Does writing "loan" in a check notation prove there was a loan?

[PayrollHRGuy]

He doesn't have to communicate via email and he really doesn't have to communicate with your husband.

 

[MellieP]

Unbelievable. So I should just send him letters via US mail?

 

[LdiJ]

Unbelievable. So I should just send him letters via US mail?

Actually, I think that you should simply turn your back on the whole fricking thing. I understand that you are disappointed about the photo album but its clear that your brother is not going to let you have that.

You allow your brother to verbally and mentally abuse you. You need to stop all communication with him. If you get something in writing have your husband read it and if its not a true legal document, then put it aside.

 

[MellieP]

I really want nothing to do with him. A letter from him just showed up in the mail, saying he'll only talk to me. He is so disgusting, he said he bought a plot and tombstone without my permission for a town my mom adamantly did NOT want to be buried in.

 

[MellieP]

Oh, I didn't notice your comment that I "allow" him to abuse me. No, you are absolutely wrong. I had not spoken to him for 9 years. My mother died. I did not speak to him then, he communicated only with my husband. My family, who had talking nothing but trash about him all of a sudden wanted us to work together because they thought they could get money out of it. I was not going to hire a lawyer or deal with her estate. I just wanted to get my things from her house, plan her wake and move on. I wanted nothing to do with him. But then he pretended to be kind for a brief period, so I worked with him. When he was abusive again, I cut off contact. I can't do anything about what he does to upset me. Not having my pictures from childhood is the end of the world to me. I'm not seeking advice on how to feel about that. Just because someone is abusive to people doesn't mean the people they're abusive to "allow" it. He's doing everything possible to hurt me. My mother would be incensed about this burial thing.

 

[LdiJ]

Oh, I didn't notice your comment that I "allow" him to abuse me. No, you are absolutely wrong. I had not spoken to him for 9 years. My mother died. I did not speak to him then, he communicated only with my husband. My family, who had talking nothing but trash about him all of a sudden wanted us to work together because they thought they could get money out of it. I was not going to hire a lawyer or deal with her estate. I just wanted to get my things from her house, plan her wake and move on. I wanted nothing to do with him. But then he pretended to be kind for a brief period, so I worked with him. When he was abusive again, I cut off contact. I can't do anything about what he does to upset me. Not having my pictures from childhood is the end of the world to me. I'm not seeking advice on how to feel about that. Just because someone is abusive to people doesn't mean the people they're abusive to "allow" it. He's doing everything possible to hurt me. My mother would be incensed about this burial thing.

You ARE letting him get to you. You are letting him scare you about legal issues, you are letting him scare you about loan issues, you are letting him upset you about the pictures and he burial.

You need to pretend that he doesn't exist, period. Acknowledge that mom isn't going to be buried where she wanted to be buried and acknowledge that you are not going to get the photos. Turn your back and move on with your life.

 

[MellieP]

I'm not "allowing" it. He's DOING it and it's upsetting. Several lawyers told me he CAN sue me for legal fees. Even though the lawyer made it clear she's HIS lawyer, not mine. So even if I ignore him, I could still get a notice that I have to fly all the way to MA from CA to be sued. I told him to stop contacting me and deal with my husband, he sends me mail. Every time I ask anyone what the legal recourse is, I'm told Executors are all powerful and can do whatever they want to abuse heirs. For as long as he has the pictures I'm going to try to get them. This isn't just a family album from disneyland, it's every picture ever taken. All my 8x10 portaits from the time I was a baby to high school. Every class picture. 8x10s of my parents. These are things people run into burning houses to save, they're the most important possessions. It's easy to say "get over it, let it go" when it's not your pictures. Whether or not all contact is cut off I think it's a very real possibility he will sue me for legal fees and that's BS. I still have to go all the way to MA, and he will likely keep stalling just so he could get me to keep coming and blow as much money as possible. This is the kind of person he is.

 

[LdiJ]

I'm not "allowing" it. He's DOING it and it's upsetting. Several lawyers told me he CAN sue me for legal fees. Even though the lawyer made it clear she's HIS lawyer, not mine. So even if I ignore him, I could still get a notice that I have to fly all the way to MA from CA to be sued. I told him to stop contacting me and deal with my husband, he sends me mail. Every time I ask anyone what the legal recourse is, I'm told Executors are all powerful and can do whatever they want to abuse heirs. For as long as he has the pictures I'm going to try to get them. This isn't just a family album from disneyland, it's every picture ever taken. All my 8x10 portaits from the time I was a baby to high school. Every class picture. 8x10s of my parents. These are things people run into burning houses to save, they're the most important possessions. It's easy to say "get over it, let it go" when it's not your pictures. Whether or not all contact is cut off I think it's a very real possibility he will sue me for legal fees and that's BS. I still have to go all the way to MA, and he will likely keep stalling just so he could get me to keep coming and blow as much money as possible. This is the kind of person he is.

Hon, I give up. You insist on believing what your brother wants you to believe.

 

[MellieP]

It has nothing to do with "what he wants me to believe". It has to do with his ability to sue me. If he didn't have me by the balls, I would tell him all contact is permanently cut off, have a nice life. I have never been sued, especially from across the country. I really do not want to deal with it. This is not a difficult concept. He will go above and beyond to make my life miserable. He has the money to do it.

 

[LdiJ]

It has nothing to do with "what he wants me to believe". It has to do with his ability to sue me. If he didn't have me by the balls, I would tell him all contact is permanently cut off, have a nice life. I have never been sued, especially from across the country. I really do not want to deal with it. This is not a difficult concept. He will go above and beyond to make my life miserable. He has the money to do it.

He doesn't have you by the balls. That is what he wants you to believe and for some unfathomable reason you are insisting on believing that.

 

[MellieP]

No, you don't get it. He is an extremely abusive, well off person. He will ruin his life just to hurt me. The fact that he is holding my mom's ashes and the photos hostage is just the tip of the iceberg. If I cut off all contact, I will get sued. I'm not joking or exaggerating when I call him a sociopath. Two of his former girlfriends told me he raped them. I have video of a watermelon sized hole in my bedroom door from him tearing through with a hammer because he wanted to kill me. I literally cannot afford to get sued.

 

[LdiJ]

No, you don't get it. He is an extremely abusive, well off person. He will ruin his life just to hurt me. The fact that he is holding my mom's ashes and the photos hostage is just the tip of the iceberg. If I cut off all contact, I will get sued. I'm not joking or exaggerating when I call him a sociopath. Two of his former girlfriends told me he raped them. I have video of a watermelon sized hole in my bedroom door from him tearing through with a hammer because he wanted to kill me. I literally cannot afford to get sued.

Then by all means roll over and play dead. Do exactly what he wants so that he won't make your life any more difficult than it is.

I really do not know how to make you understand the reality of things. You appear to be completely cowed by your brother and unwilling to just ignore him so I do not know what to do to help you.

 

[MellieP]

The only thing that would help me is if someone could tell me a way to send him to jail for what he's doing, but it doesn't seem possible. All I hear is that Executors have every legal right to make an heirs life miserable. They can take all the good stuff from an estate for themselves, or dole it out to others just for spite, and dole out a bunch of worthless crap to the ones who want the good stuff....so long as it's of equal monetary value. I can't file a restraining order because he hasn't threatened my life, he's just harassing me. I ask him to see if we can get a claim for reimbursement, and tell him he can put my share towards the attorney as a gesture of kindness, and he plays childish games saying "so you're asking it for yourself?" just to antagonize me. I can't believe there's no legal recourse for what he's doing. I did not want to probate the estate. I did not need a lawyer for any reason. I live on the other side of the country. This was all his doing. And he's mad that I'm not helping with the attorney, so he's trying to hurt me in any way he can. I get it that you don't care about my family photos. Just as I dont' care about yours. It's easy for strangers to tell me to forget my whole entire life on film, but I cannot. It's deeply upsetting. I lose those photos, then my life never happened, as far as I'm concerned. It takes an extremely vindictive, vile piece of shit to go behind a sibling's back and buy a plot and tombstone, and most likely have a funeral with the family just so they can have one without me. And considering he's complaining about paying the attorney, why did he spend $3000 more just to do that when she's already cremated. She doesn't need a plot, that was a bonus we discussed doing later. I have no doubt he expects me to pay half of that. And he has the means to try to drag me to court for all of it. So I don't have much of a choice but to do what I can to avoid getting sued. I can't afford it, period.

 

[MellieP]

I also don't understand how he has the power to dole anything out to whomever he wants when we equally inherited everything. That makes no sense. If he has that power, then basically he owns everything.

 

[stealth2]

I also don't understand how he has the power to dole anything out to whomever he wants when we equally inherited everything. That makes no sense. If he has that power, then basically he owns everything.

You're right - you don't understand. An executor's job is to divide up the estate between the heirs. If two heirs have equal inheritance standing (i.e. the estate is split 50/50), then each heir gets 50% of the value. So no, he doesn't get to keep everything of value and leave you with the trash. That's not how it works. It's been explained to you several times on this thread.