ReadyToGiveUp
Junior Member
What is the name of your state? Georgia
My mom and step-dad have been married 40 years. For the first 10, they worked together. My dad did auto body work and my mom worked right beside him. They saved and bought 10.5 acres of land and a doublewide. Property and home are in both their names. In the years since, they've added 2 small singlewides - one that my brother and his family live in, and one that my uncle lives in. My dad moved in with him in October. The singlewides are in both their names.
My dad then filed for and was approved for VA disability just before they bought the land, and my parents have lived off the disability for the past 30 years. My dad has never been able to manage money, so my mom always did it. They were always super-cautious about banks and live mostly on cash. It wasn't until the last 5 or so years that I talked my mom into leaving money in their joint account and having utilities auto-drafted. Neither of my parents liked checks, either. Very old fashioned. So they, at the time, always kept a large amount of cash in a lock-box hidden at home and when they needed a new (used) car, they just bought them outright so they didn't have to pay interest. New tractor? Paid. Lawnmower? Done.
Fast forward and after 40 years of marriage my dad wants a divorce. He's accusing mom of "stealing" the money in the account, and he's removed basically all financial records from the house. My mom is freaking out. Keep in mind, she never spends anything for herself. Shops for clothes and such at Goodwill. Has only ever bought one new piece of furniture and that was a sofa/love seat she bought 25+ years ago. She doesn't vacation, doesn't go out, doesn't gamble or drink or use drugs - not street, and not pharmaceutical. She doesn't even spend on health care. She needs glasses and dental work but wouldn't pay for it for herself. She has no problem with spending on Dad or my brother or whoever, just not herself. Her heating unit died last fall and dad wouldn't pay for another. He had already moved in with my uncle at that point and she just stayed in the cold. I'll point out that in January he told her to go ahead and write a check and get the heating unit replaced. Since he'd moved out at that point, she didn't trust him so she didn't do it. Good thing, too. She found out afterward that he'd taken $7K+ out of the account and an $10K check would have bounced.
Anyway, she's worried about proving where the money went. Some things that she's spent money on should be obvious. No one eats air. I keep telling her that no judge is going to wonder what happened to all the money she's withdrawn over the last five years when they clearly have to eat. Insurance has to be paid. Dad's bought multiple cars/trucks over the years to fix up as hobbies but she doesn't have the records for those anymore. He's bought supplies and car parts. They've had mulitple repairs in the house through the years due to leaks and such. Any records of those expenses were in the boxes Dad removed.
Dad's attorney sent mom some papers last week that included copies of all her withdrawals, including a single $600 check she wrote to me. Because they don't shop online, I always buy all the Christmas/birthday gifts for all the kids and they have always split the cost with me. Mom usually gives me cash, but I knew I wasn't going to be able to get by the bank and I don't like carrying cash so she gave me a check to cover half.
How concerned do we need to be about this? Logic should tell anyone that if all the bank records only show utility payments, then naturally all the other life expenses from new tires to oil changes to transmissions to garden hoses and toilet repairs and food still existed even if no one kept the receipts. At least, I keep telling myself a judge will see it that way. Is there any way a judge will believe that she's "stolen" approx $2500-$3000/month over 5 years? I should also mention my parents have also been partially supporting my brother and his family for years as well. But, again, no receipts.
Dad's saying he should keep all the property and that he'll "let her" keep living in the doublewide. I've read there is supposed to be equitable distribution of assets. She'll never get alimony because his income is disability. The absolute most she could get is half the $900 social security, which is a pittance. She can't get social secuirty for herself because she hasn't paid in since she was 23 years old. I'm hoping a judge will give her the property (minus the couple of acres where my brother and Dad are living.) Then she can sell it and move closer to me so I can help her. She's 64 years old, can't use a computer (the area where they live is so rural you can barely get dial-up so she never got one), and is in poor health. He'll never work a day in his life but she'll be forced into work at an age when she should be leaving it. She can move in with me but her pride is already hurt and she feels she'd be a burden. She's really worried she'll live out her life in poverty. What are the chances she could at least get most of the property since she can't get a dime in alimony?
Thanks in advance for any insight.
My mom and step-dad have been married 40 years. For the first 10, they worked together. My dad did auto body work and my mom worked right beside him. They saved and bought 10.5 acres of land and a doublewide. Property and home are in both their names. In the years since, they've added 2 small singlewides - one that my brother and his family live in, and one that my uncle lives in. My dad moved in with him in October. The singlewides are in both their names.
My dad then filed for and was approved for VA disability just before they bought the land, and my parents have lived off the disability for the past 30 years. My dad has never been able to manage money, so my mom always did it. They were always super-cautious about banks and live mostly on cash. It wasn't until the last 5 or so years that I talked my mom into leaving money in their joint account and having utilities auto-drafted. Neither of my parents liked checks, either. Very old fashioned. So they, at the time, always kept a large amount of cash in a lock-box hidden at home and when they needed a new (used) car, they just bought them outright so they didn't have to pay interest. New tractor? Paid. Lawnmower? Done.
Fast forward and after 40 years of marriage my dad wants a divorce. He's accusing mom of "stealing" the money in the account, and he's removed basically all financial records from the house. My mom is freaking out. Keep in mind, she never spends anything for herself. Shops for clothes and such at Goodwill. Has only ever bought one new piece of furniture and that was a sofa/love seat she bought 25+ years ago. She doesn't vacation, doesn't go out, doesn't gamble or drink or use drugs - not street, and not pharmaceutical. She doesn't even spend on health care. She needs glasses and dental work but wouldn't pay for it for herself. She has no problem with spending on Dad or my brother or whoever, just not herself. Her heating unit died last fall and dad wouldn't pay for another. He had already moved in with my uncle at that point and she just stayed in the cold. I'll point out that in January he told her to go ahead and write a check and get the heating unit replaced. Since he'd moved out at that point, she didn't trust him so she didn't do it. Good thing, too. She found out afterward that he'd taken $7K+ out of the account and an $10K check would have bounced.
Anyway, she's worried about proving where the money went. Some things that she's spent money on should be obvious. No one eats air. I keep telling her that no judge is going to wonder what happened to all the money she's withdrawn over the last five years when they clearly have to eat. Insurance has to be paid. Dad's bought multiple cars/trucks over the years to fix up as hobbies but she doesn't have the records for those anymore. He's bought supplies and car parts. They've had mulitple repairs in the house through the years due to leaks and such. Any records of those expenses were in the boxes Dad removed.
Dad's attorney sent mom some papers last week that included copies of all her withdrawals, including a single $600 check she wrote to me. Because they don't shop online, I always buy all the Christmas/birthday gifts for all the kids and they have always split the cost with me. Mom usually gives me cash, but I knew I wasn't going to be able to get by the bank and I don't like carrying cash so she gave me a check to cover half.
How concerned do we need to be about this? Logic should tell anyone that if all the bank records only show utility payments, then naturally all the other life expenses from new tires to oil changes to transmissions to garden hoses and toilet repairs and food still existed even if no one kept the receipts. At least, I keep telling myself a judge will see it that way. Is there any way a judge will believe that she's "stolen" approx $2500-$3000/month over 5 years? I should also mention my parents have also been partially supporting my brother and his family for years as well. But, again, no receipts.
Dad's saying he should keep all the property and that he'll "let her" keep living in the doublewide. I've read there is supposed to be equitable distribution of assets. She'll never get alimony because his income is disability. The absolute most she could get is half the $900 social security, which is a pittance. She can't get social secuirty for herself because she hasn't paid in since she was 23 years old. I'm hoping a judge will give her the property (minus the couple of acres where my brother and Dad are living.) Then she can sell it and move closer to me so I can help her. She's 64 years old, can't use a computer (the area where they live is so rural you can barely get dial-up so she never got one), and is in poor health. He'll never work a day in his life but she'll be forced into work at an age when she should be leaving it. She can move in with me but her pride is already hurt and she feels she'd be a burden. She's really worried she'll live out her life in poverty. What are the chances she could at least get most of the property since she can't get a dime in alimony?
Thanks in advance for any insight.