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Surprise Unwanted Visits

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JABJK

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? OH

I have custody of a 7 year old non relative. His dad has no visitation and mom has 2 hours supervised one day a week. She hasn't shown up for about 9 months and it had been about 10 months since she had seen him then. She sent Facebook messages a couple times for me to have him call her but I ignored them. He has PTSD associated with his visits, when they were unsupervised, and has had to spend a week at a time in a psychiatric hospital after visits because it triggers his PTSD. The visits were ordered to take place at a local playground which ended up being his school. He had some very challenging behavior at school and became very violent, especially at recess. His counselor and the people at school thought that maybe it was because it was a constant reminder of his visits with his mom and that she hadn't been showing up. He was switched to another nearby school and is doing very well now. In the past I have had a lot of trouble when mom's mother is in town. She will show up at my house unannounced and just walk in. One day while I was in the shower she walked in and picked him up when he was sleeping. He woke up and had no idea who she was and ran to his room to hide. Several months ago I ran into her at the store and she picked him up out of the cart and started to walk away with him saying she would be right back. I told her to put him back in the cart, so she did. She then started telling him that she was moving back to town and he could go to her house a lot and start seeing him mom all the time. I told her we were in a hurry and had to leave because I don't want to make a scene in front of him and I'm not going to argue with her. I sent her a message on Facebook telling her to please not approach him if she sees us out in public and not to show up at my house again. She said that she is his grandma and I am nothing and she will do as she pleases. She is back in town now. Mom is living with her and I heard that they are both planning a surprise visit to my house. Is there anything I can do if they do show up? Can I do anything to stop them from approaching him in public? I'm really not trying to be petty but this kid has been through so much because of them and they just lie to him and upset him.
 


stealth2

Under the Radar Member
For starters.... lock your door? I'd likely also be shopping in less local places.

But.... How do you have custody? Is it through the court/CPS?

But we do have an OH lawyer/GAL who should be by to help you out (may not be immediately as it's Mother's Day and..... she's a Mom). Sibce it IS Mother's Day, I would plan not to be home or local today...
 

JABJK

Junior Member
For starters.... lock your door? I'd likely also be shopping in less local places.

But.... How do you have custody? Is it through the court/CPS?

But we do have an OH lawyer/GAL who should be by to help you out (may not be immediately as it's Mother's Day and..... she's a Mom). Sibce it IS Mother's Day, I would plan not to be home or local today...
He has therapy in another town every week so I'm thinking we will be doing our shopping while we are there. He was born in prison and mom's mom was supposed to take care of him until mom got out. She didn't prepare for him at all though so my family and I ended up buying everything he needed. His older brother is my nephew and we were trying to encourage grandma to take him so he wouldn't end up in foster care. I was supposed to just babysit while grandma was at work but she had a heart attack and broke her leg in the same week so I ended up with him full time. Mom got out when he was 6 months old but didn't take him. He has special needs and had several medical problems that he needed to see specialist for and mom refused to take him. When he was 2 I filed for custody. At the time mom was awarded standard visitation, which she used sporadically. Her girlfriend abused him and she allowed it so now she only has supervised visits and her now x is not allowed contact with him at all. Mom also convinced him that I kidnapped him and that's why he lives with me. She always lies to him and upsets him and she and her mom both whisper things to him or try to take him out of earshot. It's so frustrating.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
He has therapy in another town every week so I'm thinking we will be doing our shopping while we are there. He was born in prison and mom's mom was supposed to take care of him until mom got out. She didn't prepare for him at all though so my family and I ended up buying everything he needed. His older brother is my nephew and we were trying to encourage grandma to take him so he wouldn't end up in foster care. I was supposed to just babysit while grandma was at work but she had a heart attack and broke her leg in the same week so I ended up with him full time. Mom got out when he was 6 months old but didn't take him. He has special needs and had several medical problems that he needed to see specialist for and mom refused to take him. When he was 2 I filed for custody. At the time mom was awarded standard visitation, which she used sporadically. Her girlfriend abused him and she allowed it so now she only has supervised visits and her now x is not allowed contact with him at all. Mom also convinced him that I kidnapped him and that's why he lives with me. She always lies to him and upsets him and she and her mom both whisper things to him or try to take him out of earshot. It's so frustrating.
If you just have custody then both mom and dad have their residual rights including the right to visitation. When was SUPERVISED visitation ordered by the court? Why are you ignoring calls from mom? That can end with you being in contempt depending on the wording of the order. What does the order state regarding visits with mother? And with father?
 

JABJK

Junior Member
If you just have custody then both mom and dad have their residual rights including the right to visitation. When was SUPERVISED visitation ordered by the court? Why are you ignoring calls from mom? That can end with you being in contempt depending on the wording of the order. What does the order state regarding visits with mother? And with father?

It was changed to Supervised in July, 2015.

" (Mother) shall have parenting time with her son, (child's name), only on each Tuesday from 5:30 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. at the (school playground). The visitation shall be supervised by, (My Name).

The mother shall confirm with (Me) at least 24 hours prior to the visit that she intends to exercise the visit. In the event that there is no confirmation then the visit does not have to occur. The confirmation should be by text message or email so that there is a written record. There is no required makeup for missed visits.

The mother's significant other, (name), shall not be present for the visits or have contact with the child."


Dad was not mentioned in the modified order but in the original order he was incarcerated and it stated that he did not show although he was properly served and was not granted visitation.

Mom had mutual friends ask me to have son call her because she was pregnant and wanted to tell him. She never called my phone to speak to him or to confirm a visit. This was after she had not seen or called in 7 months. I asked his doctor how to deal with it and he said that in his opinion there should be no contact at all. His social worker at the hospital said the same thing. It hasn't really been an issue since she never requests a visit anyway.


ETA: I know that I still have to take him for a visit if she gives me 24 hour notice. I won't break the court order. I was just telling what the Dr. and social worker's opinions are.
 
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Ohiogal

Queen Bee
If you just have custody then both mom and dad have their residual rights including the right to visitation. When was SUPERVISED visitation ordered by the court? Why are you ignoring calls from mom? That can end with you being in contempt depending on the wording of the order. What does the order state regarding visits with mother? And with father?

It was changed to Supervised in July, 2015.

" (Mother) shall have parenting time with her son, (child's name), only on each Tuesday from 5:30 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. at the (school playground). The visitation shall be supervised by, (My Name).

The mother shall confirm with (Me) at least 24 hours prior to the visit that she intends to exercise the visit. In the event that there is no confirmation then the visit does not have to occur. The confirmation should be by text message or email so that there is a written record. There is no required makeup for missed visits.

The mother's significant other, (name), shall not be present for the visits or have contact with the child."


Dad was not mentioned in the modified order but in the original order he was incarcerated and it stated that he did not show although he was properly served and was not granted visitation.

Mom had mutual friends ask me to have son call her because she was pregnant and wanted to tell him. She never called my phone to speak to him or to confirm a visit. This was after she had not seen or called in 7 months. I asked his doctor how to deal with it and he said that in his opinion there should be no contact at all. His social worker at the hospital said the same thing. It hasn't really been an issue since she never requests a visit anyway.


ETA: I know that I still have to take him for a visit if she gives me 24 hour notice. I won't break the court order. I was just telling what the Dr. and social worker's opinions are.
If you have mom's number, call her and remind her what the order states. Make a record of that. Ohio is a one party state. Do that for the next month every Sunday.
 

JABJK

Junior Member
If you have mom's number, call her and remind her what the order states. Make a record of that. Ohio is a one party state. Do that for the next month every Sunday.
I don't have her current number but I could unblock her Facebook and either call or message her on there. I blocked it because she kept sending me nasty messages and leaving nasty comments on my pictures. I could just ignore and delete them. It was just easier to block her.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
If you have mom's number, call her and remind her what the order states. Make a record of that. Ohio is a one party state. Do that for the next month every Sunday.
Why do you feel that the OP needs to do that? What do you see in her story that makes you feel that is necessary? No snark here, I honestly want to know.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Why do you feel that the OP needs to do that? What do you see in her story that makes you feel that is necessary? No snark here, I honestly want to know.
Because OP has ignored mother's requests in the past and she is supposed to notify OP of visits 24 hours before. See this:

. She sent Facebook messages a couple times for me to have him call her but I ignored them.
If OP wants to take all the wind out of the mother's sails, OP steps up and reminds Mother of the 24 hour notice every week before her supervised visit -- and OP does that every week for a month asking if Mother wants to visit. After a month, OP sees if mom wants to play by the rules. And then OP can just remind Mother in every communication that she needs to give 24 hours notice.

Mother has a right to visits. OP can be in contempt for ignoring Mother.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Because OP has ignored mother's requests in the past and she is supposed to notify OP of visits 24 hours before. See this:


If OP wants to take all the wind out of the mother's sails, OP steps up and reminds Mother of the 24 hour notice every week before her supervised visit -- and OP does that every week for a month asking if Mother wants to visit. After a month, OP sees if mom wants to play by the rules. And then OP can just remind Mother in every communication that she needs to give 24 hours notice.

Mother has a right to visits. OP can be in contempt for ignoring Mother.
However, the mother is not attempting to give 48 hours notice to visit. The mother is attempting to get the child to call her, and there doesn't appear to be anything in the orders about phone calls.
 

JABJK

Junior Member
It will be 2 years in August since mom has shown up for a visit. She has been arrested twice since then for selling meth and then once for theft. She is out right now waiting for her next trial in July. 2 days ago my neighbors that live a couple doors down invited now 8 year old to play at their house. I let him go and the next day he told me that when he got there the kids mom told him to come in because she had a surprise for him. Mom was there and they spent the next hour together. She told him she hasn't been around because I don't let her see him and that she is taking me to court to get him "back". (She has Never had him) Visits are supposed to be supervised. What if anything can I do about this? Should I file contempt? Could I get a retraining order? Her mom has also come to my house after I have repeatedly told her not to and said it's not up to me if she sees him because she is his blood and I am nothing. He is afraid of her. 8 year old has A LOT of emotional issues and a history of being admitted to a psychiatric hospital twice now after visits with mom. He has PTSD caused by mom's x girlfriend and Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. His doctor's, therapists, and the behavior specialist/psychologist that writes his behavior plans don't think he should have contact with mom at all. I can't afford an attorney right now so if you could please point me in the right direction that would be great. Thanks in Advance.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
It will be 2 years in August since mom has shown up for a visit. She has been arrested twice since then for selling meth and then once for theft. She is out right now waiting for her next trial in July. 2 days ago my neighbors that live a couple doors down invited now 8 year old to play at their house. I let him go and the next day he told me that when he got there the kids mom told him to come in because she had a surprise for him. Mom was there and they spent the next hour together. She told him she hasn't been around because I don't let her see him and that she is taking me to court to get him "back". (She has Never had him) Visits are supposed to be supervised. What if anything can I do about this? Should I file contempt? Could I get a retraining order? Her mom has also come to my house after I have repeatedly told her not to and said it's not up to me if she sees him because she is his blood and I am nothing. He is afraid of her. 8 year old has A LOT of emotional issues and a history of being admitted to a psychiatric hospital twice now after visits with mom. He has PTSD caused by mom's x girlfriend and Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. His doctor's, therapists, and the behavior specialist/psychologist that writes his behavior plans don't think he should have contact with mom at all. I can't afford an attorney right now so if you could please point me in the right direction that would be great. Thanks in Advance.
Wow, that neighbor WAY overstepped her bounds and the child should not go to her house again unless she shows some serious remorse for her behavior.

Who is the court ordered supervisor for the visits? How are the supervised visits supposed to work?
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
By your explanation of things, this visit was supervised by the neighbor. I'm not sure I understand how this would be contempt. You really need to do what you can to get an attorney.
 

JABJK

Junior Member
Wow, that neighbor WAY overstepped her bounds and the child should not go to her house again unless she shows some serious remorse for her behavior.

Who is the court ordered supervisor for the visits? How are the supervised visits supposed to work?
I'm supposed to supervise the visits. Mom is supposed to contact me on Monday's before 6 pm to confirm that she will be at nearby playground on Tuesday at 6 for her visit. She has not done that since August 2016. Thankfully my neighbor moved to another state yesterday.. Mom is staying with a friend less than a block away though.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
I'm supposed to supervise the visits. Mom is supposed to contact me on Monday's before 6 pm to confirm that she will be at nearby playground on Tuesday at 6 for her visit. She has not done that since August 2016. Thankfully my neighbor moved to another state yesterday.. Mom is staying with a friend less than a block away though.
Then you need to be careful about letting the child play outside without supervision.
 

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