Why is a major change of circumstances needed to get more parenting time?

[MOlass]

What is the name of your state? NM

This is a confusing one for me. The legal system claims to be acting “in the best interest of the child”. However, it also says that to change a (disputed) parenting plan/custody order a “major change of circumstances has to occur. Why? what if a parent simply wants to spend more time with their child? Why should that not form the basis for a modification? Why should a child grow up without a father just because there is no “major change in circumstances”. I do not understand. Obviously it is better for a child to have contact with both parents, so why does the law put such a huge hurdle in between just for a parent wanting to do the right thing and be with her child?

Thank you very much

 

[MOlass]

What is the name of your state? NM

Hello everyone. I had a telephonic court hearing but I was unable to connect at the time of the hearing. The technology simply failed. In my absence, a ruling has been made causing my daughter damage and slapping me with the other parties attorneys fees. What is the right procedure to vacate this judgment and to have a new hearing set up?


Thank you

 

[Zigner]

What is the name of your state? NM

This is a confusing one for me. The legal system claims to be acting “in the best interest of the child”. However, it also says that to change a (disputed) parenting plan/custody order a “major change of circumstances has to occur. Why? what if a parent simply wants to spend more time with their child? Why should that not form the basis for a modification? Why should a child grow up without a father just because there is no “major change in circumstances”. I do not understand. Obviously it is better for a child to have contact with both parents, so why does the law put such a huge hurdle in between just for a parent wanting to do the right thing and be with her child?

Thank you very much

Because the court doesn't like parents who just decide "oh, I think I want to spend more time with kiddo now". It's the whole stability thing, ya know?

 

[Ohiogal]

https://seconddistrictcourt.nmcourts.gov/home/programs-specialty-courts/modifying-or-enforcing-custody-or-child-support/ You can file a motion to modify to request more visitation and that may just require a change in circumstances. If you want to change custody, that would require more.

 

[zddoodah]

The legal system claims to be acting “in the best interest of the child”.

"The legal system" isn't a sentient entity. It doesn't (and cannot) "claim" anything.

However, it also says that to change a (disputed) parenting plan/custody order a “major change of circumstances has to occur.

What is the antecedent of "it" in this sentence?

Why?

The reason why a change of circumstances is needed to get custody/visitation terms changed is because it is generally regarded as being in a child's best interests not to disrupt the child's life significantly unless a significant change of circumstances justifies the change.

what if a parent simply wants to spend more time with their child? Why should that not form the basis for a modification?

In an ideal world, both parents would want to spend as much time with their children as possible. The vagaries of a parent's whims are not enough. WHY does this parent suddenly want to spend more time with the child? What happens in a year or two when this parent suddenly no longer wants to spend as much time with the child?

Why should a child grow up without a father just because there is no “major change in circumstances”.

Now you're just sort of asking vague, rhetorical questions without providing relevant facts. Kinda pointless to do that.

If you have a personal situation that has led you to make these inquiries, please provide us with a concise summary of the relevant facts. Otherwise, there's not much of anything anyone here can do for you.

 

[not2cleverRed]

Why? what if a parent simply wants to spend more time with their child? Why should that not form the basis for a modification? Why should a child grow up without a father just because there is no “major change in circumstances”.

And why didn't the parent want to spend more time with their child before?

It is in the best interest of the child to have a feeling of security, rather than feeling like a toy to be played with at a parent's whim.

If, at the time the parenting plan was determined, one parent wasn't ready to be an active parent, they have to realize that just because they now, on a whim, want to exercise a more involved parental role (especially if this is a result of a 12 step program, or a new significant other in their life), that does not mean that it is in the best interest of the child to change custody.

If a parent is sincere in their interest in having a more involved parenting role, there are ways of doing this even without a change in court orders (assuming there are no restrictions, like supervised visitation, etc.). Showing an active interest their educational and extra-curricular activities would be a good place to start.

 

[not2cleverRed]

In my absence, a ruling has been made causing my daughter damage and slapping me with the other parties attorneys fees. What is the right procedure to vacate this judgment and to have a new hearing set up?

1) Retain a lawyer. Or at least get an initial consult.

2) Search engines are your friend. Whether you want to file a motion to vacate or a rehearing, you have a narrow window of opportunity.

You might get better advice if you elaborated: was there a change of custody? Has your parenting time been dramatically reduced?

 

[Zigner]

I suspect that it's more complicated than the OP simply missing a single hearing due to technical difficulties. That's more like the straw that broke the camel's back.

 

[Just Blue]

Thank you, Admin, for combining OP's threads.

 

[stealth2]

Just some thoughts that popped into my head wrt the original post....

Was the telephonic appearance due to COVID restrictions, or due to distance?

Does Dad live in MO?

What sort of parenting time does Dda have now, vs what he's seeking?

How old is the child?

 

[Zigner]

From the OP's other thread, where he's been instructed to post related questions here:

Could anyone please give a useful answer? I don't post here to hear "get a lawyer". Also, I thought the postings here are organized by subject, not by poster. Thanks

Answer: I'm sorry that this forum really cannot help you straighten this out. You will need the assistance of an attorney, as this seems beyond your ability to handle.

 

[not2cleverRed]

Could anyone please give a useful answer? I don't post here to hear "get a lawyer". Also, I thought the postings here are organized by subject, not by poster. Thanks

"Useful"? Define "useful".

We have very little useful information.
We know you are unhappy about a default judgement due to your failure to appear (telephonically). That's it.
We don't know WHEN this happened, so we do not know if whether you are within the window to do anything about it - whether it be a motion to rehear or vacate.
We don't know WHAT the hearing was about - was there already a court order regarding parenting time, or was this an initial court order being finalized?
We don't know what changes were made to any existing court orders.
We don't know what the status quo was, regarding your parenting time.
We don't know if, even if you had managed to appear, if you had legal grounds to merit a change in the parenting plan more to your liking.

We DO know, based on your postings, that you aren't terrific at following directions, such as those kindly offered to you by a site vetted attorney:

https://seconddistrictcourt.nmcourts.gov/home/programs-specialty-courts/modifying-or-enforcing-custody-or-child-support/ You can file a motion to modify to request more visitation and that may just require a change in circumstances. If you want to change custody, that would require more.

So, successfully representing yourself does not seem to be a possibility at this point.

(Perhaps you were hoping that a fairy godmother would appear, one that is also a member of the NM bar, and just take care of your legal issues with a "bibbity boppity boo". Sweet Irish unicorns, that ain' happening.)

 

[LdiJ]

Since you don't seem to want to answer the questions asked (we can't give you any decent advice without you answering the questions), I am going to give you some general information.

When children are in a stable routine and living environment it is considered to NOT be in their best interests to change that unless there is a material change of circumstance in the life of the child. In other words, changes should be about the best interest of the children, not the best interests of either parent.

Here are a list of potential reasons why a judge might deny a parent's request for more parenting time:

1. If the judge believes that the parent is asking for additonal time in order to reduce or get out of child support.

2. If the parent is not currently exercising all of the time that is alloted to them (ie letting the grandparents have the child most of the time or a significant portion of the time, or simply not exercising the time at all).

3. If the parent cannot be personally present during the extra parenting time they are asking for. (ie the parent works second shift but wants wants the child to be at his home even if he won't be there).

4. If the parent wants to take all of the quality time (ie all of the weekends, all of the school vacations etc) leaving the other parent with all of the "working" time. (the homework, bath, chores and bedtime).

5. The parent lives far enough away from the child's school that getting the child back and forth to school during the additional parenting time would be impractical or hard on the child.

Of course, there would be more potential reasons than just those. Those are just some examples.

Here is a list of potential reason why a judge might be inclined to grant additional parenting time:

1. The parent has less than standard visitation and there is no reason for visitation to be that limited. (ie there is a healthy relationship between the parent and child).

2. The parent wants additional time when the other parent would be working anyway, and can be present for that time. (ie the parent works 1st shift and wants to keep the child after school until the other parent gets home and there is not a level of hostility between the parents to make that unworkable). This is particularly true if the child is struggling with school and the parent is both willing and able to work with them on their school work during that after school time.

3. The child has expressed, independently, a desire to spend more time with the other parent and is mature enough to express that without showing a "grass is greener" mentality.

4. The parents live close enough to each other that additional parenting time would not negatively impact other aspects of the child's life (friends, social life, part time job, after school activities etc, sports)

Again, these are not the only factors, these are just some examples.

The bottom line is it really is all about the child and the child's best interest. Not the best interest of the parents.

 

[Ohiogal]

Now OP, everyone on here can vouch that LD and I don't agree a lot. I think she still has me blocked because I have been very harsh with her but you know what? SHE IS 100% correct on this post of hers. I gave you the generic information. She gave details. And she is right about them.

 

[Zigner]

Now OP, everyone on here can vouch that LD and I don't agree a lot. I think she still has me blocked because I have been very harsh with her but you know what? SHE IS 100% correct on this post of hers. I gave you the generic information. She gave details. And she is right about them.

I am replying & quoting in case you are blocked. I'd like her to know you said this