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Afraid of losing my boy

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Bryce Michael

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Missouri

My daughter is incapacitated with a traumatic brain injury from a car accident. She is recovering but slowly. My wife and I have guardianship of her, her newborn son, and 8 year old son. Our daughter has lived in and out of our home, but the 8 year old has lived with us full time since he was 3 months old. His father contacted us after reading of the accident on social media and now wants custody of his son. The father has not seen the 8 year old since the boy was 2. Missouri courts seem to lean toward the parents and since the father "says" now that he is willing and able the courts might decide to take away our grandson. We are the only family he knows and I want very much to keep him with his mother, new brother, and of course with us. We have an attorney but still feel lost. Any advice?
 


Just Blue

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Missouri

My daughter is incapacitated with a traumatic brain injury from a car accident. She is recovering but slowly. My wife and I have guardianship of her, her newborn son, and 8 year old son. Our daughter has lived in and out of our home, but the 8 year old has lived with us full time since he was 3 months old. His father contacted us after reading of the accident on social media and now wants custody of his son. The father has not seen the 8 year old since the boy was 2. Missouri courts seem to lean toward the parents and since the father "says" now that he is willing and able the courts might decide to take away our grandson. We are the only family he knows and I want very much to keep him with his mother, new brother, and of course with us. We have an attorney but still feel lost. Any advice?
I will first let you know that your 8 year old GS is NOT "your boy". He is your GS.

With that said... Dad has the LEGAL right to seek custody.

BTW: Was dad notified when the guardianship was sought? If so...How?
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Missouri

My daughter is incapacitated with a traumatic brain injury from a car accident. She is recovering but slowly. My wife and I have guardianship of her, her newborn son, and 8 year old son. Our daughter has lived in and out of our home, but the 8 year old has lived with us full time since he was 3 months old. His father contacted us after reading of the accident on social media and now wants custody of his son. The father has not seen the 8 year old since the boy was 2. Missouri courts seem to lean toward the parents and since the father "says" now that he is willing and able the courts might decide to take away our grandson. We are the only family he knows and I want very much to keep him with his mother, new brother, and of course with us. We have an attorney but still feel lost. Any advice?
Other than your own desires, is there a reason the child shouldn't be with his father? Of course, I'm speaking of after an appropriate introductory period...

ETA: Since you have an attorney, you should be speaking with your attorney. Your attorney is familiar with all of the facts in the case and is in a much better position to advise you. It would be unwise, nay, foolish for any of us to give you any "advice" when you have an attorney already.

ETA Again: Have you actually been to court with regard to the newborn? Has the father of the newborn been notified about this?
 

commentator

Senior Member
Be open to the option of sharing your boy with this person who is, after all, his biological parent. The courts, as your attorney will be likely to tell you, do tend to give a great deal of emphasis and weight to the fact that this person is the father of this child. If you rigidly are not open to the idea of his having some contact with his son, regardless of the past, you are going to have a lot more trouble convincing the family court that it would be best to continue with business as usual, which currently equals his never seeing the child. Do not assume that since you are "the only family he's ever known" the courts are just going to assume you need to be the ones who continue to raise the child. It may be perfectly logical to you, but that's not the way they tend to look at it. Do exactly what your attorney suggests and be ready to negotiate and to have a relationship with the father and work out time sharing issues.
 

Bryce Michael

Junior Member
I will first let you know that your 8 year old GS is NOT "your boy". He is your GS.

With that said... Dad has the LEGAL right to seek custody.

BTW: Was dad notified when the guardianship was sought? If so...How?
I was not trying to refer to him as my son. It was just a figure of speech. We did not know where the dad was. There has been no contact in years. We followed the plan of the court with a posting in the local paper. This was actually a couple years ago. Our daughter followed a boyfriend to New York for a few months and she agreed to us having guardianship to care for him if needed. She was not gone long, she came back home and we just never reversed it. Since the accident we were advised to get guardianship over my daughter and newborn. The newborns father died in the accident.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
I was not trying to refer to him as my son. It was just a figure of speech. We did not know where the dad was. There has been no contact in years. We followed the plan of the court with a posting in the local paper. This was actually a couple years ago. Our daughter followed a boyfriend to New York for a few months and she agreed to us having guardianship to care for him if needed. She was not gone long, she came back home and we just never reversed it. Since the accident we were advised to get guardianship over my daughter and newborn. The newborns father died in the accident.
I am very sorry for the losses you have suffered. However I agree with the other posters that you really need to be talking to your attorney.
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
I was not trying to refer to him as my son. It was just a figure of speech. We did not know where the dad was. There has been no contact in years. We followed the plan of the court with a posting in the local paper. This was actually a couple years ago. Our daughter followed a boyfriend to New York for a few months and she agreed to us having guardianship to care for him if needed. She was not gone long, she came back home and we just never reversed it. Since the accident we were advised to get guardianship over my daughter and newborn. The newborns father died in the accident.
One thing to keep in mind is that it's possible that your daughter prevented dad from contacting his child. If that's the case, then how is it right for him not to be allowed contact, etc.?

You are really in a tough spot and it sounds like you're trying to do what's best for the child. I applaud you for that. Please keep in contact with your attorney.
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
One thing to keep in mind is that it's possible that your daughter prevented dad from contacting his child. If that's the case, then how is it right for him not to be allowed contact, etc.?

You are really in a tough spot and it sounds like you're trying to do what's best for the child. I applaud you for that. Please keep in contact with your attorney.
I agree with all of the ^.

Best of luck to you and your family (including Dad).
 

Bryce Michael

Junior Member
Other than your own desires, is there a reason the child shouldn't be with his father? Of course, I'm speaking of after an appropriate introductory period...

ETA: Since you have an attorney, you should be speaking with your attorney. Your attorney is familiar with all of the facts in the case and is in a much better position to advise you. It would be unwise, nay, foolish for any of us to give you any "advice" when you have an attorney already.

ETA Again: Have you actually been to court with regard to the newborn? Has the father of the newborn been notified about this?
Thank you. My Grandson would like to meet and know his father. I am not wanting to stop that. If the actions were simply visitation that would be fine. I would like to know the man. I have not spoke with him since he was a teenager and maybe he is a good person. My attorney says I should not talk with him. I just feel it is my place to protect my daughters family. Since her brain injury she has remembered her 8 year old and misses him. She does not remember the birth of the newborn but understands she is his mother. Her recovery is going well but will take time.

We have been to court for the newborn and was granted emergency guardianship with the process working to full guardianship. The baby's father died in the accident and the other grandparents live in another state.

I will listen and take the advise of my attorney. I was just looking for a second opinion. Again, thank you.
 

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