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Need help grandma wants a divorce husband is verbally assaulting her.

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Anon2you

Active Member
My grandma is in California and she’s been telling us her husband had been threatening her. She’s set to have surgery soon and since he’s never here he’s always out of the states (wasting her money) I’m guessing she told him she wanted her family to come watch after her and he told her he doesn’t want anyone in his house and if any of us were to stay over to help her he’s going to burn the house down. She just recently told me he has told her he’s going to murder her before. She told me to take her to the police station but they told her what I figured that to call them when shes actually been physically assaulted. They said we have to go to the courts and for now that it’s just her word. My questions are now what can we do what can my grandma do how can she start the process to get him out her house (their house by law I’m guessing) and out her life. Please help my grandma is older than him and she’s just getting sicker and with this. He’s a moocher always has been never worked got his papers for the US all cause my grandma she has her own business and he says it’s his that everything is his. I know it’s part my grandmas fault she should’ve been smarter but now it’s too late.
 


Just Blue

Senior Member
My grandma is in California and she’s been telling us her husband had been threatening her. She’s set to have surgery soon and since he’s never here he’s always out of the states (wasting her money) I’m guessing she told him she wanted her family to come watch after her and he told her he doesn’t want anyone in his house and if any of us were to stay over to help her he’s going to burn the house down. She just recently told me he has told her he’s going to murder her before. She told me to take her to the police station but they told her what I figured that to call them when shes actually been physically assaulted. They said we have to go to the courts and for now that it’s just her word. My questions are now what can we do what can my grandma do how can she start the process to get him out her house (their house by law I’m guessing) and out her life. Please help my grandma is older than him and she’s just getting sicker and with this. He’s a moocher always has been never worked got his papers for the US all cause my grandma she has her own business and he says it’s his that everything is his. I know it’s part my grandmas fault she should’ve been smarter but now it’s too late.
Tell her to go and get a restraining order.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
To the courts right? Since it’s only her word right now how does that work? Some judges are hard on giving restraining orders. What can she show for? Thank you
She could file for divorce and ask the judge to order that she has sole use of the marital home. She could also put her money in a separate bank account where he as no access.
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
To the courts right? Since it’s only her word right now how does that work? Some judges are hard on giving restraining orders. What can she show for? Thank you
If there are witnesses they should testify but she should write out what he has done/threatened to do and the dates he did it if she remembers. ...You might (I strongly recommend it) advise her to talk with a Victim/Witness Advocate or a Domestic Violence Councilor beforehand to help guide her through the process. She may also join here, using her own user name, and ask questions.
 

Anon2you

Active Member
She could file for divorce and ask the judge to order that she has sole use of the marital home. She could also put her money in a separate bank account where he as no access.
when filing can she file without a lawyer, etc? I don’t think she has much money if any it all goes back to her business, paying her mortgage I noticed. Cause she has to be borrowing money and taking out loans, credit cards. I will tell her though if she has anything saved she should do that thank you.
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
when filing can she file without a lawyer, etc? I don’t think she has much money if any it all goes back to her business, paying her mortgage I noticed. Cause she has to be borrowing money and taking out loans, credit cards. I will tell her though if she has anything saved she should do that thank you.
Filing for divorce is a good idea, but it will take time for it to be heard in court...in the meantime she need to protect herself from her husband. He may be all talk but she shouldn't risk it. A restraining order should be in place when he gets served for divorce.
 

Anon2you

Active Member
If there are witnesses they should testify but she should write out what he has done/threatened to do and the dates he did it if she remembers. ...You might (I strongly recommend it) advise her to talk with a Victim/Witness Advocate or a Domestic Violence Councilor beforehand to help guide her through the process. She may also join here, using her own user name, and ask questions.
We haven’t witnessed him threatening her but we have witnessed him screaming at her before for any inconvenience or if something isn’t to his liking. We have told him before not to be talking to her like that but he still does it. As well as many other people. Thank you I’m going to tell her when this happened so I can save it for her. I will also tell her that because after leaving the police department she felt a little hopeless as did I because I’ve never been through this before. She wants some sort of paper trail too from my understanding. She doesn’t know how to use a smartphone :(
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
We haven’t witnessed him threatening her but we have witnessed him screaming at her before for any inconvenience or if something isn’t to his liking. We have told him before not to be talking to her like that but he still does it. As well as many other people. Thank you I’m going to tell her when this happened so I can save it for her. I will also tell her that because after leaving the police department she felt a little hopeless as did I because I’ve never been through this before. She wants some sort of paper trail too from my understanding. She doesn’t know how to use a smartphone :(
Does she have a computer?
 

Anon2you

Active Member
Filing for divorce is a good idea, but it will take time for it to be heard in court...in the meantime she need to protect herself from her husband. He may be all talk but she shouldn't risk it. A restraining order should be in place when he gets served for divorce.
Yes I feel she’s going to have to we have told her to already but idk. I think she’s scared of him finding out she’s doing all this. He already told her he’s not gonna divorce her. Go figure. I hope it is all talk but I wouldn’t put it past him. I hope they do grant her one.. I also hope she would want to do it does filing for a restraining order require him to be there? Like would the court contact him to come to court? He lives with her still and I think that will be what worries her.
 

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