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My Boss is a Bully. I Don't Know What to do Anymore.

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Shadowbunny

Queen of the Not-Rights
If you're not already seeking treatment for the depression and anxiety, I hope you'll make those arrangements soon. Vet Centers exist to help veterans who are suffering; you can find the one closest to you here: https://www.vetcenter.va.gov/
 


commentator

Senior Member
Yep, get counseling. And one of the things you are going to be forced to accept is that in our "at will" world, employers, and supervisors can treat you as well as you will accept being treated. There is no school, no government, nobody in the world to protect you from somebody who is out and out bullying you. First of all, in this situation, where three partners control the business, and they've apparently bought into the nasty self serving supervisor you have here, my only advice is GET OUT.

There is really nothing in place in your business, it sounds like, to control the behavior of this supervisor. So stop looking for it.. Do not get really down, as you said when you contacted the lawyer and were told that nothing this jerk is doing is really illegal, that's about the way it is. Doing better, going elsewhere is the name of the game. Get away from this horrible situation before you flake out completely.

Nothing you do will make a difference in this person. the company has placed their faith in this person, apparently, and what you can do, as a literate, competent young person is GET YOURSELF FREE. Fifty ways to leave your lover is nothing compared to the fifty ways you can get away from this fellow. Okay, the worst he can do to you is talk mean to you, talk nasty to you, say things that are terrible, in your eyes. Okay. So what? You don't buy his lunch. So what? He says nasty things to you. So what? The way not to be labeled "that guy" is not to take offense, ignore what this stupid jerk says. At least until you get that better job.

If he can cause you to have a nervous breakdown, he's happy. But really, what he says is just words. As you have been told, it's not illegal. It's just somebody who has decided to push the envelope of nasty and bullying, and being obnoxious until at some point, someone tells him to shut up, doesn't pay any attention to him. Just let the chips fall.

As Shadow has pointed out, not only do you need to be seeking other employment through the VA programs, assistance with the whole issue, counseling, etc. is available to you through the VA. Please take advantage of it. Best of luck to you.
 

HRZ

Senior Member
I agree ...

1. IN some areas there veterans support and activist groups ..reach out ..somebody there may access and nfluence w partners ..won't know until you try.

2. YOu didn't post it...but some bosses are threatened by younger better educated staffers ...tune into what makes him tick...

3. Get out of the long meal stuff with the boss...he may think it's building a relationship...find another way

4. part of life is learning how to manage your boss ..what makes him or tick .

5. Long hours will not get you a crying towel ..it's par many places. ....and a while back I helped a young person into a particular career path but warned him it was long hours , like 80 hr weeks...he got the job and did very well...but he later smiled and suggested I update my suggestions...par for success was really 100 hr weeks..and that's not entirely rare ... .

5. If all else fails..find a way to get out before you contaminate your options. ..
 

xylene

Senior Member
Absent very high immediate compensation or personal reward, working extreme hours is difficult proposition to support, especially over the long term. It just isn't some hero move.

No one is a hero for working 80 hours a week o a land deal, ever, and doing it for 55k and heaps of abuse is just stupid.
 

HRZ

Senior Member
WEll $55 K a year might just be darn nice if you need it to stay afloat ...and I sure as heck worked 2 jobs,longer for less so my bills got paid ...not fun but not stupid . ..and yes, I did seek an end to long long weeks .
 

commentator

Senior Member
If you are putting in a whole lot of hours on salary, you may find that you are working for very little an hour. And it is a great learning at the beginning of many careers that the employer will ask for everything, including your time, your whole life, your dignity or your kidney if you are naïve enough to give it to them.

In my experience, my long long experience in watching people work and get and lose jobs, I have come to the conclusion that it is usually impossible to fix a bad workplace. If you look around, and find you have landed in a bad workplace, you won't change it.

No amount of constructive dealing with it or doing extra work or talking to HR or filing of EEOC complaints or reporting them to OSHA or outside counseling for you can really make any significant change. It's best to cut your losses and move on as quickly as you can.
 
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