly spelled out to begin with? ABSOLUTELY.
 

single317dad

Senior Member
In my area, the final day of school can be adjusted for weather. It is impossible to definitively set the date early enough for many travel and work plans based on this event. A date would be preferred - until a change in districts that start and end later (or earlier) than the original one. There is also the issue of mandatory closures for mass vacation for some.
First, I would make an effort not to schedule anything so near the end of school as to interfere with snow makeup days. It seems kind of silly to purposely make plans that you know good and well might interfere with school. That said, if I have made plans and there are a few makeup days to be missed, I won't lose any sleep over it. School is great, school is important, but missing a few days of school won't hurt a kid unless they're missing final exams.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Here in the NE, end dates are frequently/usually shifted due to unexpected closures. School ends in June, and the final dates are pretty well set by about now (with further unexpected closures affecting the next school year) - plenty of time to make arrangements. Worst case? They'd miss the last few days, when nothing is learned anyway. If necessary? I'd work it out wit hthe schools for any exams to be taken early.

None of that takes both parents' cooperation. As with CJane, my ex and I really didn't speak, and it was workable. The fewer specifics, the more communication and cooperation is required.
 

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