Probation and marriage

[LPul5]

New Mexico

My boyfriend is on probation after getting out of prison. The police told him he is not allowed to live with anyone he is not married to. When we told them we'd get married, they said they'd put him in prison if we did. Is there any way that is possible, or are they blackmailing us?

We are both consenting adults, legal citizens, and not married to anyone else. I cannot find anything in the law I have access to, or in the probation office's rules that say anything of the kind. In fact their rules encourage him to live with other people so someone knows where he is.

 

[HighwayMan]

The police have no say in the matter. Why are they even involved?

HE needs to speak to his probation officer and find out specifically what the conditions of his probation are.

 

[Just Blue]

New Mexico

My boyfriend is on probation after getting out of prison. The police told him he is not allowed to live with anyone he is not married to. When we told them we'd get married, they said they'd put him in prison if we did. Is there any way that is possible, or are they blackmailing us?

We are both consenting adults, legal citizens, and not married to anyone else. I cannot find anything in the law I have access to, or in the probation office's rules that say anything of the kind. In fact their rules encourage him to live with other people so someone knows where he is.

What was he convicted of? Do you have a criminal history? Has he discussed this with his parole officer?

 

[LPul5]

What was he convicted of? Do you have a criminal history? Has he discussed this with his parole officer?

Not telling his college he was on the sex offender registry.
I have no criminal record.
His probation officer was the one who threatened him.

 

[quincy]

Not telling his college he was on the sex offender registry.
I have no criminal record.
His probation officer was the one who threatened him.

He needs to discuss this with his probation officer but the terms of probation can include a prohibition against associating with anyone the probation officer considers detrimental to probation supervision.

https://cd.nm.gov/ppd/ppd.html

 

[LPul5]

So since I have no criminal record, I'm not on probation or parole, and I'm not a victim or witness, they can't stop us, can they?

 

[quincy]

So since I have no criminal record, I'm not on probation or parole, and I'm not a victim or witness, they can't stop us, can they?

Yes. They can stop you.

The terms of probation govern what your boyfriend can and can't do, and who he can associate with and who he can't. There are terms that are standard conditions of probation but there can be additional terms specific to the probationer.

The alternative to adhering to the terms as outlined for your boyfriend is jail.

He will want to speak to his probation officer to get a clear picture of his restrictions so he does not unintentionally violate the terms.

 

[Eekamouse]

Not telling his college he was on the sex offender registry.
I have no criminal record.
His probation officer was the one who threatened him.

Why didn't he tell his college if he was supposed to report this information?

 

[Just Blue]

Why didn't he tell his college if he was supposed to report this information?

I'm wondering if there is such a dearth of men in New Mexico that OP felt the need to settle for a convicted sex offender??

Personally I would switch teams before dating a SO...

 

[quincy]

I'm wondering if there is such a dearth of men in New Mexico that OP felt the need to settle for a convicted sex offender??

Personally I would switch teams before dating a SO...

Although I understand your comment, there has been what I consider to be a problem with the sex offender registry that has included a requirement for registration in some states for those convicted of "consenting party" teen offenders (those who had sex when one partner was a young adult and one was a minor).

These teens might have fallen outside of the Romeo/Juliet laws or convicted in states that don't have these close-in-age laws.

Of course, I have no idea if that in any way reflects the conditions here - but I am reluctant to paint all sex offenders or sex offenses with a wide brush.

That said, and rightly or wrongly, if the boyfriend was required to inform the college of his inclusion on the sex offender registry and he didn't, he was in violation.

Your boyfriend needs to speak to his probation officer and, if he finds the terms of his probation too restrictive, he can speak with an attorney in his area for help in structuring an argument on why the restriction should be relaxed. But he should NOT violate any terms of his probation in the meantime unless he wants to return to jail.

 

[Just Blue]

Although I understand your comment, there has been what I consider to be a problem with the sex offender registry that has included a requirement for registration in some states for those convicted of "consenting party" teen offenders (those who had sex when one partner was a young adult and one was a minor).

These teens might have fallen outside of the Romeo/Juliet laws or convicted in states that don't have these close-in-age laws.

Of course, I have no idea if that in any way reflects the conditions here - but I am reluctant to paint all sex offenders or sex offenses with a wide brush.

That said, and rightly or wrongly, if the boyfriend was required to inform the college of his inclusion on the sex offender registry and he didn't, he was in violation.

Your boyfriend needs to speak to his probation officer and, if he finds the terms of his probation too restrictive, he can speak with an attorney in his area for help in structuring an argument on why the restriction should be relaxed. But he should NOT violate any terms of his probation in the meantime unless he wants to return to jail.

All of the R 'n' J laws I have seen are a 4 year age gap. If a 21 year old adult is sexually active with a 16 year old child...IMO they get what they deserve.

 

[quincy]

All of the R 'n' J laws I have seen are a 4 year age gap. If a 21 year old adult is sexually active with a 16 year old child...IMO they get what they deserve.

A 21-year-old having sex with a 16-year-old is unlikely to be covered under most states' Romeo and Juliet laws. A 19 year old and 16 year old could be. But generally the laws are structured to prevent "consenting" young teens who are close in age from rape convictions and having to register as sex offenders.

Here is a link to a FreeAdvice staff-written article on Romeo and Juliet laws:
https://criminal-law.freeadvice.com/criminal-law/violent_crimes/romeo-and-juliet-law.htm

In states that charge statutory rape for minors who have "consensual" sex, there can be a requirement for registration. Public urination and indecent exposure convictions also can result in a requirement to register as a sex offender as could crimes where there was only an "intent" to commit a sex crime. State sex offender registry laws vary.

My point is that some offenses require sex offender registration when (in my opinion) there shouldn't be such a registration requirement.

 

[not2cleverRed]

I'm wondering if there is such a dearth of men in New Mexico that OP felt the need to settle for a convicted sex offender??

Personally I would switch teams before dating a SO...

The legal definition of SO includes a lot of things.

For example, I think it's stupid to share nude photos of oneself, but I don't put it in the same class as rape or molestation.

Some drunk teenager has to pee and there's no toilet available is different from, in broad daylight, a sober person driving down to the end of my street and peeing in my yard. (I've witnessed this more than once - that's how brazen these men are, and when confronting them, they think they are innocent of any crime.)

These are just a couple of examples of things that can lead to one becoming a SO.

However, back to LPul5's question: if LPul5 cares for the BF, LPul5 would do everything possible to help the BF stay out of jail. A hasty marriage would not do this, living apart would. If LPul5 feels that it is physically impossible to live apart from the BF, then LPul5 needs counselling/therapy, and it would be understandable why the probation officer would be concerned.

I know, I know, us old over 30 people would never understand because we've never experienced such a perfect all consuming love.

 

[quincy]

I think a key to learning how committed LPul5 is to her relationship with her boyfriend is to see how willing she is to encourage her boyfriend to follow the conditions of his probation, even if this means that their own time together will be limited or prohibited during the probationary period.

While her boyfriend can (and should) question of his probation officer any condition of his probation that he feels is unduly restrictive, LPul5 should want what is best for her boyfriend - and what is best for her boyfriend is (probably) him taking advantage of limited freedom outside a jail cell.

 

[HighwayMan]

His probation officer was the one who threatened him.

This is exactly why it's better for the person directly involved to come here and ask questions. First you said the police threatened him and now you're changing it to his probation officer.

Why have you changed the story?