one parent going with new doctor unilaterally when there should be joint decision making

[reddsman14]

What is the name of your state? TN
I'm the primary custodian of my daughter but the parenting plan says we share joint decision making for medical.

The mother scheduled her for a specialist far away, which will require regular visits, without checking with me first.

I would prefer a different specialist. Isnt she supposed to check with me first to reach agreement on which specialist to use? (given that referring doctor has no preference)

 

[zddoodah]

Isnt she supposed to check with me first to reach agreement on which specialist to use?

Please understand that we have no more information than you have provided. You told us that "the parenting plan says we share joint decision making for medical," so it seems you have answered your own question.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? TN
I'm the primary custodian of my daughter but the parenting plan says we share joint decision making for medical.

The mother scheduled her for a specialist far away, which will require regular visits, without checking with me first.

I would prefer a different specialist. Isnt she supposed to check with me first to reach agreement on which specialist to use? (given that referring doctor has no preference)

Why did the mother do that? What was her rationale for that?

 

[commentator]

When you say "far away" in TN, you can be talking about one of the major cities. There are four of them. Other than that, there are very limited accesses to medical care beyond the basics. What is the problem that is causing the mom to schedule a specialist "far away" and by far away do we mean out of state, out of county, what are we talking about here? This care, where it is, may actually be reasonable, or it may be over the top. But the point is, we need more information before we can say anything about whether or not it is a hill to die on.

 

[zddoodah]

When you say "far away" in TN, you can be talking about one of the major cities. There are four of them.

Seems to be there are either two or six (depending on your definition of "major").

1. Nashville (690k as of the 2020 census)
2. Memphis (633k)
3. Knoxville (191k)
4. Chattanooga (181k)
5. Clarkesville (167k)
6. Murfreesboro (153k)

Everything else is under 100k.


Question for the OP: What do you mean by "far away"?

 

[quincy]

Reddsman14 lives in Nashville.

https://forum.freeadvice.com/threads/mother-violated-relocation-restriction-now-what.663077/

Reading posting histories can be informative.

 

[AlmostThere]

Also, we do not know the health issue requiring a specialist. Choosing the best cardiologist in the state for your child's life-threatening heart issue is very different than choosing a dermatologist for your child's moderate acne.

 

[LdiJ]

Guys and Gals. Reddman14 has a tendency not to answer the questions that we ask on his threads. Therefore it is usually difficult to give him much useful advice.

 

[stealth2]

I can't help but wonder if Mom moved the 55 miles to be closer to said specialist that the daughter/son (he never clarified which it is) required.

 

[reddsman14]

Seems to be there are either two or six (depending on your definition of "major").

1. Nashville (690k as of the 2020 census)
2. Memphis (633k)
3. Knoxville (191k)
4. Chattanooga (181k)
5. Clarkesville (167k)
6. Murfreesboro (153k)

Everything else is under 100k.


Question for the OP: What do you mean by "far away"?

I'm in Nashville, specialist is in Murfreesboro, however that is 45 minutes away and there are equivalient specialists much closer to me that I would prefer so that I wouldn't have to drive 45 mins away, since I'm the primary parent living in a larger city with better healthcare access

 

[Ohiogal]

I'm in Nashville, specialist is in Murfreesboro, however that is 45 minutes away and there are equivalient specialists much closer to me that I would prefer so that I wouldn't have to drive 45 mins away, since I'm the primary parent living in a larger city with better healthcare access

45 minutes is nothing quite frankly. Is that your only objection to the specialist? What type of specialist? How many appointments has your child had with this person?

 

[stealth2]

So what type of condition does your son/daughter have that requires a specialist?

 

[reddsman14]

45 minutes is nothing quite frankly. Is that your only objection to the specialist? What type of specialist? How many appointments has your child had with this person?

It's a physical therapist that will require weekly office visits, of which I would have to go half the time. Another qualified specialist is literally 5 minutes away. Being that the mother moved away without required notice per the parenting plan, my vote is to use the specialist near me. The first visit (evaluation) would happen like next week

 

[Zigner]

I sure hear a lot about YOU and not so much about your child. Your child requires physical therapy, yet you're fine with having your child sit in a car for (at least) an hour and a half so that it's more convenient for YOU.

 

[reddsman14]

I sure hear a lot about YOU and not so much about your child. Your child requires physical therapy, yet you're fine with having your child sit in a car for (at least) an hour and a half so that it's more convenient for YOU.

You apparently misunderstood my point, it is me who is fighting to avoid my child having to sit an hour and a half. Mufreesboro is the halfway point between the parents, so it's still almost a 45 min drive for the mother and our child lives the majority of time with me