• FreeAdvice has a new Terms of Service and Privacy Policy, effective May 25, 2018.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our Terms of Service and use of cookies.

Florida visitation before any legal plan is set

Accident - Bankruptcy - Criminal Law / DUI - Business - Consumer - Employment - Family - Immigration - Real Estate - Tax - Traffic - Wills   Please click a topic or scroll down for more.

gimpygirl

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? Florida
In a situation where I left my husband a year ago due to physical abuse, but have not been able to afford to get a divorce or any legal visitation plan, what am I required to do as far as my husband visiting our son? I'm asking because in the year we've been separated, my husband has only contacted or seen our son about once every three months for a few hours at my in-laws home. He has not contributed at all to our son's care and when I requested that if he wanted to be in his son's life to be consistent and at least call him regularly and see him more than surprise visits every few months. I also requested he see him while I'm present as I've learned he has said negative things about me to our son when alone with him. I have not been negative about my husband in front of our son at all. When I told him this, he claimed I'm keeping him from seeing his son and by saying he can't see him unless I'm there that I will lose custody in court. He actually said he is building enough evidence to prove me unfit, and knows he will be found unfit, and will ask the court to give custody to my in laws. Until he said this, I've let my in-laws have our son every other weekend and other days if they requested. And now I'm afraid to continue doing that, but I feel like it would be unfair to my in-laws and my son. But, I don't want to risk his dad using it against me.
Also, I read that two things could make both of us unfit possibly. He has multiple domestic violence charges. I was baker acted over two years ago for attempted suicide (I was severely depressed in a physically abusive relationship is all I can say in regards to that.)
Any advice on what I legally can and should is appreciated. I don't have the income to legally file anything legally yet, so I need to know what to do until I have money to file for anything.
 


LdiJ

Senior Member
What is the name of your state? Florida
In a situation where I left my husband a year ago due to physical abuse, but have not been able to afford to get a divorce or any legal visitation plan, what am I required to do as far as my husband visiting our son? I'm asking because in the year we've been separated, my husband has only contacted or seen our son about once every three months for a few hours at my in-laws home. He has not contributed at all to our son's care and when I requested that if he wanted to be in his son's life to be consistent and at least call him regularly and see him more than surprise visits every few months. I also requested he see him while I'm present as I've learned he has said negative things about me to our son when alone with him. I have not been negative about my husband in front of our son at all. When I told him this, he claimed I'm keeping him from seeing his son and by saying he can't see him unless I'm there that I will lose custody in court. He actually said he is building enough evidence to prove me unfit, and knows he will be found unfit, and will ask the court to give custody to my in laws. Until he said this, I've let my in-laws have our son every other weekend and other days if they requested. And now I'm afraid to continue doing that, but I feel like it would be unfair to my in-laws and my son. But, I don't want to risk his dad using it against me.
Also, I read that two things could make both of us unfit possibly. He has multiple domestic violence charges. I was baker acted over two years ago for attempted suicide (I was severely depressed in a physically abusive relationship is all I can say in regards to that.)
Any advice on what I legally can and should is appreciated. I don't have the income to legally file anything legally yet, so I need to know what to do until I have money to file for anything.
If your inlaws are decent people you can let the continue to see the child but I would not recommend making it so consistent as every other weekend as that sets up a status quo that you do not want to set up. You want it to be a looser and more spontaneous situation. Also, your stbx husband cannot file to have a third party (like his parents) take custody of the child. It simply doesn't work that way.

You being Baker Acted two years ago does not make you an unfit parent.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
What is the name of your state? Florida
In a situation where I left my husband a year ago due to physical abuse, but have not been able to afford to get a divorce or any legal visitation plan, what am I required to do as far as my husband visiting our son? I'm asking because in the year we've been separated, my husband has only contacted or seen our son about once every three months for a few hours at my in-laws home. He has not contributed at all to our son's care and when I requested that if he wanted to be in his son's life to be consistent and at least call him regularly and see him more than surprise visits every few months. I also requested he see him while I'm present as I've learned he has said negative things about me to our son when alone with him. I have not been negative about my husband in front of our son at all. When I told him this, he claimed I'm keeping him from seeing his son and by saying he can't see him unless I'm there that I will lose custody in court. He actually said he is building enough evidence to prove me unfit, and knows he will be found unfit, and will ask the court to give custody to my in laws. Until he said this, I've let my in-laws have our son every other weekend and other days if they requested. And now I'm afraid to continue doing that, but I feel like it would be unfair to my in-laws and my son. But, I don't want to risk his dad using it against me.
Also, I read that two things could make both of us unfit possibly. He has multiple domestic violence charges. I was baker acted over two years ago for attempted suicide (I was severely depressed in a physically abusive relationship is all I can say in regards to that.)
Any advice on what I legally can and should is appreciated. I don't have the income to legally file anything legally yet, so I need to know what to do until I have money to file for anything.
Dad has as much right to keep his son as you do. You have no more rights than dad does when it comes to the child.
 

gimpygirl

Junior Member
Dad has as much right to keep his son as you do. You have no more rights than dad does when it comes to the child.
I wasn't ever saying he shouldn't have as much rights to our son.. I was saying he is inconsistent, bounces in and out for no more than a few hours every few months and it is effecting my son emotionally. He doesn't even call to check on or talk to him in the months he disappears. I don't think he should have the right to bounce in as a surprise because of that. That seems like he's getting more rights than I am. I'm here for our son taking care of all his daily needs with no help at all from the father. I just want to know what rights I have to hold him accountable to be a consistant so he isn't constantly making our 9 year old wonder when he will see or hear from his dad again.
 

gimpygirl

Junior Member
If your inlaws are decent people you can let the continue to see the child but I would not recommend making it so consistent as every other weekend as that sets up a status quo that you do not want to set up. You want it to be a looser and more spontaneous situation. Also, your stbx husband cannot file to have a third party (like his parents) take custody of the child. It simply doesn't work that way.

You being Baker Acted two years ago does not make you an unfit parent.
His grandparents ask to have him every other weekend, and they have always been on good terms with me.. So I feel like I'd be mean to tell them no. But, I was worried about the same thing once he started threatening to prove us both unfit so that they would get him. He doesn't want custody himself, or any actual responsibilities of being a parent. He basically just wants to have our son taken from me out of spite because I left after years of physical abuse.
 

HRZ

Senior Member
Dad is not required to have a court order and schedule to see his own child ....

AS above you might be wise not to establish a status quo with GPs in the loop....vary it a bit.

You do not seem to be very proactive in getting a court order that Dad support his child ....why not.....Child deserves Dads pocket book help even wo his time .
 

gimpygirl

Junior Member
Dad is not required to have a court order and schedule to see his own child ....

AS above you might be wise not to establish a status quo with GPs in the loop....vary it a bit.

You do not seem to be very proactive in getting a court order that Dad support his child ....why not.....Child deserves Dads pocket book help even wo his time .
I can't afford it. I have had chronic migraines (like 7 in the last 9 days) since December. I always worked full time, he never had a job. This is the first time since I was 17 I've worked so little. I have called legal aid since I just recently found out I can get a visitarion thing without a divorce and possible help with the cost of divorce. But, I didn't know even one thing about the divorce or how to go about setting legal visitation until someone gave me a little infornation the other day. I have been proactive at either trying to communicate with him or my FIL to try to get him to contact our son more and see him more, just not through the courts yet. When I left, I had to do so quickly and secretively because he was abusive to me (never our son) and has stopped me from leaving before. I didn't bring much and I was broke because even though I worked, he spent most of my money on drugs and alcohol. So, it took a minute for me to get back on my feet. I've been at my job just over a year. But, in December I started getting chronic migraines and severe vertigo. So. Money and illness taking a lot of my time and ignorance on the process since I've never been there is the shorter answer to why I haven't been more proactive on the legal side.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
I wasn't ever saying he shouldn't have as much rights to our son.. I was saying he is inconsistent, bounces in and out for no more than a few hours every few months and it is effecting my son emotionally. He doesn't even call to check on or talk to him in the months he disappears. I don't think he should have the right to bounce in as a surprise because of that. That seems like he's getting more rights than I am. I'm here for our son taking care of all his daily needs with no help at all from the father. I just want to know what rights I have to hold him accountable to be a consistant so he isn't constantly making our 9 year old wonder when he will see or hear from his dad again.
You don't understand. If dad shows up and keeps the child, you have no right to demand the child from him. And he can LEGALLY do that.
 

gimpygirl

Junior Member
... I'm not worried about him showing up and taking him. He doesn't want custody of him nor is he capable of providing for him. I don't understand how your answer is relevant to my question..
 

HRZ

Senior Member
You chose him to make a baby and apparently you enabled him to blow money on drugs and booze ...and at least for now he has equal rights to his child as do you .
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
... I'm not worried about him showing up and taking him. He doesn't want custody of him nor is he capable of providing for him. I don't understand how your answer is relevant to my question..
My answer is completely relevant to your question. You are trying to deny him seeing your joint son:
I also requested he see him while I'm present as I've learned he has said negative things about me to our son when alone with him.
Why do you think YOU have the right to dictate that? You say he is abusive to you but yet you want to supervise him? You are not logical and are losing credibility.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
You chose him to make a baby and apparently you enabled him to blow money on drugs and booze ...and at least for now he has equal rights to his child as do you .
The key is equal legal rights. Which means that she has every right to have the child in her custody, therefore every right not to turn the child over to dad. Its EQUAL.
 

gimpygirl

Junior Member
You chose him to make a baby and apparently you enabled him to blow money on drugs and booze ...and at least for now he has equal rights to his child as do you .
We started dating at 14.. I'm 36.. We have a 19 year old as well as my 9 year old. He started drinking, doing drugs, and being physically abusive a few years after our second son. But, thanks for using this "advice" forum to bash me about things that one you have no clue about, and two are completely irrelevant to my question. I know if I had the money (which I don't have because his abuse caused me to have chronic migraine from an injury to my neck) that he would be deemed unfit and I will have custody.. Because he is an alcoholic drug addict (now, not when I had babies with him 19 and 9 years ago) who won't even call or see his son except once every few months when he just shows up as an unwanted surprise. Unless you have actual factual helpful advice, I'd appreciate you going to judge shit wrong somewhere else. Thanks.
 

gimpygirl

Junior Member
My answer is completely relevant to your question. You are trying to deny him seeing your joint son:


Why do you think YOU have the right to dictate that? You say he is abusive to you but yet you want to supervise him? You are not logical and are losing credibility.
If he would schedule visits my fiance would be here at the time scheduled. And I know that if I had the money to take him to court, they'd deem him unfit and I would then have the right to make sure my child who is in my custody, who I take care of without help from the father, isn't alone with a narcissistic emotionally/verbally/physically abusive person. I'm trying to get advice on how to protect my child until i can go through the legal process. I wasn't aware I was on trial when I asked for advice.
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
If he would schedule visits my fiance would be here at the time scheduled. And I know that if I had the money to take him to court, they'd deem him unfit and I would then have the right to make sure my child who is in my custody, who I take care of without help from the father, isn't alone with a narcissistic emotionally/verbally/physically abusive person. I'm trying to get advice on how to protect my child until i can go through the legal process. I wasn't aware I was on trial when I asked for advice.
Wait! How do you have a fiance when you are still married? In ONE YEAR you left your husband and met and got "engaged" to another man? (BTW: You LEGALLY can't get engaged when you are already married.)

Ohiogal is an attorney/GAL...You are very lucky to have her helping you. And this is a LEGAL site...if you feel upset at the questions/ comments here you will not do well in court.
 

Find the Right Lawyer for Your Legal Issue!

Fast, Free, and Confidential
data-ad-format="auto">
Top