Father took Son Won’t return him. What’s my next step?

[PennyLayne]

What State do you live in? California
My 12 yr old son went to visit his dad for week at the beginning of June. My son was to return after a week we had plans to go to Magic Mountain and my son was to get a extensive dental X-ray for braces. Also we moved an hour away a few years back from dad but My sons pediatrician is one block away from dad So I asked Dad to take son to Dr and pick up important papers for school registration for Jr high. The day before my son was to return I asked about paperwork Dad said he forgot and he had not even taken son to Dr. but instead he informed me That he was taking him to Disneyland. I said No he needed to come home we had plans. My son also needed to attend a Orientation for his school (The schools up here are very hard to get into). Well he put me on the spot with my son and started yelling at me. I never said “Yes” and they left a day earlier and he had my son lie to me about where he was. He was actually in a hotel room next to Disneyland. But I had to let it go. So when they got back I went to pick up son. Dad, Son and entire family came out of house and told my son he didn’t have to go. And he didn’t have to listen to me. Dad pushed son in house and put his elbow in my face so I left because I knew it was going to get ugly. I had no paperwork on me. Since then I have tried everything to get my son back. Now son Has turned on me. My son is so mean to me I just quit calling and only text him. Besides dad will yell over the phone and won’t let me talk to son. He has completely alienated me from child. They won’t answer door to police. A week after Disneyland He took off with him again for 6 days to beach. And Now my son can not attend the Jr High because he didn’t go to orientation the class is full.

10 yrs ago Dad was only given supervised visits and court ordered 28 classes of anger management and 1 parenting class.
I got Primary Physical Custody. Both granted Legal. Dad was only given Supervised Visits (10yrs ago)
I had to attend 10 classes of House of Ruth for Being in a abusive relationship Which I completed
Dad never did any of his court ordered classes he didn’t even attend the class before mediation.
Dads never paid one dime of child support.

I tried to get the Child Abduction Unit involved but when I look at my court papers there is no court order there stating that I have primary only the court minutes state I have Primary. I was told to file a minute after order. Or file a emergency order?

My question is what do I file? Do I file minutes after order On a case that’s 10 yrs old?

If there is no court order only minutes do I even have Primary?
I also have a custody agreement done thru a paralegal before our court case where he gave me Primary Custody.

My son has lived with me this entire time I have let dad see him as much as he wanted in my home and limited at the family’s
The family always gets involved. And Because Dad has gotten in fist fights with his older son and his mother. After that I try to limit but don’t deny him either. I have tried so hard to keep dad involved but it seems every time dad has son he takes off with him.. every time I have son I’m trying to co~parent
When is enough enough? My son was supposed to have his braces on before school and be enrolled in Jr high. Son has to attend orientation for these schools. We are running out of time.

Oh the best part my son sleeps til 2:45pm He doesn’t go outside during the day and sits in dads room for the past 3 weeks playing video games. And son doesn’t have his own room or bed at dads. I never told my son about the abuse his dad put me thru 10 yrs ago or dad taking him from me then. My son knows nothing of the past. I have tried to protect him. And make sure he had a relationship with his father and forget the past. But I’m tired of being bullied by dad.

 

[Zigner]

Why did you let dad take kiddo if he never completed the court ordered classes?

You need to get back in to court to fix this mess that you have created contributed to. I would suggest that you speak with an attorney for assistance.

 

[Just Blue]

What State do you live in? California
My 12 yr old son went to visit his dad for week at the beginning of June. My son was to return after a week we had plans to go to Magic Mountain and my son was to get a extensive dental X-ray for braces. Also we moved an hour away a few years back from dad but My sons pediatrician is one block away from dad So I asked Dad to take son to Dr and pick up important papers for school registration for Jr high. The day before my son was to return I asked about paperwork Dad said he forgot and he had not even taken son to Dr. but instead he informed me That he was taking him to Disneyland. I said No he needed to come home we had plans. My son also needed to attend a Orientation for his school (The schools up here are very hard to get into). Well he put me on the spot with my son and started yelling at me. I never said “Yes” and they left a day earlier and he had my son lie to me about where he was. He was actually in a hotel room next to Disneyland. But I had to let it go. So when they got back I went to pick up son. Dad, Son and entire family came out of house and told my son he didn’t have to go. And he didn’t have to listen to me. Dad pushed son in house and put his elbow in my face so I left because I knew it was going to get ugly. I had no paperwork on me. Since then I have tried everything to get my son back. Now son Has turned on me. My son is so mean to me I just quit calling and only text him. Besides dad will yell over the phone and won’t let me talk to son. He has completely alienated me from child. They won’t answer door to police. A week after Disneyland He took off with him again for 6 days to beach. And Now my son can not attend the Jr High because he didn’t go to orientation the class is full.

10 yrs ago Dad was only given supervised visits and court ordered 28 classes of anger management and 1 parenting class.
I got Primary Physical Custody. Both granted Legal. Dad was only given Supervised Visits (10yrs ago)
I had to attend 10 classes of House of Ruth for Being in a abusive relationship Which I completed
Dad never did any of his court ordered classes he didn’t even attend the class before mediation.
Dads never paid one dime of child support.

I tried to get the Child Abduction Unit involved but when I look at my court papers there is no court order there stating that I have primary only the court minutes state I have Primary. I was told to file a minute after order. Or file a emergency order?

My question is what do I file? Do I file minutes after order On a case that’s 10 yrs old?

If there is no court order only minutes do I even have Primary?
I also have a custody agreement done thru a paralegal before our court case where he gave me Primary Custody.

My son has lived with me this entire time I have let dad see him as much as he wanted in my home and limited at the family’s
The family always gets involved. And Because Dad has gotten in fist fights with his older son and his mother. After that I try to limit but don’t deny him either. I have tried so hard to keep dad involved but it seems every time dad has son he takes off with him.. every time I have son I’m trying to co~parent
When is enough enough? My son was supposed to have his braces on before school and be enrolled in Jr high. Son has to attend orientation for these schools. We are running out of time.

Oh the best part my son sleeps til 2:45pm He doesn’t go outside during the day and sits in dads room for the past 3 weeks playing video games. And son doesn’t have his own room or bed at dads. I never told my son about the abuse his dad put me thru 10 yrs ago or dad taking him from me then. My son knows nothing of the past. I have tried to protect him. And make sure he had a relationship with his father and forget the past. But I’m tired of being bullied by dad.

If Dad didn't complete his AMC why does he have unsupervised visits? Did the court change the order or did you just allow it?

 

[PennyLayne]

After time I allowed it. But mostly in my home. Only allowed him over there for grandparents especially when grandpa was ill with cancer. He will never do what court requires or listen to any authority.

It’s confusing because court says to try to work it out don’t exclude the other parent. And the Time two years later it was obvious he was never going to attend a single class.. Now it’s been 10 yrs! I have tried everything not to completely cut him out. And work with him.

 

[Zigner]

Frankly, I am confused by your complaints about dad's failure to comply with the court order regarding visitation when you are the one who allowed him to violate it with impunity...

 

[PennyLayne]

Where did I say I let him violate it? the original custody order was done during domestic violence retraining order that was good for two years. After the two years I tried to work it out as much as possible. Not during that time. But I was told I still had Primary because the order doesn’t change unless we go to court to change it. So I’m screwed because I didn’t keep it supervised for 10 yrs?

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

Where did I say I let him violate it? the original custody order was done during domestic violence retraining order that was good for two years. After the two years I tried to work it out as much as possible. Not during that time. But I was told I still had Primary because the order doesn’t change unless we go to court to change it. So I’m screwed because I didn’t keep it supervised for 10 yrs?

No, you are screwed because when "work(ed) it out as much as possible" you didn't get it in the form of a court order.

 

[Just Blue]

Where did I say I let him violate it? the original custody order was done during domestic violence retraining order that was good for two years. After the two years I tried to work it out as much as possible. Not during that time. But I was told I still had Primary because the order doesn’t change unless we go to court to change it. So I’m screwed because I didn’t keep it supervised for 10 yrs?

By allowing the unsupervised visitation, despite the fact he didn't follow the court order for AMC, you are telling the court it doesn't matter. You won't get very far in court by bringing it up. You should also NOT complain that Dad won't run your errand for you...he is not legally or morally obligated to gather paperwork for you.

 

[PennyLayne]

No maybe not for me but maybe for his son.

 

[Just Blue]

Bottom line is you will need to go back to court to get a better parenting plan. I strongly advise you don't do that without an attorney.

 

[Ohiogal]

No maybe not for me but maybe for his son.

WRong. You contributed to this issue. Now you have to go back to court and fight for custody of your child. Which you might not get back.

 

[LdiJ]

Where did I say I let him violate it? the original custody order was done during domestic violence retraining order that was good for two years. After the two years I tried to work it out as much as possible. Not during that time. But I was told I still had Primary because the order doesn’t change unless we go to court to change it. So I’m screwed because I didn’t keep it supervised for 10 yrs?

You needed to file an emergency order in court the day that dad refused to return the child to you. You are still dithering around and not getting the emergency order file. YOU HAVE TO GO TO COURT, do it NOW.

 

[Ohiogal]

You needed to file an emergency order in court the day that dad refused to return the child to you. You are still dithering around and not getting the emergency order file. YOU HAVE TO GO TO COURT, do it NOW.

What is the emergency?

 

[not2cleverRed]

Where did I say I let him violate it? the original custody order was done during domestic violence retraining order that was good for two years. After the two years I tried to work it out as much as possible. Not during that time. But I was told I still had Primary because the order doesn’t change unless we go to court to change it. So I’m screwed because I didn’t keep it supervised for 10 yrs?

Yes. Because you didn't abide by the order.

And yes, if supervised visitation was court ordered, the court would not hold it against you if you refused to allow unsupervised visitation. Even 10 years later. That would put the ball in Dad's court. Dad could choose to go back to court and request a modification based on age, perhaps, and then have to explain why in all these years he had refused to comply with the conditions placed on him for removing the limitations to his visitation. (That would not be pretty.)

 

[CdwJava]

Your ex may be in violation of California's child stealing laws pursuant to PC 287 and 278.5.

Speak to someone with your local police department. If Patrol will not assist you (as they may not be sufficiently knowledgeable of the law), check with someone in Investigations for assistance.

Also go to court and seek that emergency custody order!!!!