Can court order force son to miss football pictures?

[Ohiogal]

Mom could be nervous or afraid of dad. We don't know. And the OP says "we" have tried reasoning with dad, so that implies that it could be one or both of them. It's not unreasonable for the OP to speak for or with mom if that's her choice. Granted, dad doesn't have to legally abide by stepdad's wishes, but, it should not be about anyone's wishes - it should be about the child. And, unless the child was forced to play football against his will, the people that appear to have a greater focus on the child are mom and stepdad.

If dad were focused on the child, he shouldn't have a problem with what appears to have been proposed. If he's refusing to allow the child to have pictures with the team simply so he can get 15 more minutes to stare at his kid, that's darn selfish if you ask me.

I'd still like to know if dad is blocking practice every week, or if it is only this one picture day that is the issue. I have known children who grew up resenting a parent that refused to allow them to play sports or engage in other extra curricular activities because they had a pissing match with another parent. If this child will be denied sporting or other activities (gymnastics, theater, music, etc.) because a parent prefers to have exclusive time for themselves, then that parent runs the risk of alienating that child.

Mom created this child with Dad. Mom needs to coparent with dad. STEPDAD doesn't need to immerse himself in these issues as he is NOT the parent to coparent with dad. You are giving mom a pass but expecting dad to just do what stepdad "proposed". Was football discussed with dad before the child was put on the team? Did dad agree with football? Is this a school team or a community team? Is dad supposed to do the traveling for the football team? And yes it is unreasonable for OP to speak for Mom with dad. I have gotten no third party orders based on those types of situations.

 

[Ohiogal]

He has rejected it saying that he's done with doing anything contrary to what's written in the order. He claims that since he doesn't trust my wife (his ex), he will only follow the order word for word. He also says it's also our fault if he misses because we aren't flexible on things. (Despite the fact that we have repeatedly let him change visitation days because the games land on Tuesdays and Thursdays and Thursday is his normal visitation day; we usually let him move it to Wednesday.)

You do not get to LET dad do anything.

 

[CdwJava]

Mom created this child with Dad. Mom needs to coparent with dad. STEPDAD doesn't need to immerse himself in these issues as he is NOT the parent to coparent with dad. You are giving mom a pass but expecting dad to just do what stepdad "proposed". Was football discussed with dad before the child was put on the team? Did dad agree with football? Is this a school team or a community team? Is dad supposed to do the traveling for the football team? And yes it is unreasonable for OP to speak for Mom with dad. I have gotten no third party orders based on those types of situations.

No, I'm expecting the dad to participate in an activity that his child is involved in. There's no legal prohibition against stepdad talking to dad, and I know of plenty of instances where that is common - particularly when the mom has been afraid of dad.

A STEP parent is not an uninvolved neutral party in the child's life. To expect stepdad to stand aside and watch from the sidelines is simply not realistic ... at least if the stepdad wants to be engaged with his spouse and her children as he should be.

I have also asked that question here: Is this an activity that the child wanted to engage in? If so, does it matter that dad may not have been as keen about it as mom? This should be about the child, not individual egos. If the child wants to play ball and dad is prohibiting it, then dad might expect to alienate his own child. If the child doesn't care, then maybe they ought to all reconsider the whole thing.

 

[quincy]

I generally do not see stepparents as overstepping when they are engaging with their step children in a positive way - but, whoa. This stepfather and the mom seem to be dictating what the dad can and cannot do on his own time with his children.

I only question why the dad has to rely on mom/stepdad to drop off his children. Why can't he go directly from work to the game (or wherever) to pick up his children?

 

[LdiJ]

I generally do not see stepparents as overstepping when they are engaging with their step children in a positive way - but, whoa. This stepfather and the mom seem to be dictating what the dad can and cannot do on his own time with his children.

I only question why the dad has to rely on mom/stepdad to drop off his children. Why can't he go directly from work to the game (or wherever) to pick up his children?

That just may be what the court order says...that mom drops off.

 

[stealth2]

I only question why the dad has to rely on mom/stepdad to drop off his children. Why can't he go directly from work to the game (or wherever) to pick up his children?

He apparently works until 5 and gets to the game by 5:15.

 

[Taxing Matters]

Mom could be nervous or afraid of dad. We don't know. And the OP says "we" have tried reasoning with dad, so that implies that it could be one or both of them. It's not unreasonable for the OP to speak for or with mom if that's her choice. Granted, dad doesn't have to legally abide by stepdad's wishes, but, it should not be about anyone's wishes - it should be about the child. And, unless the child was forced to play football against his will, the people that appear to have a greater focus on the child are mom and stepdad.

I don't entirely agree. It's not all about the kid. Where did we get to the point in society that everything the kid wants the kid should get? While certainly the interests of the child are important, they are not the only interests that matter. Parents matter, too and their concerns and wishes ought to count for something, too.

 

[quincy]

I don't entirely agree. It's not all about the kid. Where did we get to the point in society that everything the kid wants the kid should get? While certainly the interests of the child are important, they are not the only interests that matter. Parents matter, too and their concerns and wishes ought to count for something, too.

I am going to print off your post and give it to my kids.

 

[lgemar]

Thanks everyone for the comments. It's my first post on this forum. I appreciate all the feedback. I probably should have added more details.
Just to clear up a few things:
1. We enrolled him in football because he asked if he could play. (He's played all three years that he's been eligible.)
2. I volunteered to coach because my stepson asked me to. (My wife did ask his dad if he would want to as well if he was able.)
3. I only texted the dad the options that I came up with after he ignored repeated texts from my wife. I very rarely text him; 99% of the communication goes between my wife and him as it should.
4. Yes. I am guilty of encouraging both my stepsons to participate in school activities.
5. Yes. Football does mean that for two nights a week during his time, they have football. It also means two nights of the week that we have the boys, he can still see them at football.
6. The court order does say we drop off for his visitation.

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

3. I only texted the dad the options that I came up with after he ignored repeated texts from my wife. I very rarely text him; 99% of the communication goes between my wife and him as it should.

When he doesn't reply to your wife you don't need to jump in.

5. Yes. Football does mean that for two nights a week during his time, they have football. It also means two nights of the week that we have the boys, he can still see them at football.

Unless the father is willing to allow the child to play football on his days the kid isn't going to be playing football on his days.

 

[stealth2]

However, seeing the kids for a bit before/after games is hardly the same as having to work around plans made for his time.

I am curious about practices, though. How often are they, and do they occur on Dad's time?

 

[Zigner]

Let's bottom line it here:

Q: Can court order force son to miss football pictures?
A: Yes

 

[not2cleverRed]

Thanks everyone for the comments. It's my first post on this forum. I appreciate all the feedback. I probably should have added more details.
Just to clear up a few things:
1. We enrolled him in football because he asked if he could play. (He's played all three years that he's been eligible.)
2. I volunteered to coach because my stepson asked me to. (My wife did ask his dad if he would want to as well if he was able.)
3. I only texted the dad the options that I came up with after he ignored repeated texts from my wife. I very rarely text him; 99% of the communication goes between my wife and him as it should.
4. Yes. I am guilty of encouraging both my stepsons to participate in school activities.
5. Yes. Football does mean that for two nights a week during his time, they have football. It also means two nights of the week that we have the boys, he can still see them at football.
6. The court order does say we drop off for his visitation.

As Zigner stated, based on 6, wife should drop him off. She can drop him off early even.

No, you should not go along with her. I think it would actually be better if you didn't. Just stay out of it.

Here's my take on the pictures: the kids are old enough to make their feelings known. If Mom just is supportive of Dad's parenting time, then he gets to deal with any negative fallout, without your wife having to argue. Maybe the pictures aren't important to them. Maybe they are.

Long term: since the football thing has been going on for 3 years, perhaps visitation should be modified to take that into account - and to give Dad make-up parenting time for the time lost to football.

 

[t74]

If stepdad coaching the team is the aggravating factor, stepdad should either step aside or child should join another team without a family member as coach.

 

[LdiJ]

As Zigner stated, based on 6, wife should drop him off. She can drop him off early even.

No, you should not go along with her. I think it would actually be better if you didn't. Just stay out of it.

Here's my take on the pictures: the kids are old enough to make their feelings known. If Mom just is supportive of Dad's parenting time, then he gets to deal with any negative fallout, without your wife having to argue. Maybe the pictures aren't important to them. Maybe they are.

Long term: since the football thing has been going on for 3 years, perhaps visitation should be modified to take that into account - and to give Dad make-up parenting time for the time lost to football.

I dunno, dad gets to see his son two extra times every 14 days at the games on mom's time. That kind of makes up for the couple of hours that he is tied up with football games on dad's time.