mom used 9 yr olds phone to text/argue with her bf

[Jamackle86]

we live in Illinois, daughter is 9and we have joint custody. My ex picks fights with people when she’s drunk. When she dates other men she lets them Text my daughter So when my daughter is over I look at her phone to make sure nothing odd is going on. My daughter does not know I do this.

this weekend i saw some really questionable text messages between the boyfriend and my ex. about 2 months ago my ex was at the boyfriends family party and they got in a fight. My daughter was with my ex’s mom that day So she was thankfully not present during the argument. My ex told me the boyfriend punched her in the face and stole her phone.

Using our daughter phone my ex texted the boyfriend the next day asking for her phone back. The texts turned into an argument and the things they said to each other have no place on a child phone. they both drop the F bomb every other sentence and topics included blow jobs, sluts, showing your ass and boobs to everyone, and smoking weed. he also says she’s a bad mom because she would rather get Drunk and do atteral all night instead of taking care of her kid.

what do I do with this? I don’t know if my daughter saw it and obviously my ex has no idea the texts are still there After 2 months. is there anything here that can help me win full custody because right now I’m thinking my ex is an unfit mother. She is definitely an alcoholic and she has our daughter afraid to talk about it with me. What can I do.

 

[adjusterjack]

The bar is set pretty low for motherhood so I doubt that you'll get a custody change. At best you can get the judge to come down on her for what she's doing, assuming you have retained your daughter's phone and can show the conversations as evidence.

 

[stealth2]

Me? I'd delete the texts and mention to Mom that you did so.

You'll need more than a few angry texts between Mom & her b/f to change custody.

 

[Jamackle86]

The bar is set pretty low for motherhood so I doubt that you'll get a custody change. At best you can get the judge to come down on her for what she's doing, assuming you have retained your daughter's phone and can show the conversations as evidence.

would it be wise to file A police report and show the phone to them so i have useful documentation before I delete the messages? I’m not expecting the police to do anything but make an official report I can use if ever needed As proof that it did happen. I’m just trying to get everything I need put together For a custody hearing. There are other concerning issues....she interferes and denies me my visitation rights and one Of her friends told me she was so drunk after drinking all night Recently that someone else had to go to her apt in the morning in order to get our daughter to school. There’s lots of other stuff too....I could go on and on.

 

[stealth2]

would it be wise to file A police report and show the phone to them so i have useful documentation before I delete the messages? I’m not expecting the police to do anything but make an official report I can use if ever needed As proof that it did happen. I’m just trying to get everything I need put together For a custody hearing. There are other concerning issues....she interferes and denies me my visitation rights and one Of her friends told me she was so drunk after drinking all night Recently that someone else had to go to her apt in the morning in order to get our daughter to school. There’s lots of other stuff too....I could go on and on.

A police report about what? That Mom used her daughter's cell in the absence of her own and foolishly forgot to delete the texts?

As for her friend telling you stuff - is that friend going to be willing to testify in court? W/denying you parenting time - do you try to pick the child up, or does Mom simply tell you ahead "no"? Have you filed police reports each time you try to get the child and Mom refuses?

Honestly, you're going to need much much more - that directly and negatively affects the child - to change custody.

 

[Jamackle86]

I was thinking a police report to show the inappropriate texts that she left on the phone. Blow jobs, showing asses and boobs, sluts, smoking weed, getting drunk and using atteral.....on a 9 yr olds phone? Is there really nothing nothing wrong with that?

 

[stealth2]

I was thinking a police report to show the inappropriate texts that she left on the phone. Blow jobs, showing asses and boobs, sluts, smoking weed, getting drunk and using atteral.....on a 9 yr olds phone? Is there really nothing nothing wrong with that?

Legally? Being stupid isn't a crime. Especially when you can't prove the 9yo is aware...

 

[cbg]

I was thinking a police report to show the inappropriate texts that she left on the phone. Blow jobs, showing asses and boobs, sluts, smoking weed, getting drunk and using atteral.....on a 9 yr olds phone? Is there really nothing nothing wrong with that?

Ethically and morally sure. But that doesn't make it a crime.

 

[Jamackle86]

Thanks. I just wasn’t sure this was something the courts would take into consideration or not. You’ve answered my question.

 

[stealth2]

How long have you & Mom been apart? Is your parenting plan court ordered? What sort of time do you have and use? (Just trying to see what strategies you can use...)

 

[FarmerJ]

SO by chance did you provide your daughter with the phone ? If you did and are paying for it then perhaps you may want to look into a software that you can add that lets you approve who she can get messages from , one of the house managers at work has done the same thing to her daughters phone since her daughter also is very young.

 

[not2cleverRed]

Thanks. I just wasn’t sure this was something the courts would take into consideration or not. You’ve answered my question.

It would be more useful to schedule some therapy during your parenting time for your child, if you believe that she is being adversely affected by the current arrangement.

 

[Jamackle86]

How long have you & Mom been apart? Is your parenting plan court ordered? What sort of time do you have and use? (Just trying to see what strategies you can use...)

We never married and have been apart since our daughter was about 9 moths old. There is a court order that covers visitation and child support. We have joint custody and she the custodial parent. I have my daughter every wed and every other weekend.

My ex is a good mom when she’s not drinking but lately the drinking is getting worse and I’m worried about my daughter being exposed to this. My ex often calls drunk or hung over to talk to our daughter when I have her. She recently was mad at me because child support did not get to her by a certain date so she told my daughter “your father is a piece of $hit who doesn’t care about you. This is the kind of stuff I have been dealing wih for the past 9 years. I just don’t know what to do to help my daughter cope with all this negativity. I know the court favor moms and that me getting custody will be difficult and that’s why I’m here trying to see what I can do to better the situation for my daughter.

 

[Jamackle86]

SO by chance did you provide your daughter with the phone ? If you did and are paying for it then perhaps you may want to look into a software that you can add that lets you approve who she can get messages from , one of the house managers at work has done the same thing to her daughters phone since her daughter also is very young.

Mom provided the phone so we can't do anything like.

 

[Jamackle86]

It would be more useful to schedule some therapy during your parenting time for your child, if you believe that she is being adversely affected by the current arrangement.

I want to do this but I'm worried my daughter will pay a price. My ex interrogates her and anytime she finds out my daughter talked about her being drunk or anything chaotic that went down over there she makes my daughter feel like she did something wrong and has her in tears and tells her that it never happened. As a result my daughter won't tell me anything now and I don't want to subject her to her mother's manipulation any further. I'm pretty sure my ex is telling her that she will wind up in foster care as a scare tactic to keep her quiet. There's no way I could go to therapy with my daughter without my ex finding out.